Negativity Regardless of your relationship to your mother at the time of her passing, keep the eulogy positive by avoiding any anger, sarcasm, or bitterness. Examples: ✗ “If she was here today she’d probably be mad at me for the flower arrangement.” ✓ “She always strived for perfection, valuing beauty down to the last detail.” Focusing on the cause of death Avoid details about how she died as these are unnecessary and do nothing in the way of honoring her life. Examples: ✗ “Toward the end she was shaking so bad from the Parkinson’s that she couldn’t feed herself or even speak a full sentence.” ✓ “While we grieve, we can find tranquility in that she’s no longer struggling.” Justifying or minimizing the loss The eulogy is a time for honoring her memory, not making philosophical statements about the nature of death. Avoid minimizing the loss or people’s grief as this is callous and inappropriate. Examples: ✗ “Well, it’s no use crying, we all die eventually. She just crossed the finish line first.” ✓ “She lived a long life of love and warmth, and I know she’s now resting happy in the hands of our creator.” Trivial details Avoid mentioning her daily mundane activities, as they do not contribute to the main theme of your eulogy. Examples: ✗ “She’d wake up every day, put on her slippers and robe, sneak into the kitchen, and prepare the coffee beans.” ✓ “She lived life in the present moment, devoting time and patience to each task.” Listing Avoid making a chronological list of events in her life, as this can be boring and read like a biography. Instead, focus on the moments that illuminate the life of your mother. Examples: ✗ “In 1953, she attended college. In 1955, she met the love of her life. They were married by 1959 and had three children in the next 5 years…” ✓ “When asked what the best day of her life was, she said she had 5 favorites, all of which revolved around the love she built with her husband, Mitch, and her three children.” Judging Think of the eulogy as a gift to your mother, not a place to judge her life. Avoid mentioning grudges, family rifts, or past arguments. Examples: ✗ “She could have worked on being more patient with me growing up…” ✓ “She never shied away from hard work, balancing her independent business with being a single mother of 3 energetic kids.” Bad memories Avoid sharing memories that don’t put her or any family members in a positive light. Examples: ✗ “She got so mad at me tracking mud through the house she threw a book at me—I had a raised bruised for a week!” ✓ “She’d come outside and pretend to eat ‘mud pies’ with us, one time she actually switched a ‘mud pie’ with a real chocolate one just to surprise us during playtime.” Crimes and/or poor decisions Avoid sharing memories or anecdotes that show a lack of good judgement on her part as this is disrespectful. Examples: ✗ “When I was 12, she drove us to the local pumpkin patch and taught us the meaning of a ‘five finger discount’—yeah, she’d had a few drinks.” ✓ “She had a spark for mischief, but always made sure her little pranks ended with teachable moments.” Inappropriate humor The eulogy is not a time to “roast” the deceased, but a time to honor their life. Avoid inappropriate jokes or stories because they’ll come off as tactless and offensive. Examples: ✗ “You know what my mother would be doing if she was here right now? Nothing. Because she’s dead.” ✓ “If my mother were here with us today, she would be honored to see all of you and see how deeply she touched each of our hearts. Then she’d probably be passing out tissues left and right.”