How to Discipline Home Schooled Children

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Disciplining a homeschooled child can be a tricky task. After all, they are at home all the time so there is more that can go wrong. When homeschooling you need to make sure that your expectations are clear and that rules are fair. This wikiHow article will show you what you need to know.

Steps

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  1. Wake-up, breakfast, lunch, dinner, playtime, and nap time for younger kids should all be on a schedule. Bedtime should not be negotiable for any reason. [1]
    • For instance, you might require that all homeschooling is finished for the day before your child is allowed to play video games.
  2. Your rules should lay out a clear and concise foundation for what your child is and isn't allowed to do. These rules should vary based on your child's age. Make sure your child knows what each rule means if there are any exceptions, and what happens if they are broken. These rules should evolve with your child as they get older. After a new rule is added, you should monitor how the rule is being followed and how your children are reacting to it so you can make any changes if they prove necessary. [2]
    • Preschoolers aged 3-4 will need simpler and easy-to-understand rules. At this age, children are likely to forget or ignore rules and will need reminders about what these rules are. For example, "Remember, we sit down when we eat" or "Inside voices when indoors". [3]
    • School-age kids and pre-teens between the ages of 8 and 10 might not need as many reminders and will be able to follow rules without your help in most situations. For example, children at this age will likely remember to brush their teeth before bed or to wait for an adult before crossing the road. [4]
    • For Teenagers, rules are still important, but to a lesser extent than preschoolers or pre-teens. Things such as rules around alcohol usage, drugs, vaping, sex, dating, and curfews are all important rules for teenagers. It might pay off to negotiate with your teen and sign safety agreements. For example, you might want them to send you a text message when they leave their friends' houses and are on their way back home. At this age, a change in language from "rules" to "expectations" may be more appropriate as it can help your teen feel as if they are being guided rather than controlled. [5]
    • As your child gets older, start relaxing some rules. Curfew might become 11 pm instead of 9 pm, for instance.
    • When setting rules, listen to your child. While they shouldn't have the final say in deciding the rules, your child, especially an older one, should be included in the rule-making process. This way, they can suggest compromises and voice their opinions on rules. If you include your child in making rules, they are more likely to see the rules as fair and follow them. [6] [7]
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  3. Having a ruleset for your house is pointless unless you have consequences for breaking them. Even the most well-disciplined kids will have a bad day from time to time. Children who are well-disciplined typically have it a lot easier with homeschooling, both on their end and for you. Make sure that they understand that any rulebreaking will result in consequences and what these consequences are ahead of time. [8]
    • If your child doesn't know that something is against the rules or results in a consequence until it happens, what are they supposed to do?
    • Consequences should be age-appropriate. Younger kids may get a time-out, whereas older kids and teenagers may have privileges taken away, groundings, extra chores, etc.
  4. If your child has broken a rule, give them a warning, such as "If you do _____ again, then you will go to time out" or "If you hit _____ again, you will lose your _____". By giving them a warning you are reminding them that something is against the rules and will result in a consequence. [9]
  5. Time-outs, sometimes also known as corner time, are an excellent way to discipline younger children, as they remove them from the situation and give time for both of you to calm down. Time-out should be used immediately after the misbehavior and should last roughly 1 minute per year of the child's age, so a 4-year-old would get a 4-minute time-out, an 8-year-old would get 8 minutes, and so on. [10]
    • Set up a designated location for a time-out, so you don't have to pick a location in the heat of the moment. This location should be free from distractions, such as toys, electronics, etc. [11]
    • Pets should be taught to avoid the child while they are in time-out, or blocked from reaching the child.
    • If you have something to say to your child, wait until after the time-out.
    • Warn your child that a behavior will result in a time-out. [12]
    • Time-out isn't as effective for older children, so make the most of it when your kids are around 3-10 years old.
  6. If you find that your consequences aren't helping, then instead of focusing on punishing bad behavior, rewarding good behavior may work better. For instance, at the start of the month, you could say that if your child gets a good grade (B or above) on their test, you will get them a treat. If they come home with a "C", then the consequence is that they don't get the treat. [13]
    • Positive reinforcement shouldn't be used as a substitute for a consequence. If your child breaks a rule, they should still be punished for it.
  7. Children, especially younger ones, look up to their parents and will often copy them. If you preach the importance of saying "please" and "thank you" to everyone but then have a hissy fit at a waiter because they brought you the wrong meal, then you are delivering mixed messages! If you don't want your kids cussing, don't cuss in front of them yourself. If you don't want your teenager smoking or vaping, quit vaping/smoking yourself. [14]
  8. While it may sound tempting and is probably something you received as a child, corporal punishment is ineffective and has been linked with increased aggression in children if it is used regularly. If corporal punishment is a result of previous consequences being ineffective, then maybe it's time to find a new technique.
    • In addition, 67 countries now have laws that consider spanking to be child abuse and illegal, while 27 more countries have committed to introducing laws to ban spanking. Spanking is illegal in most of the developed world, with most places in Europe, South America, and the UK having laws that restrict or ban spanking as a punishment. [15]
    • Spanking is also outlawed in schools in most of the developed world, such as all of Europe, most of South America, parts of the USA, and some places in Asia and Africa. [16]
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      Tips

      • Set fair expectations. If you know that your child is struggling in math class and has a "D-", then instead of demanding an "A+" setting your expectation for a C or a B may be more realistic.
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      Warnings

      • Punishment should never be given out of anger. If you need time to calm down, remove yourself from the situation for 5-10 minutes, and then punish your child.
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      • No matter how angry you get or whatever the situation is, please do not abuse your child. This includes spanking with anything other than a hand, removing basic needs (water, food, etc), conditional love (I will only love you if you do -----), etc, and the list goes on.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.setonmagazine.com/latest-articles/ask-the-experts-how-do-you-discipline-in-your-homeschool
      2. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/behaviour/rules-consequences/family-rules
      3. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/behaviour/rules-consequences/family-rules
      4. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/behaviour/rules-consequences/family-rules
      5. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/behaviour/rules-consequences/family-rules
      6. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/behaviour/rules-consequences/family-rules
      7. ↑ https://www.daniel-wong.com/2023/08/04/teenager-house-rules/
      8. ↑ https://www.setonmagazine.com/latest-articles/ask-the-experts-how-do-you-discipline-in-your-homeschool
      9. ↑ https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/how-discipline-your-child-smart-and-healthy-way
      1. ↑ https://childmind.org/article/how-to-make-time-outs-work/
      2. ↑ https://childmind.org/article/how-to-make-time-outs-work/
      3. ↑ https://childmind.org/article/how-to-make-time-outs-work/
      4. ↑ https://www.setonmagazine.com/latest-articles/ask-the-experts-how-do-you-discipline-in-your-homeschool
      5. ↑ https://www.setonmagazine.com/latest-articles/ask-the-experts-how-do-you-discipline-in-your-homeschool
      6. ↑ https://endcorporalpunishment.org/countdown/
      7. ↑ https://endcorporalpunishment.org/countdown/

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