How to Be a Good Mother

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The definition of a good mother varies depending on who you ask. However, most people agree that the most important thing is to love your children and make sure they feel loved . There aren’t any set rules for how to be a mom, but there are some guidelines you can use to parent your children in a loving way.

Here are 13 ways you can be a more supportive, loving mother.

1

Show affection often.

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  1. Affection reminds your child that they are loved unconditionally. Plus, it’s linked to higher self-esteem, better academic performance, fewer behavioral problems, and an overall stronger relationship between you and your child.
    • Make sure most of the interactions you have with your children are positive and loving. Strive to show affection daily.
    • If you have a baby, affection may simply involve holding your infant regularly or speaking reassuringly.
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2

Spend time with your kids one-on-one.

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  1. If you have multiple children, make an effort to hang out with each one on their own instead of as a group. Even short windows of time can strengthen the bond between you two. [1]
    • If you're dealing with a baby or toddler, one-on-one time might include getting down on the floor and playing with them.
    • For an older child, try doing a hobby with them, like baking, hiking, or doing arts and crafts .
3

Show your support.

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  1. Even if it’s not exactly what you’d choose for yourself, nurturing their interests can help boost your kid’s self esteem and make them feel confident in their own life. Their interests may come and go, so be prepared to shift gears fairly often. [2]
    • If your teenager has joined a band, give some positive feedback about the songs they write.
    • If your preteen is obsessed with space, buy them books or take them on a trip to the planetarium.
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4

Love your children unconditionally.

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  1. Even if your child messes up or you have to discipline them , let them know that you still love them. As a parent, your job is to love your child for who they are, not for who you wish they were. [3]
    • Try to avoid criticizing or blaming your child for their mistakes. Instead, focus on what they can do better next time.
5

Set clear, firm rules.

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  1. Hold a family meeting to verbalize the guidelines and be sure everyone understands the consequences if they don’t comply. Then, post a cheat sheet of the rules in a common area, like on the fridge. [4]
    • Make rules clear and concise but with a positive spin, like “Everyone should walk indoors” instead of “No running in the house!”
    • Depending on the age of your children, you might have an open discussion with them to decide on fair rules and consequences together. You might start trying to do this once your child is able to work out for themselves some consequences to misbehavior.
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6

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  1. You don’t have to be a stickler for discipline—if someone comes home 5 minutes after curfew, you can let it slide. However, make sure you enforce the rules that you’ve set up so your kids know you mean business.
    • Disciplining your children for rule-breaking doesn’t necessarily translate to being mean. Criticize the behavior rather than the child. This might sound like, “Isaiah, what should you do instead of pushing Charlie? Because you pushed, you’ll have to wait 5 more minutes before taking a turn to show how patient you can be.”
    • Make sure the consequences feel logical. For example, if your child watches too much TV and didn’t finish their homework, consider limiting their screen time.
7

Try to practice what you preach.

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  1. If you tell them not to lie, you shouldn’t tell lies either. If you often talk about the importance of healthy eating, try to stick to a balanced diet. Kids are more likely to follow the rules if you follow them, too. [5]
    • This also includes modeling things like being a hard worker and not using drugs or alcohol.
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8

Admit when you were wrong.

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  1. When you admit your mistakes and apologize for them, you show your children that you respect them as human beings. Admitting your own wrongdoing shows your kids that there’s nothing to be ashamed of about mistakes—as long as they fess up and try to make amends . [6]
    • For instance, if you accidentally compare one kid to another, acknowledge that it was wrong by saying, “Jeff, I want to apologize to you. I compared you to your brother yesterday and I shouldn’t have. Each of you is special with your own qualities. Will you please forgive me?”
9

Split responsibilities with your co-parent.

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  1. If you're parenting with a spouse or partner, ask them to share the load with you. If you're overwhelmed, request that they take on more duties, so you can rest. You might also give them specific tasks to do so that you're not bogged down. [7]
    • This might sound like, "Sweetie, I haven't slept well in days. Do you mind putting the kids to bed tonight so I can turn in early?"
    • If you don’t have a co-parent, that’s okay. Try to lean on your support system, like a good friend or family member, for help.
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10

Model healthy relationships.

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  1. Whether you’re with your spouse, co-parent, family members, friends, or strangers, you should always treat people with respect and kindness. Let your kids know what it means to be a good friend or partner, and show them how you actively listen , compromise , and share with others. [8]
    • Use teachable moments when you and your spouse disagree (on lighter matters) to show your kids how to work through conflicts.
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Treat your kids with kindness, no matter what. Talk things through with them like you would with any other adult to show them that you value them, too. Reciprocate what you want them to put out into the world—be a role model.


11

Take time for yourself.

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  1. It sends a message to your kids about the importance of managing stress and caring for oneself. Plus, spending time apart helps you decompress and helps them learn to do things on their own. [9]
    • Being stressed out affects your children, so carve out time for self-care daily. This might be unwinding with a long soak and a book each evening, or enjoying a quiet cup of coffee before the kids rise every morning. Just remember to take care of you!
    • Don't be afraid to tell your children that you're taking some time to yourself. Explain self-care to them and ask them what they do for self-care. This will build a healthy habit in your children.
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12

Try deep-breathing in times of stress.

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  1. If you ever feel yourself about to lose your cool, stop and take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. It might also help to count to 10 before you react to a situation. If you calm yourself down first, you can work on figuring out a solution without blowing up. [10]
    • Meditation and yoga can also help you lower your stress levels throughout the day.
13

Lean on your support group.

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  1. If you need to, reach out to a close friend or a family member to simply chat or get out of the house. You can also join a mom group in your local community to connect with others who also have kids.
    • Meet the moms of your kids’ friends at school, at church, or on the playground to make new friends.
    • It’s equally important to connect with others as a human being, not only as a mom! Hang out with friends, go on dates, and cherish your familial relationships, too.
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      Tips

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      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Prioritize your mental health with counseling or self-care. Children need whole, healthy parents. Don't compare yourself unfairly or dwell on past mistakes — simply focus on personal growth so you can nurture theirs.
      • Schedule regular bonding nights tailored to each child's interests, like crafts, sports or baking. These special memories mean more than material gifts. And don't overlook spending one-on-one time with each child.
      • Let natural consequences do the teaching if kids shirk responsibilities. Nagging often backfires. If a child leaves homework undone to watch TV, receiving a poor grade may motivate better choices down the road.
      • Before assigning new chores, consider their current workload — school, activities, jobs. Overburdening risks resentment. Fairness matters tremendously to kids. Lighten their load if it seems excessive.
      • Listen more than you speak. Ask about their views instead of imposing yours. Shared dialogue builds mutual understanding and respect. This cement the foundation of your lifelong bond.
      • Laugh with your kids, not at them. Mistakes happen to everyone, but ridicule hurts deeply and strains trust. React gently and transform failures into lessons learned instead.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/10/parenting
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201510/how-support-and-nurture-your-childs-passions
      3. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/nine-steps.html
      4. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/nine-steps.html
      5. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/nine-steps.html
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/improving-family-relationships-with-emotional-intelligence.htm
      7. ↑ Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA). Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator. Expert Interview. 25 August 2020.
      8. ↑ https://breakthesilencedv.org/how-to-model-healthy-relationships-for-your-children/
      9. ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/How-Taking-Care-of-Yourself-Makes-you-a-Better-Mom.aspx
      1. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/guides/first-1000-days/looking-after-yourself/stress-grown-ups
      2. ↑ Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA). Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator. Expert Interview. 25 August 2020.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To be a good mother, try to set clear, firm rules and be consistent with your consequences. For example, if your child pushes their sibling, give them the same punishment every time, like 5 minute time-out, so they know learn that breaking rules is a bad thing. Besides teaching good behavior, you can be a good mother by showing your love and support! You can ask your kids about their interests to show you care. Additionally, make sure to attend their games and performances, which will show your kids how proud you are. To learn how to split responsibilities with your partner to give yourself time to recharge, read more from our Counselor co-author!

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