Plan a time to talk Sincere apologies are done in person (not over text or phone) so plan a time for the two of you to talk in a private place. However, be understanding if she needs more time before talking to you. Examples: “Hey, can we sit down to talk later? I understand if you’re still angry…” “Can I meet you at your place this afternoon? But I understand if you don’t want to see me right now… I feel the need to tell you something.” Be sincere Make eye contact, keep it short and simple, and show that you feel remorse for your mistake. Examples: “I’m sorry about what I said to you. It was deeply disrespectful and I can’t tell you how much I regret it. You mean so much to me and I feel like an idiot for not thinking before talking.” “I’m truly sorry for missing your big day. I care about you so much and it was selfish and stupid of me.” Take full responsibility Don’t use manipulative words to try to spin the responsibility off of you and onto her. Take responsibility for your mistakes and show remorse. Examples: ✗ “I’m sorry that you got mad at me for missing the ceremony.” ✓ “I’m sorry I let you down. It was selfish and you have every right to be upset. I care about you and hate that I hurt you.” Tell the whole truth If you seek true forgiveness, be completely honest about what happened and how you messed up. Partial truths will cause a rift between the two of you and lead to more problems down the road. Examples: “I’m sorry I missed your awards ceremony. The truth is, I was feeling really bad about myself and jealous that you were getting recognized for your work. It was selfish of me and I shouldn’t let my self doubt get in the way of being happy for you.” “I’m sorry I cheated on you. I was feeling really bad about myself and wanted to know if I’m still attractive to other women. It was selfish, stupid, and wrong and I feel horrible about breaking your trust.” Promise her it won’t happen again Make it clear that you will not make the same mistake again to show her that you’re working to improve yourself and serious about your relationship. Examples: “I’m sorry that I lied to you. I hurt you and broke your trust. I promise to tell the whole truth from now on.” “I’m sorry I cheated on you. It was selfish and wrong in so many ways. I care about you so much and I’m not even going to look at another woman again.” Show her you’ll change Tell her exactly how you plan to change your behavior for the better to show her that you’ve thought about it in-depth. Examples: “The next time I get angry, I’m going to step outside to take a few breaths and come back in when I’m ready to handle things like a mature adult. I’m going to go to an anger management support group once a week too so I can learn how to handle my emotions.” “The next time I even think about looking at another woman, I’m going to leave the situation and remind myself how much I love and care about you. I’m even thinking about to a sex addiction support group.” Listen to her Once you’ve said your piece, she’ll probably have something to say. So take the time to really listen to her. * Look her in the eye * Put away all distractions (like your phone) * Practice reflective listening (i.e., validate what she has said by repeating it back to her in your own words) Examples: “What I’m hearing is that….” “Uh-huh… I see…I hear you…” Show her how much you care about her Let her know how much she means to you by telling her how she has improved your life and/or all the things you love about her. Avoid overdoing it so she doesn’t think you’re just sucking up. Examples: “You’ve made me a more humble, caring man and I’m grateful for your influence. I’m definitely a better person with you by my side.” “I appreciate how patient and understanding you are. You’re the wisest woman I know and I’m lucky to have you.”