How to Be a Bolder, More Confident Person

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Life coaches explain how to discover your inner boldness
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Want to improve your self-confidence, feel more empowered, and take charge of your life? You’re in the right place! Having a bold personality is a skill you can practice, and we’re here to show you how. We chatted with professional life coaches and therapists to bring you the best advice on how to discover your passions and strengths and overcome your fears. Plus, we’ll explain what having a bold personality really means and why it’s beneficial to cultivate boldness. Keep scrolling to learn more!

How can I be bold?

Stop hesitating and take more decisive action, even if the result is imperfect. Take calculated risks to try new things and discover your unique strengths and weaknesses. Say “no” more often and advocate for your needs in a polite but assertive manner. Embrace failure—it’s how you learn to be bold next time.

Section 1 of 3:

How to Be Bold

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  1. Stop hesitating and take action to build your self-confidence . Is there something you've been wanting or trying to do, but can't seem to get the courage up? Whether it's asking an acquaintance out for a drink, apologizing to a loved one after a long period of misunderstanding, or simply being friendly to a co-worker, stop thinking about acting and actually do something. According to life coach Sandra Possing, taking the first small step towards trying something new can give you the energy to keep going. [1]
    • Possing says, “Just take imperfect action, and especially inspired imperfect action. Let go of the need to have the perfect plan and instead just start trying to trust your own desires and intuition. Just getting into action creates some energy and gives you more information.” [2]
    • Remember, boldness is the opposite of hesitation. Whenever you're feeling hesitant in interactions with others (or in making a decision for yourself), swallow your pride and make the first move!
  2. Do the unexpected and get out of your comfort zone . Bold people aren't afraid of trying new things, and one of the reasons they're so exciting to be around is that they keep you guessing. This could be something new for you, like salsa dancing or learning to water ski. [3] Whatever you do, be sure to do it for yourself, not other people.
    • Doing something new and unexpected might make you feel vulnerable or afraid. Don't give in to those feelings! Instead, accept the newness of the skill and don't be afraid to be yourself. [4]
    • Remember, taking a risk isn’t the same as making impulsive decisions. To avoid regrets, life coach Guy Reichard recommends “making choices and taking actions in alignment with [your] values. [You] will feel more inner peace, alignment, clarity, confidence, and ultimately, fulfillment.” [5]
    • For example, you may fail miserably at salsa dancing lessons, but if you value other cultures, music, and active hobbies, you’ll have no regret about trying it!
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  3. Ultimately, boldness has to do with understanding your strengths, weaknesses, and fears, then moving beyond them. Don't try to hide your problems or failures, but accept them as part of you. This will allow you to confidently move forward, appreciating your uniqueness . [6]
    • Possing reminds us that it will be easier to find things you're passionate about if you stop worrying about the “right” thing to do: “Let go of that perfectionist need, that over-analyzer, over-thinker tendency, and challenge [yourself] to just say, ‘I'm a little bit curious about these things.’” [7]
    • You don't have to do random, uncharacteristic things to discover who you are. Avoid making any uncharacteristic changes just to shock people. Be honest with yourself.
    • To further rediscover yourself, licensed family therapist Lia Huynh recommends “reflecting on the last year…Ask yourself what you were proud of. Ask yourself what you would have done differently. Ask yourself what kinds of people, activities, and work were life-giving and what kinds of people, activities, and work were life-sucking…What would your 60-year-old self like to have said about your life up to this point?” [8]
  4. If you were to switch places with somebody you admire for their assertiveness and boldness, what would they do in your shoes? If you already know someone bold, imagine how they'd act. Studies show your mood can be affected by your behavior—the old saying “fake it until you make it” has some truth to it! [9]
    • Your bold inspiration doesn't have to be real. You could even think of a character from a movie or book who's daring and brave. Then, imagine their boldness in your life.
    • Huynh offers some clarification on where to find bold inspiration and feel empowered: “I would stop comparing yourself to everyone on social media and feeling like you have to do what everyone else is doing. If you don’t like traveling, don’t feel pressured to travel. If you don’t want to date, don’t pressure yourself to. If you do like those things, then take small steps to reach your goals.” [10]
  5. Be willing to say no . If someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, refuse. Saying “No” will reinvigorate your individuality and help you feel bold, ensuring you're ready and willing to go out and get what you want. Don't feel like you have to make up an excuse or explanation. People will have to learn to respect your honesty and boldness, and you'll be getting what you want. [11]
  6. It's not enough to simply say you're going to do something; you actually have to do it. Your sense of self-respect will grow, as will other people's respect for you. [13] When your word is good and you follow through with actions, people will trust you and look upon you as a bold, reliable, complicated person. These qualities are helpful for a flourishing personal, academic, or professional life. [14]
    • If you agreed to do something you really don't wish to do, you should probably just follow through with it because you gave your word. Next time, remember to say no and assert yourself!
    • Of course, your circumstances can change and prevent you from following through sometimes. In those cases, communicate clearly about what happened as soon as you know you can’t hold up your end of the bargain and do your best to follow through next time.
  7. 7
    Learn from your failures and cultivate a growth mindset . Having a “growth mindset” means believing in your ability to learn and improve, despite obstacles or failures you encounter on your path. One way to cultivate this mindset is to learn from your mistakes and failures. Instead of shying away from new opportunities because similar things didn’t work out in the past, use that past failure as a template for what not to do—then try again! [15]
    • A growth mindset lets you approach challenges with a positive and proactive attitude, allowing you to take bold and decisive action more easily.
  8. 8
    Practice mindfulness to strengthen your emotional resilience. Part of being bold entails staying calm and focused when your surroundings are chaotic. As Reichard explains, “We may be in the midst of a chaotic environment, but [it’s important to] keep a safe, open, trusting interior. The more we practice presence, the easier it becomes to not be so rattled and thrown off by events and situations outside our control… This doesn’t mean we won’t feel any fear or adversity, but at the same time, we’ll have an inner knowing that we can handle it and we will be OK.” [16]
    • But how do you become more mindful ? Reichard continues, “We can develop our mindfulness with practices like meditation. Other aspects of mindfulness aren’t so much about sitting still; they’re about the qualities we nurture in our daily practices. Qualities like patience, compassion, kindness, non-judgment, curiosity, and detachment.” [17]
  9. 9
    Surround yourself with positive people and influences. Positive surroundings can have amazing impacts on your stress levels and ability to believe in yourself and overcome challenges. Prioritize the people in your life who are supportive, who you can depend on, and who can give you helpful feedback and advice when you’re struggling. Even bold people need a support system, and a strong network of inspiring loved ones and colleagues can give you the boost you need to reach your goals. [18]
    • Negative people and influences may only increase your stress and make it harder to believe in yourself. This isn’t helpful if you’re trying to be a bolder version of yourself.
  10. Rather than waiting to be recognized for your efforts or expecting someone to consider your needs, step up and ask. This doesn't mean you should demand what you want or be aggressive. Instead, confidently and tactfully choose your words.
    • Don't confuse being bold with being aggressive. Aggressiveness often involves imposing your viewpoints or actions on others. Boldness has nothing to do with the people around you. It's about overcoming your fears and taking action.
    • According to Reichard, “Many people are assertive without even realizing it [while] some people may not be comfortable asking for anything they want or even need. To restore natural assertiveness, [ask] a safe, nonjudgmental partner to remind you that you’re as worthy as anybody else. In most cases, it’s safe to ask for what we want and need; no one is going to be responsible for us getting our needs met but us.” [19]
    • He continues, “Some people may think it’s aggressive and rude and even harmful to others to be assertive. That is simply not the case. It’s wise, reasonable, and makes perfect sense to be on our own side, stand up for ourselves, and express what we want.” [20]
  11. Learn to negotiate in order to get your needs met. The phrase "What can you do for me?" is an easy and powerful way to throw the onus of responsibility back on the person you're negotiating with. Even if the initial answer is “no,” keep the window of opportunity open as long as possible to give them an opportunity to change their mind.
    • Plan out counter-offers before you start negotiating. If you think your boss will reject your request for time off because there's no one to fill your place, say you'll double-up a shift when you get back, or that you'll complete tasks remotely when you have free time.
    • Negotiation and mediation coach Jessica Notini suggests “trying to figure out who this person is I’m negotiating with and what they care about. Are they a relationship person? Are they a status person? Are they a reward person? So, I often talk about getting on their channel and speaking their language.” [21]
  12. One of the best ways to get what you want is to simplify the number of solutions to a given problem. Even if there are an unlimited number of possibilities for a given problem, limit them to the solutions that work for you. This will cut down on the amount of hassle that goes into the solution and ensure that the outcome is what you want.
    • For example, if you really want either Italian or sushi for dinner, don’t just ask your friends, “What should we order tonight?” Instead, ask “Which sounds better—Italian or sushi?”
  13. There's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks because they don't even think about them. A bold person, on the other hand, has learned about the risks and decided to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out. [22]
    • Inaction or hesitation is often a kind of risk because you're risking missing an opportunity. This is a risk to avoid, however. Your goal is to create your best chance of success, not whittle away at your window of opportunity. When you've made the choice to act, do it without fear.
  14. There's nothing bold about blundering into a situation you know nothing about and not listening to advice. If you're unclear about an assignment or a topic at work or school, boldness means being willing to admit that you're confused and asking for clarification. Gathering relevant information is crucial to expressing your own ideas confidently, making plans, and having clearer, more beneficial communication. [23]
    • Don't be afraid to take the bold step of getting help . If someone is unhelpful, find another person. This persistence to find the answers shows boldness on your part.
  15. While there's power in taking on something new or trying to get what you want, there's also the chance you may fail. Embrace the failure. It's not the opposite of success, it's a necessary component. Without the risk of failure, you don't have the opportunity for success. [24]
    • Don't worry about rejection. This requires some emotional detachment from the outcome. Don't let a rejection destroy your self-confidence and ability to be bold.
    • It’s OK to feel frustrated or down in the immediate aftermath of a failure. Take time to process your feelings, reflect on what went wrong, and make a plan for the future.
    • Failure is only lasting if you let it knock you down for good. Keep pushing forward—eventually, your failure will just be a bump in the road on your way to success.
  16. 16
    Express ideas that will help you or others, even if they upset people. It can feel intimidating to speak your mind, but often, your thoughts will just simmer and frustrate you over time if you don’t express them. Trust that you know what you need to say to improve your circumstances (or those of others), then have the courage to say it sooner rather than later. You may fear “rocking the boat” with loved ones or colleagues, but if you wait too long, you might just explode (and the real meaning of your words may be lost). [25]
    • Just remember that there’s a thin line between expressing constructive thoughts and offering unsolicited advice. If someone seems unwilling to hear you out or closed off to receiving help, don’t force the issue.
  17. 17
    Be confident and concise when speaking in public. Giving presentations or addressing large groups s a challenge for some, but with a few tips, you can present yourself as bold and daring (even if you don’t feel like it inside). For starters, take a wide stance, stand tall, and don’t be afraid to make eye contact with audience members while you speak. [26] Limit nervous fidgeting by keeping your hands within an imaginary box in front of you. It makes you seem more trustworthy and honest, whereas big and wild hand gestures can make people feel uneasy. [27]
    • Try to eliminate filler words like “um” or “uh” and present your main points in concise, impactful sentences. “Carbon capture is necessary to combat climate change” sounds more bold and direct than “Some people believe that carbon capture is an important part of the battle against climate change.”
    • Memorize the flow of your arguments, but not every single word. It’s OK to get off track for a moment (we all do), so use some key terms on your slides or notecards to guide you back on track.
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Section 2 of 3:

What does it mean to have a bold personality?

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  1. Bold people speak up, are decisive, know what they want, and take action to get it. A lot of us are bold in some areas—maybe you can speak your mind confidently on some topics or with certain people, but not everywhere. People with bold personalities take their self-assuredness and resolution with them everywhere they go and aren’t afraid to take risks, commit to their goals and beliefs, and take charge of their lives in any context. [28]
    • Being bold is different from being impulsive. Bold people think through their plans so that their actions are clear and determined. Impulsive people make snap decisions based on emotions without regard for the risks or consequences.
Section 3 of 3:

Benefits of Being Bold

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  1. Being bold lets you explore, embrace, and take charge of your life. When you boil it down, being bold is all about building your self-confidence and learning to nurture all the different aspects of your identity and personal power. It comes with a lot of perks, including: [29]
    • Discovering your unique voice.
    • The ability to set ambitious goals and achieve them.
    • Feeling and appearing more confident.
    • Finding your true passions and interests.
    • Living an exciting life full of calculated risks, new experiences, and vitality.
    • Accepting your fears and insecurities and learning to work through them.
    • Embracing your unique identity and strengths.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I be less critical of myself?
    Sandra Possing
    Life Coach
    Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on mindset and leadership transformation. Sandra received her coaching training from The Coaches Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a BA in Anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
    Sandra Possing
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Most people are trained to view themselves from other people's perspectives. I would encourage you to turn that on its head and try to earn harness love and validation from within yourself. Realize that accomplishments and outside approval will never define your self-worth.
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      References

      1. ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
      2. ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
      3. ↑ https://anxiety.org.nz/updates/the-courage-to-face-our-fears
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201810/how-to-be-bold
      5. ↑ Guy Reichard. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 March 2021.
      6. ↑ https://www.familycentre.org/news/post/the-truth-about-self-discovery-and-why-its-the-first-step-to-a-fulfilling-life
      7. ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
      8. ↑ Lia Huynh, LMFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 5 May 2022.
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/keeping-an-even-keel/202102/how-fake-it-till-you-make-it-really-is-a-thing
      1. ↑ Lia Huynh, LMFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 5 May 2022.
      2. ↑ https://hbr.org/2020/09/learn-when-to-say-no
      3. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 2 October 2020.
      4. ↑ https://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/leadership/leadership-functions/build-sustain-commitment/main
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-lights/202404/the-importance-of-initiative-and-follow-through
      6. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/leadership/the-benefits-of-being-a-bold-leader-and-how-to-become/448911
      7. ↑ Guy Reichard. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 March 2021.
      8. ↑ Guy Reichard. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 March 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950
      10. ↑ Guy Reichard. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 March 2021.
      11. ↑ Guy Reichard. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 March 2021.
      12. ↑ Jessica Notini, JD. Negotiation & Mediation Coach. Expert Interview. 27 March 2020.
      13. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/well-being/take-risks-learn-from-failure
      14. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7918389/
      15. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/chrismyers/2018/09/18/how-to-accept-process-and-learn-from-failure/
      16. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-headshrinkers-guide-to-the-galaxy/201208/just-speak-up
      17. ↑ https://www.lib.sfu.ca/about/branches-depts/slc/learning/presentations/increase-presentation-confidence
      18. ↑ https://foodsci.rutgers.edu/Graduate/PDF/GivingConfidentPresentations.pdf
      19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201810/how-to-be-bold
      20. ↑ https://swaay.com/the-7-benefits-of-being-bold

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To be bold, don't hesitate before doing the things you're scared of, like asking your crush out on a date or talking to your boss about a promotion. Additionally, even though it can be scary, try new things and go places you've never been before. For example, you could take a salsa dancing class or go on a solo road trip. If you need some inspiration, try to think of someone you know who is bold, and ask yourself what they would do in your shoes. Just keep in mind that it's OK to say no sometimes, and you don't have to do things you don't want to just to be bold. For tips from our co-author, like how to get what you want in life by being bold, scroll down!

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