How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship & Build Trust Instead

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Understand why you keep ruining relationships by overthinking
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I’m not good enough. They don’t really love me. They’re bored. I’m alone in this relationship. Any of these thoughts sound familiar? These thoughts run rampant in overthinkers who struggle with cycles of negative (and, importantly, unevidenced) thoughts about their lives and personal relationships. If you struggle with overthinking, we don’t need to tell you just how anxiety-provoking and frustrating it can be. That’s why we’ve partnered with clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer and licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Chloe Carmichael to explain everything you should know about stopping overthinking and figuring out where it may be coming from.

How do I stop overthinking my relationships?

Take action in the moment when you feel yourself overthinking—identify the thought you’re having and challenge it. Do you have any evidence that it’s true? Reflect on where these thoughts may be coming from. Discuss your feelings openly and honestly with your partner, and listen to their perspective in return.

Section 1 of 8:

How to Break the Cycle of Overthinking in Yourself

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  1. Once your thoughts start to run away from you, take a few deep breaths. The more you breathe, the calmer you’ll feel. Breathe deeply through your nose, then exhale slowly through your mouth for three seconds until you feel more settled. [1]
  2. Instead of distracting yourself or allowing your thoughts to spiral, confront them head-on. Stop whatever you’re doing and tune into what you’re feeling in your body and mind. Note what type of thought you’re having, then decide objectively if it’s a fact or pseudofact—in other words, is it a truth that you know about your partner, or is it an opinion, judgment, assumption, or expectation? [2]
    • For example, if you haven’t heard from your significant other for hours, you might think they’re cheating. But, if you know they had a busy day at work, realize that they might’ve gone home to nap.
    • Consider what evidence you have for these thoughts to be facts. Instead of allowing yourself to think of the worst-case scenario, consider the most realistic explanation instead.
    • The vast majority of the time, your worries and concerns will lack concrete evidence, so reframing them in this way and refusing to accept them at face value will help to reduce negative thinking. If you do have evidence for these thoughts, address them directly with your partner !
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  3. 3
    Consider what events or feelings are triggering your thoughts. Once you’ve identified your thought and whether it’s fact or pseudofact, determine why you’re having this thought at this moment. In other words, find the trigger. The trigger can be something your partner did (or didn’t do). It can be a small shift in their tone, or pause in their response, or even a quick facial expression that didn’t sit right with you. [3]
    • For the moment, you don’t have to worry about whether either of you was in the wrong or if it’s fair for you to react to their action (or inaction) that way. Just identify what it is that set you off and what about the situation is making you feel anxious.
    • Remember that you’ll never be able to address your concerns and curb your overthinking without knowing what’s causing you to feel that way.
    • It may help to write down your concerns whenever you notice yourself feeling worried, anxious, or distrustful toward your partner. Over time, you can reflect on what you’ve written down and see what patterns emerge.
  4. While it’s important not to avoid your negative thoughts in order to get to the root of them, it’s okay to distract yourself if you’ve already reflected on your thoughts but still feel anxious or upset. Improve your mood by finding some funny videos to watch online, or do something fun or productive like blasting music, having a mini dance party, taking a walk, or having a hot shower. [4]
    • You could also call someone in your support network to distract you and/or talk you off the ledge. Call your mom just to check in, or phone up a friend to talk through your feelings and get their perspective on whether it’s realistic or rational. However, you may want to avoid calling friends who are fellow overthinkers!
    • Remember that distraction is okay to use temporarily, but you should ultimately address the underlying worry causing your thoughts and feelings. If these issues are not addressed, it can cause you and your partner to become irritated with each other, and the lack of trust may continue to build as a result.
  5. Once you’re out of a bout of overthinking, consider developing a regular mindfulness practice to self-reflect and improve your understanding of your thoughts and needs. Try practicing meditation daily, which can help to quiet negative thoughts in your head and improve your focus. You can also use an app like Headspace or Calm to guide you if you’re a newcomer to meditating and mindfulness. [5]
    • Keep a daily journal of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Looking back, you’ll be able to see the overall picture of your overthinking and piece together how you can make lasting changes in your life and relationship.
    • Mindfulness is all about paying attention to the present moment and looking inward to reflect on your internal experiences. Try to focus your attention nonjudgmentally on your inner emotions as you complete these tasks. [6]
  6. 6
    Give yourself dedicated time to overthink. It may seem counterintuitive, but designating a specific time to do all your “worrying” can be really helpful in ending overthinking. Set aside a short weekly period of about 15 minutes in which to address all of your anxieties and concerns. If you feel overthinking thoughts come up outside of this weekly time slot, remind yourself to save those feelings for your overthinking time. You’ll have more control over your thoughts and it’s more likely that your intrusive thinking will diminish with time. [7]
  7. Your overthinking might come from a self-esteem issue where you worry that you don’t measure up or that your partner deserves better. One way to combat these thoughts is to repeat positive mantras to yourself each morning (or whenever you’re feeling down). For instance, you might say, “I’m beautiful. I’m intelligent. I’m worthy of love.” [8]
    • It’s difficult to have a healthy mind if your physical health is in disarray. Try to get at least seven hours of sleep a night, exercise three times a week, and eat a healthy diet .
    • Try to get your heart rate up for at least thirty minutes per day. You could try yoga, dance classes, jogging, strength training, or whatever movement feels best for you and your body.
    • Be sure to also make time for yourself apart from your partner. Though spending time together is good, your relationship with yourself is critical. Take at least one day a week to do something that’s just for you. Remember that you’re not just a person in a relationship; you have a whole identity apart from that.
    • By focusing on yourself and your own sense of identity and self-worth, you’ll be better able to reflect on and identify the past experiences and insecurities that have helped your anxious overthinking to thrive. From there, it’ll be easier to identify and address the root causes of these unhelpful thinking patterns.
  8. Overthinking or anxious thoughts often involve an obsession with the past or future. However, this act of obsessing over things that you can’t really control only makes anxiety worse. Instead, try to focus on the present moment. Celebrate the good things in your present life and the positive aspects of your relationship. It may help to spend some time doing things you enjoy with your partner and letting them know that you appreciate them for who they are. [9]
  9. 9
    Get comfortable with vulnerability and the discomfort of not knowing. Realize that you may not always know why your body or mind responds the way it does or what it’s responding to. Allow yourself to experience uncomfortable emotions and feel whatever comes with them—you don’t always have to rationalize every single thought. Just try to remain present to what’s going on inside you. With time, it’ll be easier for you to harness your own vulnerability and be comfortable with not having all the answers or being able to tell the future. [10]
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Section 2 of 8:

How to Manage Overthinking as a Couple

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  1. Your overthinking might come from some unresolved issue in your relationship. Talk to your partner openly and honestly about what you need from them. Listen to their needs as well. Find ways to compromise with one another so you can both be happy [11] .
    • For instance, perhaps it bothers you when your partner doesn’t call after getting home from a night out. Ask if they can call or text you when they get home from now on.
    • Find out what changes your partner would like you to make. Say, “I know I might be asking a lot of you, but I’m willing to make some changes, too. What would you like from me?” They might ask for a bit of space from you, and that’s okay! Give it to them and allow them time to miss you.
    • Keep in mind that the point of a relationship is to share and experience each other's company, not to fix your own personal problems. Only you can do that for yourself.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Be flexible as you navigate life's twists and turns together. Being young often means facing a lot of unknowns. As you both learn more about yourselves, your dreams and goals may evolve or create friction. Stay open to the idea that your plans may change, and don't be afraid to embrace that growth, together.

  2. Instead of shutting down, blowing their phone up, or hurling accusations, talk out your problems with your partner. Wait for a good time to bring up the issue when you’re both relaxed, calm, and not pressed for time. [12]
    • You might say something like, “Hey babe, I didn’t want to bother you while you were at work, but I’ve been thinking about last night. I felt really bad after you yelled. I know you were mad, but I don’t feel comfortable or safe when someone raises their voice with me.”
    • Use “I” statements to center your emotional response and express your concerns without placing blame. Instead of “You always cut me off,” you might say, “I felt hurt and like my feelings didn’t matter when you interrupted me.”
    • The “I” approach makes it easier for your partner to engage with you in a productive way, rather than becoming defensive.
  3. 3
    Listen to your partner’s perspective and validate their feelings. Just like you want to be heard and understood by your partner, they want the same thing from you. Actively listen to your partner by focusing on what they’re saying—make eye contact, nod along, and turn your body toward them. Focus on really hearing what they’re saying and understanding their perspective rather than trying to formulate your own response. Even if you don’t agree 100% with what they’re saying, validate their feelings in order to show respect and strengthen your bond. [13]
    • You can say things like, “I can see why that would make you feel that way,” or mirror back what they’ve said with a statement like, “It sounds like you’re feeling really hurt” or “You’re saying you feel ignored.”
  4. 4
    Practice vulnerability in the relationship. Vulnerability is the willingness to share yourself authentically and expose your flaws, secrets, and darker sides without feeling shame. Being vulnerable allows for trust building and paves the way for a closer relationship. Try to openly communicate your needs, feelings, and wants to your partner instead of keeping them to yourself. It takes a certain amount of courage and risk initially to be open and genuine, but the payoff will likely result in more trust and less overthinking. [14]
  5. Instead of taking a microscope and looking for holes in every story that your partner tells you, trust them . Believe them until they give you a reason not to. A lack of trust will eat you and your relationship alive. When questionable situations do arise, ask them for the truth and believe what they say. [15]
    • However, if you have overwhelming proof or evidence that they are lying, it might be time to end the relationship .
    • You should also do your part to build and maintain trust in the relationship —show up for your partner in consistent ways, fulfill your promises when you make them, and show empathy for your partner’s feelings and experiences.
  6. 6
    Have check-ins with your partner to address concerns. “Set aside time each week to check in with each other” and discuss how you're both feeling about the relationship, advises Tenzer. Allowing yourself to make time for your relationship and practice communication can really improve your overall interpersonal relationships and alleviate the need to overthink things. Tenzer recommends asking each other questions like: [16]
    • "How are we feeling about our relationship today?"
    • "Is there any unfinished business from the past week we need to address?"
    • "How can I make you feel more loved this upcoming week?"
    EXPERT TIP

    Chloe Carmichael, PhD

    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist

    Befriend the part of yourself that’s overthinking. Ask that part of yourself what it is concerned about…then verbalize that and maybe even write it down. Start to examine if the person is actually giving you reasons for these concerns. If they are, then you can talk about the concerns with the person.

  7. Maybe overthinking has been a part of every relationship you’ve had, or perhaps it is a more recent development. Your overthinking may come from being with someone who is undeserving of your trust. Instead of being with someone who cheats, lies, or breaks promises, end the relationship . Choose partners who are reliable and honest in the future. And remember—it’s not the end of the world, just a lesson learned. [17]
    • Even if your partner hasn’t broken your trust, it may be right to end the relationship if it’s causing more harm than good. If you’re dealing with a lot of stress as a result of overthinking in the relationship, it may be helpful to make a list of the pros and cons of your relationship to decide whether or not you should stay in it.
  8. If your relationship continues to suffer due to persistent overthinking, couples therapy can help you work through your feelings and “strengthen the skills needed to ensure a happy and healthy relationship,” says Tenzer. [18] A therapist will have the knowledge and skills to help you and your partner develop coping mechanisms to navigate these problems together. You may also feel more supported in unpacking your anxieties. [19]
    • If you’re not ready to go to therapy with your partner, you might also seek the help of a counselor on your own to manage your anxiety. It’s normal to have worries in relationships, but if you have a hard time overcoming them or if they are interfering with your happiness and productivity, it’s okay to get some help.
    • If you’re in college, many universities offer free therapy. If you are employed, search on your insurance’s webpage for therapists who accept your insurance. You can also do a Google search of the term “therapists in” followed by your zipcode
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Section 3 of 8:

Signs You’re Overthinking in Your Relationship

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  1. 1
    A big sign of overthinking is overanalyzing someone’s words or actions. If you’re not sure whether or not you’re overthinking (or if you haven’t identified as an overthinker in the past), then it’s important to recognize the signs that you’re engaging in these thought patterns. You may find that your overthinking is coming from past traumas or an anxious attachment style, or you may realize that your overthinking is stemming from real problems in your current relationship. Here are some signs to look for that indicate anxious overthinking: [20]
    • You constantly analyze what your partner says and does. You may seek out hidden meanings or negative implications in something that they’ve said, which is likely to lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
    • You dwell on past issues or conflicts. If you’re also bringing up old hurts and fights that have occurred in the relationship, it may prevent the two of you from healing your issues and create more resentment. You might also create a situation where your past issues overshadow your present dynamic—which may be great as is!
    • You imagine worst-case scenarios for the future of your relationship. If you find yourself excessively worrying about the future of your relationship and imagining situations like infidelity or heartbreak, then these anxieties can emotionally drain both you and your partner.
    • You constantly seek reassurance from your partner . Are you always asking your partner to repeatedly express their love and commitment to you, even when you know objectively that they already have? If you constantly need to hear “I love you,” you’re likely an over-thinker and may struggle with deep-rooted insecurities.
    • You struggle to enjoy the present moment due to negative thoughts. You may have so many doubts and worries in your mind that you can’t appreciate the good things happening in a healthy relationship.
  2. 2
    Keep in mind, you may not be overthinking—just paying attention. Dr. Carmichael points out that “sometimes, people can be critical of themselves and feel like they’re overthinking something when, in fact, they’re actually just paying attention in a healthy way…So, when they’re dating someone who seems like they’re giving mixed signals or something like that, the person might come to my office saying, ‘Oh, I feel like I’m overthinking things. I should just relax and go with it.’ But, sometimes, I’m actually like, ‘Hey, wait a minute, maybe you’re actually responding to something legitimate.’” [21]
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Section 4 of 8:

Types of Overthinking in Relationships

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  1. 1
    Blame The blame cycle of overthinking usually stems from traumatic events in your past. Maybe you’ve been cheated on, taken advantage of, or misunderstood by loved ones who were supposed to care for and support you. You may also recall the past selectively in order to only confirm your flaws or your partner’s flaws, depending on where you tend to place blame. You might experience thoughts like: [22]
    • This is my fault, I’m so stupid.
    • How could I let this happen? I’m such a jerk.
    • Everything I do is awful and horrible.
    • My partner is so selfish all of the time.
    • My partner is wrong about everything.
    • They should apologize. Don’t they know how much they’re hurting me?
  2. 2
    Control When you’re a “control” overthinking, you focus on a desired future outcome and cater all your thoughts toward achieving that thing. Everything is done with urgency—your partner must text you back immediately. They must talk to a counselor immediately. You’re curious about opening the relationship or taking a trip to Europe, so they must be immediately on board. These thoughts often come accompanied by tension, mistrust, inflexibility, and a moral superiority wherein you know what’s right better than your partner does. You might experience thoughts like: [23]
    • I know best.
    • I’m more rational and more in touch with my emotions.
    • My views should hold more sway than theirs.
    • I’m more genuine and kinder.
    • I’m wiser and more worldly than my partner.
    • I’m the extrovert, so I’m more suited to organize our personal life.
    • I’m the one who’s always keeping us healthy and safe.
    • I know how to handle this better than my partner.
  3. 3
    Doubt A “doubting” overthinker never feels certainty or guarantees about anything in their relationship. Your choices, decisions, and actions never feel backed up by enough evidence—even if there is evidence, you doubt its veracity or need more of it. You’ve likely experienced gaslighting or manipulation in past relationships or struggle with severe insecurity and self-judgment. You might experience thoughts like: [24]
    • Can I be sure of my own memories or interpretations?
    • Maybe I’m imagining things. Did what I thought happened really happen?
    • Why is every couple doing better than us?
    • Why did I choose my partner?
    • Is there someone more attractive or smarter out there for me?
    • Are my partner and I really compatible?
    • Why did my partner choose me? Don’t they want someone better?
    • Am I a fraud?
    • My intuition has steered me wrong in the past. What if that’s happening again?
  4. 4
    Worry A pattern of “worried” overthinking is dominated by worst-case scenarios. These thoughts are mainly motivated by fear and a belief that you’ll be safe as long as you’re always prepared for the absolute worst thing to happen. So, your mind begins to think of every possible thing that could go wrong in your life or relationship. You might experience thoughts like: [25]
    • What if they get hurt or die?
    • What if we get a divorce and I don’t see the kids as often?
    • What if they stop loving me?
    • They might cancel our next date if they find out I’m sober.
    • One of us could catch COVID and give it to my father.
    • This could be the last time we’re happy together as a couple.
  5. 5
    Self-pity This cycle is all about self-victimization and self-pity. You put yourself in the shoes of a victim and dwell on why bad things only happen to you. The psychology behind this type of overthinking is that portraying yourself as a victim will make your partner want to rescue you. Even if they do this initially, however, making your partner feel responsible for your well-being or making them care for you when you don’t really need them to is likely to stir up resentment and make your partner feel controlled or taken advantage of. You might experience thoughts like: [26]
    • Why me?
    • There’s nothing I can do, bad things always happen to me anyways.
    • Life is unfair, I don’t deserve this.
    • I’ve tried everything but my situation is hopeless.
    • We don’t stand a chance as a couple.
    • The universe is against me.
    • Nothing will ever change.
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Do I Have Relationship Anxiety?

Do you ever feel worried or insecure about your relationship? Do you wonder if your partner actually doesn't care for you, even though they say do? Relationship anxiety has many underlying causes, including an anxious attachment style or a lack of self-esteem. This quiz can help you determine if you have relationship anxiety and address any anxious patterns.
1 of 12

Do you have trouble communicating your wants and needs to your partner?

Section 5 of 8:

Why do you overthink in relationships?

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  1. Most people overthink due to insecurities and traumatic past experiences. Overthinking patterns usually occur in your brain because you’ve experienced something in the past that did warrant those thoughts. Maybe trust was broken in a past relationship, or you grew up in a household where your needs were frequently dismissed or ignored. In your present relationship, you might now constantly need reassurance, expect the worst, or overanalyze a partner’s behavior for signs of betrayal. [27]
    • Overthinking can also come from low self-esteem . If you don’t feel like you have a lot of worth as an individual, it’s easier to irrationally see your partner’s actions as evidence that they don’t love you—because you secretly believe you’re not worthy of being loved.
    • Aside from these root causes of overthinking, Tenzer also suggests some reasons why you may feel the need to overthink in your current relationships specifically. “It’s probably due to a lack of communication skills,” says Tenzer. You might not be communicating your own feelings, or you may feel like your partner isn’t validating your emotions or empathizing with you. [28]
Section 6 of 8:

Is overthinking common in relationships?

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  1. Yes, overthinking is extremely common in relationships. Unfortunately, most people undergo painful experiences, traumatic relationships, or abusive upbringings throughout their lives—these incidents foster insecurities, anxieties, and distrust. As a result, most people experience overthinking at some point or another, especially in relationships where they’re expected to be more vulnerable and make sacrifices or compromises to be with their partner. [29]
    • Social media has also led to higher rates of overthinking in relationships. When people see seemingly “perfect” influencers and influencer couples online, they’re more likely to doubt their own worth and the health of their relationship.
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Section 7 of 8:

Can relationships survive with an overthinker?

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  1. Yes, many relationships succeed with overthinking partners. Everyone in a relationship brings some sort of baggage or unhealthy trait to the table—the key to making your relationship thrive is to communicate about these issues and address them with your partner as a team. If you’re a person who’s in a relationship with an overthinking partner, practice empathy for their feelings and where they’re coming from (most of the time, it has nothing to do with you personally). If you’re the overthinker, take steps to curb your overthinking or seek professional guidance to manage your anxieties . [30]
Section 8 of 8:

Final Thoughts

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  1. A habit of overthinking is difficult but not impossible to change. Overthinking can be a really frustrating and isolating experience, and it can prevent you from fully enjoying the healthy and positive relationships in your life. It can be challenging to overcome these patterns, especially if they’ve repeated throughout your life, but it’s not at all impossible to do. Remember that ending your overthinking is a journey, but it’s one worth taking because you deserve happy and healthy relationships with yourself and others. Be kind to yourself throughout every point of the process, including these key steps:
    • Start by being aware that you’re overthinking, and identify when it’s happening.
    • Challenge those negative thoughts and ask yourself what evidence supports them.
    • Take care of yourself through self-reflective activities.
    • Seek professional support for your mental health if needed.
    • Engage your partner in open communication.
    • Express your concerns and worries—while listening to and validating theirs as well.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you stop relationship anxiety?
    Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
    Therapist
    Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.
    Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
    Therapist
    Expert Answer
    One thing that might help is talking about what you both need in the relationship. This way you can each understand what the other expects. Additionally, engage in regular relationship check-ins so you're both on the same page.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    How can I stop overthinking about my girlfriend when she hasn't given me any reason to overthink?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    To stop overthinking, write down your specific thoughts on paper that cause you to overthink. Use that information to question the truth of those thoughts. You may be having personal trust issues that you may need to address on your own.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    I was in a bad marriage (cheating, abuse) for a long time and now I'm with someone else. He always tells me how much he loves me but I question his sincerity. How can I stop this?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    It seems like your trust has been broken from your past relationship. It may help to be vulnerable and open by discussing your current trust issues with your partner. Ideally, your overthinking will decrease when you become honest with your current partner and open up the doors for communication.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202303/how-worrying-and-overthinking-can-ruin-your
      3. ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship.html
      4. ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship.html
      5. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship/
      6. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356
      7. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/tackling-your-worries/
      8. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship/
      9. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship/
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202303/how-worrying-and-overthinking-can-ruin-your
      2. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship-and-feel-more-secure/
      3. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship-and-feel-more-secure/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/202112/why-partners-need-validate-each-other
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201305/what-s-your-core-vulnerability
      6. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/building-trust-in-relationships-guide-to-lasting-connection
      7. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 2 October 2020.
      8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/trust-issues-causes-signs#how-to-overcome-trust-issues
      9. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 2 October 2020.
      10. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship-and-feel-more-secure/
      11. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship-and-feel-more-secure/
      12. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Relationship Expert. Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
      13. ↑ https://hbr.org/2024/02/3-types-of-overthinking-and-how-to-overcome-them
      14. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship-and-feel-more-secure/
      15. ↑ https://hbr.org/2024/02/3-types-of-overthinking-and-how-to-overcome-them
      16. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship-and-feel-more-secure/
      17. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-victim-mentality
      18. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-stop-overthinking-in-a-relationship/
      19. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 2 October 2020.
      20. ↑ https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1184407518
      21. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-love-an-overthinker/#Is_it_healthy_to_date_or_love_an_overthinker

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Overthinking in a relationship can be frustrating and lead to hurt feelings, but you can overcome these thoughts by taking time to refocus negative thoughts and discussing your needs to strengthen your relationship. Whenever you start to worry about your relationship, take a few deep breaths. By slowing your breathing, you can help your mind relax. Instead of freaking out when these thoughts get too intense, try to distract yourself with something fun or productive, like listening to music or taking a walk in the sun. While distraction can help you move on from these feelings, the only way to stop them is by addressing your concerns. Think about what’s causing your worries and discuss your needs with your partner. For example, if you worry about your partner when they’re out for the night, ask if they can send a quick text when they get home. Make sure to listen to your partner’s concerns as well and do your best to come to a compromise. For more help from our co-author, like how to take care of your mind and body outside of your relationship, read on.

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