How to Be Friends with a Teenager Who Has Bipolar

People with bipolar disorder can experience strong mood swings. If your friend is feeling awful or making bad decisions, you may be worried and confused about how to help. Here are some strategies for helping a friend with bipolar disorder.

Method 1
Method 1 of 2:

Handling Symptoms

  1. 1
    Understand the basics of bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a condition that affects mood and behavior. Sometimes, the person will seem to have a "normal" mood. Other times, your friend may feel extremely sad, or extremely hyper. They can't control their mood swings, and managing their own behavior might be difficult for them. It's important to understand that bipolar disorder is a mental illness, not a choice, and they're doing the best they can.
    • Some moodiness is normal for teenage years. But mentally healthy teens typically don't put themselves in danger, hurt themselves, seriously consider suicide, break laws, get into fights, or destroy relationships. Teens with bipolar disorder can engage in "extreme behaviors," often multiple times. [1] This doesn't mean that the teen is a bad person. It means they need help. [2]
    • Medication can help with bipolar disorder. Some people stop experiencing symptoms as long as they stay on medication. Others will still experience symptoms, but maybe not as strongly.
  2. 2
    Know the signs of mania . During a manic or hypomanic episode, your friend might seem very hyperactive. They might talk and move fast, which can be a little bewildering. You might notice some or all of these: [3]
    • Talking very fast
    • Interrupting you often
    • Being impulsive
    • Feeling invincible, or very confident
    • Using poor judgment (like spending too much money or doing something dangerous)
    • Not sleeping much
    • Being unusually optimistic
    • Getting lots of exercise
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  3. 3
    Know the signs of a depressive episode. During a depressive episode, your friend may feel very sad and tired. Here are some things you might notice: [4]
    • Being unusually pessimistic
    • Exhaustion
    • Moving slowly
    • Feeling bad about themselves
    • Feeling hopelessness or despair
    • Wanting to hurt themselves
  4. 4
    Redirect them if they want to engage in risky behavior. During a manic or hypomanic episode, your friend might want to do things that seem really dangerous or unwise. You might feel worried about how to keep your friend safe. Remind them of the consequences, and then suggest an activity that's much safer. Try to focus them on the safe activity, and how much fun it could be, instead.
    • "I'm not comfortable letting you go up onto the roof of my house. I know it sounds like a good idea now, but I'm worried that you could get hurt if you fell. I'll feel much better if we hang out here instead."
    • "No, I don't think running across the busy street is a good idea. There's a lot of traffic, and you could get hurt. How about we run around in the field instead? I'll race you."
    • "You've never tried drugs before. You could get hurt. Remember how you said you wanted to try painting? Let's do that!"
    • "I don't think now is a good time to go shopping in expensive stores. I'm trying to save money. Let's go to the gym instead! I know you like working out. Maybe you could teach me some techniques."
  5. 5
    Set limits as needed. During an episode, your friend may have impaired judgment, and they may not realize how their actions might affect you or themselves. They also may be unable to take a hint. Be assertive with them. Set gentle, firm limits.
    • "I can't talk after 9 pm because I need to sleep."
    • "Please don't send me graphic pictures. I don't handle those well, and I could pass out."
    • "I can talk to you sometimes, but I also have to do homework and take care of chores and family stuff. I want to encourage you to reach out to other friends too."
    • "I have to study tonight and I can't talk. Maybe your mom, your brother, or one of your online friends is available."
    • "I'm worn out right now, and I need some alone time. We can talk tomorrow."
  6. 6
    Be understanding about unusual behavior. Your friend may act differently when they're having a manic or depressive episode. Avoid taking this personally. It's usually not about you. It may just be the result of their mood or impaired judgment.
    • If they really do hurt your feelings, try bringing it up during a calm time. Assume that they might not have known any better. Make "I" statements like "I feel hurt and uncomfortable when you joke about my nose. Please don't do it again."
  7. 7
    Be cautious about treating them differently. Your friend is still a teenager, with feelings and goals and talents of their own. They deserve kindness and respect, just like anyone else.
    • Don't patronize them.
    • Avoid pity. There's a difference between being kind and pitying someone, and pitying them may just make them feel worse. [5]
    • Don't treat them like a child. They're still a teenager, even when they're having an episode.
    • Avoid judging them.
    • Don't tell them how to feel. Comments like "cheer up" or "calm down" just tend to make people feel more isolated. [6] Try to validate their feelings, instead of dismissing them.
  8. 8
    Be gently encouraging about any efforts to get help. If your friend isn't getting all the support they need, then any steps they take towards getting help are a good thing. Be encouraging, without pushing too hard or talking over them. (You don't want to make them feel smothered. [7] ) Here are some examples of things you could say:
    • "Would you feel comfortable writing an email to your doctor to tell her about what you're going through right now? Maybe she could help."
    • "I'm glad to hear you asked to try medication. That was brave of you to speak up for yourself, especially since I know your dad hasn't been taking your concerns seriously. I really hope the new meds help you."
    • "Sometimes, when you're in a state like this, I don't know how to help you. I don't want you to hurt yourself. Do you think that calling a hotline could help? I could sit with you while you call."
    • "That was brave of you to tell your psychologist. That's one step taken towards helping things get better."
  9. 9
    Get help if you're worried that your friend is in danger. If your friend wants to hurt themselves, use drugs, or attempt suicide, this is a serious problem. Keeping them safe takes priority over keeping a secret. If your friend tells you that they want to harm themselves, try saying:
    • "I care about you, and I can't keep this a secret. Do you want to tell someone, do you want me to help you tell someone, or would you like me to tell someone for you?"
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Method 2
Method 2 of 2:

Being a Friend

  1. 1
    Offer specific help. Sometimes, the best way to help is just to be there for them. Try making a plan to help them get through this. Be specific, so you can stick to it. [8]
    • "I know you're scared to tell the doctor about what you're going through. Would you like me to come along for moral support, or would you prefer to go alone?"
    • "You mentioned that keeping your room clean is hard for you. I could come over for an hour and help you clean. We could play some music, and maybe go get ice cream afterwards."
    • "I can talk to you on the phone for an hour or so every Saturday night."
    • "I know things are hard with your parents. I talked to my mom and she said you could sleep over every other Friday night."
  2. 2
    Validate their feelings . You can listen and be there for them, even if you don't agree with or understand everything they say. Let them know that it's okay for them to feel the way they feel. This can help them process their emotions and start feeling a little calmer. Here are some examples of things to say:
    • "I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a rough time."
    • "You look excited! Want to tell me what's going on?"
    • "Yes, that does sound frustrating."
    • "It must be hard, feeling so alienated and unsupported by your family."
  3. 3
    Suggest activities that you think might be fun or good for your friend.
    • The arts can be a good way for people to express themselves. Research suggests that people with bipolar disorder can be quite creative, [9] so your friend might be good at it too.
    • Building friendships is important. Gently encourage your friend to hang out with people, and build a strong support network.
  4. 4
    Remember your own limits. You can help your friend, but you aren't responsible for their moods or their safety. People are the bosses of themselves, and no one else. You can't rescue your friend from their disorder. You can only help.
    • You can't pour from an empty cup. If you're physically or emotionally exhausted, then you can't help your friend very well. Take a break. Do something to recharge.
  5. 5
    Keep being a good friend. You're a friend, not a therapist or babysitter or anything else. Do fun things with your friend, help each other through tough times, and make good memories. That's what friendship is about.
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      Warnings

      • Although bipolar disorder usually comes with depression, threats of suicide, drug abuse, self mutilation/harming, etc. are not to be ignored. Tell a trusted adult. This is not betraying their trust. This is helping them as a caring friend.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.everydayhealth.com/bipolar/webcasts/teens-with-bipolar-disorder-the-struggle-to-stay-in-school.aspx
      2. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/bipolar.html
      3. ↑ http://ibpf.org/teens-only-helping-friend-extreme-moods
      4. ↑ http://ibpf.org/teens-only-helping-friend-extreme-moods
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/where-science-meets-the-steps/201503/11-ways-help-friend-bipolar-disorder
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/where-science-meets-the-steps/201503/11-ways-help-friend-bipolar-disorder
      7. ↑ https://www.bphope.com/bipolar-buzz/the-best-things-you-can-do-for-a-friend-with-bipolar-disorder/
      8. ↑ https://www.bphope.com/bipolar-buzz/the-best-things-you-can-do-for-a-friend-with-bipolar-disorder/
      9. ↑ http://ibpf.org/teens-only-helping-friend-extreme-moods
      1. ↑ http://ibpf.org/teens-only-helping-friend-extreme-moods

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