I think I'm being gaslighted...

12/23/24 10:42am

I've been ignoring the signs but this quiz made me face the fact that I'm probably being gaslighted in my relationship. My partner makes me feel so little when he dismisses my feelings and makes me question myself. How do you handle being gaslighted?

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This discussion is for readers who took the Am I Being Gaslighted Quiz .

Expert Comments

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor

01/29/25 12:59am

Being gaslighted in a relationship often starts subtly, making it hard to recognize at first. Over time, however, you might notice changes in your behavior or feelings that seem out of character. Gaslighting occurs when someone manipulates you into believing that YOU are the problem, often taking zero ownership of their contributions. “You’re the problem, you’re crazy, you’re difficult” may be things you hear often. Every relationship has areas of improvement and things that will be brought up. However, if you’re starting to second-guess yourself and are often being labeled as something that you don’t feel is accurate, pay attention. Do you both have the floor to communicate things that are bothering you or is it one-sided? Do you feel comfortable talking to your partner about things and receive empathy and understanding in return? Do you really need to change or is there an issue in the relationship outside of your behavior? It’s never a bad thing to self-reflect and something that we should be doing on a continual basis. However, constantly being put down, made to feel bad without cause, name-calling and ongoing pressure can cause you to doubt yourself. Even to the point of questioning your own sanity or developing self-blame for issues that aren’t your fault.

You might find yourself apologizing for things you don’t do, feeling invalidated when expressing your emotions, or shutting down because your voice isn’t being heard. Over time, the person gaslighting you may rewrite events or conversations, making you question your memory or reality. This intentional manipulation can leave you feeling out of control and isolated from loved ones, as your self-esteem and confidence are gradually eroded.

Recognizing these signs early is key to protecting yourself. If you find yourself constantly doubting your reality, losing confidence, or feeling trapped, reach out to trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional to regain clarity and strength before it escalates further.

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