How to Date a Divorced Man & Build a Solid Relationship

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Best relationship tips for getting serious with a divorced guy

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD

Last Updated: May 9, 2025 References

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Dating

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What to Consider

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Handling Your Emotions

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Dealing with His Family

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Takeaways

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Dating a divorced man can come with unique challenges. If you're interested in someone who's divorced, you can easily pursue a happy relationship with this person as long as you keep some things in mind. For example, a recently divorced person may be somewhat cautious, so it might be best to take things slowly. Keep reading for additional things to consider, plus expert tips from dating coaches on how to successfully pursue the divorced man of your dreams.

What to Know When Dating a Divorced Man

Dating a divorced man requires communication, flexibility, and patience. He may not want to rush into a new relationship due to potential trust issues and trauma from his marriage. He may also be in contact with his ex, especially if they share kids. Follow his lead, be supportive, and try to navigate family dynamics.

Section 1 of 5:

How to Navigate a Romance

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1
Anticipate issues with commitment if he's recently divorced. Someone who has gone through a divorce in the past year may not be ready for a serious relationship. If you're only looking to date casually yourself, this may not be an issue for you. However, if you're hoping for a more serious romance, make sure the man in question is ready to commit to a romantic relationship. ^{[1]
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- A recently divorced man may be may be afraid of repeating old patterns or mistakes. Keep in mind that emotional intimacy may be an issue.
- Relationship counselor Jason Polk advises to ask yourself questions like: “Is he honest? Is he forthcoming? Do you feel like he’s making excuses? If so, that can be a very big red flag.”
- Think about what you want out of the relationship. Are you looking for a potential long-term partner? If so, someone with commitment issues may not be the best choice. However, if you're at a time in your life when you're interested in something casual, you may be fine.
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Take things slow. When dating a divorced man, the relationship may progress slower than usual. Normal relationship milestones, such as meeting the parents and giving things an official label, may happen at a slower pace. Even amicable divorces are painful, and a divorced man may proceed with hesitance. ^{[2]
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- Try to understand what your partner is going through. In addition to the pain of a divorce, there may be added scrutiny from family members. His parents or siblings may, for example, be distrustful of a new partner.
- Try to be patient during this process. If you really like this person, it will eventually be worth the wait. If you get frustrated, focus on the reasons you're in the relationship. Remind yourself why you were initially drawn to this person.
EXPERT TIP

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Be patient as you're getting to know him. Marriage and family therapist Moshe Ratson says, "If you're dating a divorced man, take time to get to know each other, and don't make assumptions about his life. Make sure he's fully healed from his divorce, and don't be surprised if he's slow to commit. If he and his ex had children together, be supportive of his family and any arrangements related to that."

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3
Keep your expectations in check. Navigating a new romantic relationship is always tough. Divorce, however, adds another layer of complication. Do not go into the relationship with specific expectations of how things will progress. A divorced man may be somewhat hesitant or non-committal at first. ^{[3]
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- He may be unable to bring you to family events right away, as family members may not be ready to see him dating again. If he has children, they will take priority. You may not be able to see him on certain days of the week or on weekends, as he will be busy with his kids.
- Spontaneity may not be an option with a divorced partner, especially if he has children. He may not be able to whisk you off for a romantic weekend away, for example, if he has children to care for.
4
Communicate your feelings openly and honestly. If you ever feel that your needs are not being met, or you have questions or concerns about your future together, it's important to communicate this to your partner. Sit down with your boyfriend, share your thoughts, and talk things out. Be direct, focus on the present, and avoid bringing up the past. If something is bothering you, say so outright. ^{[4]
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- For example, "I know you're nervous about introducing me to your family, but it's been six months and I really feel it's time."
- Listen to your boyfriend's responses. Give him a chance to explain and respond. The two of you may be able to figure out a way to patch things up and move forward.
- While his feelings regarding the divorce are important, your feelings as his current partner also matter.

Section 2 of 5:

What to Consider Before Getting Serious

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Learn about the circumstances surrounding the divorce. If you're beginning to get serious, you may want to know about the divorce. How and why a divorce happened says a lot about your boyfriend. It can help you better understand how he approaches a relationship in the present. ^{[5]
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- Avoid asking too much at first. This is especially true if it's uncertain how serious the relationship will be. You may not need to know a lot about the divorce and the circumstances surrounding it,
- However, if you're getting serious, it's appropriate to ask. This is especially true if you think this person could become your life partner.
- You can try to introduce the topic carefully. Say something like, "If you feel comfortable, I'd like to know a little about your divorce. It obviously had a huge impact on your life, and I'd like to know you more as a person."
2
Determine if he’s truly healed. Divorce can be a traumatic event, and mourning that relationship can often feel like a death. Healing will look different for different people, but if your crush has been going to therapy, attending support groups, or taking any other proactive steps to grow and learn from his past mistakes, those are all good signs that he’s on the healing journey. ^{[6]
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- Does he ever compare you to his ex? If so, he might not be ready to date again.
- Does his language surrounding the marriage and divorce still sound angry, pained, or bitter? He could still be unpacking and processing those events, and it may be best to wait a while before he enters a new committed relationship.
3
Realize that he may have potential financial issues. Divorce can be very expensive. Between paying for lawyers and things like alimony and child support, it can take a few years for divorced people to find financial stability. Do not expect a divorced man to be able to spend a lot of money on you. You may have to plan affordable dates much of the time, especially if your boyfriend is recently divorced. ^{[7]
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- Remember, you don't have to splurge to have fun. If money is still a major issue for your boyfriend, try to plan cheap dates. You could have a beach day, for example, or make dinner at home and watch a movie.
- If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also offer to pay once in a while. You do not want to feel like you're being taken advantage of, but it can be a nice gesture to occasionally pay for a nice dinner if money is an issue for your boyfriend.
4
Have a discussion about publicizing your relationship. A divorced man may have hesitations about advertising the relationship right away. Divorce is complicated. Children, family members, or mutual friends may have loyalty to the previous partner. Before you do something like, say, updating your Facebook relationship status, have a talk with the man you're dating. ^{[8]
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- Strive to be understanding here. Do not take it personally if your boyfriend would rather keep things somewhat discreet for the time being.
- Dating again after a divorce can cause tension. Your boyfriend may simply want to keep things between the two of you uncomplicated for now. He's not necessarily keeping your relationship discreet because he wants to hide you.
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Make sure your needs are being met. While you want to have patience, a relationship cannot be all give. If a divorced man is not ready to meet your needs, you cannot have a healthy relationship. At some point, think about what you need and whether you feel this man is capable of providing that. ^{[9]
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- Think about how you feel fulfilled and cared for. Is this person making you feel that way? Why or why not?
- Consider whether there's anything you're agreeing to do that you would rather not do. Is there any way your boyfriend pushes your boundaries?
- Is there anything you would like to do in the relationship that is not currently an option?

Section 3 of 5:

How to Regulate Your Emotions

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1
Don’t be surprised if you and his ex are similar in some ways. Many people get nervous when they realize they're similar to their boyfriend's ex-husband or wife. Everyone has a type of person they're attracted to, and you may very well have things in common with a previous spouse. ^{[10]
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- There's a good chance you will resemble the ex-spouse physically. Your boyfriend may have specific tastes. He may be drawn to a certain hair color, eye color, or body type, for example. There may also be similarities in your personality. Your boyfriend may have a tendency to date people with similar interests or personalities.
- Try not to buy too much into similarities between yourself and an ex-spouse. Chances are, you have a type as well. Even if you're not aware of it, there are probably similarities between your current boyfriend and your ex-boyfriends.
2
Avoid complaining about his ex. It can be tempting to talk badly about the ex-spouse, especially if she's been hostile to you. Complaining, however, may make you seem jealous, bitter, or rigid. Also, your boyfriend may harbor negative feelings about his ex that are difficult to process. You do not want to negatively affect his mood by fanning the flames. ^{[11]
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- There may be times when you need to vent; if you need to do so, wait until he's out of the house before calling a friend or family member to vent.
- Sanders says, “Be mindful of the fact that he may be in contact with his ex. If he is a decent individual, he’s still going to have a cordial relationship with his ex, especially if they have kids together. Divorced people come with baggage. It’s not necessarily bad baggage, but it is baggage and you have to be respectful of that.”
3
Try to be patient when it comes to being included. There are many little things that may feel like a snub or a rebuff when dating a divorced man. For example, you may not be invited to certain family dinners or outings with mutual friends of your partner's spouse. Try to remember these things are not personal. It can be very awkward navigating the dating world coming out of a divorce. Your boyfriend is probably not trying to hurt your feelings. ^{[12]
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- Certain situations may simply be difficult or awkward. Keep in mind that it rarely has anything to do with you personally.

Section 4 of 5:

How to Deal with His Family

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1
Support him when he wants to spend time with his children. In the beginning of your relationship with him, your boyfriend may opt not to introduce you to his children. Your boyfriend may want to wait to introduce you until your relationship is serious. The kids have already been through a lot with the divorce, so there isn’t any sense in letting them get to know a woman who may not be a permanent fixture. Do not compete for his time, especially if he occasionally needs to spend time with his kids. ^{[13]
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- Even after you've been integrated into the family, your boyfriend may still need alone time with his kids. Try to be understanding of this fact. Remember, they will always be the priority.
- Professional matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders says, “Be mindful of the fact that they do have children. And if they're a responsible parent, and they're co-parenting, they dedicate time to their kids. Don't get upset if they can't spend all the time with you, because those children are their top priorities.”
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Strive for positive interactions with your boyfriend's children. Children may be distrustful or hostile to a new romantic partner for their parent. They probably have loyalty to your partner's ex. Understand this going in, and strive to keep interactions positive even if there is tension. ^{[14]
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- Plan to meet in a neutral, public setting at first. Try to plan something fun and appropriate for the children's ages. You can plan to meet at a kid-friendly restaurant or plan a trip to somewhere like the zoo.
- Ask about the kids. Ask about their hobbies, interests, favorite movies, favorite TV shows, and so on. You want to show your boyfriend and his kids, you're making an honest effort to get to know them.
- When appropriate, share a little about yourself. This can help the kids get to know you better. For example, you can interject something like, "Oh, I loved that movie when I was your age, too."
3
Understand there may be hostility from his family at first. You will probably not be accepted by the family right away. This is especially true with children. If your boyfriend has gone through a divorce, there may be a lot of skepticism of a new partner. Going into social interactions, keep this in mind. ^{[15]
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- Remind yourself it's normal not to be best friends with everyone right away. Try to put yourself in your boyfriend's family's shoes. It's understandable they'll have reservations about a new partner, especially if your boyfriend's divorce was difficult or unexpected.
Never push your boyfriend to introduce you to his family before he is ready, especially his children. There are many reasons your boyfriend may want to hold off on the introductions, and they are usually not personal. Allow him to go at his own pace and be respectful of when and how he chooses to make introductions. ^{[16]
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EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Be patient: entering your partner's social circle can take time. Introducing you to his family and friends can be complicated, especially if children are involved. He might carefully consider the timing and approach to make the introduction as smooth and welcoming as possible.

Section 5 of 5:

Final Thoughts

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Dating a divorced man may require certain considerations. If you’re crushing on a divorced man and are interested in taking things further, there are certainly a few things to consider. Co-parenting with his ex, trust issues, commitment issues, and alimony or child support payments are all possibilities when it comes to dating a divorced man. However, if you’re comfortable with the situation, aren’t a jealous person, and are open to navigating a post-divorce relationship with him, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work out!
- Communicate your feelings and intentions, and see if they align with his. Remember, he may want to take things slowly before jumping into a new committed relationship.
- Be patient as it pertains to family dynamics, especially if he has kids with his ex.
- Allow him to take the lead when it comes to introducing you to his kids and try your best to be engaging, empathetic, and supportive, as divorces can take an emotional toll on those involved.
- No matter what, divorced men deserve a second chance at love, and it’s up to you to determine whether you can be the one to give it.

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How to Date a Divorced Man & Build a Solid Relationship

What to Know When Dating a Divorced Man

Steps

How to Navigate a Romance

What to Consider Before Getting Serious

How to Regulate Your Emotions

How to Deal with His Family

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