Should You Kiss on a First Date? All Your Questions Answered

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Expert advice on kissing on the first date
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Everyone has a different opinion on whether it’s appropriate to kiss on the first date, and there’s no right or wrong answer. Kissing can help you figure out if you have chemistry with your date, but sometimes it’s better to take things slow if you’re not sure of your date’s intentions. In this article, we’ve gathered all the best reasons for and against kissing on the first date, how to approach the kiss, and what it might mean for your relationship. Plus, 3 relationship experts weigh in on whether kissing on the first date is a good idea.

Is It Okay to Kiss on the First Date?

It’s perfectly okay to kiss on the first date if you and your partner are both up for it. If you both enjoyed the date, feel a romantic connection, and want to see each other again, go for it! However, you definitely don't have to kiss your date if you don't want to. Go with your gut and try not to overthink it.

Section 1 of 5:

Should you kiss on the first date?

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  1. Whether you kiss on the first date or not is up to you and how you and your date feel in the moment. If you both enjoyed the date and want to see each other again, kissing is a great way to see if the physical chemistry is there. Everyone is different, though, so if you don’t want to kiss on the first date, you don’t have to! The important thing is to do what feels right for you, your date, and your budding relationship. [1]
    • If you’re not sure if you like your date romantically, don’t pressure yourself into kissing them. It’s totally okay to go on a few more dates to see if you feel that spark.
    • Relationship expert Maya Diamond says, “Only kiss if you genuinely want to kiss the person. If they try to kiss you, say, ‘I would love to, but I'm not ready for that yet’. Delay it to the second, third, or fourth date, or whenever you feel comfortable. Pay attention to what your true genuine desire is.”
    • Relationship expert Lauren Sanders believes a kiss means your date wants to continue the relationship. She says, “If they feel comfortable enough to exchange saliva, get in your personal space, and allow you to get in their personal space, as well, they definitely can see a potential future with you.” She does add that some people are just “touchy-feely” and that their love language could be physical touch.
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Section 2 of 5:

Reasons to Kiss on the First Date

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  1. So, your date is coming to an end and you can’t figure out if you’re romantically attracted to them or just like them as a person. Don’t panic! If you’re both up for it, kissing can help you decide if you have physical chemistry and if it’s worth pursuing a romantic relationship or better to stay friends. A kiss doesn’t have to mean you want to take the relationship to the next level, so don’t stress and allow yourself to enjoy the moment. [2]
  2. If you had a great time on your date and want to see them again, pucker up! Kissing your date is a fun and direct way of letting them know you’re attracted to them . Don’t beat around the bush! Give them a kiss and start planning that second date. [3]
  3. If you’ve been friends with your date for a while, kissing them can let them know you’re interested in a romantic relationship with them. While it can be nerve-wracking, kissing them shows that you’re attracted to them and want to take the relationship to the next level. Who knows—they may have been wanting to kiss you for a while! [4]
  4. If you like the act of kissing and you’re physically attracted to your date, why not go for it? Kissing can relieve stress and boost your mood. Just make sure you and your date are on the same page so you don’t lead them on. As long as you both want the same thing, have fun and enjoy the moment! [5]
  5. Sometimes, you may want to take things to the next level by making out or even hooking up after the first date, and there’s nothing wrong with that! If you want the same thing, kissing your date is the first step to initiating that. As long as you both consent, do whatever feels natural. [6]
  6. While some may enjoy hooking up after the first date, it’s okay to want to take things slow , too. If you kiss your date but don’t want to go any further, you can see if they’ll respect your decision or try to pressure you to keep going. This way, you can spot any potential red flags before agreeing to a second date. [7]
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Section 3 of 5:

Reasons Not to Kiss on the First Date

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  1. Not every first date leads to a relationship, and that’s okay. If you can’t see the relationship going any further, don’t try to force it. Simply let your date know you had a good time and if they try to kiss you, politely tell them you’re not interested . [8]
    • If you decide you want to just be friends, Sanders says to be upfront about your intention. “First, offer a positive comment about your connection with them. The next step is to be 100% transparent about not wanting a relationship with them,” she says. “Reassure them that they are not to blame and they didn't necessarily do anything wrong. It's simply a matter of a lack of chemistry and connection present.”
  2. If you and your date have good chemistry, sometimes the anticipation of the first kiss is even better than the kiss itself! Let the tension build by waiting to kiss them another time. If you can tell they’re super into you, not kissing them might make them think of you even more after the date. Keep them on their toes so they can’t wait to see you again . [9]
  3. Sometimes, you think a date is going well, but your date doesn’t feel the same way. Pay attention to their body language before deciding if you should kiss them. If they cross their arms or feel closed off, they may not be as into it as you are. There’s usually no point in kissing them if it will probably be the last time you see them. While this can be disappointing, just remember that the right person for you is still out there! [10]
  4. If you’re not into hookups and you’re getting the vibe that’s all your date wants, it’s probably not a good idea to kiss them. Because kissing is often a lead-in to sex, they may get the idea you also want to hook up, which could lead to some awkward miscommunication. If you know you want a relationship, don’t waste your time, and save your kisses for someone who wants the same thing. [11]
  5. If you spend the whole date anxiously wondering whether they plan to kiss you, it’s probably a good sign you shouldn’t do it. You want your first kiss to feel exciting and natural, and if you’re overthinking it, you probably won’t enjoy yourself. Don’t stress! Instead, get to know your date and figure out how you feel about them. You’ll know when the moment is right. [12]
  6. With the rise of dating apps, you may find yourself on a date with someone you’ve never met before. It usually takes more than one date and a few text exchanges to feel comfortable with someone , so it’s perfectly natural to not want to kiss them immediately. Avoid an awkward situation by getting to know them better and simply enjoying their company. [13]
  7. Sometimes, everything can go right on a date, but you just don’t feel like kissing them. And that’s perfectly okay! If you’re comfortable, opt for a hug instead, or wait to see how you feel when you see them again. Take things at your own pace, and remember, the right person will be worth the wait. [14]
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Section 4 of 5:

How to Kiss on the First Date

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  1. Throughout the date, pay attention to the way your date moves and interacts with you. If they’re laughing, touching you, and making eye contact, they’re probably into you. If they put distance between you, cross their legs or arms, and look around the room constantly, they might not be enjoying the date that much. Noticing body language can be a great way to decide if you should go in for the kiss . [15]
    • Relationship expert John Keegan suggests holding your date’s hand to see how they react. He says, “Just take their hand and hold it. That's a direct point where you’re saying, ‘Hey, I'm interested in holding your hand because I may be interested in dating you.’ See how they respond. If they leave their hand in for a moment or two, then that's a good sign that they’re moving in that direction with you.”
  2. It’s probably not a good idea to try to kiss your date in the middle of dinner at a crowded restaurant. It’s much better to wait till the end of the date when you can go somewhere a bit more private, like when you’re walking them to their car or their front door. This way, you’ll both feel more open and relaxed, and you have the benefit of knowing if the whole date went well. [16]
  3. Consent is key. Plus, the easiest way to know if your date wants you to kiss them is by asking them . Your answer should be an enthusiastic yes. If your date seems hesitant, ask if they’d prefer a hug instead or wait for the next date to initiate physical contact. Remember, everyone moves at a different pace, so this doesn’t necessarily mean your date doesn’t like you. [17]
  4. A kiss on a first date doesn’t have to be a full-blown makeout session—though it can be if that’s what you two want. Many people prefer a quick, simple kiss on the lips, but if you’re feeling a bit nervous, you might go for a kiss on the cheek instead. It’s all about what you and your date feel most comfortable with. Remember, the moment should feel good, not frightening! [18]
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Section 5 of 5:

What a Kiss on the First Date Means

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  1. Kissing is a sign of physical attraction and often builds an emotional connection with a potential partner. [19] Kissing on the first date usually means you and your date like each other and want to see where things go. Sometimes, though, a person just enjoys kissing or hopes it will lead to a hookup. To make sure you and your date are on the same page, be upfront about what you’re looking for.

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      Tips

      • Make sure you practice good hygiene before your date. Take a shower, brush your teeth, and wear deodorant. Your date won’t want to kiss someone with bad hygiene!
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      • Everyone moves at a different pace, and it’s okay to kiss or not to kiss on the first date. Never judge someone for what they feel comfortable with.
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      Warnings

      • Remember, no means no. If your date doesn’t want to kiss you, don’t try to force or persuade them. Always respect their boundaries.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships and dating, check out our in-depth interview with Lauren Sanders .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-minds/202309/a-perfect-kiss-the-truth-behind-this-loving-and-sexy-signal
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-minds/202309/a-perfect-kiss-the-truth-behind-this-loving-and-sexy-signal
      3. ↑ https://beyondages.com/should-you-kiss-on-a-first-date/
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-do-we-kiss#recap
      5. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/kissing-and-your-health
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-do-we-kiss#purpose
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-to-respect-other-peoples-boundaries#tips-to-consider
      8. ↑ https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/first-date-tips/first-date-kiss/
      9. ↑ https://hellobetty.co/should-you-kiss-him-on-the-first-date/
      1. ↑ https://beyondages.com/should-you-kiss-on-a-first-date/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/why-we-kiss-and-how-do-it-right
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/201908/not-feeling-an-initial-spark-on-the-first-date
      4. ↑ https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/first-date-tips/first-date-kiss/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/201908/not-feeling-an-initial-spark-on-the-first-date
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      7. ↑ https://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/32_dating_advice.html
      8. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent/how-do-i-talk-about-consent
      9. ↑ https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/first-date-tips/first-date-kiss/
      10. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-do-we-kiss#purpose

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