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If you have a younger brother, chances are you have gotten into your fair share of fights. When brothers and sisters fight, it is called sibling conflict or rivalry. Solving a conflict with a younger sibling can often feel frustrating and exhausting. Fights between siblings are totally normal, but it is important to figure out how to resolve conflicts on your own. With some patience you can create a stress-free friendship with your brother.
Steps
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Take a deep breath. Take a second to breathe so that you can think about the problem with your brain rather than your emotions.- One great breathing exercise to help you calm down is called the "Four Square" method. Inhale in for four counts, hold it for four counts, exhale for four counts, rest for four counts, then take two normal breaths. [1] X Research source . Repeat this as many times as you need to until you feel calm.
- If your emotions are running high, chances are you will only add to the conflict.
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Give yourself space. If you need to, find some privacy and distance from your brother. Go to another room to think about the problem. [2] X Research source .- Get some fresh air. Being outside and around nature is a great way to cool off. [3] X Research source . Check in with your parents and go for a walk outside or in your backyard.
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Distract yourself. Take twenty minutes to do something you love. Listen to a song you love [4] X Research source or read a chapter in a book. If you get your mind off the problem for a bit you'll be able to see things more clearly when you come back. -
Write out your feelings. Grab a notebook and write about the problem for just twenty minutes. Put all your stresses and frustrations on the page. This will help you move toward clarity and positivity more quickly [5] X Research source -
Put yourself in your brother's shoes. Younger children usually start fights with their siblings out of fear or jealousy. [6] X Research source Often they are just seeking attention. [7] X Trustworthy Source Michigan Medicine The University of Michigan's medical center, which provides patient care, supports research, and educates the public on health topics Go to source Try to be sympathetic with your brother and think about what might be causing him to act the way he is. [8] X Expert Source Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.- Don't get too mad. Lashing out might get you into trouble. Try to understand the problem
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Start a conversation. The best way to resolve any fight is through open communication. [9] X Expert Source Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.- Find somewhere quiet and invite your brother to talk about the situation with you.
- Enter the conversation with a positive attitude. If you are defensive or upset he will sense it in you.
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Tell your brother how you feel. If you are feeling frustrated by his behavior, tell him. Your brother may not understand the consequences of his actions. Be honest about your emotions. [10] X Expert Source Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.- One good way to share your feelings is through the "I-Message" method. [11] X Research source . Create a sentence using: "I feel_____________when you___________because___________." This will prevent your little brother from feeling attacked. If your little brother ignores you, then let him know that this means a lot to you.
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Know when to apologize. It may feel from your perspective that you have done nothing wrong. But younger children are often sensitive and feel powerless. Let your brother know that you are on his side and are trying to fix the problem by apologizing.- Sometimes it is necessary to let go of your pride in order to solve a conflict, especially with someone younger than you.
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Listen to your brother. Young children often feel their feelings are unheard in a family. Show him that you care about him and understand him by being a good listener.
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Show your love. Even if you fight with your brother, at the end of the day he is still family. If he feels loved and cared about, he will be less likely to start conflicts with you. Tell him you love him with your words or actions. [12] X Expert Source Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 12 August 2021. -
Compliment your brother on his achievements. When your brother does well in school, or helps you in some way, give him a compliment. This will help create a relationship of support between the two of you. -
Plan activities with your brother. Spending time together can strengthen your relationship and make him feel like he is getting proper attention from you.- Schedule a regular "hang out" time with your brother. This is a good way to show him he is loved and supported. He will also be more likely to give you privacy when you need it if you have a specific time set aside to play.
- Offer your help with homework or other projects. Your little brother probably looks up to you and helping him is a good way to show you are there for him.
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Lead by example. You are an important role model for your brother. He makes choices about how to behave based on what he sees you do.- If you are angry and combative with your brother, he will treat you the same way. If you are patient and kind with him, he will learn to be patient and kind with you.
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Ask your brother for space. While it is important to have a good relationship with your younger brother, you need time for yourself as well. Tell him kindly that you need time for yourself every day.- When asking for space, do so very gently. It may be difficult for your little brother to understand that you can love him and still want some space from him.
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Ask your parents for space from your brother. Your parents might not understand that you are older now, and need some more privacy. Talk to them about your needs. Together you can create ways to find distance and avoid conflict with your younger brother. -
Find ways to get out of the house. Physical distance will help you feel more independent and more appreciative of your brother's presence when you are home.- Look for after-school activities. Your school or local community center probably has after school art classes, sports teams, or drama productions. Ask your teachers and parents about ways to spend time outside of the house.
- If you share a room with your younger brother, create a space somewhere else in the house that is yours. Start doing your homework in the kitchen or on the couch. You might not have your own room, but creating a regular space to work or read can help you feel more independent in your home.
- The local library is a great, safe space to spend time outside of your family. Talk to your parents about spending time there after school or on the weekends.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhy is my sibling so annoying?Dr. Rebecca Kason is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist licensed in both New York and New Jersey. She specializes in adolescent mental health, dialectical behavior therapy, and cognitive-behavioral therapy. Dr. Kason treats clients struggling with emotional dysregulation, behavioral disorders, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, depression, and phobias. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology from The University of Delaware and a Master's degree in Applied Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University. Dr. Kason completed an APA accredited internship at Mount Sinai Services. She is a member of the American Psychological Association and Association for Behavior and Cognitive Therapy.They might feel like you get more attention from your parents, or they might genuinely want to spend time with you and don’t know how to ask for that time in a respectful way.
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QuestionHow do I deal with my annoying little brother stealing my belongings?Community AnswerYou could get a lock on your door, hide your stuff, tell your parents, or set up a camera in your room to catch him red-handed.
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QuestionWhy does my little brother turn the light off in my room when he gets angry with me?Community AnswerHe is probably trying to annoy you. Switching the light back on won't help - it's the reaction he wants!
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Tips
- Revenge is not recommended. It is not healthy or kind to hold grudges and retaliate; this ruins both your mental peace and your brother's. Your brother may be annoying you because he is bored, or because he is suffering himself, so take a compassionate approach instead.Thanks
- Involve your parents when necessary. If the fight gets out of control and you feel unable to handle the situation, find a responsible adult.Thanks
- Be patient. Remember that he is younger than you and does not know how to express himself or handle all of his emotions. You were once his age and probably felt similarly powerless. Try to be sympathetic with where he is in his life.Thanks
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Warnings
- Never start yelling, that will just make the fight continue longer.Thanks
- Never use violence against a sibling. This is dangerous and can only make the problem worse.Thanks
- If you feel unsafe, or if your brother is physically hurting you, tell a parent or responsible adult immediately.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://acclaimhealth.ca/four-square-breathing-technique/
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/sibling-rivalry.html
- ↑ https://www.eehealth.org/blog/2020/10/take-a-hike-relax-in-nature/
- ↑ https://batonrougeclinic.com/how-to-calm-down-fast/
- ↑ http://www.oprah.com/health/Fast-Stress-Relief-Calm-Down-Quickly/4
- ↑ http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/11/sibling-rivalry-a-history/382964/
- ↑ http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sibriv.htm
- ↑ Rebecca Kason, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
- ↑ Rebecca Kason, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
- ↑ Rebecca Kason, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effective-communication-skills-i-message-and-beyond
- ↑ Rebecca Kason, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
About This Article
Article Summary
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Little brothers can be a little annoying sometimes, but try your best to stay calm so you don't make things worse. Take a few deep breaths whenever you feel yourself getting annoyed at your little brother. If you need some space, simply walk away and go to your own room or outside to have a break. Spend some time distracting yourself so that you can think more clearly when you return. It can also help if you learn how to communicate clearly with your brother. Have an open conversation with your little brother if you feel annoyed by telling him how you feel so the problem doesn't escalate. Remember to keep a positive attitude while you talk to him so he doesn't feel defensive or upset. For more advice on dealing with your annoying little brother, like how to have a better relationship with him, read on!
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