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Enjoying your fetish comes down to accepting that it's a natural part of your sexual desires and learning to communicate your needs openly with a partner. While many people think of fetishes as being outside the mainstream, many people have one or many. This is because a fetish can be anything—an object, a body part, or a situation. Once you come to accept it as normal, you'll be able to enjoy your fetish and feel sexually satisfied much more easily and healthily!
Steps
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Identify your fetish. A fetish can be a sexual desire regarding almost anything imaginable. People have fetishes about feet, breasts, hands, fat stomachs, flatulence, amputated limbs, shoes, animals, animal furs, and thousands of other things. Learning to accept your fetish starts with identifying ways you are sexually aroused.
- More men than women are thought to have fetishes, but this estimate is likely misleading. Because men tend to experience erections and consistent ejaculation, women and genderqueer folks are less often identified as having fetishes in research studies.
- At least 1/4 of the adult videos produced in the US depict fetishes.
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Find others who share your fetish. Look for sex-positive centers and online groups that support exploring a wide variety of sexual expression. You can do an internet search for "sex-positive" + your fetish item. There are communities on social media as well. [1] X Research source
- The main thing you are looking for is open, honest communication regarding your fetish. If a website is attempting to sell you things, or make you feel ashamed about your fetish, consider moving on.
- Your fetish may be exciting and feel risky, but it shouldn't actually expose you to genuine danger. Look for communities which employ safe sexual practices.
- Online communities can be safe places to ask questions about your fetish, or to find items related to your fetish.
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3Consider whether your fetish harms anyone. While there's nothing wrong with having a fetish, it is never okay to cause harm to another person or yourself. Most of the time, fetishes do not result in harm to other people. Harm to yourself can happen primarily if you become so fixated on your fetish that it interferes with your relationship, your work, or your health.
- Masturbating to fetishes might be a safe way to participate in certain fetishes that can't actually be safely practiced (such as sex with animals).
- If you have a fetish that might result in physical injury to yourself or someone else, learn to engage in it safely. Talk to others in the fetish community about how to maintain safe sexual practices within your fetish.
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Realize that fetishes and kinks are normal. Some researchers believe that fetishes are so common that they should be understood as being part of typical, healthy sexual exploration. Understanding your fetish as normal is an important step to take. If you don't accept your fetish as a normal part of yourself, you're unlikely to enjoy your fetish.
- For many people, the fetish object only needs to be present at the beginning of a sexual encounter.
- A fetish item can be something that you require to be present before becoming sexually aroused, or it might not be required for you to enjoy sex.
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Explore your sexuality safely. To enjoy your fetish, remember to keep your sex practices safe, sane and consensual. It's important to remember to take care of yourself and your sexual partner, physically and emotionally.
- Take precautions to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases. You should always use barriers and condoms when appropriate.
- Remember that communication is one of the most important parts of sexual intimacy, particularly when you're experimenting with something, or someone, new. Always communicate when you start to feel unsafe, and immediately respond to another person's indication of discomfort.
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Avoid isolation. Isolation is the most common cause of depression associated with fetishes. If you don't find others engaged in your type of sexual fetish online, don't give up. Not every fetish group is found online. Visual images work well for some kinds of fetishes, but not others.
- Some sorts of fetishes, such as diaper fetishes, are more taboo than others in contemporary American culture. If you have a taboo fetish, you're at higher than average risk for isolation and depression.
- Remember that your sexuality is about more than your fetish. While your fetish may be an important factor of sexual fulfillment, it is not your identity.
- Sexual frustration can result in depression. Talking to a sex-positive counselor or therapist may help you find support.
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Introduce the topic of your fetish. If you're just meeting a new person, you might not want to introduce the topic on your first date, unless you've met through a special interest dating site. If you're already in a relationship and would like to introduce your fetish to your partner, start slowly. Talk about your fetish with acceptance. If you treat your fetish as a normal, safe experience, this increases the chance of your partner's accepting it this way too. [2] X Research source
- Your partner may already be aware of your interests, or they may not be.
- Depending on the dynamics of your relationship, you may want to set aside time for a lengthy conversation on the fetish.
- Start slowly by saying, “Hey, I have a fantasy,” or “This really turns me on. Would you want to do something like that?”
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Take it slowly. Your partner may need some time and privacy to process the new information. Don't expect immediate understanding - though this might happen! Instead, follow your partner's lead. Allow your partner to understand your fetish at their own rate of speed. [3] X Research source
- Don't be ashamed. If you feel ashamed, you'll be sending a mixed message to your partner, and it will result in harm to your own self-esteem. There's nothing to be ashamed about.
- You don't have to defend your fetish to anyone, so don't get defensive. Having a fetish is normal and natural.
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Listen with understanding. Remember that you've already come to accept your fetish, which was likely a process. Your partner now has the opportunity to accept your fetish too. They might also reveal fetishes or sexual interests of their own. Allowing yourself to listen openly to their concerns, questions and reactions will help strengthen your relationship. [4] X Research source
- If your partner refuses to talk about your fetish, give it time. They may just need time to process, or they may be in denial.
- Discussing fetishes might make some people nervous. Never force the conversation.
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Ask questions. Your partner may not know how to ask questions about your fetish. You can be supportive by asking questions of them. For instance, learn more about their fears or curiosities about your fetish by asking questions. Don't assume that the questions must come from your partner.
- Show them some online information that they can continue to explore on their own.
- Remember, they may not know how to put their thoughts and feelings about your fetish into words. This will take time, but you can help through asking your own questions.
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Share pictures, images or media of your fetish. This might help your partner understand what you want. Seeing pictures might help your partner view your fetish as normal, rather than something strange and scary. [5] X Research source
- If you've found a supportive community, you may have also found ways to introduce the topic of your fetish with your partner.
- Sometimes you can find a group for people new to the fetish community which can be a resource for your partner to learn more about your fetish.
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Never force your fetish on anyone else. Consent is essential in a healthy relationship. If you have different sexual needs than your partners, recognize this and seek alternatives.
- A therapist or counselor may be able to help you through this juncture of your relationship.
- Most sex-positive therapist support adapting the relationship to the needs of the person with the fetish rather than working to eliminate the fetish itself.
Community Q&A
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QuestionHow do I approach a female friend about my foot fetish?Community AnswerBroach the topic of fetishes, and if she seems open to it, talk more specifically about foot fetishes. If she seems uninterested or disgusted by foot fetishes, don't go further. However, if she is not put off by a conversation about foot fetishes, you can tell her about yours.
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QuestionHow do I tell my parents I have a fetish?Community AnswerYou don't. Ever. That's not a conversation I would recommend having. They don't need to know about your sex life.
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QuestionMy friend has a scat fetish. Should I accept this, or try get him help?Community AnswerIt really isn't any of your business. Leave him alone unless he asks for help.
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Tips
- If you and your partner are uncomfortable talking about your fetish, consider counseling from a sex-positive therapist.Thanks
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Warnings
- If your fetish is illegal or harmful to others, talk to a therapist or psychologist for help.Thanks
- If you feel strong distress regarding your fetish, you may need to speak with a counselor, therapist or psychologist. Paraphilic disorder is a psychological disorder with 8 listed manifestations. A fetish is only listed as a psychological disorder if it causes distress to the person or harms another.Thanks
References
- ↑ http://www.issm.info/education-for-all/sexual-health-qa/what-does-sex-positive-mean
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/getting-kinky-how-share-your-fetish-or-fantasy
- ↑ #* https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/getting-kinky-how-share-your-fetish-or-fantasy .
- ↑ http://uncommon-courtesy.com/2013/09/25/how-to-politely-reveal-your-fetish-yup-were-going-there/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/getting-kinky-how-share-your-fetish-or-fantasy
About This Article
Article Summary
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While society might make you feel ashamed of your kink, you can enjoy your fetish by exploring your sexuality safely and communicating with people who share your fetish. As you identify and explore your fetish, prioritize consent and safety so you and your partner are always comfortable. For instance, if your kink involves anything dangerous, discuss it with your partner before having sex. That way, you can plan for a safe, consensual experience you'll both enjoy. Because of the stigmas surrounding fetishes, look online for support groups and communities of people who share your fetish to keep yourself from feeling isolated. If you can't find anyone else who engages in your fetish, don’t give up. For more help, like how to tell a partner about your fetish, read on.
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Reader Success Stories
- "My fetish is to be with two guys at the same time and was nervous how my bf would react. I was honest and he listened. We used multiple toys to practice until the point he was comfortable inviting a friend over for a play date. We both crave it now, thanks!" ..." more
"My fetish is to be with two guys at the same time and was nervous how my bf would react. I was honest and he listened. We used multiple toys to practice until the point he was comfortable inviting a friend over for a play date. We both crave it now, thanks!"
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"Today I realized that I have a fetish. I was scared by it and didn't know what to do. This wikiHow article helped me to understand myself. Now I'm not afraid of fetishes and I know how to behave."
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"This absolutely helped me! I have a fetish about feet. Thank you so much for writing this article."
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