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As Winston Churchill once said, “A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.” [1] X Research source When you’ve decided you don’t like the topic of the conversation you're having or you sense that the person you’re talking with is uncomfortable, there are a number of ways you can steer the conversation in a new direction.
Steps
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Focus on the other person. Since people like to talk about themselves, focusing on the other person can make it easier to change the subject.- Choose a topic that you know is important to your conversation partner. Examples include hobbies, an upcoming event, or a work project.
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Pay a genuine compliment. This smooth way to change the subject can be used no matter who you’re speaking with. Find a specific aspect of the person’s jewelry, shoes, clothing, and say something nice about it!- You can also expand on this new subject by asking for more information about the item or feature you are complimenting. For example, “Where did you get that great tan?”
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Try the abrupt approach. If there is a lull in the conversation, change the topic completely rather than returning to it or trying to transition to another topic more gradually.- Ask a “conversation starter” question, such as: “What’s the oddest job you’ve done?” or “If you can have dinner with any three people, who would they be?” [2] X Research source
- Be honest if you're feeling uncomfortable! Say something like "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and I'm not sure what to talk about. Can we take a 2-minute breather and jump back in?"
- Reader Poll: We asked 2054 wikiHow readers about the best ways to change the topic during a conversation, and only 10% said using a conversation starter . [Take Poll] This might not be the most effective strategy so instead, choose a topic that your partner finds interesting or important.
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Consider your relationship. When deciding what topic you want to change the subject to, think about your relationship with the person to whom you are speaking. Are you trying to change the subject with a co-worker, someone you just met, or your mother-in-law? The stronger your relationship with the person, the more flexibility you have in topics to choose from. [3] X Research source- With strangers, stick to small talk. Since you don’t know the person, you can’t know what subjects might be touchy for them. The weather is almost always a safe topic.
- If you’re trying to get to know someone, trade information. For example, ask the person why they are at the conference where you just met. [4] X Research source
- With friends or co-workers, you can trade opinions. If you want to change the subject, give your opinion of a related topic. For example, your friend is complaining about the food at a restaurant that you chose, and you want to change the subject. Ask something like, “Isn’t this music unusual?”
- With close friends and family, you can discuss feelings. This is the most intimate topic of conversation, but emotions are a valid topic if you are trying to change the subject with your spouse or your sister. Ask how the person is feeling about something you discussed in a previous conversation.
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Be prepared! If you know you’ll be going into a situation where you’ll be talking to a lot of strangers, think of 2-3 topics for small talk before you get there.- Choose topics that are of interest to many people - hobbies, sports, and tech gadgets are a good place to start.
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Be prepared! If you know you’ll be going into a situation where you’ll be talking to a lot of strangers, think of 2-3 topics for small talk before you get there.
- Choose topics that are of interest to many people - hobbies, sports, and tech gadgets are a good place to start.
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Focus on the present situation. Talk about the place where you are - the decor, the landscaping, the event, the city, etc.- Get your conversation partner thinking. Ask “How many people do you think are here?”
- Point out something unusual in the environment. For example, “Did you see that huge dog over there?”
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Expand your audience. Another way to change the subject is by bringing a new person into the conversation. Either introduce your conversation partner to someone else you know, or ask your partner to introduce you to someone.- If neither of you knows anyone at an event, suggest going together to a lively group and introducing yourselves together.
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Excuse yourself from the conversation. You can tell the person you’ll be right back if you’d like to keep talking to them - a few minutes apart creates a natural reason for the topic to change.- Use a common excuse. Take a trip to the restroom, or to the buffet, or to get a few minutes of fresh air. [5] X Research source
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Make small changes. You can shift the topic of conversation instead of changing it abruptly, by branching out in small steps from the subject that you are currently talking about.- Use ‘word association’ to shift from one topic to another. For example, if you have dragged on the subject of skiing or snowboarding too long, go on to talk about the weather up north, which can eventually branch to talking about the weather down south.
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Use the ‘yes, but’ method. You can build a bridge from one topic to another by agreeing with the speaker, and then using the word ‘but’ to change to a new topic.- For example, if you don’t want to hear any more about cars, you can say, “I love fast cars! But I’m actually really into running fast.” [6] X Research source
- Other transition words/phrases include: “That reminds me of…” and “By the way…”
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Ask questions. Let your conversation partner help you change the topic of conversation. Listen carefully what they are saying and ask questions that steer the conversation in a different direction.- Make your questions open ended. This means they cannot be answered by a yes or no. Begin your question with the Who, What, Where, When, Why, or How to get a more detailed answer. [7] X Research source
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Bring the conversation back an earlier topic. Maybe the conversation has just gone off on a tangent. Reintroduce an earlier topic by saying something like “I was really interested in what we were talking about earlier - can you tell me more?”
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you change the subject without being awkward?Eze Sanchez is a Life & Relationship Coach and the Founder of Eze Sanchez Coaching in Gainesville, Florida. He's been practicing as a coach since late 2016 and has more than 1,000 hours of collective training and experience in personal development. He specializes in helping people find self-acceptance, self-empathy, and self-love through building accountability and kindness for themselves. Eze has an Associates Degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Central Florida, a diploma in Massage Therapy from the Florida School of Massage, and a certificate from the Satvatove Institute School of Transformative Coaching.Just be honest! One degree of honesty could be saying "I'm not really finding this conversation engaging and I really want to enjoy our chat. Can we talk about something else instead?" You could also say something like "You seem really passionate about what you're talking about, but it's not really something I can relate to. Would it be okay if we find something that is relevant to both of us that we can both be excited to talk about?"
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QuestionAfter a lengthy conversation on a topic, I asked if we could change the subject, twice. She responded "no" and kept going. We now have a difference of opinion on protocol. Am I wrong to not continue to listen? Or is she wrong not to let it go?Community AnswerIf you don't want to keep listening or participating in the discussion, leave and find someone else to talk to. If she has a problem with that, explain to her (politely) that you didn't want to talk about that so you found a neutral solution.
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QuestionHow do I get out of an interview?Community AnswerTell them you have a family emergency and you will try to schedule it for another day - but never do.
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Tips
- Let the other person know if you can't really connect with what they're discussing. You might say "It seems like you're very passionate about this, but it's not really something I can relate to. What if we talk about...?"Thanks
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Warnings
- Avoid making yourself the subject of conversation too quickly.Thanks
- It’s safest not to offer advice unless the other person asks for it.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/winston_churchill_100446
- ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/conversation-starters-interesting-smalltalk-topics/
- ↑ https://time.com/3006280/mastering-the-art-of-conversation-7-steps-to-being-smooth/
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/ask-these-20-questions-to-get-to-know-people/
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/238978
- ↑ https://www.cnn.com/2012/06/26/living/five-ways-to-change-conversation/index.html
- ↑ https://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/power_of_charm/chap31.html
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you need to change the subject in a conversation, try a subtle strategy like reintroducing an earlier topic by saying something like “I was really interested in what we were talking about earlier - can you tell me more?” Or you can use the “yes, but” method by building a bridge from one topic and then using “but” to change to a new subject. For example, if you don’t want to hear any more about cars, say “I love fast cars! But I’m actually really into running fast.” For more crafty ways to change the subject, like how to use an external distraction, read on!
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- "I met a girl on Badoo and I tried to impress her with heavy English, and that backfired when she caught my flaws. I needed to change the topic to save my stance with her, and I used the use an earlier topic to salvage any hope of recovery. Still waiting for a text back." ..." more
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"I met a girl on Badoo and I tried to impress her with heavy English, and that backfired when she caught my flaws. I needed to change the topic to save my stance with her, and I used the use an earlier topic to salvage any hope of recovery. Still waiting for a text back."
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