Fertility and having children is a central issue for many couples and even single women. It can be very challenging—both emotionally and physically—if you are not able to have children at all or are undergoing fertility treatments. Questions from and expectations by the outside world can make it even more difficult. By dealing with the physical and emotional aspects of infertility and seeking support, you can deal with infertility.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Handling the Physical and Emotional Effects of Infertility
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Acknowledge your feelings. Anyone experiencing infertility often has a wide array of feelings such as denial, shock, numbness, anger, guilt, and shame. Acknowledging these feelings can help you start to get over them. Giving your feelings the proper attention by acknowledging them and seeking support through friends, family members, and even health professionals can give you power over them and any related situations you may encounter. [1] X Research source
- Remember that your feelings are completely natural. [2] X Research source
- Write down your feelings about your infertility or consider keeping a journal to track your progress or even just give you a private space in which to deal with your feelings.
- Make sure you don’t hide your feelings from those people with whom you are close. They may find it difficult to understand how you truly feel if you mask it with smiles and “I’m okay.”
- Avoid forcing yourself to feel a certain way. Instead, welcome any anger or sadness you feel and then let it go. [3] X Research source
- Consider saying daily positive affirmations to help you acknowledge your feelings. You could say something like, “I am so angry I can’t have children, but I am strong and my life will be just as full without kids.”
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Let yourself grieve. Grief can be a normal reaction to infertility. Whether you’re still hoping to having a successful pregnancy or are unable to carry a child, your mind is likely already grieving. Not allowing yourself to mourn the loss can cause stress and anxiety and won’t allow you to feel better again. [4] X Research source
- Approach the grief process with infertility as “grieving a dream.” This can help make it more concrete and also cue your mind into knowing that your feelings of loss are completely normal.
- Talking to your partner, family, friends, or even writing in a journal can help you get through the grieving process.
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Ignore social stigmas. Most people are socialized, but fertility and having children are something about which many people feel entitled to comment. People may make insensitive remarks about you not having children without knowing your situation. In some cases, people may even feel it acceptable to make comments like, “if you hadn’t waited so long.” These types of comments and stigmas, which are often a result of lack of information, may make you feel guilt, shame, stress, anxiety, or depression. Learning to ignore comments and social stigmas can help you to cope with your infertility.
- Avoid worrying about how other people may react to your infertility. Ignoring negative comments and reactions can help you more readily cope with the disorder. Telling yourself, “What other people think is their business” may help you gradually disconnect from negative comments and social stigmas. [5] X Research source
- Counter a negative comment with, “you know, I’m undergoing fertility treatments right now and it’s been really stressful” or “unfortunately, I can’t have children” that people are genuinely helpful, concerned, and eager to support you.
- Re-channel negativity by taking a deep breath and thinking of something positive, like doing an activity you love. For example, say to yourself “I may be struggling with infertility, but the condition doesn’t own or define me. I can go out and laugh with other people and even children.”
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Manage stress and anxiety. Infertility and its treatment can cause any person considerable stress and anxiety, be it physiological side effects, money concerns, and treatment failure. Taking active steps to reduce and manage any stress in your life can also help you cope more effectively with your infertility. [6] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- Step away from any situation that causes your stress if you are able. This might include going to baby showers or children’s birthday parties. [7] X Research source
- Use deep breathing techniques to help yourself relax or get through stressful situations. You can do this by sitting or standing up straight and inhaling deeply through your nose for a few seconds. Then hold it and exhale through your nose for the same amount of time as you inhaled. Do these breathing exercise for five minutes when you feel stressed or anxious can help relieve your feelings. [8] X Research source
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Pamper yourself. Taking care of and having time to yourself can help reduce stress and make you feel better. If you are dealing with infertility and any related emotional or physical issues, schedule “me time” to distract your mind and give yourself a break.
- Consider activities that keep you engaged with other people who don’t remind you of your infertility. For example, have lunch with a work colleague or enjoy happy hour with friends.
- Do things that allow you to pamper yourself and reduce stress such as taking a gentle yoga or meditation class or getting a massage. Allow yourself to buy something nice or do an activity you love such as mountain climbing or making pottery. Even reading a book in the bath is a nice way to pamper yourself.
- Remember that you should never feel guilty for wanting some time to pamper yourself. It is important for reducing stress and promoting your overall wellbeing.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Seeking Support
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Schedule an appointment with a doctor. If you are having trouble getting pregnant, undergoing fertility treatments, or have been diagnosed with infertility, schedule an appointment to see your doctor. He or she may be able to help you find ways to cope with related physiological and psychological issues that arise as a result of infertility. [9] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- Let your doctor know about your feelings related to your infertility. He or she may be able to discuss them with you or refer you to a specialist.
- Consider seeing a mental health professional to help you cope with your feelings. This may help you better cope with your own feelings or with situations you encounter in the outside world.
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Talk to your partner. The stress of infertility can lead to problems in any relationship. Having open, honest, and loving conversations with your partner or loved one can help keep your relationship strong. It can also help both of you effectively cope with your infertility. [10] X Research source
- Remember that you and your partner won’t always be on the same page. Finding compromise through honest conversation can help you navigate any problems that arise. For example, say, “Stephan, I know you really want a baby, but these fertility treatments are really hard on me. We need to figure out how long we’re going to continue them.”
- Consider reestablishing intimacy through conversations. Enjoying nonsexual and sensual talk with your partner can help both of you deal with your struggle. [11] X Research source
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Keep yourself and loved ones informed. The old truism that knowledge is power can help you and others cope with your infertility. Making sure that you, your partner, as well as family members and friends stay informed about infertility may help everyone understand what you’re feeling and provide you the necessary. [12] X Research source
- Stay in touch with your doctor about the latest developments in infertility or your specific condition. Use this information to keep your loved ones in the loop. You can also draw on online resources to inform yourself and your loved ones more about infertility. [13] X Research source This may also give you ideas on how best to cope with it. For example, the National Infertility Association offers different resources on infertility, including ways to best cope with it. [14] X Research source
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Tell people about your struggle. It may be difficult to talk to family, friends, and others about your struggle with infertility. Speaking with people honestly about it can help you cope with infertility. Being open may also minimize the risk of uncomfortable situations or questions. [15] X Research source
- Decide how much of your struggle you want to share. Consider rehearsing what you’re going to say to people. You may want it to be in private so that you can show your emotions. For example, you could say, “Infertility is a life crisis that affects 1 in 8 couples. Christopher and I are one of those couples. It’s been so stressful and we’re trying to make it through this.”
- Let people know how they can support you and how much you’re willing to share. For example, say “It’s so kind of you to ask and be supportive. I’m willing to tell you some of what’s happening, but I’m also having a hard time wrapping my head around it, so I might hold back at times.”
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Join a support group. Talking to others who are struggling with infertility can be a significant source of support for you. Joining a support group for people with infertility can offer you unconditional support from others who really understand what you’re experiencing. A support group may also help you more effectively deal with your feelings and other aspects of infertility.
- Participate in a local support group or join an online support community. Groups such as the National Infertility Association can help you locate both types of groups.
- Remember that a support group is a safe space where you can be yourself. You may find that sharing your feelings openly can help you more readily embrace them and deal with your infertility.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Dealing with Stressors Associated with Infertility
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Relieve side effects of infertility treatments. If you are undergoing drug- or hormone-based fertility treatments, you may be experiencing a variety of psychological and physical side effects. These can make any emotions or physical sensations you’re experiencing even worse. Keeping your doctor in the loop about any physical or emotional symptoms you are having during fertility treatments can help you get relief from side effects. [16] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- Be aware that it is vital that you let your doctor know any side effects you may be experiencing, especially if they are psychological. He or she can identify if the side effects are related to the medications and what the next best steps are to relieve your discomfort.
- Recognize the psychological symptoms that fertility drugs may cause: anxiety, sleep disruption, mood swings, irritability, depression, mania, and the inability to concentrate.
- Realize that certain drugs may also cause headache and breast tenderness. Both of these symptoms are often easily relieved with a mild pain reliever.
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Balance time spent with doctors with enjoyable activities. If you are undergoing fertility treatments, chances are you are spending a lot of time in your doctor’s office or thinking about your next visit. This can compound any stress you feel in the process of trying to get pregnant. As often as you can, do something enjoyable to counter the time spent with your doctor or thinking about your next appointment.
- Do something that you enjoy or that actively relieves your stress and can distract you. This could be something like getting a massage, going away for a weekend, or having a nice dinner with friends.
- Try doing enjoyable activities with your partner. Your relationship may be heavily focused on administering drugs, having sex, and other aspects of fertility treatments. Doing something as a couple can remind you of the reasons you’re together and trying to have a child. It may also relieve ongoing stress.
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Meet with a financial advisor about paying for treatments. Costs for infertility treatments are significant. A typical cycle of IVF (in-vitro fertilization) can cost upwards of $14,000. For many couples, infertility treatments present a considerable financial burden, even with insurance. Getting the help of a financial advisor may relieve some of your worry and help you find ways to afford fertility treatments without depleting your finances. [17] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- Gather all of your financial information, such as pay stubs and investment records, before you meet with a planner. Let him or her know that you’re struggling with paying for infertility treatments and want to know ways you can sensibly continue them. Answer any questions the advisor has honestly so he or she can give you the best advice for your situation. Make sure to ask any questions you have about your financial health and how it impacts your ability to continue treatment. [18] X Research source
- Be aware that in the United States, only 15 states mandate insurance coverage for infertility treatments. Even then the extent of the coverage varies widely. Copayments or limitations in your coverage can mean you still have significant out of pocket costs. [19] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source This is also information you need to provide to your financial planner, who may be able to suggest different insurance companies.
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Get counseling for outcome-related anxiety. In addition to the stress that accompanies treatments, the choices you make about them and potential outcomes can cause significant anxiety. Feeling anxious about miscarriage, if you should undergo prenatal testing, and whether to continue treatment are all normal reactions to infertility treatments. [20] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source Talking to an infertility counselor can help you—and your partner—deal with the stress and anxiety of dealing with potential outcomes and choices you have to make as a result of fertility treatments. [21] X Research source
- Ask your OB/GYN or fertility specialist for a referral to an infertility counselor. Let him or her know why you want to see the counselor so that he or she can offer complementary care to therapy.
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Tips
- Spoil your partner in addition to yourself. Remember that you're in this together and even if one of you expresses his or her emotions more readily, it isn't easy on either of you.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.resolve.org/support/Managing-Infertility-Stress/emotional-aspects.html
- ↑ http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/infertility/causes/coping-with-the-stress-of-infertility/
- ↑ http://www.resolve.org/support/Managing-Infertility-Stress/emotional-aspects.html
- ↑ http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/infertility/causes/coping-with-the-stress-of-infertility/
- ↑ http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12627/4-steps-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-you.html
- ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The-psychological-impact-of-infertility-and-its-treatment
- ↑ http://www.babycenter.com/0_therapists-top-ten-tips-for-coping-with-fertility-problems_3935.bc
- ↑ http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/infertility/causes/coping-with-the-stress-of-infertility/
- ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The-psychological-impact-of-infertility-and-its-treatment
- ↑ http://www.resolve.org/support/you-and-your-partner/
- ↑ http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/infertility/causes/coping-with-the-stress-of-infertility/
- ↑ http://www.resolve.org/support/Managing-Infertility-Stress/coping-techniques.html
- ↑ http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/infertility/causes/coping-with-the-stress-of-infertility/
- ↑ http://www.resolve.org/about-infertility/
- ↑ http://www.resolve.org/support/talking-about-infertility/
- ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The-psychological-impact-of-infertility-and-its-treatment
- ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The-psychological-impact-of-infertility-and-its-treatment
- ↑ http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10000872396390443686004577635963452298248
- ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The-psychological-impact-of-infertility-and-its-treatment
- ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The-psychological-impact-of-infertility-and-its-treatment
- ↑ http://www.reproductivefacts.org/FACTSHEET_Infertility_Counseling_and_Support/
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