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Conquer angry feelings and find inner peace today
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You're doing your best to stay calm, but sometimes, it all just becomes too much—and so you snap. Feeling annoyed all the time can be super frustrating, so if you're looking to feel less irritated, that makes sense. There are actually so many easy, science-backed ways to calm yourself in the moment and become a less annoyed person on the whole. Below, we've gathered all the tips you need. Let's get started.
Psst! In the wrong place? If you were searching for an article on how not to annoy others , check out our guide here .
Things You Should Know
- Cool down in the moment by practicing breathing exercises or, if you need to, exit the conversation and take time to be alone.
- Try to find perspective to stamp out annoyed feelings. For example, think about how getting annoyed won't serve you or the other person.
- Feel less irritated overall by taking care of yourself. A good night's rest and regular exercise can make you feel less prone to anger.
Steps
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Take a deep breath . [1] X Expert Source Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach Expert Interview. 23 January 2020. Breathing exercises are like a superpower—in 10 seconds, you can reduce your body’s stress response, meaning less angry feelings for you. When you’re angry in the moment, try this quick breathing exercise and repeat the steps until you feel calmer: [2] X Research source- First, release your breath from your mouth.
- Next, breathe in through your nose—as you go, count to “4 Mississippi” (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi…).
- Now, hold your breath for another 4-second count.
- Finally, slowly exhale (again, through your mouth) as you count to “4 Mississippi” again.
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Manage your expectations of other people. The truth is, no one in your life is perfect, and some people just won’t be your cup of tea. Can this be annoying—or at times disappointing? Yes. But internalize this fact, and you’ll find it much easier to cut others some slack (and free yourself from angry feelings). When you catch yourself getting annoyed, try reminding yourself: [3] X Research source
- I can’t control others’ actions, just my own.
- It’s not my job to hold this person to a certain standard.
- Part of caring and supporting someone else is accepting them for who they are—and not punishing them for failing to be who I want them to be.
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Remind yourself that getting annoyed doesn’t serve your interests. The truth is, being annoyed doesn’t feel good. At times, it might even cause us to do things we wish we wouldn’t or distract us from things we’d like to do. Remind yourself that by reining in your irritation, you’re actually doing yourself a solid. Try saying to yourself: [4] X Research source
- I deserve to feel in control of my emotions.
- I get to choose how I react to this.
- I know getting angry will make me feel worse, and I don’t want that. So I’m choosing not to indulge this feeling.
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Put yourself in the other person's shoes. So often, the things that annoy us about other people are totally unintentional. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe their mind is on something else. Either way, try to imagine the other person’s perspective, and be as generous as possible. This can help you cool off—while mulling over potential bad intentions will just fire you up more.
- Say your roommate is blaring music. Instead of assuming the worst, think: “Maybe they don't know that I'm home. I'll shoot them a text instead of getting angry!”
- Or, maybe your sister is chewing super loudly—annoying! Take a second to remember: she does a lot for me and doesn’t do it on purpose. The least I can do is cut her some slack!
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Reflect on things that are more important than your irritated feelings. When you're angry, maybe the last thing you want to think is, “ This really not that big of deal .” But sometimes, connecting with what’s really important can be a huge help. Try to remember everything you feel grateful for—maybe it’s your job, your family, or your sweet pup. This kid kicking your airplane seat, at the end of the day, isn’t all that important! [5] X Expert Source Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.- One helpful way to maintain a healthy perspective is to remind yourself that feelings like this always pass. You’re angry now, but you won’t be forever. So in that way, this feeling might not be as powerful as it seems!
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Remind yourself that self-restraint takes strength. Sometimes, it might feel like snapping back or getting angry can give us power over other people. Oftentimes though, people might regret those reactions later on, and they don’t always have the desired effect. Psychologists say that it’s a myth that “letting all your anger out” helps you and those around you—so remind yourself that by working to control your annoyance, you’re doing yourself (and others) a service. [6] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- There are some cases, though, where this isn’t as true. If someone is harassing or bullying you or someone else, it’s best to take action.
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Monitor to your body language if you want to hide your annoyance. When someone’s gotten under your skin, your goal might be to hide that fact. If that’s the case for you, try to project friendly body language. Sporting crossed arms, a low brow, thin lips, and flared nostrils? In that case, the other person can probably sense that you’re upset. Try out these tips to come off cool as a cucumber: [7] X Research source
- Try using approachable body language (turn towards the other person and relax your arms).
- Relax your facial muscles and make eye contact with the person you’re speaking with.
- If this sounds tough, try practicing in the mirror first. That way, you’ll know how best to keep your composure on the outside, even when you’re annoyed on the inside!
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Walk away from the person or situation. Maybe it’s too hard to keep your cool—that’s okay! If you’re having trouble controlling irritated feelings but are determined not to react, we commend you. Take a breath, excuse yourself if you need to, and walk away. You don’t need to be strong all the time, and it’s totally within your rights to protect your peace when you need to. [8] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source
- If your in a casual setting, use an excuse: “Oof, I’m feeling a little lightheaded. I’m going to step out for some fresh air.”
- Or, if you need to, it’s okay to be honest, too: “I’m going to be honest with you, I’m feeling a little irritated. I’m going to step away, but I’ll talk to you soon.”
- Reader Poll: We asked 717 wikiHow readers, and 51% of them agreed that the best way to cope with feeling annoyed or irritated around someone is to take breaks from spending time with them . [Take Poll]
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Get regular exercise. The less stress you feel, the less day-to-day irritation you’ll face, too. Work out or move around most days of the week, and you’ll probably notice yourself feeling less annoyed. And it doesn’t have to be intense exercise; start small if that feels more doable. Try getting into nature or enjoying an adult sports league to add to all the fun! [9] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- If you’re looking for light exercise, try a nice walk outdoors, a leisurely bike ride, or dancing around your kitchen while you cook dinner.
- Into more intense workouts? Try strength training, swimming, running, kickboxing, or rowing.
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Limit your caffeine and alcohol intake. Though there are some emotional and mental benefits to a daily cup of joe, too much coffee means more anxiety, stress, and irritability. Plus, if you end up dependent on caffeine, then you might feel even more angry on days you go without. [10] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Alcohol, on the other hand, can intensify angry feelings when you drink, and leave you feel anxious (and yes, annoyed) days after, too. [11] X Research source
- Stick to the daily recommended coffee limit (max 4 cups) and pay attention to how you feel, too. If you feel stressed at just 2 cups, then drink less than that.
- Limit alcohol use if you’re looking to feel less angry overall. If this feels daunting, start small—cutting down just a little could help, giving you more motivation to drink less.
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Go enjoy some time alone, relaxing in the peace and quiet. Sometimes, you just need a timeout. If you feel like you’re constantly running around, or under the thumbs of others—remember that you deserve rest and rejuvenation. Take time to yourself as a means of taking care of yourself , and you’ll find yourself feeling more at peace over time. [12] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Spend time doing something that you really love. Dedicating time to your passion is sure to leave you refreshed, whether that means painting, singing, or writing.
- Pick up a hobby that’s super relaxing. Some people find working with their hands, cleaning, or meditating to be great ways to reset—find yours and make time for it!
- Try getting out into nature for extra benefits. A simple hike, swim, or stroll through nature can reduce your stress levels overall.
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Prioritize your sleep schedule. If you’re not getting enough sleep, that’s likely to make you feel more annoyed on the whole. Where you can, grab a quick nap instead of sitting on your phone. Do your best to get those 8 hours every night , because the payoff could be huge. Another pro tip: aim to wake up and go to sleep at the same time each day, as this promotes a healthy sleep cycle.
- Make sure your environment is suited to sleep. Keep your room cool, dark, and quiet.
- Don’t use your bed for anything besides sleep—study, watch movies, and read on your couch instead.
- Practice a nightly sleep routine. Wind yourself down for bed by dropping screens for an hour prior and enjoying a relaxing activity (like listening to music).
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Talk to someone who makes you happy. Connecting with a pal (one who doesn’t annoy you!) can be an amazing way to cool off and keep angry feelings at bay. Call up someone who makes you feel loved, or drop by a friendly neighbor’s house just for fun. By smiling and chatting with someone who you love, you’ll reduce stress—and in turn, feel less irritated. [13] X Research source
- If you can’t think of anyone off hand, that’s okay (and totally normal, too). Try reaching out to your local Friendship hotline. Or, stop by a local shop that’s always busy with strangers. Strike up a friendly convo with someone new.
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Get a hug from a loved one. Physical affection can have amazing benefits. A quick hug, kiss, or cuddle with someone you care about can make you feel more zen, and less frazzled. So make sure to grab as much physical contact from your loved ones as possible—you might be surprised by it’s ability to keep you feeling annoyance-free.
- Ask to give your partner a massage . That way, you’ll be showing appreciation while also getting some well-needed touch. Win-win!
- Do you have a family member who’s been feeling low? Give them a good squeeze. That way, you’ll both feel the hug’s healing benefits.
- Not sure who to ask? That’s okay! There might probably professional cuddlers in your area—or, people you can hire to help you lower stress through touch.
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Find a reason to laugh. Laughing has tons of surprising health benefits—and one of those is less stressed, annoyed feelings. Try injecting more humor into your day, or spend time with people you find really funny. There are so many ways to do this, but try out a few of these tips below: [14] X Research source
- Seek out funny media that you love, like comedic TV shows, movies, videos, books, podcasts, or magazines.
- Look for the humor in daily life. When things happen, try to see the silliness in your situation (the coffee shop wrote “Bark” instead of “Clark” on my cup—so funny!).
- You could even try something a bit off the beaten path—look for “laughing yoga” classes in your area, which help you giggle using breathing exercises!
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Cut yourself some slack—getting annoyed is just part of being human. The harder you are on yourself, the less control you might feel over your emotions. The truth is, we’re all just people doing our best. If you snap at a coworker or roll your eyes at a friend, remind yourself that you’re doing your best. And tomorrow’s a new day!
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I avoid letting people get to me?Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.Try not to take things personally. Often times, other people project how they're feeling onto you. When a situation arises in which a person is pressuring you, making you do something that you're not comfortable with, or making you question yourself, take a few breaths. Check in with yourself to see what you need in that moment, and let that person know that you need some space.
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QuestionHow can I stop being so angry at my friends?Community AnswerStart by thinking of the good things they have done for you. If you're having an irritable day, tell them, "I need a little space today, I am very stressed out." That usually does the trick. If it doesn't work, then think of a relaxing place, take deep breaths, count backwards from 50, and imagine you're talking to someone very important (like a boss, teacher, co-worker, etc.) who you wouldn't dream of disrespecting. This may help you to treat your friends more considerately when you're in such a mood.
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QuestionHow can I set realistic expectations of others?Community AnswerFirst, think carefully about the height of your expectations. Are you being unreasonable? If you have high standards, then you will expect high standards for others and may be annoyed when other people can't or won't attempt to reach them. However, that doesn't necessarily mean you should lower your expectations or standards. It may be better to build relationships with people who are on the same wavelength as you and share similar worldviews.
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Tips
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- "Positive thinking" can be a double edged sword. If you only cover up the negative feelings you have instead of getting to the root of them and fixing them, you will never truly grow. It isn't easy or pretty getting to the root sometimes, but it is for the best.
- It may be best not to react immediately to the person annoying you. If you feel the need to react however, be nice to them about it, even if you don't like them. Keep in mind they might not mean to be annoying.
- Remove yourself from the situation without arguing back or getting physical. Calm down in a quiet place where no one will bother you. Take a walk or listen to some calming music.
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References
- ↑ Nicolette Tura, MA. Empowerment Coach. Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.nhsborders.scot.nhs.uk/media/213536/controlling-anger.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-beginning-the-end/202109/how-lower-your-expectations
- ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/irritability-and-feeling-on-edge
- ↑ Nicolette Tura, MA. Empowerment Coach. Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
- ↑ https://www.news.ucsb.edu/2014/014375/universal-anger-face
- ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=1&contentid=4588
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2015/11/coffee
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-destructive-anger/202110/how-does-alcohol-use-interact-anger
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434
- ↑ https://hr.umich.edu/benefits-wellness/health-well-being/mental-emotional-health/learn-more-about-mental-emotional-health/thrive-stress-management-program/stress-management-tools-resources
- ↑ https://hr.umich.edu/benefits-wellness/health-well-being/mental-emotional-health/learn-more-about-mental-emotional-health/thrive-stress-management-program/stress-management-tools-resources
About This Article
Article Summary
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To be less annoyed with people, take a deep breath to separate yourself from the situation and think about something happy for about 10 seconds. Remind yourself that others will not do everything like you would, and lower your expectations of them. You don’t have to distrust them, but you should be okay with them doing things a little differently. You should also make a habit of assuming the best of those who annoy you, since they probably aren’t doing it on purpose. In the end, the small annoyances of life just aren’t worth worrying about. If you want to learn ways to change your attitude when you feel annoyed, keep reading the article!
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