How to Be Happy Being Yourself

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It’s easy to wish you looked like or acted like someone else, or had the cushy job or great boyfriend that someone else has. No matter who you are, you can learn to be happy and fulfilled with your life. Take time to appreciate your talents and characteristics while forming a healthy body image and self-esteem. Focus on the positive aspects of your job, hobbies, and lifestyle. [1] Fostering strong and close relationships can help you feel more satisfied and confident in your lifestyle.

Method 1
Method 1 of 4:

Loving Who You Are

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  1. Recognizing what you love about yourself first will make you much more comfortable in your own skin. Start by making a list of all of the things you love about yourself, whether it's your free spirit, your work ethic, or your shiny hair. [2]
    • Find at least 10 things you like about yourself. Think about your talents, accomplishments, or characteristics.
    • Appreciate what makes you unique. Perhaps you speak four languages, can walk on your hands, or can instantly make new friends. Not everyone can do that, but you can!
    • Redirect negative thoughts into positive ones. For example, instead of thinking “I’m not pretty enough,” say “I look great today!”
  2. Actively giving thanks helps you recognize the wonderful people, things, and opportunities in your life. Make a daily habit of giving thanks to those you love. Appreciate your opportunities, strengths, skills, and blessings. [3]
    • Keep a gratitude journal and write everything that you’re thankful for. You might include your family, friends, home, hobbies, opportunities, or health. Add 1 thing to this journal every day. If you’re feeling upset or down, try reading through the journal to cheer you up.
    • Always say thank you, whether you're thanking your local barista for an amazing cup of coffee or your father for always being there for you.
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  3. Always leave some room for laughter in your daily life. No matter how dire your life may seem at a given moment, never forget to take a break to laugh. You'll feel better in both the short-term and the long-term. [4]
    • Be just plain silly. Tell a corny joke, make a bad pun, or just dance around like a fool. Why not?
    • Laugh at your mistakes. This can defuse the situation and help you realize that things aren’t so bad.
    • Watch a comedy or a comedian. This will make you laugh and can cheer you up.
    • Be around people who love to laugh. Laughter is contagious!
  4. Confidence is the key to happiness, but everyone has flaws and weaknesses. Instead of obsessing over your perceived flaws, embrace them. If you want, ask yourself what you can do to improve yourself in this regard. [5]
    • Make a list of things you want to work on. Make manageable goals to improve. If you hate that you’re always forgetting things, try getting a planner or download a calendar app. Set alarms for when you need to do something.
    • Learn to live with some of your flaws. Perhaps you won’t ever get over your clumsiness, but that’s okay! Try to laugh when you stumble or brush it off as though it doesn’t matter.
    • Forgive yourself. Let's face it: we've all done something we're less than proud of. Whatever you did, you should recognize that it was wrong and understand why you did it, but after that, it's time to let it go.
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wikiHow Quiz: What Kind of Reality Check Do I Need?

We all have blind spots, especially when it comes to the ways we treat others (and ourselves). Unfortunately, it can be pretty tough to take an objective look at what your own weak points are. We’re here to help. Take this quiz to rip off the Band-aid and see what your blind spots really are.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:

Creating a Healthy Body Image

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  1. Feeling good about your body can go a long way in helping you be happy with who you are. Look at yourself and appreciate your best features. [6]
    • You may not love everything about your face, but you should be able to pick 1 or 2 things, like your eyes or your lips, that stand out. When you look at yourself, remind yourself how great this part of you looks.
    • Remind yourself what your body is capable of. Try to love your body for its ability to sing, dance, imagine, or jump.
  2. Exercise . Exercise can boost your confidence and your mood, even if you’re not looking to lose weight or become stronger. Just working out for 30 minutes 2-3 times a week can increase your energy and confidence. Find what type of workout works for you and stick with it. [7]
    • Mindful exercises, like yoga or tai chi, can give you a sense of calm and help you meditate about your body.
    • Team sports, like soccer or softball, are tons of fun. They add an important social element to your exercise that can help you feel more fulfilled.
    • Running, biking, swimming, or even just taking a walk can help you clear your mind while helping you become healthy. [8]
  3. Eat healthy foods to improve your mood. Improving your diet can help your mind and body. Having a good balance between fruits and veggies, proteins, and carbs can help you feel more in tune with your body. [9]
    • Foods high in fiber and omega 3-fatty acids can improve your mood and help you feel happier. These include foods like whole wheat bread, brown rice, fish, green vegetables, and walnuts. [10]
    • Cook your own food from scratch instead of buying premade foods. Cooking can help you make healthier decisions, and you'll get more satisfaction from your meal.
    • It's okay to indulge in the occasional burger or ice cream, but having too many processed or fatty foods will make you feel tired or sluggish.
  4. Being happy with what you're wearing can make or break how you feel about your appearance. If your clothes are dirty, don't fit well, or just don't look right, it can affect your mood and self-esteem. Choose a style that reflects your unique personality. [11]
    • Choose clothing that is comfortable for your body. Don’t try to wear clothing that is too big or too small.
    • Have a few key items that you adore. Having a favorite pair of jeans, a beautiful knitted sweater, or a trendy scarf can really help you feel good about how you look.
    • Jewelry, belts, scarves, and shoes can really pull an outfit together. If you’re missing that extra touch, try adding an accessory to it.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:

Fostering a Joyful Lifestyle

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  1. Focus on the positive aspects of your job. Sure, some of your work may be frustrating or even boring, but pick a few things you love about your job, whether it's interacting with clients or customers, learning new things, or having the opportunity to travel occasionally.
    • If you’re struggling at work, reframe how you approach your job. Personalize your workspace with pictures or plants. Avoid taking on extra projects if you’re overworked.
    • Take the time to get to know and appreciate the people you work with. You may feel like you have nothing in common, but if you make the extra effort to be friendly, it will make you much more eager to wake up to go to work.
    • Appreciate what your job can do for you. On hard days, remember that your job allows you to put food on the table.
  2. [12] Hobbies and interests outside of work give you something to look forward to. This helps you become a more well-rounded and interesting person. If you don’t have any hobbies currently, you might: [13]
    • Develop your artistic side. Try your hand at writing a poem, a song, or painting. You don't have to be great at it, but you can have fun in the process.
    • Learn a new language . This will make you feel more cultured and it can help you find a great job.
    • Join a team sport. Not only will you get a great workout, but you can make amazing friends .
    • Take an evening class. Learn something that you’re interested in, such as coding, woodworking, or ancient mythology.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 2042 wikiHow readers what their go-to self-care activity is, and only 4% of them said baking and cooking. [Take Poll]
      • Baking or cooking isn't the first type of self-care that comes to mind for most people, possibly because cooking takes organization and work. But studies show that cooking for yourself stimulates positive brain chemicals!
  3. [14] A routine allows you to organize your life in a way that make every day activities pass in a breeze. If you feel stressed, hurried, or bored at certain points of your day, try shaking things up. Switch around your routine until you find something that works. [15]
    • Don't rush around in the morning. Give yourself enough time to eat a healthy breakfast and drive to work to arrive a few minutes early. Set your clothes out the night before or pack all of your lunches at the beginning of the week.
    • Even if your day is super-packed, make some time for yourself. Read a book during your lunch break, watch your favorite show before you go to bed, or wake up early enough to meditate .
    • Get plenty of rest. Go to bed and wake up at around the same time every day so your body develops a routine. This can help you feel more rested in the morning.
  4. Experiences, and not material items, are the key to happiness. Trying new experiences can help you step outside of your comfort zone while giving you many interesting and unique memories. [16]
    • Explore your surroundings and natural environments. Take a hike, go rafting, or try rock climbing.
    • Take a weekend trip, perhaps to a nearby city, mountain, or beach. Set aside 1 week a year for a much bigger trip to see your family or to visit a somewhere new, like New York City or the Grand Canyon.
    • Attend concerts , museum openings, or new movies in your area. This can help develop your mind and expose you to new experiences in your own town.
  5. Feeling safe, comfortable, and at peace in your own living space can make the difference between being happy and being cooped up. Decorate your home in a way that makes you cheerful or energetic.
    • Clean up any clutter . Put away things where they belong, and avoid adding too much furniture to an area. Keeping an open, light room can go a long way in creating a happy space.
    • Filling your home with photos of your loved ones, souvenirs from your favorite vacations, or paintings of your favorite spots can help remind you of what makes you happy.
    • Boost your mood at home by painting your walls light or bright colors, like soft blue, lavender, or yellow.
  6. If you’re truly unhappy with an aspect of your life, you may have the power to change it. Take the initiative to move on and start something new. [17]
    • If you hate your job so much that it is causing stress or anxiety, it may be time to find a new job.
    • Maybe you loved training for marathons for the past decade, but suddenly you dread all of your training runs. Spice things up by finding a new way to work out or spend your time.
    • If you feel stuck, bored, or isolated in your town, consider moving or take a vacation to somewhere new.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:

Establishing a Strong Social Network

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  1. Having a network of close friends is one the best ways to become happy with yourself in the long run. Having the right friends can improve your self-esteem, make you feel needed, and boost your self-confidence. [18]
    • Treasure old friendships. Maintain these relationships with frequent visits, emails, phone calls, or skype sessions.
    • If you've met someone who you really click with, don't be afraid to ask them on a coffee date to see if you can get to know each other better.
    • Dump your toxic friends . If you have a friend who makes you feel terrible about yourself or is so negative that they manage to ruin your mood every time you hang out, it may be time to let them go.
  2. In many cases, nobody has done more for you or knows you better than your parents or siblings. Whether you're off at college, living in a different country, or sharing a house with your family members, it's important to be happy with who they are in order to be truly happy being yourself. [19]
    • If you have a good relationship with your parents, take time to talk to them often, and tell them you love them. Don’t forget to thank them!
    • Treat your siblings well. Even if you sometimes you feel like you and your sibling live on different planets, you still share a common bond of knowing what it's like to grow up in the same place with the same parents.
    • Even if you don’t have a strong relationship with your biological family, you can appreciate those who are like family in your life. Consider who you might consider to be your family, and let them know how you feel.
  3. Feeling involved in your neighborhood, city, religion, school, or other community group can make you feel like you belong to something bigger. This can help you create long-lasting relationships and find interesting things to do. [20]
    • Introduce yourself to your neighbors. Your neighbors will not only make you feel involved in where you live, but they could end up being your best friends.
    • Attend town hall meetings, book clubs on your streets, concerts by local musicians, volunteer park clean-up days, or any other events that make you feel involved in local culture or politics.
    • Volunteering can give you a deep sense of fulfillment and help you meet others in your community. Look for organizations and causes you believe in. You might raise money for the homeless or build houses for low-income families. [21]
  4. Romance can be very fulfilling, but it is important to make sure that your relationships are founded on love, trust, and strong communication. A toxic romantic entanglement can cause significant stress and unhappiness. [22]
    • If you have a great significant other, communicate openly with each other on a daily basis. Make sure that both partners are fulfilled and satisfied with the relationship.
    • If you're single and dating lots of people, have fun with it. Going on date after date may get frustrating, but if you stay positive, you're more likely to find the right person.
    • If you're single and not looking, that's okay too! If you're not at a point in your life where you want to date anyone, be happy with who you are and the decisions you're making.
  5. Learn to forgive. You won't be able to fully enjoy your relationships if you're holding a grudge or stuck in the past. Learning to forgive the people you love for their past mistakes is the only way to move forward in your relationships. [23]
    • If someone has really hurt you, try looking at it from their perspective. Your friend may have hurt you with the best intentions, or might not have been thinking clearly.
    • Learn to accept an apology. If your friend, mother, or significant other is truly sincere and sorry about something, learn to accept an apology. Try to move on as best you can.
    • If you hurt the other person, say you're sorry too.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I stop doubting myself?
    Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
    Life Coach
    Michelle Shahbazyan is a Life Coach, Author, and Speaker based in Los Angeles, California. She is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service. She has over 15 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. Michelle has helped thousands of clients achieve peace, fulfillment, and a healthier mindset. Her ultimate goal is to provide her clients with the tools, perspectives, and resources needed to create the life they desire. Michelle specializes in supporting individuals and couples with a wide array of concerns, including depression, anxiety, love and relationship issues, ADHD, grief, stress, anger management, and career planning. Her approach is informed by neuroscience, anthropology, sociology, and behavioral biology, ensuring that the strategies she develops with clients are both effective and enduring. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.
    Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Know that self-criticism is an external thing that has been ingrained into your way of thinking and, therefore, isn't necessarily part of your true authentic self. Start working at deleting the negative views of yourself from your mind by replacing them with more positive and accurate phrases. If you think that you're something that you don't want to be and you'd like to be different, go out there and make a change. Start small and keep chipping away at it.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    How can I stop being so pessimistic?
    Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
    Life Coach
    Michelle Shahbazyan is a Life Coach, Author, and Speaker based in Los Angeles, California. She is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service. She has over 15 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. Michelle has helped thousands of clients achieve peace, fulfillment, and a healthier mindset. Her ultimate goal is to provide her clients with the tools, perspectives, and resources needed to create the life they desire. Michelle specializes in supporting individuals and couples with a wide array of concerns, including depression, anxiety, love and relationship issues, ADHD, grief, stress, anger management, and career planning. Her approach is informed by neuroscience, anthropology, sociology, and behavioral biology, ensuring that the strategies she develops with clients are both effective and enduring. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.
    Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    When you feel pessimistic, write down one by one what is making you feel that way and address it. When you don't address your problems, they may seem all-encompassing and too daunting to change. If you make tangible, implementable changes one by one, each part of your life that is bringing you down can change. Try getting through half of your list or 90% or even 100% of your list, and you will see that there is hope.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    I have a friend who is not on the nice side when it comes to the way they talk to me. I am too afraid to dump them, as I would feel very sorry due to their lack of friends. What should I do?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    There are a few steps you can take before you dump your friend. First, talk to them about the way you feel when they're talking to you. You can also experiment with spending less time with them. This person is not your responsibility. Perhaps they are alienating others as well.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • When you forgive someone, you release yourself from the pain the person has caused you. Choosing to not forgive somebody just keeps the pain inside you, with little effect on the person who did you harm. Forgiveness is healing.
      • Every time you say or think something bad about yourself, respond to yourself with one positive thing. Counteracting negative self-talk with positivity can help you retrain your brain to be more positive in general.
      • It's okay to feel like you're different from other people. There are many rocks in the world, but not many of those rocks are diamonds. If you are different than others, you're the diamond in a sea of rocks.
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      Warnings

      • If you've tried everything and you still feel deeply unhappy with who you are, you may be suffering from depression and should seek professional help.
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      References

      1. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/#.WuiCA5ch2Uk
      3. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
      4. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/feel-better-and-happy/
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/ways-to-accept-yourself
      6. ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/bewell_tenstepsbodyimage.pdf
      7. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/feel-better-and-happy/
      8. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      9. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/feel-better-and-happy/
      1. ↑ https://this.deakin.edu.au/lifestyle/how-to-eat-your-way-to-happiness
      2. ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/bewell_tenstepsbodyimage.pdf
      3. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/10/smarter-living/the-case-for-hobbies-ideas.html
      5. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      6. ↑ https://www.northshore.org/healthy-you/how-to-start-a-new-routine-and-stick-to-it/
      7. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/well/health/try-something-new
      8. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      9. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/manage-social-support
      10. ↑ https://www.bmj.com/content/337/bmj.a2781
      11. ↑ https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/
      12. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/volunteering-and-its-surprising-benefits.htm
      13. ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/healthy-relationships.aspx
      14. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/forgive_andfeel_happier

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To be happy being yourself, focus on the parts of yourself that you like, whether they have to do with your appearance or who you are as a person. Also, remember that everybody has flaws, and try to accept the things you can't change about yourself. Once you accept yourself for who you are, you can focus your attention on having fun, laughing, and building relationships. By spending time doing things you enjoy, you'll have an easier time loving yourself! To learn how to develop a healthy body image, scroll down!

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