Flirtatious Eye Contact: Show You’re Interested From a Distance

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Plus, what not to do to avoid looking awkward
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Eye contact in flirting is a great way to impress your crush because it doesn't require you to think of witty lines or even know much about what they’re into. Flirtatious eye contact is one of the most powerful ways to let your favorite person know you’re attracted to them, but it’s also subtle enough to be fairly risk-free if you don't yet know if your crush is interested. Keep reading to learn about flirting with eye contact, with advice from professional dating coaches about exactly what to do (and what not to do).

Using Eye Contact In Flirting

  1. Choose a time when you have your crush’s attention.
  2. Make direct eye contact with them.
  3. Smile warmly so your gaze is welcoming.
  4. Hold their gaze for 3 seconds to build tension.
  5. When they see you, drop your eyes for a moment.
  6. Meet their gaze again so they definitely know you’re flirting.
  7. Send them positive energy with a smile or a friendly facial expression.
Section 1 of 4:

How to Flirt With Eye Contact

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  1. Choose the right moment to make eye contact . Holding your crush’s gaze can be a powerful way to flirt , but you need to do it at a good time. There’s no way to plan for the exact moment, but aim for a time when you can potentially have their complete attention without too many distractions. [1]
    • Good moments include when you first meet and shake hands , when you’re handing them something, or when you open a door to greet them.
    • Don’t choose a moment when your crush is distracted or busy; they won’t be able to pay attention to you. For example, don’t try to hold their gaze while they’re driving, reading, or working.
  2. If you’ve chosen a good moment, this shouldn’t be too hard. If they’re introducing themselves or meeting you at the door, they’ll naturally make eye contact with you anyway. If the situation proves more difficult, keep your eyes on them until they notice you looking. For example, if you’re in a busy social setting, keep your eyes on your crush until they look up and meet your gaze. [2]
    • You can try this technique in any context. It’s great if you work together or are already friends. If you are in a situation with a lot of other people, you may need to say or do something to get your crush’s attention so that you can make eye contact. [3]
    • Dating coach Eddy Baller notes that “strong eye contact is one of the most powerful ways to make a connection because it shows confidence and creates sexual attention, which is really important for attraction.” [4]
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  3. Invite them in with a warm facial expression . Let your expression be soft, which can mean smiling slightly or even licking your lips a bit. According to dating and relationship coach Mark Rosenfeld, letting your face freeze up or come across as too serious might look like you're staring rather than flirting with your eyes. [5]
  4. A 2015 study found that the perfect amount of time to maintain eye contact is 3.2 seconds. [6] However, if you can hold your crush’s gaze for four and a half seconds, they’ll get a powerful cue that you’re flirting with them. [7] You can even hold it longer if you like, as long as your crush doesn’t look away; the same study determined that no one preferred a gaze that lasted for over 9 seconds. [8] .
    • Dating coach Patty Novak Williams offers the following advice if you’re at a party and see someone you’re attracted to: “Lock eyes, even if it's for 3 seconds. Then, turn around to whomever you're with, and then turn back to look at them a 2nd time. If they're looking at you, there's interest.” [9]
    • If you’re nervous, you may be tempted to look away. However, try to maintain eye contact to help build tension. You’ll seem confident and available, which are two powerfully attractive qualities when trying to seduce someone with your eyes .
    • Rosenfeld agrees that “the biggest thing with eye contact is that you've got to hold it a lot longer than you think you do—for 3 or 4 seconds. Once you can do that, add a smile as well.” [10]
  5. Once your crush makes eye contact with you and you’ve held it for a couple of seconds, let your eyes drop down as though you’re feeling shy (which you probably are anyway). Only let the eyes drop momentarily, however. You don’t want your crush to steer their focus elsewhere.
    • You can drop your eyes down toward your lap or the floor to appear shy.
    • You could also use the triangle method of flirting, which means you first look quickly to one of their eyes, then their mouth, and finally their other eye. It’s a popular social media flirting trend that is said to make eye contact easier and show you’re interested; it may even make it more possible for you to lean in for a kiss if you’re close to them. [11]
  6. Once you’ve dropped your eyes a bit, bring them back up to meet your crush’s gaze again. They’ll likely have some kind of questioning look on their face since you’ve just sent a clear signal that you’re flirting with them. [12]
    • You can now choose to hold eye contact or look away again.
    • If you’re engaged in a conversation, keep talking. Feel free to keep up the eye contact and drop your eyes down again whenever you want to appear coy.
  7. This might seem obvious, but sometimes, if you have a crush on someone, you’ll feel so nervous that you’ll forget to smile. As soon as your crush makes eye contact with you, let a nice big smile show on your face. [13]
    • People can subconsciously tell if a smile is real or fake. To make sure that your smile looks warm and genuine, let your teeth show and make sure that your eyes squint up , creating crows feet on your face.
  8. This may be a little bit confusing since it's a more subtle way to flirt . To add energy to your flirting eyes, simply let the positive and nervous feelings you have around the person energize the way you look at them—don’t try to hide it. Some ways to add energy are: [14]
    • Take a deep breath and let it out through your mouth.
    • Straighten your posture .
    • Slightly tilt or nod your head.
    EXPERT TIP

    Mark Rosenfeld

    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach

    Flirtatious eye contact can also lead to conversation. If you do happen to be nearby, there's no reason you can't start a conversation. It doesn’t have to be rocket science—you can ask them what the time is and then linger with eye contact and a smile after they've replied. Keep it very simple

  9. You can try waving, touching your face, winking, or brushing back your hair. You can smile, shift your eyes a bit, and lick your lips if you're feeling a little bit bold. Choose small facial gestures that work for you.
    • Winking can be flirtatious but is sometimes viewed as old-fashioned or even creepy, depending on the context. Use your intuition to tell you if it would work well with your crush.
    • You can also blink slightly more often around your crush. This is something people do subconsciously when they’re around someone they’re attracted to. It will help send subtle messages that you like them.
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Section 2 of 4:

What Not to Do When You Flirt With Eye Contact

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  1. 1
    Try not to continue making eye contact if they don’t respond. If the person you’re flirting with isn’t interested, they’ll let you know by their body language. They may frown in return, walk away, or avoid you altogether. Don’t keep at it at that point; you can run the risk of looking creepy if you keep making unwelcome eye contact with them.
  2. 2
    Avoid doing anything they’d consider lewd or uncomfortable. This includes mouthing words at them, sticking your tongue out in any way other than lightly licking your lips, touching your groin area, or making hand gestures they may be offended by. Keep your eye-flirting simple so you don’t appear desperate, aggressive, or overly excitable. [15]
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Section 3 of 4:

How to Practice Flirting With Eye Contact

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  1. 1
    Try to make eye contact in the mirror. See how long you can comfortably maintain eye contact with yourself while standing in front of your reflection. Notice if you appear jittery, nervous, or awkward; try to relax your face and body anytime you see yourself tensing up. You can also practice flirtatious lines just to see what you look like in a safe, private space.
  2. 2
    Try it out with someone you know well. Grab a friend and see how long you can maintain prolonged eye contact with them in silence. You can also try it out in situations that won’t make you nervous, like when speaking to a bank teller or store clerk.
    • Try not to maintain your gaze for too long, though; they might wonder what your intentions are.
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Section 4 of 4:

Types of Flirtatious Eye Contact

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  1. 1
    The prolonged gaze This means holding your gaze for a few seconds or more. You may smile or accompany the extended look with additional body language, like playing with your hair, leaning in, or gently touching their hand. [16]
    • There is a difference between a prolonged gaze and staring; the first is warm and inviting, while not lasting too long. Staring can appear uncomfortable and unnatural. “If you're so focused on the person and not looking away, it could come off as too intimidating—you have to make sure there's a balance,” states dating coach Cher Gopman. [17]
    • You can perform this gaze when standing near your crush or from a distance.
    • This long gaze is often accompanied by playful flirting, either with a more expressive stare or by actually exchanging words.
  2. 2
    Glancing In terms of flirtatious body language, glancing is a way of saying “peek-a-boo” to your crush. It involves brief looks that don’t last too long, which is a good way to begin showing interest in the other person. Repeated glances let them know you’re attracted or interested in them even more. [18]
    • The latest form of glancing is called “sticky eyes” and it’s popping up all over social media. Sticky eyes refers to catching someone’s eye for a quick moment and then looking away almost immediately. You’d then look at the other person again and try to maintain eye contact for a little bit longer each time.
  3. 3
    The eyebrow lift Raising your eyebrows slightly when someone you like looks at you is another way to show you’re interested. It also occurs when people are surprised, in disbelief, or want to make an important point. [19]
    • Lifting your eyebrows is often an unconscious move that tends to relax the other person or help them feel more comfortable.
  4. 4
    A full body gaze When your prolonged glance moves down to your crush’s face, mouth, or body, it’s considered a full body gaze. It’s the boldest form of eye contact and a powerful option when you want to physically flirt . Just make sure you’re feeling confident and ready for an equally bold response.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How long are you supposed to hold eye contact while flirting?
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try to hold it for 3-4 seconds. Then, smile as you make eye contact. The other person will give the green light!
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  • Question
    How do I approach my crush for the first time?
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try making eye contact for around 3-4 seconds and offering them a smile. You can even mouth the word "hi" as you approach so your crush realizes that you're opening up to them.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 8 Helpful 41
  • Question
    How do I get less anxiety when making eye contact?
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you're feeling nervous, practice making eye contact while walking around public streets. Then, you can slowly build your way up to approaching your crush.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-and-mating/201605/4-ways-you-can-turn-crush-relationship
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/202109/the-subtle-dance-eye-contact-in-conversation
      3. ↑ https://www.mq.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0008/884780/Communicating-with-gestures.pdf
      4. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
      5. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
      6. ↑ https://www.throughlinegroup.com/2016/03/07/new-eye-contact-research-is-3-2-seconds-the-magic-number/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201404/5-secret-powers-eye-contact
      8. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190108-why-meeting-anothers-gaze-is-so-powerful
      9. ↑ Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
      1. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202307/does-the-triangle-method-of-flirting-really-work
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201605/the-9-superpowers-of-your-smile
      5. ↑ https://youtu.be/KIj5cWBIb1c?si=qpPEA0LCR2BVAp-b&t=80
      6. ↑ https://psych2go.net/6-types-of-eye-contact-and-what-they-really-mean/
      7. ↑ https://psych2go.net/6-types-of-eye-contact-and-what-they-really-mean/
      8. ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 23 May 2019.
      9. ↑ https://www.abc27.com/news/does-flirting-with-sticky-eyes-work-heres-what-a-dating-expert-has-to-say/amp/
      10. ↑ https://psych2go.net/6-types-of-eye-contact-and-what-they-really-mean/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Eyes are said to be windows to the soul, so it’s no surprise that eye contact is an important part of flirting. If you’re attracted to someone, you’ll probably be looking their way a lot, but when they meet your gaze, don’t look away instantly. Instead, smile and hold their gaze for a second or 2. You can also touch your face or play with your hair before you look away, which can seem more flirty. When you’re talking to someone you like, try to hold their gaze for longer than you would with other people. 3 or 4 seconds should be fine. That way, it’ll be clear that you’re attracted to them and not just being confident. For more tips, including how to make coy eye contact to intrigue someone you like, read on!

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