So your father thinks you are autistic. While autism may not be such a bad thing, some parents may not share that point of view. And besides, you know for a fact that you are NOT autistic! However, you still find it hard to convince him of the truth. Well, worry not, because here is how you can do it easily and efficiently.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 2:
Understanding the Situation
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Non-judgmentally ask your parents why they feel this way. Listening closely will help you understand exactly why they have come to this conclusion. If you understand it, then you can be ready to refute it. Here are some questions it may help to ask:
- What symptoms have you noticed in me?
- What sort of research have you done?
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Take some time to consider what they have told you. Where, exactly, could they be mistaken, and why? Is there any truth to their words? Take some time to think about it.
- Could your symptoms be explained by something else? Social anxiety, dyspraxia, avoidant personality disorder, sensory processing disorder, generalized anxiety, and simple introversion may be confused for autism.
- Not all sources are reliable. Anti-vaxxers and quacks are known to distort and invent facts, and Autism Speaks (the most prominent autism organization) has an entire boycott movement against it. Your parents may have read misinformation.
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Research autism and its symptoms. Read the diagnostic criteria, and various articles describing autism. Read how autistic people describe their brains (not only what non-autistics observe in them). Here are some of the general symptoms:
- Difficulty with communication (understanding and/or speaking)
- Trouble understanding what others are thinking; upsetting them by accident
- Fidgeting
- Difficulty staying organized and getting things done
- Trouble managing emotions
- Out-of-sync or lopsided development (e.g. reading long chapter books before learning to ride a bike)
- A few extremely passionate interests
- Sincerity, literal thinking
- Sensory sensitivity, or under-sensitivity (e.g. loud noises hurting you)
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Rid yourself of any misconceptions. If you spout inaccurate information to your parents, they'll correct you and you'll feel like a fool. You can also correct any misconceptions they may have.
- Autistic people do care about others, often quite deeply. However, not all of them know how to show this in ways that others understand.
- Autism is not a childhood disability. It is lifelong. There is no "cure."
- Autism is not limited to white boys. People of all ethnicities, ages, and genders can be autistic.
- Autism is not an epidemic. It isn't contagious, the word "epidemic" is misleading, and autistic people have many unique gifts to offer the world.
- Each autistic person is different. Some need a lot of support, while others go for decades without knowing why they're different. The degree to which they have different symptoms may vary.
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Read how autistic people describe their experiences. As you read, notice what you relate to, and don't relate to. Keep an open mind.
- If you relate to most of the experiences, there's a good chance you're on the spectrum. Because each person is a unique individual, no one relates to every single experience.
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Read about disabilities and conditions that could be mistaken for autism. Research each one the way you've approached autism, spending more time on the ones that sound more like you. Consider whether you might have one or more of these instead of autism (or if you have some of these in addition to autism).
- Social Anxiety is characterized by overwhelming fear around people, not cluelessness. You might fear judgment and rejection, and have a hard time talking to people whom you don't consider "safe." You can make eye contact with "safe" people easily, but not others.
- Dyspraxia is a movement disability. You might be clumsy, have a hard time in sports, have difficulty with fine motor skills (writing, drawing, cutting food), and hurt yourself more often.
- Sensory processing disorder distorts your senses. You may be especially sensitive, or under-sensitive. It often co-occurs with autism but can occur without it.
- Avoidant personality disorder is similar to intense shyness. You might fear people, avoid new situations for fear of humiliation, be unable to bear criticism and have no close friends or lovers.
- Introversion is a personality trait, not a disorder. If you're quiet because you enjoy solitude and thinking, but don't have many autistic traits, you might only be an introvert.
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Consider the possibility that you are autistic. If you find yourself relating to a number of the things you read, you could be on the spectrum.
- It's possible to have most, but not all, of the common symptoms. It's also possible to not realize right away that you have a symptom (not recognizing that your breakdowns are meltdowns, not realizing that your constant finger-tapping and bouncing is stimming).
- Autism isn't an insult. Being autistic wouldn't mean that anything's "wrong" with you, or that you should feel ashamed of your brain.
- Diagnosis in teen or even adult years is possible. Some people have more obvious symptoms than others.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 2:
Convincing Your Parents
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Be sure that you are certain about your conclusion that you aren't autistic. If you have lingering doubts, you aren't going to argue effectively, and there's a chance you could be wrong. Do your research until you're sure.
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Tell your parent(s) that you'd like to talk to them about something important. If they are busy at the moment, then you can schedule the conversation for a later time, when they can give you their complete attention. Good times to talk can be...
- During a long car ride
- While doing chores together (laundry, cooking, cleaning)
- After a scheduled event, like supper
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Explain the research you've done. It helps to let your parent(s) know that you've listened to them, taken their concerns seriously, and put thought into your conclusion. This demonstrates maturity and makes you sound more convincing. For example:
- "Mom, I heard what you said about Asperger Syndrome. I was confused, so I researched it. I looked up a variety of autism-related organizations, read the DSM criteria, and read what autistic people had to say."
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Discuss why you conclude you are not autistic. Explain the symptoms that you don't relate to, and the symptoms that could be described by something else.
- "I read about autistic people's experiences, and they all sounded so intense. I couldn't relate to their confusion about social situations, meltdowns, or dislike of eye contact. I love meeting people, and it energizes me. It didn't sound like me at all."
- "I don't feel clueless around people. I feel scared. I worry that they're going to judge me. I avoid eye contact with strangers and people who might judge me, which is why I can look my little sister and my friends in the eye, but not Dad or other adults. I researched social anxiety, and this sounded closer to my experiences."
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Agree to see a specialist, if all else fails. While autism specialists aren't perfect, they can offer an educated and authoritative opinion. Your parent(s) are more likely to listen to them.
- Be completely honest with the specialist: why your parents think you're autistic, and why you don't agree.
- Read Be Ready for an Autism Assessment, adapting the steps to provide evidence that you aren't autistic. For example, reflect on your life to recall anecdotes that provide evidence of how you don't have certain symptoms (e.g. your parents' surprise at how independent you are).
- Many autism specialists are also therapists, who know how to deal with difficult people. If your parents are refusing to listen, the specialist can help convince them.
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Tips
- If none of the steps above work and you just can't convince your father of the truth, even with the help of a medical professional, you do not have to worry. It is more important for medical professionals to know you are not autistic than your dad. That way, if he tries to put you on medication or in therapy, he will not be allowed.Thanks
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Warnings
- Be cautious about autism treatments. Some of them are based on pseudoscience, and compliance-based therapies can do a lot of damage.Thanks
- Don't leap to the conclusion that you aren't autistic. Autism is a very misunderstood condition, and it might not be what you think it is. Take it seriously, on the off chance that you are autistic.Thanks
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