How to Comfort Your Sister when She Is Crying

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

When your sister is upset, she might turn to you for comfort. No matter what’s upsetting her, you can be supportive and helpful. Offer her a shoulder to cry on and be a good listener. If she wants it, you can offer to help her. Once you’ve had a good talk, try to find an activity to help cheer her up. If your sister is still a child, you can comfort her by helping her to calm down and finding a solution to whatever is bothering her.

Method 1
Method 1 of 2:

Having a Helpful Conversation

PDF download Download Article
  1. 1
    Offer to listen. When she’s crying, your sister might be feeling hurt, angry, stressed, or sad. It might give her some relief to talk about what she’s going through, so offer her that option. Be a good listener by maintaining eye contact and showing that you are paying attention with verbal and vocal cues. [1] [2] Here are some things you can say:
    • “Wow, you’re going through a lot.”
    • “Would it help to talk it out? I’m happy to listen.”
    • "It's okay to cry. You can let it all out. I'm here for you."

    Did You Know? Sometimes people need to "cry it out." If your sister is too upset to talk, don't push her. [3] Instead, sit with her while she cries and wait until she's ready to speak.

  2. 2
    Offer comforting words. As your sister talks, you can soothe her with gentle responses. Tailor what you say to what she’s going through. Remember, people cry for a lot of different reasons. You also probably know her best, so try to think of something that will be a comfort to her. [4]
    • If she is really upset, try just murmuring, “It’s okay to cry” or “I’m here for you” until she calms down a little.
    • Avoid statements telling her how to feel, like "don't be sad" or "it'll be okay." Though you mean well, she might think that you don't understand.
    Advertisement
  3. 3
    Ask questions to show that you’re listening. This is one of the most important parts of being a good listener. Let your sister know that you are really hearing her by responding to her with questions about what she’s going through. Keep your tone gentle, though, so that she doesn’t feel like you’re grilling her. [5]
    • Say, “What exactly did Taylor do that is making you so upset? I want to make sure I understand what you’re dealing with.”
  4. 4
    Validate her feelings . Let her know that it's okay to feel the way she feels. This helps comfort her and it lets her know that you're on her side. [6] [7] Here are examples of validating things to say:
    • "I can see this is important to you."
    • "That sounds like a tough situation."
    • "Just because it isn't a big deal to your friends doesn't mean it isn't a big deal to you. It's okay to be upset about it."
    • "Yes, that does sound frustrating."
    • "I can see you're disappointed. Losing a game is no fun."
    • "It sounds like you're really scared. It must be hard."

    Tip: Keep in mind that some people, especially little kids, might get upset over things that don't seem important to you. But it's still important to her.

  5. 5
    Try asking what would make it better. After she's had time to cry and process her feelings out loud, she may be ready to move on to finding solutions to a problem. Try asking her what might make things easier. [8] Here are some examples of things you could say:
    • "It sounds like you're really frustrated with Dad right now. What do you think would help make things better?"
    • "We can't skip your vaccines, but maybe we can make them easier for you. What do you think might make it go better next time?"
    • "I didn't realize I was bothering you when I did that. What could I do differently to avoid upsetting you?"
    • "What helpful things could I do the next time you get overwhelmed?"
  6. 6
    Offer help if she'd like it. Sometimes people just need to cry it out, but in some situations, they might want your advice or assistance. You can offer help if you genuinely think you can. [9] (And don't be offended if she doesn't want help. Maybe she needs to figure it out on her own.)
    • "Would you like me to sit with you and hold your hand while you tell Mom and Dad about this?"
    • "Should I run and get Mom if I think it looks like you're going to have another episode?"
    • "Would it help if I invited you shopping with me so you could pick out more foods that you like?"
  7. 7
    Stay by her side if she doesn’t want to talk. Sometimes people just want company when they’re upset. If your sister seems reluctant to talk, just be near her until she feels better. You can sit right next to her or even just be in the same room. [10]
    • Try saying, “I get that you don’t feel like talking. I’ll just hang out with you until you feel a little better.”
    8. Advertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 2:

Cheering Your Sister Up

PDF download Download Article
  1. 1
    Offer her a hug. Sometimes physical touch can make a world of difference to someone who is upset. If you and your sister are physically affectionate, reach out and give her a good hug. If you know she sometimes doesn’t like to be touched, try to respect that. Ask her before going in for the hug. [11]
    • Just say, “You look like you could use a hug. Can I give you one?”
  2. 2
    Find a creative project to work on together. Offering a distraction is a great way to help someone find some relief. Look for something creative to do that will take her mind off of things but doesn’t require that much brainpower. Suggest some options that you think she might enjoy. [12]
    • For example, you could say, “Hey, do you want to focus on something else for a bit? I could use some help designing my holiday card.”
    • If she likes fashion, you could ask her to do some online shopping with you.
  3. 3
    Do a physical activity to work through the stress. Exercise is a great way to deal with negative emotions. Suggest getting up and moving around. Just make sure to pick something that’s in her comfort zone so that you don’t cause her more stress. [13]
    • For example, if your sister has asthma, don’t ask her to go for a challenging run. Instead say, “I found a great new yoga studio. Do you want to go stretch it out and forget your worries for an hour?”
  4. 4
    Go out for a treat together. Grabbing a bite to eat can be a simple way to help your sister feel better. Maybe as kids you two enjoyed ice cream. Offer to take her out for a scoop! [14]
    • If you enjoy cooking, offer to cook her favorite dish. Better yet, cook a meal together!
    • The treat doesn’t have to be food. You could head out to get a manicure together.
  5. 5
    Look for ways to make her laugh. If you two have any inside jokes, now is the time to try one out. As her sister, you can probably make her laugh as well as anyone, so give it a go. Make a joke or make a silly face. Maybe it’s time to pull out that impersonation of your mother that always cracks her up. [15]
    • You could also turn on a funny show or ask if she wants to watch a silly movie.
    • If she doesn’t feel like laughing, that’s okay. Just try other ways to comfort her.
  6. 6
    Encourage her to go outside. Fresh air can do a lot of good when someone is feeling down. Try to get your sister to step outside with you, even if it’s just for a little bit. Of course, if the weather is awful, you can save this option for another time. [16]
    • Ask if she wants to go on a walk. You could even just sit together on the porch with a cup of tea.
    7. Advertisement


Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    What do you say to your sister when she is crying?
    Kirsten Thompson, MD
    Board Certified Psychiatrist
    Dr. Kirsten Thompson is a Board Certified Psychiatrist, Clinical Instructor at UCLA, and the Founder of Remedy Psychiatry. She specializes in helping patients with mental health conditions such as major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, and postpartum depression. Dr. Thompson holds a BS in Operations Research Industrial Engineering from Cornell University and an MD from The State University of New York, Downstate College of Medicine.
    Kirsten Thompson, MD
    Board Certified Psychiatrist
    Expert Answer
    Ask her about her feelings and what made her feel that way. When she answers, try to provide some comfort and affirmation by saying something like "I'm sorry you are feeling this way, and I appreciate you sharing this with me. Is there anything I can do to help you?"
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 5 Helpful 16
  • Question
    What shouldn't you say to someone who is crying?
    Kirsten Thompson, MD
    Board Certified Psychiatrist
    Dr. Kirsten Thompson is a Board Certified Psychiatrist, Clinical Instructor at UCLA, and the Founder of Remedy Psychiatry. She specializes in helping patients with mental health conditions such as major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, and postpartum depression. Dr. Thompson holds a BS in Operations Research Industrial Engineering from Cornell University and an MD from The State University of New York, Downstate College of Medicine.
    Kirsten Thompson, MD
    Board Certified Psychiatrist
    Expert Answer
    Don't invalidate or minimize their feelings in the moment. Even if you have the best intentions, comments like "This isn't a big deal" will only make the person feel misunderstood.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 4 Helpful 12
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • Don’t get offended if your sister doesn’t want your company. Sometimes people need to be on their own.
        Thanks
        Helpful 9 Not Helpful 4
      • If your sister is going through something truly difficult, offer to help find outside support.
        Thanks
        Helpful 4 Not Helpful 5
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Have a Bond with Your Sister
      What to Say & Do to Comfort Someone Who’s Crying
      How to
      Be a Good Big Sibling
      How to
      Get Along with Your Sister
      How to
      Comfort a Crying Woman
      How to
      Cry On the Spot
      15+ Ways to Make Yourself Cry and Let Out Your Feelings
      How to
      Fake Cry
      The Best Ways to Treat Puffy, Swollen Eyes from Crying
      Why Do I Cry When People Yell At Me? Potential Reasons & How to Deal With It
      How to
      Hide That You've Been Crying
      Why Does a Good Cry Leave You Feeling So Exhausted?
      How to
      Make Your Eyes Water
      How to
      Hide Tears at School
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ Kirsten Thompson, MD. Board Certified Psychiatrist. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
      2. ↑ https://anydayguide.com/post/693
      3. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/newborns/behaviour/crying-colic/crying-0-8-years
      4. ↑ https://anydayguide.com/post/693
      5. ↑ https://www.talkspace.com/blog/what-to-say-to-someone-when-theyre-inconsolable/
      6. ↑ Kirsten Thompson, MD. Board Certified Psychiatrist. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.chop.edu/pages/crying-over-little-things
      8. ↑ Kirsten Thompson, MD. Board Certified Psychiatrist. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/48-ways-to-cheer-someone-up
      1. ↑ https://www.talkspace.com/blog/what-to-say-to-someone-when-theyre-inconsolable/
      2. ↑ https://www.everydayhealth.com/healthy-living/guide-hugging/
      3. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/48-ways-to-cheer-someone-up
      4. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/48-ways-to-cheer-someone-up
      5. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/48-ways-to-cheer-someone-up
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways-to-help-a-friend-or-family-member-with-depression/
      7. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/gallery/48-ways-to-cheer-someone-up

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Seeing your sister cry can be heartbreaking, but you can help her feel better by comforting her. One of the best things you can do is just be there to listen. Ask her if she wants to talk about it. If she does, listen, nod along, and say things like, "It's OK," and "I'm here for you." If she doesn't want to talk about it, just sit quietly with her and let her cry it out. When she's finished, you can try doing something to cheer her up, like going out to eat, going shopping, or watching a funny movie. Remember that it's OK if you don't know exactly what to do or say. Just being there for your sister should mean a lot to her. For more advice, like how to comfort your sister if she's really young, keep reading.

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 147,058 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Kyle Eschivalia

        Feb 18, 2020

        "The article helped me figure out things with my sister in many ways. It made my sister and I grow a stronger bond ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement