How do I come out as bi?

07/10/24 2:21pm

I want to tell my parents that I'm bi but I'm highkey scared about how they'll react. How do I come out to them? It's been really stressing me out I wonder if I should just not saying anything until I move out :')

Inge Hansen, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist

07/10/24 4:51pm

Parents show a wide range in terms of their ability and willingness to accept their kids' sexual orientation, so some will need a lot more time and education to help them adjust than others. It's always a good idea to plan a conversation for when your parents are in a fairly calm and receptive frame of mind and to let them know you have something important to share with them. Let them know that you're bisexual and tell them how you've come to learn that this is your authentic identity. Help them to see that you are taking a risk by having this conversation with them and that it's an act of trust.

If your parents have a negative reaction to your news, you may want to give them some space and get yourself some support from a friend or someone else who already knows and accepts your identity. Remember that their initial reaction is not their forever reaction, and that they may need space, time, and education to catch up and be more ready to embrace you for your full authentic self. However, sometimes you may be happily surprised at how welcoming your parents turn out to be right from the start. Good luck!

Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

07/10/24 7:52pm

Everyone experiences their coming out journey in a different way, and one important thing to realize is that coming out is not a one-time event, but a lifetime experience that an LBGTQ person repeatedly does in their lifetime due to our heteronormative world. You should examine some key factors when deciding to come out to your parents such as whether coming out potentially puts you at risk to be kicked out of your household. Are your parents very religious? What are the cultural nuances that may impact how your parents respond? Do you have adequate resources to support yourself in the likelihood your parents respond extremely negatively to you coming out?

WikiLorisWatcher831

07/12/24 10:56pm

I was scared to come out to my parents as bi too because they are a little more on the conservative side so I knew they weren't going to be super happy about it. But I hated hiding who I was and knew that if they really kicked me out of the house I had a supportive friend whose family would let me stay with them. I just told them that I had something to tell them and said I was bisexual, and that it didn't change anything about who I was as a person. My parents were upset and kind of blew me off but at least they didn't disown me or anything. For a while they just kinda swept me being bi under the rug and kept acting like I was straight, which was especially easy to do when I had a girlfriend (I'm a guy). It was annoying but better than being kicked out.

But eventually my girlfriend and I broke up and I got a boyfriend. At first I just sort of tried to keep him out of sight but eventually I decided to be brave and bring him around the house, and then my parents couldn't really ignore the fact that I was gay. They were kind of jerks at first, ignoring him or only referring to him as my 'friend." But we stuck it out. I kept having open conversations with them about how they were making me feel, and over time they came to accept me being bi and are even friendly with my boyfriend. It was a really long and hard process but I'm so much happier now. I can't guarantee that your parents will react and change the same way but I wish you the best of luck.

WikiLionReader433

07/13/24 8:52pm

I feel like so many people still don't understand what it means to be bi, and i definitely experienced bi erasure when I first came out. I'd never dated anyone at that point and lots of my so-called friends said it was just a phase :/ so anyways then when I started dating a boy everyone took that as confirmation that I had actually been straight all along, but being in a straight relationship doesn't make me less bi!! I found that so frustrating, and then I didn't even feel welcome in queer spaces when with my boyfriend because we were a straight-passing couple (even though my bf at the time was also queer).

Then when I started dating my current girlfriend, everyone would just assume I'm a lesbian. I try not to let it bother me so much now, but these things were really hard when I was first coming out and trying to figure out my identity. on the bright side (i guess) is that I got to see a lot of people's true colors. it'll definitely hurt at first to lose people you thought would support you, but at the end of the day you'll be happier surrounded by people who love you for who you are :)

WikiCassowaryTamer765

07/13/24 11:52pm

I don't know if this will be helpful to anyone but I wanted to share my experience as someone who was super lucky to have supportive family and friends when I came out as bi. My parents were happy for me and said they were happy that I felt safe enough with them to share who I was with them. They even put up a pride flag outside teh house and we went to pride as a family that year

The only problem is now they make jokes like "You can date both boys and girls and you're STILL single?" haha. I like to say I'm all "bi" myself :')

What do other wikiHow readers have to say?

Other wikiHow readers have submitted their own tips on topics similar to this one.

Reader Tips from How to Come Out

Anonymous Reader

It's very likely that you aren't actually going to come out just once. You might come out to your parents, then come out to your friends, then come out to future coworkers and so on. That might seem scary to you right now, but it means that you don't actually have to worry about "screwing up." You'll have plenty of opportunities to come out so you'll have plenty of chances to refine and perfect what you say! Don't sweat it if you feel like you don't get everything perfect the first time.

Anonymous Reader

If you happen to be coming out as trans or nonbinary and your parents are Christian, it might help to remind them that the Bible actually never says anything about not being cisgender being a bad fact. In fact, Galatians 3:28 specifically talks about "man" and "woman" being pointless categories under God's love!

Reader Tips from How to Tell Someone You Are Bisexual

Anonymous Reader

Coming out is a hard thing to do but I've learned that if they truly are friends, they won't care. I was very nervous to come out to my friends, but it actually turns out that 2 of them are bi and just never shared it with people.

Anonymous Reader

If you need to get it out but don't want to tell a person, try telling a pet or writing it in your journal. It can help get the weight of the secret off your chest!

Anonymous Reader

If people joke or make fun that they're worried you're attracted to them, you can come back with, "Don't flatter yourself" to shut down their teasing.

Reader Tips from How to Come Out to Your Parents

Anonymous Reader

If you're not sure how your parents will react, I'd recommend starting out with a question like, "What's your opinion on LGBTQ people?" to test the waters and see how they respond. Or, if you have an LGBTQIA relative, "How did the family react to (relative) when they came out?" This way you can figure out if they're safe to tell or not.

Anonymous Reader

It's totally up to you, but I wouldn't recommend coming out to outwardly homophobic parents if you rely on them for anything. You can always come out after you've left the house and you're safe, but if there's any chance they'll kick you out or hurt you, it's not worth the risk.

Anonymous Reader

If you have any queer relatives, think about how your parents reacted to them before coming out. They'll likely feel similar about your situation.