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Exude elegance with these essential etiquette rules
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An elegant and mature lady is always kind, considerate, and respectful. Even if you don’t have formal etiquette training, you can still exude these qualities by having good manners and dressing appropriately for the occasion. We interviewed etiquette trainer Tami Claytor to find out how to properly speak, act, and dress like a lady.
Things You Should Know
- Practice basic etiquette, such as saying “please” and “thank you,” excusing yourself, offering to help others, and dressing appropriately for the occasion.
- Arrive on time and keep your promises to display maturity. Learn to forgive and move forward, and apologize sincerely when you make mistakes.
- Speak slowly and enunciate your words. Actively listen to people by maintaining eye contact, nodding your head, and asking them follow-up questions.
Steps
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Say “please” and “thank you.” Whether you’re speaking to a teacher at school or a waiter at a restaurant, start every request with “please.” Once someone completes something that you asked them to do, thank them to show appreciation and demonstrate that you have good manners . [1] X Research source
- Etiquette coach Tami Claytor suggests saying “I appreciate you” if you want to express gratitude. [2]
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Expert Source
Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020. - If someone gives you a present, write them a thank you note to recognize their care and effort .
- Etiquette coach Tami Claytor suggests saying “I appreciate you” if you want to express gratitude. [2]
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Expert Source
Tami Claytor
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Learn how to excuse yourself. If you need to leave an event early or make a call in another room, let other people know before exiting. You do not need to explain why you’re leaving but disappearing without telling anyone is considered rude. [3] X Research source
- If you need to leave the dinner table, ask “May I be excused?” [4] X Research source
- If you need to use the restroom, say “Excuse me. I’ll be right back.”
- If your phone rings, say “Excuse me. I need to take this call.” Apologize to the other person when you return and explain that it was important. Since it’s rude to be on your phone in social settings, only take the call if it’s an emergency.
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Practice good manners at the table. Wait for everyone to be served before eating, and put your phone away during mealtimes. Learn to use your utensils properly, and pass food around the table instead of reaching for it. To make a good impression, etiquette coach Tami Claytor says to “engage in conversation with the people to your left and right” and “offer a toast to say thank you [to the host].” [5] X Expert Source Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.- Chew slowly and quietly. Do not slurp noodles or soup.
- Close your mouth while you eat. Do not talk with your mouth full.
- Cut your food into small pieces. Do not put large portions in your mouth.
- Eat most of the food that your host prepares to be polite , or try everything at least once. If you have an allergy or special diet, tell your host as far in advance as possible.
- To hold a spoon
and fork properly
, Claytor says to “hold them by your index finger and your thumb and then rest it on your third finger.” [6]
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Expert Source
Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
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Volunteer to help others to show respect . If you notice that someone needs help, ask them if there’s anything you can do for them. Always offer your assistance, even if you’re certain that the other person will say no. To help someone, you could: [7] X Research source
- Let other people go before you.
- Drop off medicine to a sick friend.
- Bring a dish to parties and events.
- Offer to help carry something heavy.
- Drive an elderly family member around on their errands.
- Hold the door open for someone who’s coming in behind you.
- Give up your seat on the bus to an elderly or pregnant person.
- Ask if there’s anything you can do to help before and after dinner.
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Dress appropriately for the occasion. To dress like a lady , keep your clothes clean and ironed, and invest in high-quality pieces that will never go out of style. Make sure that your outfit is classy, modest, and not too revealing, and check if there’s a dress code before heading to an event. [8] X Research source Follow these dressing guidelines to show that you care about how you present yourself:
- Formal events: Wear a cocktail dress that is knee-length or longer at weddings and award ceremonies. Pair your look with heels, wedges, or ballet flats.
- Corporate settings: Wear tailored trousers, knee-length skirts, blazers, button-up shirts, blouses, and heels to look professional and polished.
- Business casual: If your workplace is more relaxed, wear nice khakis, black slacks, button-up shirts, knee-length skirts, and cardigans. Opt for kitten heels or ballet flats.
- Casual dress: When running errands or hanging out with friends, wear high-waisted jeans, shorts, longer skirts, solid-colored t-shirts, tank tops, cardigans, and sweaters. Finish your look with kitten heels, wedges, or ballet flats.
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Correct and improve your posture. Sit up straight and keep your elbows off the table when you’re at dinner or in a meeting. To maintain good posture , push your shoulders back and stretch your neck so your head is straight forward. Etiquette coach Tami Claytor also advises to “keep your knees and feet together and blanch your legs slightly” to sit like a lady. [9] X Expert Source Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.- Do not slump your shoulders or hunch over while you sit or walk.
- If you’re wearing a short skirt or dress, cross your ankles so the fabric doesn’t rise up.
- To improve your posture , keep your weight on the balls of your feet and walk as if you have a book balancing on your head.
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Maintain good hygiene . Shower daily to remove dirt, oil, and dead skin cells, and brush and floss your teeth at least twice a day—preferably in the morning and before bedtime. Wash your hands frequently, and wipe down your countertops, sinks, and toilets when they get dirty. When you prioritize your hygiene, it shows that you care about your health and the people around you. [10] X Research source
- Apply deodorant to reduce sweating and body odor.
- Cover your nose and mouth when you cough or sneeze.
- Use mouthwash, mints, or chewing gum to avoid bad breath after meals.
- If you’re on your period, change your pads or tampons regularly (at least 4-5 times a day). [11] X Research source
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Be punctual and keep your promises . Use a planner or app to stay on top of your responsibilities, and arrive at events on time or a few minutes early. [12] X Research source Keeping your word shows people that you’re reliable, respectful, and trustworthy.
- If something pops up that prevents you from fulfilling a promise, call the other person and explain the situation as soon as possible.
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Avoid gossip . No matter what you feel about other people, learn to keep judgmental thoughts to yourself. It is not polite or ladylike to gossip about others, even if they are not around to hear it. [13] X Research source If someone has insulted you, take the high road by ignoring the behavior.
- Avoid correcting or criticizing others, especially people you do not know or are not close to.
- If someone is bothering you, it’s okay to vent about it every now and then. Just make sure you trust the other person, and limit yourself to one or two people to trust with your secrets.
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Practice forgiveness . If someone has wronged you, holding a grudge will only lengthen your pain. Learn to let go of the things (and feelings) that no longer serve you by forgiving those who have done you wrong. Moving forward can improve your physical and emotional health, plus allow you to focus on the things that really matter in life. [14] X Research source
- Wait until someone apologizes before you tell them that you forgive them, and try to understand their perspective. You can say something like "I understand where you are coming from. I want you to know that I forgive you, and I don't hold anything against you."
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Maintain composure in tough situations. If someone is being rude to you, take a deep breath and choose your words carefully. This doesn’t mean you can’t express emotion or feel upset, but be mindful of your tone and volume. Try not to take insults personally, and don’t immediately react or allow yourself to stoop to their level. [15] X Research source
- If you feel that you’re too angry or upset to continue the conversation, say something like, "I can't have this conversation with you right now. I'm going to take a walk and we can resume this when we've both cooled down."
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Learn how to say no . Being mature and elegant doesn’t mean that you let others walk all over you. Don’t feel bad if you can’t do everything that people ask of you, and learn to say no in a polite but firm manner. If it makes you feel better, apologize before explaining why you cannot do something. [16] X Research source
- If you cannot help someone, you can say, “I’m so sorry, but I’m unable to help you with that. Let me know if there is anything I can do in the future.”
- If you can’t accept an invitation, you can say, “I’m sorry that I am missing the event. I would have loved to come, but I am busy that day.”
- If you are uncomfortable with the request, politely decline and say, “I don’t think it’s a right fit for me” or “I’m not sure that I’m the best person for that task.”
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Apologize sincerely . Whether you forgot to show up to a friend’s party or insulted someone in the heat of the moment, make it a habit to say sorry for your actions. It might be difficult to admit your mistakes, but it shows that you’re self-aware and empathetic. If possible, meet with the other person face to face to apologize properly. [17] X Research source
- If you can’t meet in person, a phone call or written card are thoughtful ways to say sorry.
- Be sincere in your apology. If you can’t think of anything to say, a simple “I’m sorry” works.
- You can say something like, "I understand why you're angry. I want you to know how sorry I am. Please let me know how I can make it up to you."
- Although you can offer an explanation if you think there was a misunderstanding, do not make excuses for your behavior.
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Express sympathy . If something bad has happened to someone you know, reach out to them as soon as possible to express your deepest condolences. Help them out by offering to run errands on their behalf, bringing them meals, or looking after their pet or child. [18] X Research source
- Bring flowers to a funeral or donate money to a cause in the deceased's name.
- If someone is in the hospital, take time to visit them or send a card to let them know that you’re thinking of them.
- You can say, “I’m so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and your family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I am here for you, even if you just need someone to talk to.” [19] X Research source
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Pronounce your words clearly and slowly. Enunciation is the key to sounding elegant and mature. To speak clearly , pace yourself and pronounce each syllable individually—speaking too quickly may cause misunderstanding or confusion. Use an appropriate volume to match the other person, and do not slur or mumble your words. [20] X Research source
- Only raise your voice if you’re in a loud setting, like a bar or party.
- Breathe from your diaphragm to develop a friendly tone and inject calmness into the conversation.
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Think before you speak. Consider the impact of your words before you say them. Think about whether someone might misunderstand you, then word your statements carefully so you don’t accidentally hurt or offend someone. [21] X Research source
- Avoid talking about politics and religion. These touchy subjects can cause disagreements between family and friends.
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Work on becoming articulate and well-spoken . Expand your vocabulary by using flashcards, reading the dictionary for fun, or downloading a “word of the day” app. Avoid using slang to sound more refined, and stop saying filler words like “Um,” “Like,” and “Hmm.”
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Actively listen to people. When someone else is speaking, nod your head, maintain eye contact , and listen without interrupting them. Give the other person your full attention so you appear engaged—lean into them, mirror their body language, and ask them follow-up questions to show genuine interest in the conversation. [22] X Research source
- Give short verbal affirmations to let the other person know that you’re listening, like “Okay,” “Go on,” or “I understand.”
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Avoid cursing. It’s best to keep your anger to yourself when you’re in front of others, but if that’s not possible, replace curse words with more appropriate phrases. [23] X Research source For example, you might say “Oh rats!” or “Fudgsicles!”
- To stop swearing , set up a swear jar where you put a dollar every time you curse. Donate this money or save it for an essential purchase.
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Tips
- Be generous and courteous in all areas of life, including school, work, and at home.Thanks
- Always focus on the person you’re talking to. Do not read, surf the internet, or text message while someone is talking to you.Thanks
- Think about other people’s feelings before making a decision. An elegant and mature lady is always kind, considerate, and respectful.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If something is bothering you, ignore it and move on. An elegant and mature lady doesn't have time to sit and think about the situation over and over again.
- If you're dining at a nice restaurant, wear formal clothes, be polite to the waiter, and don't forget to give a tip!
- Build a positive thinking mindset, and surround yourself with like-minded people who are elegant and sophisticated.
- Read classic novels by Jane Austen or the Brontë family.
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References
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/uploads/236/66843/Good_Manners_Final_Version.pdf
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
- ↑ https://www.englishclass101.com/lesson/english-grammar-made-easy-132-how-to-politely-excuse-yourself?lp=172
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/uploads/236/66843/Good_Manners_Final_Version.pdf
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/uploads/236/66843/Good_Manners_Final_Version.pdf
- ↑ https://youtu.be/tIy1AaTESro?t=292
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
- ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/personal-hygiene
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/personal-hygiene
- ↑ https://youtu.be/CuIGa4Qw8k4?t=999
- ↑ https://youtu.be/8qSLSOffW-0?t=319
- ↑ https://thriveworks.com/blog/learning-how-to-forgive-someone/
- ↑ https://www.commonsenseleadership.com/women-composure-and-leadership/
- ↑ https://speakingofwomenshealth.com/health-library/how-to-say-no
- ↑ https://youtu.be/Ngqb_d72OGY?t=235
- ↑ https://www.colorado.edu/ova/ways-express-sympathy
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-expressions-of-sympathy-should-stick-to-the-basics/2016/06/10/656798b0-2389-11e6-aa84-42391ba52c91_story.html
- ↑ https://youtu.be/8qSLSOffW-0?t=435
- ↑ https://youtu.be/8qSLSOffW-0?t=718
- ↑ https://youtu.be/8qSLSOffW-0?t=43
- ↑ https://youtu.be/Ngqb_d72OGY?t=267
About This Article
Article Summary
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Being an elegant and mature young lady is all about taking responsibility for yourself and being composed at all times. Always remember your manners, like saying “please” and “thank you” and not cursing. You should also try to think before you speak so you don’t risk offending someone by accident. Help out with chores like tidying dishes after dinner, tidying your home, and helping out at school or work. Sometimes life can get stressful, but try to stay calm so you can take on more responsibility without getting overwhelmed. Aim to keep your promises and be dependable to your friends and family. If you make a mistake, just apologize and try to do better next time. For more tips from our co-author, including how to dress as an elegant young lady, read on!
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