What Is Parental Love? How It Can Help Your Child

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The benefits of parental love and how to show it to your kids
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Did you know that hugging your child or telling them you believe in them could greatly impact their development? This is called parental love and is an unconditional affection between a child and their parent(s). Parental love is likely something you show your child every day, especially if you have a close bond with them. In this article, we’ll share everything there is to know about parental love, including the benefits and effects of not receiving it.

Parental Love Explained

Parenting expert Kristen Duke believes, at its core, parental love is recognizing your own need for growth and changing your behaviors so that your child feels loved. It’s all about emotional safety and showing your child you support and appreciate them.

Section 1 of 5:

What is parental love?

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  1. This love can be expressed physically and emotionally. As a parent, you show parental love by supporting and accepting your child for who they are, or giving them a kiss, hug, or compliment. This type of love can positively affect your child’s upbringing and development. [1]
    • If your child doesn’t experience parental love and feels parental rejection instead, they may become emotionally detached, have a lower self-esteem, and be more hostile. [2]
    • You and your child’s personalities and relationship with one another may affect how you show parental love.
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Section 2 of 5:

Benefits of Parental Love

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  1. When your child receives love, they learn how to give love. Showing children how to be affectionate and supportive is a great way to help their kindness develop. [3]
    • For example, say you ask your child if they need a hug when you notice they’re upset or crying. Verbalizing your urge to hug them allows them to set boundaries, all while showing them that you care enough about them to hug them. In the future, they can replicate this behavior.
  2. A parent’s love can help a child’s brain grow. In a study, researchers found that children who received nurturing and supportive love developed learning and memory skills faster than those who didn’t. [4]
  3. Children consistently loved by their parent(s) are more sure of themselves. Because they’re supported at home, they can support themselves anywhere—they know their self-worth. Parental love helps them be confident in who they are. [5]
    • Think of it this way: Your child may follow a thought process like, “If mom believes I can do it, I know I can do it!”
    Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

    Family can amplify your self-worth. "If we have a family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky."

  4. If you show your child parental love, they're more likely to stand up for themselves and face adversity. The love from you helps them learn self-control, resilience, and patience, especially in times of conflict.
  5. Support from you, a guardian figure, can help your child feel more secure in themselves and their body. Children who experience parental love are more likely to vocalize their wants and needs, setting personal boundaries and accepting their parents’ boundaries. [6]
  6. Studies show that those who receive unconditional love from their parents are happier and less anxious in childhood and adulthood. The affection and support they feel from their parents impact their overall attitude and outlook on life. [7] As children, they’re less stressed; as adults, they’re less depressed and more likely to spread compassion rather than hate. [8]
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Section 3 of 5:

How to Show Parental Love

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  1. You and your child express and receive love through 5 things: quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts. These 5 love languages help your child feel seen and cared for. Here are some ways you can express parental love using the 5 love languages: [9]
    • Quality time: Give your child a day that's all about them by taking them wherever they want to go and doing activities they want to do.
    • Words of affirmation: Vocally express how much you care for your child with phrases like, "I love you" and "You know you're the best thing in my life?"
    • Physical touch: Snuggle on the couch, hug, and hold hands with your child (as long as they are comfortable with it).
    • Acts of service: Help your child with their homework or picking out an outfit for school.
    • Gifts: Surprise your child when you come home from the store with something you saw that made you think of them.
Section 4 of 5:

Parental Love & Attachment Theory

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  1. Attachment theory is the idea that the bond between a parent and child greatly influences how the child is intimate with others later in life. There are 4 types of attachments: secure, ambivalent, avoidant-dismissive, and disorganized attachment. [10] Secure attachment is ideal and forms when there’s a strong, healthy bond (or parental love) between you, as a parent, and your child. [11]
    • Develop a secure attachment style with your child by showing them parental love. Give them comfort and support when they need it (such as a hug or soft word), and allow them to explore the world on their own by making and learning from their mistakes. [12]
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Section 5 of 5:

Dealing With a Lack of Parental Love as an Adult

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  1. If you didn’t feel loved or accepted by your parents growing up, you may have a hard time trusting people, responding to conflict, and believing in yourself. [13] Know that this isn’t permanent—you can turn your life around and cultivate the love you didn’t receive as a child. Heal yourself by:

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    My child attempted suicide; what should I do? Is it my fault?
    Catherine Boswell, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Dr. Catherine Boswell is a Licensed Psychologist and a Co-Founder of Psynergy Psychological Associates, a private therapy practice based in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups, couples, and families struggling with trauma, relationships, grief, and chronic pain. She holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell has taught courses to Master’s level students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
    Catherine Boswell, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    If your child has attempted suicide, first recognize that any feelings of responsibility are not necessarily reflective of parenting shortcomings. Take immediate action by seeking support for both your child and the family to gain insights into what might have been missed. This involves examining social and family interactions that could have been viewed through the lens of your child's psychic distress, such as depression, anxiety, or mood instability. Hold onto the love and compassion you have for your child, recognizing that their attempt to take their own life is a response to prolonged struggles with deep-seated problems and emotions. As a parent, take responsibility for your part in any missteps or oversights, and be willing to make changes where possible. When seeking support, choose individuals carefully. Not all friends, even well-intentioned ones, may offer the understanding and empathy needed in such a situation. Similarly, not all therapists are adequately trained and competent in handling issues related to suicide attempts. Exercise discernment in selecting sources of support during this challenging time.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstream/handle/2027.42/145543/famp12327.pdf?sequence=1
      2. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-a-parents-affection-shapes-a-childs-happiness-for-life/
      3. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/parental-love
      4. ↑ https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1601443113
      5. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/parental-love
      6. ↑ https://childmind.org/article/teaching-kids-boundaries-empathy/
      7. ↑ https://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/lack-of-parental-warmth-abuse-248580
      8. ↑ https://spsp.org/news-center/character-context-blog/how-parents-affection-shapes-childs-happiness
      9. ↑ https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/love-languages-of-children/
      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/attachment-and-adult-relationships.htm
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8834420/
      3. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_cultivate_a_secure_attachment_with_your_child
      4. ↑ https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-023-01380-3
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201808/deep-secrets-and-inner-child-healing
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.htm
      8. ↑ https://time.com/6268636/inner-child-work-healing/
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/attachment-and-adult-relationships.htm

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