Expert-Backed Tips for Adapting Your Communication Style

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Learn how to communicate effectively in any situation
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Being an effective communicator means adapting your communication style to different situations. But how do you know when to adjust, and what do you change? We talked to psychology and communication experts to get tips and advice on how to adjust the way you communicate, whether in the workplace or in your personal life. Keep reading to learn more about tailoring your speech for effective communication in any setting.

Adjusting Your Communication Style

  1. Use appropriate language.
  2. Mirror the body language of the person you're talking to.
  3. Express your thoughts clearly and concisely.
  4. Listen actively when others are speaking.
  5. Summarize what you heard and ask for clarification.
Section 1 of 7:

Communicating in a Work Environment

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  1. 1
    Prepare for important meetings or conversations. Business etiquette consultant Carolyn Powery emphasizes that "first impressions matter. People form judgments within 7 seconds, even before you speak. Posture, professional attire, and approachability (such as smiling and open body language) play key roles in making a strong first impression." Take notes and research the background of anything you're not clear on. If it's something major, you might even get a friend to do a practice run with you.
    • Developmental psychologist Leslie Bosch notes that practicing a conversation in advance can make it easier. "Practice is important because it helps you figure out exactly what you want to say and why it's important to say it," she explains. "Practice also makes it possible to achieve higher levels of performance."
  2. Tailor your message to the person you're speaking to using what you know about how they like to receive new information. If you don't know, ask around—you might work with someone who does. Consider what they know and don't know so you can avoid rehashing something unnecessarily. Keep the following distinctions in mind as well: [1]
    • Some people prefer the big picture , while others want to know all of the details .
    • Some people are more direct , while others favor a more indirect style of communication.
    • Some people are more people-focused , while others are more task-focused .
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  3. 3
    Pay attention to nonverbal cues. People may disagree about how much communication is nonverbal, but one thing's for sure—the majority of communication comes through body language, and a lot of that body language isn't even conscious! You can learn a lot about what someone is thinking and feeling by reading their body language . [2]
    • For example, if the person you're talking to is standing stiffly with their arms crossed over their chest, you might infer that they're not open to whatever you're saying—even if they say that they are.
    • Pay attention to body language when joining conversation groups as well. "I once tested a theory at a networking event where I approached a closed group, and they dispersed immediately," Powery recalls. "This reinforced what I teach—understanding body language can help determine whether a group is open to new interactions."
  4. When you listen actively , you're paying attention to what the person said so that you can paraphrase it back to them. "Active listening and great question asking are all part of being a fantastic human," certified executive coach Jessica Elliot remarks. "These skills can be learned and fine-tuned over time, and are vital for workplace synergy."
    • "In conversation, I would recommend trying to listen 70% of the time," Elliot advises. "And you do the talking the other 30%. Test this out and see what type of response you get!"
    • "People often talk more than they listen," psychotherapist Kelli Miller agrees. "They don't even realize it so I think the first thing is that if they listened a little bit more, I think there'd be more effective communication."
    • "Ask follow-up questions," advises certified life coach Nora Oliver. "Follow-up questions would lead to more clarity and… you might find out something new about them [that] could open up all these other opportunities."
  5. 5
    Be open to feedback from others. This is especially important in the professional context. "To command respect, you need to show that you value what others have to say," Powery advises. "If you make people feel that their opinions are just as important as yours, they'll recognize you as a good listener and communicator," she continues.
    • "Respect is earned when people feel heard and valued," Powery explains. "Communication, appropriate body language, and making others feel comfortable around you are essential in establishing that."
    • If you're asking for feedback, professional certified coach Alyson Garrido recommends "the KISS model, [which] is what should you keep , what should you improve , what should you start , and what should you stop ."
    • Garrido's method ensures "you actually get feedback instead of "you're doing great," which is not actionable… Feedback should be something that [you] can take action on."
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Section 2 of 7:

Adjusting Your Speech for Difficult Situations

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  1. Listen to the person—sometimes people just need to vent—and let them know that their feelings are totally normal and understandable. Listen and show them that you want to try to understand what's going on and help if you can. [3]
    • For example, you might say, "it's totally understandable that you'd be upset—I would be too!" You might also universalize their feelings by saying, "Anyone would have been upset about that."
    • These types of comments validate the person's feelings and show that you empathize with them—and sometimes, that's all someone needs to start feeling a little better!
  2. 2
    Speak clearly in a calm, measured tone. In urgent or emotionally-charged situations, you want to make sure that your words are understood. Stick to simple words and direct language that leave no room for interpretation. This is the best way to ensure that your message gets through. [4]
    • For example, if someone is upset, you might say, "It's okay to be upset. Anyone would be upset in your shoes. It's okay to let it out."
    • Repeating a very simple message can be calming and reassuring for the person who is upset.
  3. 3
    Focus on solutions to urgent problems. If there's something relatively simple that you can do that would immediately make things a little bit better, go ahead and do it! Then, focus on what needs to happen next. Just keep moving towards a solution, one step at a time. [5]
    • If there's something that you can't do or don't have the resources to do, bring it up as a possible solution. There might be someone else who can get it done.
    • If you're in the midst of an urgent situation, focus first on getting everyone to a safe and protected place. Then you can start figuring out everything else.
  4. 4
    Be patient with people who are panicking. If you're talking to someone who is emotionally overloaded, focus on getting them somewhere safe and quiet. Just be with them and don't pressure them to do anything they're not ready to do yet. If they're able to speak coherently, ask them if there's something they would like you to do. [6]
    • In an urgent situation, you can channel the extra energy from an adrenaline rush into finding help or getting people to safety. [7]
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Section 3 of 7:

Communicating in Personal Relationships

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  1. 1
    Choose an appropriate time to have your discussion. Let the person know that you have something you want to talk about with them and decide on a time when neither of you are going to be stressed or distracted. "I think the hardest thing sometimes can be admitting when you are not happy with something going on," explains relationship coach Candice Mostisser.
    • "The hardest first step is really to admit to yourself that maybe there's something you need to talk about," Mostisser continues, "then you can really start working on putting it in words and being able to communicate it to your partner as well."
  2. 2
    Express your feelings honestly and openly. "My approach is it's really important to be transparent," explains professional life coach Amber Rosenberg. "And if it's a really difficult conversation, tell them that right up front. Say hey, this is hard for me to talk about."
    • "A lot of people try to avoid interpersonal conflicts," Rosenberg continues, "and that's certainly tempting. However, when you have relationships, you're going to have conflict, especially if you have close relationships."
    • Rosenberg instead recommends "that you learn how to manage that interpersonal conflict instead of avoiding it. It's really a natural part of relationships, and it will serve you and the other person in the relationship if you address it head-on."
  3. When you use I statements , you avoid blaming the other person for the problem. "It's all about those I statements," advises Miller. "'I feel this way when…' rather than 'you do this, and you do that," she explains. "People turn off completely when they feel criticized. So it's just really focusing on how [you're] feeling in that moment without blame, and your partner's more likely to understand what you're saying."
    • Mostisser relates that "I always have to start off with explaining my side of the situation and tell them what my issue is, how it's affected me, and what I feel could remedy the situation, if done."
    • "We can't just put it on our partner to be like, I'm upset, you need to fix it now," Mostisser explains. "It's a partnership, you need to communicate by saying, this is what I think could work to fix this specific issue I'm having. Let's talk about what you think would work and then let's work on it together."
  4. "There's a huge difference between hearing and listening," Miller explains. "I'm a big proponent of something called reflective listening where the partner says something and the other partner repeats back what that person said." This validates their feelings and makes it less likely that either of you will be misinterpreted or misunderstood. [8]
    • "One more tip I once read, which I absolutely love, is the idea of never fighting without holding hands," Mostisser notes. "Just to remember that it is a partnership." That could also help you remember to empathize as you're having your discussion.
  5. 5
    Take time-outs to regulate your emotions. "One thing I think all people do when encountering difficult feelings," relates psychotherapist Lauren Urban, "is that those feelings come up and we act on them immediately, without giving thought to what it is that's really coming up for us." "One tool that we can access in those moments," she advises, "is just giving ourselves a moment to take a breath, center ourselves, and think about whether or not we need to feel the way that we're feeling in that moment."
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Liana Georgoulis agrees that you shouldn't try to communicate "if you're overwhelmed and flooded with too much emotion, specifically anger or anxiety."
    • "We've quantified this in research," Georgoulis continues. "We describe emotional flooding as occurring when your heart rate might actually go about 90 or 95 beats per minute."
    • "Both people have to be in a space where they're not flooded," Georgoulis explains, "and they have the willingness to take turns and hear each other's perspectives."
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Section 4 of 7:

Adapting Your Communication Style in Social Situations

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  1. 1
    Start out with relatively formal speech when talking to strangers. It's likely that you already intuitively speak differently around a group of friends than you would around an authority figure. If you're unsure about how to talk to someone, err on the side of caution and stick with a more formal register. [9]
    • Keep the context in mind as well so you can adapt accordingly. While being polite is never going to be out of place, a more formal register would be unnecessarily stiff at a rock concert or a university dining hall.
  2. While it might seem kind of pointless, these light-hearted interactions help you become more familiar with a person. As you talk about totally neutral topics, you get to know their mannerisms and tone of voice. It can make it less likely that you'll misinterpret them later, and it also gives you a better sense of how to communicate with them. [10]
    • Small talk is also a great way to learn about things you have in common with a person, which can further help you tailor your communication to suit them.
  3. Reflecting the person's mannerisms can help them feel at ease, so they'll be more open to what you have to say. While you don't want to copy them exactly, naturally turning your body toward them or crossing your legs in the same way can help them feel as though you're someone like them. [11]
    • Picking up key words and phrases that they use frequently will also help you communicate more effectively with someone. This is something people naturally tend to do when they're around people they like.
  4. Pay attention to how the other person is speaking to you—this gives you an idea of how you can speak to them. If they're also speaking to you very formally, continue speaking to them formally. If they have a more relaxed or casual conversation style, you can adjust accordingly. [12]
    • Pay attention to the person's body language in this regard as well. If their speech gets more relaxed, their posture may become more relaxed as well.
    • It's totally normal for people to become more relaxed as they talk to you and get more comfortable with you. As you see these walls coming down and a person becoming less guarded, you know that you can relax your speech as well.
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Section 5 of 7:

Effective Strategies for Any Situation

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  1. When you're talking to people from different cultural backgrounds, there's a lot of room for potential miscommunication. Remind yourself that any assumption you might make based on what they say or the way they talk could be inaccurate. If they say or do something that confuses you, ask them to explain rather than jumping to conclusions. [13]
    • Urban agrees it can sometimes be difficult "in a situation where the person you're speaking to doesn't necessarily have the same source language background."
    • She advises "taking a minute to take a breath and think about [if] there's anything else this person could possibly mean and do I need to react the way that my hurt feelings are telling me to react right now."
  2. 2
    Avoid sensitive subjects. Bringing up an inappropriate topic is a great way to completely shut down a conversation. What topics are generally considered off-limits between strangers varies among cultures, but it's a pretty safe bet to stay away from politics and religion. Beyond that, have empathy for the person you're talking to and try to match their vibe. [14]
    • For example, if you're having a light-hearted conversation about a new comedy film, it would be inappropriate to transition to talking about how your cat died.
  3. Simple, direct sentences are also the easiest sentences to construct and understand. While it might seem like using slang or jargon helps you sound like you belong, it can actually make it more difficult for others to understand you. [15]
    • For example, instead of saying, "I expect a confirmation by the close of business on Friday," you could just say, "I need to know by Friday afternoon."
  4. 4
    Ask questions if you don't understand something. Mostisser advises that you develop the practice of "listening to what the person is telling you and preparing for follow-up questions that you could ask about what they're saying." "It'll keep you so much more engaged in the conversation," Mostisser explains, "if you're thinking about ways to expand upon what they're saying and asking them to give you more detail."
    • Asking questions also gives you the opportunity to learn something about the other person and their perspective, which in turn will help you communicate more effectively with them.
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Section 6 of 7:

Types of Communication Styles

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  1. 1
    Direct While direct communication varies depending on your cultural background, people with a direct communication style generally prefer information in a very basic way—nothing but the facts. They're likely to lose patience with too many details and are far more focused on results. [16]
    • Communicate best by: Limiting yourself to statements backed up by facts; giving an overview; avoiding getting bogged down in tiny details
  2. 2
    Analytical You might think of analytical communicators as the opposite of direct communicators—while direct communicators don't care about the nitty-gritty details, analytical thinkers love to get lost in the weeds and are interested in knowing how every single detail comes into play in producing the ultimate result. [17]
    • Communicate best by: Being precise and detailed with your descriptions; providing means to track progress towards goals; offering step-by-step guides for each segment of the process
  3. 3
    Collaborative Collaborative communicators tend to focus on the people who are involved in a situation over the task at hand. They often don't care about the end result is long as everyone involved grew as a result. [18]
    • Communicate best by: Listening actively; showing inclusivity; ensuring that diverse voices are heard and considered
  4. 4
    Expressive Expressive communicators focus on their relationships with other individuals over whatever the task at hand might be. They're typically more interested in emotional and personal information, such as how something is going to make someone feel. [19]
    • Communicate best by: keeping things casual; talking to them one-on-one; sharing your feelings with them
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Section 7 of 7:

Benefits of Effective Communication

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  1. Better communication leads to stronger relationships and greater efficiency. With effective communication, you get a full sense of what someone means as well as how they feel about it. All of this information makes it a lot easier to avoid misunderstandings and build trust and respect with anyone you talk to. [20]
    • While effective communication seems like it should be natural, it's actually a skill that you need to learn and practice to be good at.
    • The biggest part of effective communication is listening. As long as you actively listen to the other person, you'll understand how to tailor your speech to them.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://leaddev.com/communication/ctos-guide-code-switching-how-tailor-your-messages-your-audience
      2. ↑ https://online.utpb.edu/about-us/articles/communication/how-much-of-communication-is-nonverbal/
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/empathy
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/effective-communication
      5. ↑ https://training.fema.gov/emiweb/is/is242b/student+manual/sm_03.pdf
      6. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/for-friends-and-family/
      7. ↑ https://www.aacn.org/blog/staying-calm-during-a-crisis-managing-yourself-in-an-emergency
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/effective-communication
      9. ↑ https://www.comm.pitt.edu/audience-adaptation
      1. ↑ https://www.rutgers.edu/news/heres-something-you-never-thought-youd-miss-office-small-talk
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-words/201209/mimicry-and-mirroring-can-be-good-or-bad
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/effective-communication
      4. ↑ https://uwaterloo.ca/centre-for-teaching-excellence/catalogs/tip-sheets/effective-communication-barriers-and-strategies
      5. ↑ https://www.succeedsocially.com/conversationmistakes
      6. ↑ https://uwaterloo.ca/centre-for-teaching-excellence/catalogs/tip-sheets/effective-communication-barriers-and-strategies
      7. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0147176711001325
      8. ↑ https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2022/june/communication-style
      9. ↑ https://professional.dce.harvard.edu/blog/is-your-workplace-communication-style-as-effective-as-it-could-be/#Types-of-Communication-Styles--and-How-to-Work-With-Them
      10. ↑ https://pearce.caah.clemson.edu/the-four-communication-styles-how-to-understand-yourself-and-your-audience/
      11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/effective-communication

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To communicate in different situations, adapt your vocabulary to suit the people you’re talking to. For example, if you’re talking to your friends in a bar, you can use slang to communicate your point. However, if you’re in a business meeting, you should stick to formal language so you don’t come across as unprofessional. If you’re unsure what kind of vocabulary to use, listen to the language the other people are using, then use similar language. You should also match your tone of voice with the context of the social situation. For instance, use a light, playful tone when talking to your co-workers at lunch, but use a more serious tone when giving an important presentation. For more tips from our co-author, including how to plan meetings to help you communicate your message, read on!

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