Who Are the Best and Worst Matches for an ESTJ?

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Organized, logical, and dependable, ESTJs make excellent long term partners. But which Myers-Briggs type is their soulmate, and which matches are just so-so? In this article, we'll walk you through everything you need to know about ESTJ compatibility. We'll also give you a breakdown of the ESTJ personality type and how they approach romance to help you flourish in a loving relationship. Read on for more!

ESTJ Relationship Compatibility

Section 1 of 7:

Best Matches for ESTJ

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  1. Both of these types  are Extraverted, Sensing Thinking and Judging, making them very compatible. Of course, this doesn’t mean that a relationship between them isn’t without conflict, as two ESTJs in love might be too much of a good thing. However, their no-nonsense attitudes can lead to open dialogue and excellent conflict resolution, tackling whatever problems they may face head-on. [1]
    • Strengths: These types are the life of the party and have a great time together anywhere they go. Their diligence, coupled with enthusiasm, can take them far in love and in life.
    • Challenges: Both straightforward and assertive, ESTJs who are romantically involved might struggle with their respective needs to be right, which they would seriously need to work on.
  2. Since ENTJ is Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging, ESTJ and ENTJ couples tend to be social and hard-working, lighting up any room that they’re in together. ESTJs have a keen eye for detail, focusing on tangible results, while ENTJs value the larger picture and have very active imaginations. Resolving conflict should not pose any issues as long as they can iron out their kinks independently before coming back together. [2]
    • Strengths: These two types can learn a lot from each other, enriching one another’s lives with different perspectives, ideas, and goals.
    • Challenges: Both types are very logical thinkers and rarely give in to emotion, which could pose a threat to their emotional growth and connection at times.
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  3. These two personality types have tons in common, beginning with their extroverted dispositions. ESFJ stands for Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging. They are both organized, structured, and trustworthy, overlapping when it comes to values and mutual goals. One noteworthy difference is that ESTJs can be reluctant to show their feelings while ESFJs are deeply affectionate, and emotionally fragile. Both types are practical, reliable, and highly stable, able to lean on each other no matter what. [3]
    • Strengths: These two can be both best friends and lovers, encouraging each other to be their most authentic and empathetic selves.
    • Challenges: The soft-hearted ESFJ might be hurt by ESTJ’s no-nonsense nature, so ESTJ partners must be careful to tread lightly around their sensitive spouse’s feelings.
  4. This pairing is the epitome of “opposites attract” as the Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging ISTJ is an interesting choice for the enthusiastic and charismatic ESTJ. ISTJs are suspicious, reserved, and submissive, which ESTJs might find stimulating and complimentary to their dominant demeanor. Neither personality type is known to shy away from conflict, each preferring to lay all their cards out on the table. A true yin and yang pairing, ESTJs and ISTJs can form a wonderful, life-long bond as long as they figure out how to truly bring out the best in one another. [4]
    • Strengths: Both of these personality types can benefit greatly from one another, as the shy ISTJ can allow ESTJ to lead in public, while ESTJ can allow ISTJ to make a beautiful home for them.
    • Challenges: As with any opposites attract dynamic, it’s important that these types let their partner be themselves, without pushing for too much for change in certain areas under the ruse of becoming more compatible .
  5. A relationship between the extroverted ESTJ Commander and the introverted INTP Thinker could be a match made in heaven. INTP stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving, with both types prioritizing logic over emotion, which could make for a strong and lasting connection. Steadfast and dependable, INTPs will quickly prove to ESTJs that they can be trusted, which is the key to ESTJ’s heart. Together, they’re stronger than apart! [5]
    • Strengths: Both personality types are reasonable and principled, leading to a power couple that can take on anything from marathons to starting their own business together.
    • Challenges: ESTJ needs to respect INTP’s space when processing their emotions, as not everyone is able to make decisions as assertively as them.
  6. Equal parts similar and different, the Commander and the Architect can forge a one-of-a-kind bond. INTJs are defined as being Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging, which the ambitious ENTJ can appreciate. Due to the fact that both of these types are left-brained and rational, getting either one of them to open up emotionally could pose problems, but their relationship should be a fruitful one otherwise! [6]
    • Strengths: ENTJs are drawn to the emotional and intellectual depth of an INTP, which really stimulates them. In turn, INTJs love ENTJ’s ambition, resilience, and conviction, viewing them as a strong ally and potential life partner.
    • Challenges: Minor issues in the relationship could stem from ENTJ’s perception of INTJ as secretive, and INTJ might bristle against ENTJ’s occasional bull-in-a-china-shop approach to life.
  7. When paired with the Detective, the Commander can thrive. Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving, ISTPs are true homebodies, contrasting ESTJ’s outgoing nature. However, both of these types are pragmatic and open-minded, so explaining their feelings and positions to each other should lead to mutual understanding. As long as ISTPs can come out of their shells once in a while and ESTJs allows their batteries to recharge once in a while, this match could be a forever thing. [7]
    • Strengths: Able to talk through every difficult situation calmly, these two types are not likely to get into heated arguments as both value listening and resolving matters quickly.
    • Challenges: ISTPs enjoy their alone time, which could rub the social ESTJ the wrong way.
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Section 2 of 7:

Decent Matches for ESTJ

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  1. ESTJs and ESTPs have enough in common to make it work, but their handful of differences could cause some conflict. ESTJs are known as the Commanders for a good reason, as they are honest, righteous, and sensible. ESTPs lean more wild and free, with a love for spontaneity and adventure. The way they process information is different, with ESTJs taking a comprehensive look at every scenario while ESTPs want to quickly and efficiently fix the issues at hand. [8]
    • Strengths: Despite their individuality, ESTJs and ESTPs can help balance each other out while sharing the spotlight. They can learn to benefit from each other’s best traits, reaching a place of stability— and fun!
    • Challenges: Although they share some mutual interests, ESTPs might feel suffocated by ESTJ’s need for routine, and ESTJ might be turned off by ESTP’s indecisiveness.
  2. ESTJ and ISFJ can form a unique yet strong connection. These personality types are so different, which might be why they feel so drawn to one another. Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging, ISFJs are warm and supportive, taking care of the energetic and determined ESTJ. ISTJs love to dig deep when it comes to conversation and ESTJs may eventually feel comfortable enough to open up, which is necessary in a healthy relationship. Their differing perspectives can offer possibilities for personal growth, potentially leading to a fruitful and lifelong match. [9]
    • Strengths: If these two can get on the same page about what they want and how they want to achieve it, they can be each other’s #1 cheerleaders!
    • Challenges: A lack of understanding can lead to some serious issues in an ESTJ-ISFJ relationship, as both people may often feel rejected and dismissed.
  3. ENTPs are the more easygoing, carefree versions of ESTJs, although they share plenty of other character traits as both are Extraverted and Trusting. Both ENTPs and ESTJs need time to process their more difficult emotions as being vulnerable does not come naturally to either of them. If they can learn to appreciate how their small differences can contribute to the overall harmony of the big picture, this could be a strong pairing. [10]
    • Strengths: Both personality types require intellectual stimulation, social interaction, and love to problem-solve together, resulting in an exciting and dynamic relationship.
    • Challenges: Being able to express their true feelings is something neither type is exactly sure of how to do, so the relationship could become full of silent bitterness and resentment.
  4. The Commander, ESTJ, and the Advocate, ENFJ, share the Extraverted quality, as well as being Judging. However, that’s mostly where the similarities end, as ENFJs are more sensitive and nurturing than their realistically-minded ESTJ counterparts. For this reason, ESTJs should try their best to keep their cynicism and criticism at bay around their soft-hearted ENFJ partner. [11]
    • Strengths: Their main conflict is emotion versus logic, which can pose a lifelong struggle if these personality types don’t figure out a solution that feels fair and complete to both of them
    • Challenges: Issues are likely to come in the form of miscommunication, as ESTJ’s brash and sometimes abrasive comments could hurt ENFJ’s feelings,
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Section 3 of 7:

Worst Matches for ESTJ

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  1. These two personality types could not be more different, which is why they don’t tend to make the most compatible match. INFP stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving, which can offer a vastly different point of view from the extroverted and logical Commander. Although some INFPs can certainly be enticed by ENTJ’s dominance and confidence, and ENTJs could similarly benefit from INFPs emotional intelligence, these two personality types are more likely to clash than play well together. [12]
    • Strengths: ESTJ could soften up a bit and become more emotionally aware— INFP is just the partner to help them along.
    • Challenges: The quiet and reserved INFP may be put off by the ENTJ’s stubborn and aggressive reactions to conflict, leading them to shut down and disconnect.
  2. When it comes to these two, the artistic and whimsical ISPF might be too hard to pin down for the stable and committed ESTJ. Although they might be mutually attracted to each other at first, as the Commander is confident and charming, the spark may fizzle just as quickly. The anchored ESTJ may seem too stiff to and predictable for the untamed ISPF spirit, who is likely to be smothered by their partner’s love of order and discipline. The relationship is not totally doomed if they can figure out a way to compromise, but this is a match that would require a lot of work regardless. [13]
    • Strengths: ISPF can bring a little fun and spontaneity into rigid ESTJ’s life, allowing their overthinking brain to take a rest!
    • Challenges: A relationship between these two would be marked by a constant tug-of-war, with ESTJ demanding stability and ISPF demanding excitement.
  3. It would take a lot for an ESTJ-ENFP couple to make it work, but it could end up paying off! These personality types can help motivate each other, pushing toward shared goals and ideals. The buttoned-up ESTJ could benefit from letting loose, which ENFP would highly encourage. However, their differences in values might be too great, as ESTJs need to be on solid ground at all times, while ENFP seeks a partner who is up for anything. [14]
    • Strengths: Both types are extroverted, so they understand one another’s need for social interaction and can help refill each other’s social batteries.
    • Challenges: ENFP’s flighty, non-committal nature won’t make sense to the straight-laced and structured ESTJ, which can cause enough problems to snuff out the promise of romance before it even starts.
  4. These two personality types struggle with the same things in opposite ways, leading to conflict and misunderstandings. For example, ESTJ has no problem voicing their emotions… which does pose a problem for the sensitive and reserved INFJ. In turn, shy INFJs feel a lot they may not be comfortable saying out loud, upsetting and frustrating their brutally honest ESTJ partner. Communication between these two is key, as understanding each other is their only hope in forging a fruitful, loving, and healthy relationship. [15]
    • Strengths: If they can nail communication, they can strengthen their connection by patiently listening to their partner’s needs, which both personalities are equipped to do.
    • Challenges: These two types may poke and prod at each other as a means of trying to make sense of their differences, which is more likely to lead to bruised feelings than mutual understanding.
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Section 4 of 7:

ESTJ in Love

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  1. The Commander in love takes on a leadership role, providing affection, protection, and resolutions when conflict arises. Although they can come off a bit intense and sometimes controlling, ESTJs always have good intentions in their romantic affairs. They’re loving and committed, showering their partners with attention and devotion. Once in a while, their significant other might need to remind them to stop and smell the flowers, but the steadfast ESTJ has plenty of other amazing qualities to make up for their need for constant speed. Those in a relationship with an ESTJ are likely to feel appreciated and adored. [16]
Section 5 of 7:

ESTJ Strengths & Weaknesses

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  1. Natural-born leaders, ESTJs command attention and have excellent problem-solving skills, often serving as mentors and motivating others. ESTJs are driven, outgoing, and logical, efficiently achieving their goals with apparent ease. This personality type has strong convictions and will work hard to do what’s right. They are responsible, honest, and diligent in all their efforts, devoting their energies to people and projects that they deem worthy. If you’ve got the attention of an ESTJ, consider yourself lucky to have such a formidable ally. [17]
  2. ESTJs aren’t without their faults, and being judgmental is one of them. Although it’s not surprising since “judging” is one of their main traits, ESTJs could benefit from being more open-minded, taking time to think things through without jumping to an impulsive judgement. ESTJs are also known to be very practical, which can become synonymous with frugal at best and stingy at worst. Additionally, these aren’t the types to wear their heart on their sleeve as they prefer to let their emotions take a back seat while logic drives the car. While this approach certainly works in some situations, it can make ESTJs seem cold, distant, and dismissive. [18]
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Section 6 of 7:

ESTJ as a Friend

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  1. An ESTJ friendship is likely to last a lifetime, as they make for very loyal and dedicated pals. They value authenticity and have no problems being honest with those they love, so they’re the friend to go to when you want a real opinion. ESTJs are highly dependable and will drive you to the airport, help you move, or spend a Saturday night building your new dining table with you. An ESTJ friend is not likely to let you down and expects the same treatment in return. [19]
  2. ESTJs are really competitive, so make sure you’re prepared when playing a board game or sport with them as they’ll do almost anything to win. Their blunt honesty may come at inappropriate times, and this is not the personality type to seek out if you’re looking for comfort. An ESTJ friend won’t give you a shoulder to cry on, but they will give you a reality check! They process things via the lens of logic, not emotion, so they will give it to you straight— whether you want them to or not.
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Section 7 of 7:

ESTJ as a Parent

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  1. ESTJ parents are some of the most organized, keeping strict schedules and routines for their children. They tend to motivate their children to dream big and help guide those ambitions by offering them a stable and nurturing home environment. They are likely to teach their children how to be practical, logical, and honest, while also emphasizing the importance of forging strong connections with friends and family. An ESTJ parent will be their child’s #1 supporter and nothing less. [20]
  2. As noted, emotional intelligence is not an ESTJ’s strong suit and they can come off as too demanding to their children, who could rebel in turn, especially during teenage years. Highly imaginative children might also spark some conflict with their ESTJ parents as this personality type doesn’t really know how to deal with concepts as much as they do concrete facts. Moreover, their need for routine could lead to a very strict upbringing in the child’s eyes.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.sosyncd.com/estj-estj-relationship-compatibility/
      2. ↑ https://www.crystalknows.com/personality-type/relationship/entj-estj
      3. ↑ https://www.gyfted.me/compatibility/estj-estj
      4. ↑ https://www.traitlab.com/blog/istj/estj
      5. ↑ https://www.crystalknows.com/personality-type/relationship/intp-estj
      6. ↑ ​​ https://www.sosyncd.com/intj-estj-relationship-compatibility/
      7. ↑ https://www.crystalknows.com/personality-type/relationship/istp-estj
      8. ↑ https://www.gyfted.me/compatibility/estj-estp
      9. ↑ https://www.sosyncd.com/isfj-estj-relationship-compatibility/
      1. ↑ https://www.sosyncd.com/entp-estj-relationship-compatibility/
      2. ↑ https://www.crystalknows.com/personality-type/relationship/enfj-estj
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/opposites-attract-infps-compatibility-entjs-estjs/
      4. ↑ https://www.gyfted.me/compatibility/isfp-estj
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/an-in-depth-look-at-the-enfp-and-estj-relationship/
      6. ↑ https://www.gyfted.me/compatibility/infj-estj
      7. ↑ https://www.mbtionline.com/en-US/MBTI-Types/ESTJ/Relationships
      8. ↑ https://www.mbtionline.com/en-US/MBTI-Types/ESTJ/Strengths-and-weaknesses
      9. ↑ https://www.personalitydata.org/16-types/estj-strengths-weaknesses
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/heres-what-youre-like-as-a-friend-based-on-your-myers-briggs-personality-type/
      11. ↑ https://www.mbtionline.com/en-US/Articles/how-your-mbti-type-influences-the-way-you-parent

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