What Does “No Response Is a Response” Mean?

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What message does silence send?
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We’ve all been there: you send a message to someone, they don’t answer, and you're left wondering: why didn't they respond? They say no response is still a response, but how true is that? What does it mean when you’re honest about your feelings with someone, and you’re only met with silence? Keep reading to learn more about the meaning behind the phrase “no response is a response,” which has recently been making the rounds on social media, with expert advice from communication therapist Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP.

What does the phrase “no response is a response” mean?

“No response is a response” means that silence is still an answer. If the other person is making an active choice not to respond to you, then the silence itself is a form of communication. Reasons for not responding vary, but common reasons include being disinterested and feeling offended by something.

Section 1 of 5:

Meaning Behind “No Response is a Response”

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  1. When we’re texting, social media messaging, or emailing people in our lives, such as friends, romantic interests, and co-workers, we expect a reply. Depending on the context, we may expect a reply sooner rather than later. So if you reach out to someone and only get silence in return, it’s normal to ask yourself if there’s a problem. [1]
    • Tenzer says, “Silence can communicate just as much as words, if not more. When someone chooses not to respond, it often signals disinterest, avoidance, mind games or a desire to disengage. It’s also just plain rude.” [2]
    • No response is a response because they are making an active choice not to reply to you, and the silence itself does serve to communicate a response, which is ultimately up to you to interpret.

    Meet the wikiHow Expert

    Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP , is a Communication Therapist with over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health.

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Section 2 of 5:

Reasons Why Someone Might Not Respond

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  1. If you’ve offended them, not responding may be their way of letting you know that they’re upset. This is a common coping mechanism for people who feel attacked, stressed, or otherwise vulnerable. If you think = you’ve hurt this person’s feelings, try reaching out one more time. Say something like, “Hi again. I realize [x] may have [upset you/hurt your feelings/etc] and I want to make it right. What can I do?” [3]
  2. If the last conversation you had with them was about or related to a sensitive subject, their lack of reply might could mean they’re done discussing that specific issue with you. Try reaching out with a change of topic and see if you get a response. You could say something like, “Hey, did you end up going to watch the new Superman movie this past weekend? How was it?” [4]
  3. Perhaps the subject matter was triggering for them, or forced them to think seriously before saying anything back. It’s best to grant them the time and space they need to process and let them get back to you when they're ready. You might say, “Hey, please take all the time you need to get back to me about [x]. I know it may have been a lot for you.” [5]
    • Certain neurodivergent conditions, like autism, can affect how quickly someone processes information and their own emotions, so be sensitive when addressing issues if this is the case.
  4. Consider what they have going on in their life right now. Have they recently mentioned being swamped with work, school, or childcare? Also, consider if they're habitually late repliers or prone to similar behaviors, like procrastination. Some people just get easily distracted or overwhelmed with tasks. [6]
  5. If you’re messaging someone on a dating app and they stop writing you back, they may not want to pursue the romance further. There are lots of reasons someone might lose interest and ghost a potential love connection , and it rarely has to do with the other person. They might simply be disinterested, but they could also be afraid of intimacy or commitment. [7]
  6. People with avoidant attachment style tend to retreat inwardly to avoid confrontation and conflict. Maybe something you said rubbed them the wrong way, and they don’t want to have to call you out on it. Or maybe they have something uncomfortable to say to you, so they keep putting it off. [9]
    • If this ends up being the case, avoidants have these issues with everyone, so try not to beat yourself up too much.
  7. Although this is fairly uncommon, it’s still a possibility. They may have seen your message and not replied on purpose, to leave you on edge, maintain a feeling of control, or simply dismiss your feelings. If you really think about it, having a person like this cut off communication with you could be viewed as a blessing in disguise.
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Section 3 of 5:

How to Respond to No Response

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  1. If it’s someone you’re sure to see again in the near future, like a romantic partner or a classmate, then perhaps they’re waiting to see you in person to address it. If their silence on an important issue seems like the final blow to an already fractured relationship, then maybe it’s best to let bygones be bygones and leave them be. [10]
  2. It’s perfectly normal to feel slightly distraught, confused, or frustrated when someone doesn't respond to you. Consider the context and what could potentially have caused this. If you can't think of anything, the other person may not value you or the relationship as much as you’d hoped. [13]
  3. Instead of bombarding them with frantic follow-up messages, try to do the opposite: leave them alone. If they were too busy initially to answer, then they might get back to you in a few days. If they're avoiding the conversation with you, then maybe they have things to work through on their own. No matter what, the situation is not likely to benefit from you spamming them. [14]
    • Remember—if this person wanted to, they probably would.
  4. Being ignored can certainly trigger people and stir up negative feelings, so take all the time you need to do some self-inventory. Don’t jump to conclusions, like assuming the other person hates you. Instead, try jotting down your thoughts in a notebook or speaking to a friend you trust. [15]
  5. This might be easier said than done, but take a step back from the situation and choose to focus on your own well-being. Practice self-care by doing a hobby you love (or finding a new one), spend time with loved ones, or take a solo trip so you can unwind. After all, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. [16]
  6. It can be difficult to accept that a friend, crush, or romantic partner simply wasn’t as committed to you as you were to them. Feel your feelings and then start taking steps forward without them. Unfollow them on social media, try to take a different daily commute if you often run into them, and shift your perspective toward the positive. Maybe they’ll come back, maybe they won’t—but you’ll always have you.
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Section 4 of 5:

Is no response a rejection?

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  1. When you text someone and they don’t answer, it can feel like a rejection. However, there are a number of reasons why they haven't answered yet, and most of them have nothing to do with rejecting you. [17]
    • In certain situations, of course, no response can be considered a rejection. For example, if you shoot your shot by DMing your crush a message on Instagram and they never get back to you, they likely are not interested.
Section 5 of 5:

Is no response better than a response?

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  1. This is particularly true if the other person is not responding due to a fear of being too honest and/or creating conflict. Maybe they’re afraid of upsetting you when they tell you they can’t help you move and think they’re softening the blow by not responding at all. Perhaps they know you to be very sensitive and don’t want to answer so as to not cause you any emotional distress. [18]
    • Of course, a lack of response still causes emotional distress, rendering their potentially well-intentioned approach still not quite the best move on the board.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201401/friendship-when-no-response-is-a-response
      2. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Communication Therapist. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/silent-treatment
      4. ↑ https://www.spencergreenberg.com/2022/08/on-emotionally-reactive-traits-a-hidden-cause-of-drama-and-ruined-relationships/
      5. ↑ https://www.neurodiverging.com/emotional-processing-is-different-for-autistics/
      6. ↑ https://geediting.com/dan-people-who-read-their-texts-but-take-hours-to-reply-typically-display-these-behaviors-says-psychology/
      7. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/dating/ghosting-the-new-dating-phenomenon/
      8. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Communication Therapist. Expert Interview
      9. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/avoidant-attachment-style
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/harnessing-principles-of-change/202010/the-key-skill-we-rarely-learn-how-to-feel-your-feelings
      2. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Communication Therapist. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Communication Therapist. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ https://milesolsen.com/blog/vulnerabilityrejection
      5. ↑ https://www.glamour.co.za/wellness/love-relationships/how-to-move-on-after-being-ghosted-and-resist-the-urge-to-text-21f7b4c0-2ce0-40f1-b4d4-9a578c0cac74
      6. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/what-to-do-when-he-ignores-you/
      7. ↑ https://www.snhu.edu/about-us/newsroom/health/what-is-self-care
      8. ↑ https://www.providencejournal.com/story/lifestyle/2016/12/23/dating-non-response-to-your-email-isnt-rejection/23290353007/
      9. ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/texting-anxiety/

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