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Healing parent-child codependency in adulthood
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You've likely heard of codependency in the context of a romantic relationship, but it's possible for parents to have a codependent relationship with their children as well. And even though these parents may believe they have their children's best interests at heart, they can cause lasting psychological and emotional damage. Read on to learn the signs of codependency in a parent and what you can do to heal from and improve this relationship, whether you're the parent or the child.
Things You Should Know
- A codependent parent has an unhealthy attachment to their child and tries to control the child's life and behavior as a result of that attachment.
- Codependent parents find their self-worth in caring for their children, so they have difficulty enforcing boundaries and are overly involved in their children's lives.
- Heal from a codependent relationship by establishing healthy boundaries and practicing self-care. Individual or group therapy can also be helpful.
Steps
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow does codependency between a parent and child show up, especially around mental health?Anna Svetchinkov, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Mental Health Advocate, and Author based in Florida. With over 15 years of experience, she helps individuals, couples, and families nationwide and worldwide overcome challenges and achieve their goals through speaking engagements and presentations. Anna is a dynamic presenter who's appeared on major media networks, including PBS, FOX, ABC, and NBC, sharing her expertise in family therapy and mental wellness. She's a published author with over 30 books for children, adolescents, teens, and adults, covering topics related to mental health and wellness. Passionate about destigmatizing mental health, she founded the non-profit "I Care We All Care." Anna has received several awards for her contributions to the mental health field and was selected as one of Florida's ‘40 under 40.’ She received a BS in Psychology and a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from UMass Boston and is pursuing her Ph.D in Clinical Sexology from MSTI.Codependency can manifest in a lot of ways with parents and kids. A common situation is "helicopter parenting" where the parent overly controls and hovers over everything the child does. This excessive control prevents the child from becoming independent. It can lead to low self-esteem, self-doubt, and poor self-worth. For the parent, letting the child transition to adulthood is hard because of their deep need to control. In extreme cases, parents might even stop the child from getting mental health support. For example, if both parent and child have the same condition like OCD, they connect through that shared experience. But if the child starts improving and the parent doesn't, the parent may feel threatened and sabotage the child's progress. While rare, it's important to watch for signs of codependency and get help to break the dysfunctional cycle.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about human behavior, check out our in-depth interview with Anna Svetchnikov .
References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/codependency.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201908/boundaries-and-the-dance-the-codependent
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/codependency.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202011/10-signs-you-re-in-codependent-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201908/boundaries-and-the-dance-the-codependent
- ↑ https://www.parents.com/kids/development/what-is-parentification-spotting-the-warning-signs-and-how-to-let-kids-be-kids/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201707/the-root-overprotective-parenting-codependent-parents
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/codependency.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202010/how-conquer-codependency
- ↑ https://www.mhanational.org/co-dependency
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202010/how-conquer-codependency
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201904/why-codependents-use-denial-defense-mechanism
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/codependency.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201908/boundaries-and-the-dance-the-codependent
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/codependency.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202011/10-signs-you-re-in-codependent-relationship
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/codependency.htm
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1992-05804-001
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201908/boundaries-and-the-dance-the-codependent
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201908/boundaries-and-the-dance-the-codependent
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