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Love is so elusive that it can seem like the quest to find it will never end. We know it exists, because others have it, but the path can be so murky that it’s tempting to give up the search. There are no surefire steps guaranteed to bring you love, but if you follow this guide, you'll be headed in the right direction.
Steps
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Understand what you have to offer. Love means sharing yourself with someone else who accepts you for who you are. Before you can expect someone else to accept you, though, you must know what “self” you are projecting. You might start by writing down the answers to these questions. Your answers will help paint a picture of the “you” you are offering to your potential partner. [1] X Research source
- What are your best qualities?
- What do you like to do with your time?
- What do you love about yourself?
- What would you like to work on?
- What makes you feel uncomfortable?
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Build confidence. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, a hilarious crowd pleaser or a very kind friend, be confident about what you have to offer someone else. When it comes to finding love, there is no right personality type, no special trait that will get you ahead. Contrary to what you might see in romantic comedies and sitcoms, everyone has a shot at love - not just the most popular or conventionally attractive among us. So know what you have, and own it. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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Know what you’re looking for in someone else. Part of knowing yourself is knowing your relationship needs. Writing down what you consider to be the most important traits of your potential partner is a good way to figure out what you actually mean when you say you’re looking for love.
- Try not to be too specific with this list of traits. For instance, instead of saying “six feet tall, brown hair, dark eyes,” focus on personality traits that matter to you. Do you want someone who’s honest to a fault? Someone who shares your passion for books?
- It may also be helpful to write down a list of definite “no’s.” For example, you might not want a partner who travels six months out of the year, or someone who doesn’t get along with your family.
- Remember that the point here is not to craft a projection of your future partner; you’re just sketching out the basic qualities you’d enjoy having in a partner so you can understand your own needs better. Chances are, the person you end up loving will only have a few of the qualities on your list.
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Meet people. One of the best ways to do this is to start by making friends. It is always said that making friends is the surest way to finding love, and that’s because it’s true; it’s a great way to build a mutual relationship based on caring and trust. When you’re making friends, keep these tips in mind:
- Don’t be judgmental. This is probably the most important rule when it comes to the beginnings of friendship and love. If you can’t get past someone’s dorky haircut, you’ll never know how well you would have gotten along with that person. The attraction doesn’t always have to be there the first time you meet someone.
- Be generous with your time. Making friends requires a bit of commitment. If you’re serious about finding love, get serious about spending time with people. Accept invitations to parties, sporting events, and concerts. If you aren’t much of a joiner, ask a few people out for lunch or coffee. The point is to create a lot of situations that give you the chance to get to know people - and it’s hard to do that from home.
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.When making friends, focus on the whole person. Don't make a final decision based on a brief first impression at a party. Give people a chance–true connection thrives on shared values and the spark that can ignite during conversations, laughter, and shared experiences.
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Present yourself as someone who’s available. This doesn’t mean you need to shout to the rooftops that you’re on a quest for love, but take measures to make sure people know you’re available and willing to take things further if the opportunity arises.
- Consider your appearance. When you’re looking for love, dress like the best version of yourself. Don’t force yourself into a style or look that makes you feel uncomfortable. Instead, project your confidence and uniqueness with clean, well-styled clothes and a pleasant expression on your face. The addition of a little perfume or cologne also helps to send out the right kind of signal. [3] X Research source
- Be an attentive and encouraging listener. If you find someone interesting, ask a lot of questions. Next time you see that person, follow up by recalling something they said and mentioning it at the beginning of the conversation. Show people you care about them. [4] X Research source
- Be honest and sincere. In other words, be yourself. Willingness to present yourself to the world as you are is an act of courage, and that’s attractive.
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Try dating services. Consider online dating, for example. Using an online dating network is a great way to find out who is available in your area. However, don’t fall into the trap of being too picky, or judging everyone by their profile picture. If you want to find love, you’ll have to give people a chance - the same chance you’d want them to give you.
- Joining a singles group at your religious center or school can help you circulate with other people who share your mindset.
- Bars and clubs are popular places to look for love, but if you want to find a longer-term relationship, you might find it easier to get to know people in places that facilitate conversation.
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Ask people on dates. When you've found someone who interests you and you’re ready to move from the “friend” stage to something deeper, try asking the person you’re interested in out on a date. [5] X Research source
- Try going with the classic date night: ask someone out to dinner. This will probably flatter your date and facilitate great conversation.
- Don’t put too much pressure on the format of the date - just focus on having a good time. Joke around and make your date feel good - the goal is to have fun!
- Think about whether you’d like to keep seeing this person. Do they seem to meet your most important needs? Is there a mutual attraction? If so, make plans to do something else together. If things keep going well, your relationship may take a deeper turn from here.
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Stay on the same wavelength. Try to be in tune with what the other person wants.
- Don’t be too pushy. Remember that everyone is dealing with insecurities and personal issues, and sometimes signals just get mixed. Try not to take things too personally at this early stage.
- Texting and other forms of messaging may be the simplest ways to communicate, but you’re less likely to give each other the wrong impression in person, or even over the phone. Move things along with face to face interaction.
EXPERT TIPDating CoachLisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.Avoid ghosting the other person if they're not what you're looking for. Love and relationship expert Lisa Shield says: "Sometimes people will just disappear rather than saying honestly, "I don't think we're a match.' However, that's a terrible disservice to the person you're seeing. At the very least, send an email or a text saying you're no longer interested."
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Be vulnerable. At a certain point in the quest for love, it’s time to take a risk and lay yourself open to the person you care about. Tell them what you’re feeling. It may make you a little uncomfortable, but the only way to know whether this relationship is turning into love is to find out if the feeling is mutual. [6] X Research source
- If the person is interested in continuing the relationship with you, you may be on your way to finding love. Love is built on affection, trust, attraction, mutual regard - and it all starts with people agreeing that they both want to pursue it. You'll know you've attained it when you find you care about your partner on a deep, unselfish level, and that you probably always will.
- If there’s a lack of interest on the other side, it’s important to know when to drop it and move on. Unrequited love isn’t what you set out to find.
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Try again. If a relationship you felt was leading to love doesn’t work out, you may feel hurt for a very long time. It’s important to eventually try again. When you do connect with someone special, it will be worth the heartache you experienced on the journey.
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Tips
- Learn from your mistakes. Always try to figure out if you might have done something wrong so you will not repeat the same mistake again.Thanks
- If you want to find love, be a loving person. Love means giving as much as you receive.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201603/know-yourself-6-specific-ways-know-who-you-are
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-build-self-confidence
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/being-beautiful-or-handsome-is-easier-you-think
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/what-is-active-listening-relationship-advice-2017-3
- ↑ https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/getting-to-know/how-to-ask-someone-out/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201209/the-real-secret-intimacy-and-why-it-scares-us
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to find love, accept invitations to parties, attend sporting events, and go places where you’ll be likely to meet people and make friends who could eventually become love interests. You can also try a dating service, including online dating, to help you meet a person who would potentially be a good match for you. Avoid judging people strictly based on their appearance, and instead be open to finding out more about the people that you meet so you can find someone you’re genuinely compatible with. To learn how to ask someone you're interested in on a date, keep reading the article!
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