How to Encourage Children to Participate in New Activities

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Help a shy or uninterested child try new things & find what they enjoy
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Participating in a new activity can be intimidating for children of all ages—while you see the short and long-term benefits, they might feel shy, nervous, or bored. Thankfully, by encouraging and guiding them, you can help them become excited to participate in activities. Keep reading for easy ways to encourage a shy or uninterested child to participate in an activity, whether you’re a parent, teacher, or other influential figure in a child’s life. We even spoke to a teacher, pediatrician, and parenting coach to get expert advice on fostering and encouraging children’s participation skills.

Best Ways to Encourage Children to Participate

To encourage children to participate in an activity, find out what they enjoy. Try a variety of options, considering the child’s interests and personality. Start with small-group or parent-child activities so they don’t feel overwhelmed. Urge them to try things more than once, and let them know you’re proud of them.

Section 1 of 5:

Encouraging Your Child to Participate in an Activity

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  1. When looking for an activity a shy or uninterested child will enjoy, consider what their interests are and what personality traits may make them more inclined to enjoy certain activities. If the child is particularly outgoing, for example, you may want to sign them up for a social activity like a soccer team, rather than a solitary activity like cross-country running. [1]
    • If the child is curious and adventurous, for example, try taking them hiking as a form of strength training, recommends pediatrician Tiffany Jumaily, MD. [2] Allowing them to explore and learn more about the outdoors may help them get over their reluctance to participate in activities. [3]
  2. While it takes some time and effort, introducing the child to a number of different activities will help you both narrow down what they like and don’t like. Once they find an activity they’re interested in, they’ll be much more likely to get out there and be active and engaged. [4]
    • For example, take them to both a football game and a yoga class. If they seem bored in the yoga class but attentive during the game, try signing them up for a competitive group sport.
    • While this is particularly important for young children, it can also be helpful for older children as well. By encouraging them to try out a wide variety of new activities, you’ll show them it’s never too late to start participating in something that’s both fun and good for their physical and mental well-being.
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  3. If you know a child is shy and nervous to try a new activity, try taking them to watch it first so they’ll have a better idea of what to expect. Shy children may need more time to get accustomed to new places, people, and activities. By taking them to watch the activity beforehand, they’ll likely feel more comfortable when it’s time for them to participate. [5]
    • If you aren’t able to go to the activity location beforehand, show them pictures or videos of the activity online. [6]
    • For example, if you’re trying to encourage your shy middle schooler to play ice hockey, taking them to watch a practice at the rink may help them feel more comfortable and confident ahead of their first practice.
  4. To help a shy child feel more comfortable with new activities, sign them up for activities that take place in small group settings. While joining the football team may be overwhelming for some shy kids, for example, small group tennis lessons may be a less intimidating environment. [7]
    • Activities that are more individualized and have an easier pace are another good option. Yoga classes, for example, are a great option for shy children because they can participate in their own way and move at their own pace.
  5. Trying a new activity can be stressful and intimidating for shy children, which might make them want to dismiss an activity after the first try. In many cases, though, they might just need another attempt to gain a bit more confidence. Urge them to try it one more time to see if they like it better once they know what to expect. [8]
    • The exception is if the child experienced physical, mental, or emotional harm the first time they tried the activity. In that case, reassure your child that they don’t have to return or participate again.
  6. If you’re finding it hard to motivate a child to be more active, try making time to do activities with them. If you want them to spend more time being creative, sign up for a parent-and-child art class. If you want them to exercise more, go for bike rides together. Leading by example shows them the benefits of these activities and allows you to spend some quality time together. [9]
    • Let younger children tag along to activities you participate in. By modeling participation, you give them the chance to imitate your behavior by making it a normal thing, says Wits’ End Parenting. [10]
    • Try scheduling fun activities you can do as a family. Going for bike rides, shooting hoops at the park, and rollerblading are all great activities that encourage your children to be more active and confident.
  7. Whether the child excels at an activity or not, it’s important that you use positive reinforcement to show them that you’re proud of them for participating. Giving them a hug, a high five, or complimenting something they did well will go a long way in helping your shy child feel more confident. This in turn motivates them to continue participating in the activity and improving. [11]
    • For example, if your daughter recently joined the school orchestra and had her first concert, try telling her afterward, “You sounded amazing during that last song!”
      • Even if they made several mistakes throughout the concert, focusing on what they did well helps boost their confidence and feel more inclined to stick with it.
    • In addition, it can be helpful to use rewards occasionally to encourage your child to participate. For example, if they’ve been hesitant to participate in classroom activities at school, offer extra dessert as a reward for a positive report from their teacher. 
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Section 2 of 5:

Getting Older Children to Participate in Activities

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  1. 1
    Let them try a new activity without commitment. Instead of pushing your pre-teen or teen into committing to a year’s worth of music lessons, rent a guitar for a week to see how they like playing, advises teen life coach Desiree Panlilio. [12] Not only does it lessen the cost for you if they decide to quit, but it gives them a chance to participate in a potential new activity without pressure.
    • While you might think you know what activity they’d be perfect for, Panlilio notes that it’s important to ask them what they’re interested in and why. [13] That way, you find out which activities they actually want to participate in and can nurture their interests.
  2. There will inevitably be situations where older kids need to participate in activities they don’t like. Explain why it’s important they participate, and what they’ll gain by doing so—whether it’s new friends or something to put on college applications. They’ll be more inclined to participate if they understand the benefits. [14]
    • For example, if your child is in high school and wants to quit working on the school paper, try making it clear to them why they should continue to participate. Instead of telling them, “Because I said so,” take time to explain how honoring their commitment to the paper is respectful to their peers and good for their college applications.
  3. If a child is reluctant to participate in an activity they’ve never done before, they may have a narrow idea of what that activity entails. If they’re not interested in participating in the most obvious sense, try encouraging them to participate in some capacity, even if it’s not how they originally envisioned. [15]
    • For example, some students participate in classroom activities by raising their hand a lot. Others participate by answering questions and taking diligent notes. By explaining the variety of ways a child can participate in school, they’ll be more likely to figure out what works best for them. 
    • If you’re trying to encourage your son to get involved in more extracurricular activities but he’s not interested in joining a sports team, for example, try encouraging him to participate by becoming the team’s student manager.
  4. To encourage an older child to participate in an activity they don’t want to do, try first asking them why they enjoy an activity they’re already involved in. If you can assess what motivates them to participate in that activity, you may be able to find ways to apply that to the new activity as well. [16]
    • For example, if you’re trying to get your daughter to read more and watch TV less, try first asking her, “You’re so committed to your bowling league. What do you like about it so much?”
    • If she tells you that she loves bowling because it’s fun and she gets to hang out with her friends, try suggesting she start a book club with her friends. By adding in the social aspect that she loves about bowling, she may be more motivated to read.
  5. It can be frustrating if your child doesn’t show interest in something that you think would be good for them. While it’s important that you encourage them to give it a fair chance, if they aren’t enjoying it, they likely won’t be motivated to participate. [17]
    • In addition, if you try to force them to participate in something that they’re really just not feeling, they could end up feeling resentful towards you and the activity. 
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Section 3 of 5:

Helping Children Participate in Activities in Class

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  1. When you sense that a shy child is reluctant to participate, try putting them in a pair or small group with a few outgoing children that you know will be welcoming and encouraging. In a small group setting, outgoing children may pick up on the child’s reluctance and help them open up and feel more comfortable with the activity. [18]
    • Similarly, try getting them involved in activities with their friends or children they know so they’ll feel more comfortable from the get-go.
    EXPERT TIP

    Courtney Copriviza

    Elementary School Teacher
    Courtney Copriviza is an Elementary School Teacher based in Maui, HI. Courtney specializes in elementary education, classroom management, and social and emotional development. She holds a BA in Communication with a minor in Urban Education and an MA in Teaching from Santa Clara University. Courtney has also taught high school in Madrid, Spain. She is a member of Kappa Delta Pi International Honors Society in Education.
    Courtney Copriviza
    Elementary School Teacher

    Ask students to help welcome shy peers. Prime students by telling them they need to foster a community that’s kind, respectful, and open. Give shy and timid new students a buddy for their first week to help them build confidence.

  2. In many cases, shy children are reluctant to participate in activities because they’re intimidated by the social aspects. To help them move past this, try giving them a role in the activity that requires them to interact with other kids. Interacting in a structured setting can help them feel more comfortable being social with others and participating on their own over time. [19]
    • For instance, if you’re teaching a middle or high school debate class, try assigning a shy child to serve as the debate moderator or timekeeper. They’ll be able to participate and interact with other kids without the pressure of debating on a team themselves.
  3. If you notice that a child isn’t self-motivated, try encouraging them to get involved in group activities where other people will depend on them to do their part. Like adults, older children are often motivated to honor their commitments because they know others are depending on them. Finding a group activity helps hold them accountable while giving them a strong sense of purpose. [20]
    • If you’re a high school teacher and you’ve noticed that one or more of your students isn’t participating much in class, try giving the class a group project. Assign each group member a specific role.
      • Students who are usually reluctant to participate may feel the pressure to contribute more since their group members are relying on them.
  4. 4
    Do new activities alongside children who are struggling. If you see a younger child struggling to participate, they may want help or reassurance. Approach them and ask if they need you to demonstrate or help them with the activity, says PE teacher Paige Bowen, MA, EdM. [21] By modeling the activity, you help them see that they can do it, too—and that it can be enjoyable to participate.
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Section 4 of 5:

How to Respond if Your Child Refuses to Participate

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  1. 1
    Ask them why they don’t want to participate. Get to the root cause of their refusal to take part in the activity. Do they feel shy and nervous about meeting new people? Did they find the coach or teacher too intense? It’s important to learn why the child doesn’t want to participate so you can address any fears, insecurities, bullying, or other obstacles they’re facing. [22]
    • The child may be scared or embarrassed to open up at first because they think their reasoning is silly or they don’t want to disappoint you. Reassure them that you want to help them participate and have fun, and that you’re there to help them with any concerns they have.
  2. 2
    Validate their concerns. If a child shares that they’re worried about trying a new activity because they’re shy, bored, or uncomfortable, acknowledge their feelings. Don’t shut them down by trying to explain why their feelings are incorrect. Instead, take time to talk about why they might feel that way and what you can do to support them as they try a new activity. [23]
  3. If a child seems reluctant to participate in an activity, it can be helpful to take some time to talk to them about the aspects you know they’ll enjoy. By focusing on how much fun they’ll have, you’ll be able to get them excited to get started. [24]
    • For example, if you’re trying to get a middle school child to be more physically active, sign them up for their school’s rowing team and emphasize how much fun they’ll have with their teammates.
    • You may say, “You’ll have so much fun being on the water every afternoon at practice, and you’ll get to hang out with your best friend even more!”
  4. 4
    Take a break before trying another activity. If a child recently finished an activity or tried one and decided not to continue, wait a few weeks before asking them to try a new one. After a failed attempt to participate, they may be nervous about jumping into a new activity again. Plus, during the break, they can think about what they want to try next.
  5. 5
    Give them time to become confident with participating. Every child is different. Some are naturally confident and curious about new things, while others take a long time to warm up to activities. What’s important is that you’re patient and supportive of the child every step of the way. Eventually, they’ll find what they enjoy and be eager to participate in an activity without needing your encouragement anymore.
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Section 5 of 5:

Is it normal for kids to resist participating in an activity?

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  1. Yes, it’s normal for children to resist participation sometimes. Like adults, children get scared about trying new things, meeting new people, and entering new environments where they don’t know what to expect. Unlike adults, they don’t always understand why they should participate or that it won’t be as bad as they fear. By encouraging them and supporting them, you help them become more comfortable with participation over time. [25]
    • As a parent, relative, or educator, help a shy or uninterested child by validating their resistance to participate in an activity. Let them verbalize their feelings and concerns. Encourage them to try anyway, validate their successes, and reward them when they do participate.

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  • Question
    How can I get my child interested in activities?
    Wits End Parenting
    Parenting Specialists
    Wits End Parenting is a parent-coaching practice based in Berkeley, California specializing in strong-willed, “spirited” children with impulsivity, emotional volatility, difficulty “listening,” defiance, and aggression. Wits End Parenting's counselors incorporate positive discipline that is tailored to each child’s temperament while also providing long-term results, freeing parents from the need to continually re-invent their discipline strategies.
    Wits End Parenting
    Parenting Specialists
    Expert Answer
    Pay attention to what they're curious about and try to find activities that help promote that curiosity.
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      • Choose age-appropriate activities so your child won’t feel out of place—especially when looking for physical activities. Pushing a child into an activity that they aren’t ready for or able to fully do could be both emotionally and physically harmful. [26]
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      • Get any supplies your child will need for the new activity ahead of time so they’ll be prepared. Feeling prepared can calm their nerves and make them more willing to participate. [27]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/201704/encouraging-young-children-participate-in-school
      2. ↑ Tiffany Jumaily, MD. Board Certified Pediatrician. Expert Interview. 16 March 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/empowering-your-child/building-on-strengths/9-ways-to-help-your-child-explore-strengths-and-passions
      4. ↑ https://www.ahealthiermichigan.org/2014/12/04/5-ways-to-motivate-your-kids-to-participate-in-extracurricular-activities/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/201704/encouraging-young-children-participate-in-school
      6. ↑ https://patch.com/new-york/scarsdale/tips-to-introduce-reluctant-children-to-group-activities
      7. ↑ https://m.independent.ie/life/family/mothers-babies/how-to-encourage-a-shy-child-38369210.html
      8. ↑ https://www.ahealthiermichigan.org/2014/12/04/5-ways-to-motivate-your-kids-to-participate-in-extracurricular-activities/
      9. ↑ https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/fitness/fitness-basics/aha-recs-for-physical-activity-in-children
      1. ↑ Wits End Parenting. Parenting Specialists. Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.
      2. ↑ https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-your-child-get-motivated-in-school/
      3. ↑ Desiree Panlilio. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview. 12 October 2021.
      4. ↑ Desiree Panlilio. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview. 12 October 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-motivate-teenagers-part-1/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/201704/encouraging-young-children-participate-in-school
      7. ↑ https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-motivate-teenagers-part-1/
      8. ↑ https://www.ahealthiermichigan.org/2014/12/04/5-ways-to-motivate-your-kids-to-participate-in-extracurricular-activities/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201709/how-can-teacher-help-shy-child
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201709/how-can-teacher-help-shy-child
      11. ↑ https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-motivate-teenagers-part-1/
      12. ↑ Paige Bowen, MA, EdM. Physical Education Teacher. Expert Interview. 9 March 2020.
      13. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/talk-to-children-about-feelings/
      14. ↑ https://youtu.be/v3qaIOIIp6M?t=204
      15. ↑ https://www.hellomotherhood.com/how-to-encourage-children-in-sports-5331897.html
      16. ↑ https://ccy.jfcs.org/no-cant-make-kids-resist-something-new/
      17. ↑ https://www.ahealthiermichigan.org/2014/12/04/5-ways-to-motivate-your-kids-to-participate-in-extracurricular-activities/
      18. ↑ https://www.hellomotherhood.com/how-to-encourage-children-in-sports-5331897.htm

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