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Kateri Berasi, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Kateri Berasi is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder of The Centered Self, a therapy practice focused on women’s mental health, and Transcendent Self Therapy, a group practice that uses creative therapeutic approaches to support those who feel misunderstood, marginalized, or outside the norm. With nearly 20 years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in hormonal and fertility-related concerns, as well as working with creatively inclined individuals navigating identity, emotional depth, and life transitions. She offers individual therapy, couples counseling, group therapy, and Costume Therapy—a unique modality she developed. Dr. Berasi holds a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University, a master’s degree from Columbia University, and completed her postdoctoral training at Columbia as well.

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Forum Comments (9)

How do you deal with insecurities in a relationship?
To deal with insecurity in a relationship, you want to have an understanding of what is driving the insecurity. Is this something that you experience across the board? Is this unique to romantic relationships? Is this unique to this one specific romantic relationship? And if so, what is the driver of that? Is it maybe that your needs aren't being met by your partner and that's leading to insecurity?

So, it's about communicating. Strive for open communication with your partner, like, “Hey, I'm not feeling as solid here as I would like. There's something that is making me feel a little insecure.” Explain whether that insecurity means worrying your partner is going to leave, or being worried they desire other people, or whatever else it may be. If there's trust, which hopefully there is, then talking about it can lead to that security that you're looking for.

Ideally, your will partner respond and be able to meet you with compassion as well as an explanation of where they're coming from. And then the two of you can have a better understanding, and from there, create better security.
What makes people compatible in long-term relationships?
People can have very different interests and still be very compatible. I think a lot of it has to do with a shared alignment of your worldview and values. Mutual respect is also huge in successful relationships.

You also have to like being around one another and feel safe and understood by the other person. That will get you very far.
So apparently I'm self-obsessed
The difference between self-love and self-obsession is tricky. One way of looking at it is, do you find the need to be boastful? Do you find the need to be outward about your love for an audience, or is it just for you? If it's self-love, it doesn't need to be seen by others. Self-obsession comes when you're involving others, even if it's an imaginary audience.

So, something you can think of is, who is the audience here? Who is this for? If no one needs to witness it or know about it for it to feel good and special to you, that's self-love.
How do you deal with people gossiping about you behind your back?
I always recommend talking to the people gossiping directly if it's concerning you. Say to them, “I've heard that this is being communicated about me” or “You've communicated this about me. If you have an issue with me, let's talk about it between the two of us instead of bringing other people into this.” Or, “Listen, if there are any concerns or problems you have with anything involving me, come to me about it. We can work through it or figure it out.”

If a person continues to gossip about you, I wouldn't include them in my life. They're not trustworthy, and no one needs extra drama.
How to make your friend feel better after a breakup?
I always recommend simply letting your friend know, “Hey, I've got your back. I want you to know you can reach out to me at any point and I'm here for you." This helps give them stability and can give them a chance to process without judgment.

There's also an absence of physical intimacy when a relationship ends. So, physical touch — safe, consensual, physical touch, like a hug — might be really welcome and helpful to your friend going through the breakup.

You also, though, as a friend, need to make sure of boundaries. You need to ensure that you're not overgiving and that you are taking care of yourself.
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