Rizz 'Em with the 'Tism: What It Means and How It's Used

PDF download Download Article
Unpacking the trend that's blowing up Autistic TikTok
PDF download Download Article

If you're wondering what the phrase "rizz 'em with the 'tism" means , you've come to the right place. The phrase spread like wildfire online , especially through the Autistic community on platforms such as TikTok. But why do people say it ? Is it an insult or a compliment? Is there a dark side to this phenomenon? Read on for the answers to these questions and more, plus tips from Autism experts to better understand and communicate with Autistic people .

Rizz 'Em with the 'Tism Meaning

R izz 'em with the 'tism is a combination of rizz , which is short for charisma , and ' tism , which is short for Autism. The phrase means that someone is charming someone else with their Autistic traits. Because it can happen unknowingly, Autistic people often use it on social media as self-deprecating humor.

Section 1 of 6:

What does "rizz 'em with the 'tism" mean?

PDF download Download Article
  1. This humorous slang phrase combines "rizz," itself a slang shortening of the word charisma , and "'tism," a slang shortening of Autism . Under #tismrizz on TikTok, you'll find a robust collection of videos by people—most of whom are Autistic themselves ( #actuallyautistic ) discussing their own experience with this uniquely Autistic flavor of rizz. Traits highlighted include intense eye contact, hair twirling, and giggling or smiling. These behaviors are also commonly considered signs that someone is romantically or sexually interested in someone else. [1]
    • ' Tism rizz can also refer to the collection of traits, most common in feminine-presenting autistic folks, that commonly get grouped under the "manic pixie dreamgirl" trope. This includes traits such as having passionate interests, quirky hobbies, or a nonconformist lifestyle.
    • The Autistic community as a whole embraces the neurodiversity paradigm, which licensed psychologist George Sachs defines as the belief "that your differences, which are typically ADHD and Autism, should not be seen as disorders, but as differences that are accepted and accommodated in society."
    • ' Tism rizz can be unintentional, which can be really confusing for the Autistic person if the other person starts responding to messages they didn't consciously send. In this context, that usually means that someone thinks the Autistic person is romantically or sexually attracted to them when they're actually not.
    • Autistic people tend to be pretty familiar with this type of misunderstanding because they face it fairly often whenever they interact with neurotypical people.
  2. 2
    The phrase is often used to describe how autistic people are frequently misunderstood. ' Tism rizz is perhaps best understood through the concepts of "autistic masking" and the double empathy problem. Autistic people frequently learn how to mask their more Autistic traits so that they can function in a largely neurotypical environment. The masking process often results in an Autistic person overcompensating for various social skills. That overcompensation, in turn, can accidentally come across as flirty. [2] The double empathy problem refers to how both autistic and non-autistic people tend to misunderstand each other. [3]
    • For example, when an Autistic person tries to compensate for their natural avoidance of eye contact, they might overcompensate with intense, prolonged eye contact.
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Hilya Tehrani lists social differences, sensory difficulties, and repetition (such as fidgeting and special interests) as the 3 main parts of Autism. While all Autistic people tend to have those 3 things, they might have them in different ways or to different extents.
    • As Tehrani explains, when you're Autistic, "the unwritten rules of social situations have been really difficult for you to figure out. And you found yourself kind of going along, finding ways to fit in well, while masking the fact that you were having difficulty keeping up with those things."
    • Sensory difficulties can lead to ' tism rizz as well. "A lot of Autistic individuals… find ways of compensating by engaging in some [self-soothing] repetitive behaviors." This can include mannerisms such as hair-twirling or fidgeting, which can come across as flirtatious.
    3. Advertisement
Section 2 of 6:

Where did "rizz 'em with the 'tism" come from?

PDF download Download Article
  1. As with any meme, it's difficult to trace exactly when or where "rizz 'em with the 'tism" first appeared. Many enthusiasts point to Raine Stern's July 2023 TikTok as the origin of the phrase ' tism rizz . The creator claimed credit for the phrase in a later video .
    • Many Autistic folks consider the phrase to be revelatory— oh, so that's why people always think I'm flirting with them! It can also give them a better understanding of how they're perceived by others.
    • Some content creators use the phrase in a more positive sense, offering dating tips and other advice for social navigation.
Section 3 of 6:

How do people use the phrase?

PDF download Download Article
  1. 1
    "Rizz 'em with the 'tism" can be used as a bit of self-deprecating humor. Within the Autistic community, the phrase is largely seen as neutral to positive-leaning. Many Autistic people use it to talk about themselves or their friends, just as a way to laugh at life's little surprises and frustrations.
    • The phrase has become so popular that creators have designed t-shirts and other merchandise to capitalize on the trend. If the phrase resonates with you, something like a t-shirt also helps raise awareness and build acceptance.
    • While the phrase can be used sarcastically, it's not usually meant to be mean. If someone uses it around you and you don't like it, speak up! You can say, "I'm sure you don't mean anything by it, but I don't like that phrase. Could you not use it around me?"
    • If you're not Autistic, it's generally not a good idea to use the phrase. When said by a neurotypical person, it's much more likely to come across as mean-spirited or insulting.
  2. 2
    Less commonly, it can also be used positively to describe autistic people who are charming and pleasant. People may use this to encourage autistic people to be authentic and true to themselves while flirting. It can highlight positive traits of autism such as passion, sincerity, and loyalty. In this context, it may encourage autistic people to be themselves and let their natural strengths shine.
    3. Advertisement
Section 4 of 6:

Why “Rizz ‘Em with the ‘Tism” Can Be Problematic

PDF download Download Article
  1. 1
    Some feel that the phrase has been used in ways that imply negative things about autistic people. They argue that the trend has sometimes painted autistic people in a bad light. This may depend on how the phrase is used.
    • If people imply that flirtatious behavior in autistic people is usually accidental, it can be infantilizing. It denies autistic people's agency in pursuing romantic relationships.
    • If people imply that attraction to an autistic person is surprising, it suggests that autistic people are less attractive.
  2. 2
    Feminine-presenting Autistic people are more likely to be victims of sexual assault. Studies show that nearly 90% of Autistic women have had at least one experience with sexual violence or sexual assault. These findings suggest that sexual predators might be as much as three times more likely to target an Autistic person as a non-Autistic person. An Autistic person's inability to pick up on certain types of social cues might make them particularly vulnerable to sexual predators. [4]
    • The same difficulty with social cues that causes ' tism rizz can also put Autistic people in a position to be sexually assaulted.
    • Many Autistic people argue that the phrase "rizz 'em with the 'tism" is insensitive because, given this history, it essentially makes light of sexual assault.
  3. 3
    Feminine-presenting people can face deadly consequences for rejecting someone. Rejection killings and rejection violence are relatively commonplace, especially among feminine-presenting people who reject masculine people. [5] While this isn't a trend exclusive to Autistic people, it's reasonable to believe that Autistic people are more likely to risk rejection violence than neurotypical people—because they're more likely to be sexually assaulted generally.
    • Rejection violence includes everything from physical assault to murder, meaning that accidentally rizzing 'em with the 'tism could potentially be deadly. This is enough for some Autistic people to feel really uncomfortable using this phrase.
  4. 4
    Many Autistic people are deeply traumatized. More than half of all Autistic adults show signs of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) —and many aren't even aware that they were traumatized as young children. Researchers theorize that Autistic people might not even realize they were sexually assaulted because they were forced to do so many things as children that made them just as uncomfortable. [6]
    • Because of this trauma, some Autistic people are really uncomfortable with a phrase that makes light of the type of misunderstanding that led to them being traumatized.
    • Autistic women are especially likely to be traumatized because they're less likely to be diagnosed, which means they don't get the support they need. "I guess the big myth is that if you're a woman, you can't be Autistic," Sachs explains, "and so this is why a lot of women with Autism are under-diagnosed."
    • "A lot of women who have Autism… have developed a lot of masking techniques," Sachs notes. "So you grow up to be an adult that has worked hard to hide their Autistic traits, but you can't really hide them."
    5. Advertisement
Section 5 of 6:

Communicating with Autistic People

PDF download Download Article
  1. Clarify your intentions or level of interest every step of the way. "Assume nothing," advises licensed professional counselor William Schroeder, "and if you have questions, it's important to be direct and concrete in your communication." Telling someone exactly how you feel about them and what kind of relationship you'd like to have with them can eliminate a lot of confusion and hurt feelings. And, it gives people the information they need to interpret your actions more accurately in the future. [7]
    • If you're unsure how someone feels about you, ask them directly rather than assuming. It can be as simple as saying something light, like "Are you flirting with me?" That way, you can play it off as a joke if you're uncomfortable with their response.
    • If you feel like someone is misinterpreting how you're acting around them, speak up! You might say, "I hope you're not getting the wrong idea. I'm only interested in you platonically." Or if you are interested, say, "If you're wondering whether I'm romantically interested in you, the answer is yes."
Section 6 of 6:

Final Takeaways

PDF download Download Article
  1. The phrase refers to the phenomenon where Autistic traits are correctly or incorrectly perceived as flirting. Because the phrase can be self-deprecating, you want to avoid saying it if you're not Autistic—people might take it the wrong way.
    • Among Autistic people, it offers a way to relate to each other about the difficulties Autistic people have communicating with non-Autistic people.
    • Because this phenomenon may put Autistic people at risk of sexual assault, some Autistic people believe it's not something that should be made light of.
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • Remember that every autistic person is different. While some may be able to intentionally or unintentionally "rizz 'em with the 'tism," others may find that people are generally lukewarm or displeased with them no matter what they do. This isn't a universal experience.
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      See also

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Get a Girlfriend When You're Autistic
      Living with an Autistic Spouse: How to Be a Supportive Partner
      The Best & Easiest Ways to Help Sensory Overload
      How to
      Make Friends if You're Autistic
      How to
      Accept Your Autism
      How to
      Handle a Crush when You’re Autistic
      How to
      Make Stim Toys
      How to
      Redirect an Autistic Child's Harmful Stims
      How to
      Understand Autism
      How to
      Treat Autism
      How to
      Recognize Hunger if You're Autistic
      How to
      Boycott Autism Speaks
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201910/8-key-nonverbal-signals-of-sexual-interest
      2. ↑ https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking
      3. ↑ https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/double-empathy
      4. ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/news/2022/04/27/frontiers-behavioral-neuroscience-sexual-abuse-women-with-autism-widespread
      5. ↑ https://encompass.eku.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1599&context=etd
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-forgotten-women/202403/the-tragic-truth-about-sexual-abuse-and-autism
      7. ↑ https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/about-autism/autism-and-communication

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 24 times.
      If you buy through links on our site, we may earn a commission .

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement