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You can’t help who you fall for. Unfortunately, sometimes the person you fall for is involved with someone else. You shouldn’t feel guilty if the guy you like has a girlfriend, but you should handle the situation with maturity. Typically, the best thing to do is move on and get over the guy to avoid anyone getting hurt. To get over a guy that has a girlfriend, understand the situation, take steps to move forward, and try to take your mind off of it so that you can open yourself to a new person in the future.
Steps
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Figure out why you're attracted to him. Think about what made you fall for him in the first place. It could be his looks, personality, or a combination of the two. It could be that you're not even attracted to him and there are other reasons why you're pursuing him—like a vulnerable point in life. Understanding what attracted you to him is the first step to letting go of him.- Finding the source of your feelings is also a step towards getting rid of feelings of guilt you may be experiencing.
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Reflect on your feelings. Take some time to reflect on the emotions you’re experiencing. Remember that nothing you’re feeling is wrong or bad. It’s okay to still be in love with him, to be angry at him, or resentful of his girlfriend. Deeply thinking about the situation will help prevent you from acting out on your emotions. [1] X Research source- Write down your feelings about the situation in a journal.
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Accept the reality of it. You may still be tempted to be with him. Accept that you need to move on from him. He has a girlfriend, and it is not you. This is difficult to accept sometimes, but you won't be able to get over him until you do.- Keep in mind that he may not have a girlfriend later down the road. You can’t be with him now, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be with him in the future. Even still, move on in order to better your own life.
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Reach out to friends. If you have mutual friends, it may not be a good idea to talk to them. Talk to friends and family you trust about the situation. They can listen to you and offer feedback. Even if you don’t want feedback, vocalizing your thoughts will help you come to terms with the situation. [2] X Trustworthy Source Mind U.K.-based mental health charity focused on providing advice and resources to anyone facing mental health problems. Go to source
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Stop the flirtation. Your interest may be unrequited, but if he does flirt with you, put an end to it. You can simply stop flirting back, or you can tell him you no longer feel comfortable with this behavior. It’s okay if it feels difficult to stop the flirtation. Just realize that the flirtation will only end up hurting you, him, and his girlfriend in the end.- Don’t become the other woman or mistress. You may get to be with him, but it is unfair to everyone involved.
- Even if he offers to leave his girlfriend for you, consider if this step would be worth it.
- Think about it this way: if he is willing to leave his girlfriend for you, what would he do to you when he finds "the newest thing"?
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Don’t compare yourself to his girlfriend. At some point, you may find yourself wondering why he is with his girlfriend and not you. This is not a healthy way of thinking. Don’t look at her pictures and compare yourself to her. You are a unique and wonderful person on your own. It could be that you and the guy are just not meant to be.- If his girlfriend is your friend, try to maintain the friendship without taking your feelings out on her.
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Allow yourself to feel sad. It will probably take some time to get over him. Don’t feel like you have to feel happy again very fast or move on immediately. Let yourself cry, feel sad, or even wallow in bed for a day if you need to. Letting yourself feel sad is the only way you can truly feel better later on. [3] X Research source- If the problem persists for too long, reach out to a professional for help.
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Spend time away from him. Don't put yourself in a situation where you have to be around him in the early stages. It would too tempting to flirt with him or rekindle your infatuation. If you share a class or work together, make an effort to limit your time around him to as little as possible. This helps you to move forward with your life. [4] X Research source -
Accept him as your friend. After some time apart, consider if you want him in your life. It may not be a good idea to keep him in your life if you had an affair with him. If he was a friend, then it would be okay to try to maintain the friendship. Slowly begin to spend some time with him again to see if you would feel comfortable with a platonic relationship. -
Cut off contact. It’s okay to decide that you can’t have him in your life if the friendship doesn’t work out. Remove him from your social media and phone. You can be friendly if you have to spend time together, but don’t make contact with him if you don’t think it’s healthy for you. Explain to him your choice if he asks.EXPERT TIPDating CoachLisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Love and relationship coach Lisa Shield says: "If you're holding on to somebody that can't give you what you want, you have to completely cut them off in order to move forward. No matter how hard it is, cut off all contact , and delete your texts, emails, and messages. Scrub your house and get rid of anything that person has given you , or put it all in a box and give it to someone to hold for you. Make it a ceremonial cleansing to reset your energy. Then, after a little time, start going on dates again ."
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Get some exercise. Exercise is great for you both physically and mentally. You are doing something good for your body, and you are focusing your mind on something other than the guy. The endorphins produced from exercising will also boost your mood. Choose a method of exercise that you enjoy most. It could be running, yoga, basketball, or even taking a nice walk through the park. [5] X Research source- Ask a friend to exercise with you.
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Take up a new hobby. Meeting new people and being exposed to new activities is a great way to take your mind off of the situation. Figure out ways to fill up the time, and it will become easier to move on. Join a sports team, take an art class, or volunteer within your community. Use this time to learn about and practice something you enjoy. [6] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source -
Plan a day out. It’s good to spend some time reflecting, but don’t let your emotions keep you holed up at home. Plan a trip to the park, beach, or go to a museum. You could even do something as simple as a picnic in the park with friends. [7] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source . -
Meet other guys. You don’t have to do this if you don’t feel you’re ready. But if you’re up to it, the best way to get over a guy is to see who else is out there. You could talk to a guy at a class you attend, try out an online dating service, or have a friend introduce you to someone. You don’t have to continue talking to anyone that you don’t like, and it’s perfectly okay to decide you need more time after you give it a try.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionI fell in love with this guy who has had his girlfriend for 8 years. I love him. He mentions his girlfriend, but he claims he loves me too.Community AnswerIt's unfair to you and his girlfriend for him to claim that he loves you both. Your feelings are normal and understandable, but you should not interfere with the relationship. Have a conversation with him about the situation if the flirtation persists.
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QuestionI have loved this boy since first grade, and I found out that he is dating someone. I have tried all of these things and I still can't get over how amazing he is. Any tips?Community AnswerContinue to be a loyal friend to him. You shouldn't try to break up the relationship he is currently in. If the feelings are too overwhelming and are affecting your friendship, you can have a conversation with him about it.
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QuestionI have a friend who seemed to like me, and he was flirting with me a lot. I don't want to lose his friendship. What do I do? I might have feelings for him too.Community AnswerRecognize that flirtation is not okay when he has a girlfriend. Try to stay as just friends with him if possible. If he continues to flirt, you can have a conversation with him about the situation.
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Tips
- It’s okay to get professional help if you’re having an especially hard time accepting the situation.Thanks
- It is definitely okay to get professional help if you are struggling. Experts will understand and be able to guide you through your situation.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Stay busy with stuff you genuinely enjoy, like joining a community sports team, taking a pottery class, or volunteering at an animal shelter. Keeping your mind occupied will help it wander less to thoughts of him all the time.
- It's normal to feel bummed that things didn't pan out. Let yourself be sad for a bit. But if it goes on too long and really messes with your everyday life, consider seeing a counselor. Professional help can get you unstuck.
- Think about what made you fall for him in the first place. Also, keep a diary to write out all the feelings you're going through over this guy. Getting it out on paper can really help process everything.
- When you're in a better place emotionally, think about casually dating around. You don't need to commit to anyone yet. It can just help to see what other fish are out there in the sea for you.
- Get rid of mementos from him — put old gifts in the attic, delete past messages, remove him as a social media contact. Making those clean breaks will help you disconnect and stride forward.
- Don't compare yourself to his girlfriend. That's only going to drag down your self-esteem. Focus on loving and appreciating who you are instead.
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Warnings
- Do not try to break up the guy and his girlfriend. The situation is not likely to end well—even if you do succeed.Thanks
- Never ever make advances towards him. Even if it turns out that he likes you too, this is disrespectful to everyone involved in the situation.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt
- ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/talking-to-friends-family/
- ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/moving-when-youre-still-love-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/why-you-cant-stop-thinking-about-your-ex/
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/exercise-wise.html
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/having-a-hobby-tied-to-happiness-and-well-being
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_structure_your_day_to_accomplish_more
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to get over a guy that has a girlfriend, put an end to any flirting between the two of you, since it will only make things worse for everyone involved. Instead of acting on your feelings, do your best to simply reflect on them, which you could do by writing them down in a journal. Also, try to spend more time away from the guy or even consider cutting off all contact with him, if it will help you move on. To take your mind off of him, spend your time exercising with your friends, trying out new hobbies, or volunteering in your community. For more advice from our Dating co-author, like how to meet other guys, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I like this guy who has a girlfriend, and I just couldn't get over him. I have liked him and been good friends with him since last year. I would always compare myself to his girlfriend and I could always see why he didn't like me. She is pretty, super smart, and she can sing like a professional! Then here I am, ugly, not so smart, and I can't sing at all. When I read the part about not comparing yourself to his girlfriend because everyone is unique, I thought I should move on." ..." more
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"I like this guy who has a girlfriend, and I just couldn't get over him. I have liked him and been good friends with him since last year. I would always compare myself to his girlfriend and I could always see why he didn't like me. She is pretty, super smart, and she can sing like a professional! Then here I am, ugly, not so smart, and I can't sing at all. When I read the part about not comparing yourself to his girlfriend because everyone is unique, I thought I should move on."
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"So I have liked this guy for 2 years and I knew he had a girlfriend but I ignored it. I used to compare myself to his girlfriend - she is super skinny and smart, etc. I am over here and I am not skinny like she is and I am not as smart as she is. "
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"I need to accept the reality. He likes his girlfriend more than me. That's a fact. I'm not a homewrecker, and I should be happy for them instead. Besides, he smokes, he uses drugs, and is a womanizer. There sure is a better guy to crush on!"
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"Sometimes we can't see things as the way they are since we are too involved in the situation.So we tend to avoid seeing the complete picture as reality is. Thanks for the article, it really helped me with it."
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"The guy I like has a girlfriend, and this helped me a lot to get over him. Thanks, wikiHow; you help me with all my problems!"
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