One day, you may hear a remark that makes you wonder if one of your relatives is gay, though the subject has never come up. Though it's not always obvious, if you watch a person and the people they spend time with, there may be some clues to help you determine for sure whether or not they are gay. When the time is right, you can approach your relative and discuss it in a neutral or supportive way, and you will have been just a little more prepared than if you'd been told by surprise.
Steps
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1Decide why you want to find out. Are you simply being nosy, or is there a valid reason for needing to know? What is the payoff in knowing? Do you genuinely care about this person's life, or are you only butting in? Before going further, be honest with yourself about your motives for snooping into your loved one's private life.
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2Take an interest in what's going on with all of your family members, not just this one. But while this one has your interest, be sure to express your interest in their life in positive, supportive ways, rather than intrusive, catty ways.Advertisement
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3Simply ask. If you truly cannot figure it out after a long time, open the discussion by saying something like, "Hey, John. I hope you I'm not being nosy here, but I had a question. Are you interested in guys?" Be careful, however, as this can backfire. If they are straight then your question may be taken as an insult. If they are, however, your relative still may not be ready to discuss it with you. Respect their boundaries.
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4Be discreet. If you do find out your suspicions were correct, it's not up to you to "out" your loved one, and neither should you. If your relative confirms your suspicions, you keep it to yourself, and tell no one unless you are expressly given permission to do so.
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5Be compassionate and caring. Being queer is not harmful to anyone. LGBTQ people who have been rejected and weren't accepted by their families have been proven to be at a much higher risk of becoming depressed or suicidal. Being LGBTQ is not a "sickness" and it does not need to be "cured."
- One thing is for sure - from the LGBTQ individual's point of view: it's hard to tell people you care about. So if your relative confides in you, don't make them wish they hadn't.
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Tips
- Talk to the kid's friends; they may be willing to tell you things that you never knew about your relative.Thanks
- Create an open, understanding environment. A person who feels comfortable and safe is much more likely to "come out". If you are able to provide this kind of supportive environment, the kid won't feel threatened and then, even if it turns out s/he isn't gay after all, you will both be happier, and enjoy a stronger, closer relationship in the bargain.Thanks
- Be friendly with the family member you're "investigating" as this may ease the way to him or her opening up to you.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't try to trick a confession out of anybody; this can also be very damaging to relationships.Thanks
- Never be nosey or snoop. This is extremely destructive to a relationship.Thanks
- Don't try to force it out of anyone. If s/he wishes to discuss it with you, s/he will.Thanks
- A "gay mannerism" is not necessarily indicative of a person's sexual orientation; straight men might spend a lot of time with girls, join a dance team, or join a cheerleading team. Straight girls might be on a baseball team or enjoy target shooting.Thanks
- Do not try to investigate very young children. They have no concept of sexuality and aren't interested in their friends in a sexual way. You may be thinking that a very young child shows "signs" of being gay - you would probably be wrong in that thinking as children are very fluid in their behaviors, first identifying strongly with their parent of the same sex, and then with the opposite sex parent. Give kids time to grow up and become young adults before you start fixating on their sexual orientation.Thanks
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