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You want someone to stop bothering you in person or over text, but how do you get them to leave you alone without being rude? Fortunately, there are a lot of subtle ways you can get someone to back off a bit that won't make things awkward. And if they're really not taking the hint, it's still possible to be direct without coming across as rude. Check out the tips below to learn how you can nicely get someone to leave you alone without feeling bad about it.
Best Ways to Get People to Leave You Alone
- Turn away from the other person, cross your arms, or put on headphones.
- Be upfront and tell them that you want some alone time.
- Use a soft voice to be polite and explain why you need space.
- Avoid contact with them as much as possible, or give them the silent treatment.
Steps
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Use your body language. [1] X Expert Source Frank Blaney
Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor Expert Interview. 28 September 2021. There are a variety of cues that you can give someone to let them know it is time to leave. Generally, if you turn away from the person this is an obvious clue that your conversation has come to an end. Similarly, bored expressions convey discontent too. Cross your arms, slouch over, avert your gaze elsewhere in the room. These cues obviously depend on the social setting you are in. [2] X Research source- For example, if you are in your cubicle at work and the office’s chatty Cathy or Carl won’t leave you alone, start shuffling through papers and mumbling about what reports need to be finished. This will tell your unwelcome guest that it is time to leave. You are obviously too busy for a chat.
- As with most of the tactics detailed in this guide, be sure to gauge the situation. Sometimes, negative body language can produce negative responses. If the person you are dealing with is quick to violence or anger, another route might be preferable.
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Put up walls. Inevitably, you’ll come into contact with people, but there are several techniques that will discourage interaction from the start. If you are at home and your parents are bothering you to do something you don’t want to, you can put in headphones. This places an auditory wall between you and your parent. Perhaps, they won’t want to hassle with asking you to remove your headphones in order to talk to you. Similarly, if you are reading a book, working on homework, or doing something else, your parents might avoid disrupting you and therefore talking to you.Advertisement
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Get help from someone else. We’ve all been trapped in those conversations or situations that we desperately want to escape from. An acquaintance won’t stop yammering about their problems. A relative keeps harassing you about getting married or having a child. One of the easiest ways to eject yourself from this kind of situation is to enlist someone else’s help.
- If you are at a crowded party, excuse yourself by calling to a friend. You can then tell the person you’re trying to escape from that you need to speak with the other person. Then you can walk away without hurting anyone’s feelings. Ideally, there would be another person to go talk to. You don’t want to walk away and then go stand in the opposite corner alone.
- You might also decide on a signal with someone else before entering a party or other function. For example, your office party is tonight. You are going with a coworker that you like. You know that the party will be stale and that you’ll inevitably have to talk to people you don’t like. Decide on a signal that will tell the other person you are ready to leave. Make sure it is subtle. Tug on your sleeves. Brush your hair back. Your signal should be clear to the other person, but not draw attention to your actions. [3] X Research source
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Tell the person that you want to be left alone. [4] X Expert Source Frank Blaney
Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor Expert Interview. 28 September 2021. Don’t mislead people. Especially when you are dating someone, be upfront about your feelings. Avoid excuses like “Now is not a good time for me”. While you might think your hint is obvious, some people will take you literally. They’ll call at a later time. Make it clear that you aren’t interested without any equivocation. This doesn’t mean that you need to lose all tact and say something offensive, but you can say, “I’m just not interested. I like you as a person, but not in that way.” -
Be polite . People won’t always catch on to your masterfully crafted subtle hints. Sometimes, you’ll need to say something. No one welcomes confrontation, but when it is time to ask someone to leave you alone, you should do it politely. [5] X Research source Start off by gaining their attention and then, in a soft voice, ask them if they wouldn’t mind leaving. [6] X Expert Source Frank Blaney
Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor Expert Interview. 28 September 2021. -
Give reasons or excuses. No one wants to be shunned for no reason — to be cast aside without cause. Tell the person why they should go. Do you need to talk to someone else? Do you have work that needs to be done? No matter what the reason is, be tactful and give them some indication why you need them to leave. [7] X Expert Source Frank Blaney
Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor Expert Interview. 28 September 2021. They’ll be more likely to acquiesce to your request. -
Set up automatic responses online. Set up your email account to automatically reply to email addresses you don’t want to talk to. Go on your social media accounts and do the same. You might even just consider “unfollowing” and “de-friending” people you don’t want to talk to anymore. [8] X Research source
- The traditional “out of office” email automated response is now a commonly used tool in most business settings. If you know that you are going to be away from your email for a period of time and don’t want to receive dozens of emails about the same issues, simply set up an automated response with text like: “I am currently either out of office or unavailable for [insert period of time]. I will respond to messages in the order that it is received when I return to the office on [insert date of return].” This way you don’t have to return dozens of emails and everyone will know exactly what to expect.
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Avoid contact. There are many ways that you can avoid contact with people you don’t want to see. If you know their schedule, you can adjust your own to avoid them. The key is to avoid becoming a hermit. Don't just stay in your home all the time. Weigh the pros and cons. Should I risk seeing other people? Is that risk so great that I should just stay at home all the time?
- There are even apps that can help you avoid people. An app called Cloak collects geo-positioning data from other social medias like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and then tells you if someone you are trying to avoid is nearby. [9] X Research source It is not foolproof, but it can be a good tool especially if you're trying to avoid a person who uses social media a lot.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1335 wikiHow readers, and 63% of them agreed that a common way to show someone you don’t like them or want to be around them is to avoid spending time with them . [Take Poll]
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Ignore them entirely. Give them the silent treatment. If you are forced to interact with someone who hasn’t responded to your subtle or direct forms of communication, you might need to resort to more obvious, non-violent measures. [10] X Expert Source Frank Blaney
Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor Expert Interview. 28 September 2021. The silent treatment isn’t just for children. This is a rather “toxic” maneuver because it is normally perceived as very obvious and rude. It is a quick way to tell people you aren’t interested in talking to them.- In many cases, this move can backfire. If you have a person who accepts no blame for their relationship with you, they may try to irritate you into talking. You’ll have to persevere or try something else. [11] X Research source
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Don’t become violent. Violence is rarely the answer, unless you need to defend yourself . It can be very tempting to strike someone who is bothering you rather than stick to your non-violent methods. You'll want to slap or punch someone who is particularly insulting or annoying, but resist the urge. Use your words not your fists.
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Seek legal help. If your relationship has escalated to harassment and even stalking, you might consider calling the police and filing a restraining order . Restraining orders should not be filed lightly. They can have serious legal repercussions for a person. So don’t file one unless you no longer feel safe around a person. If someone has physically assaulted you or made threatening remarks to you or your loved ones, consider a restraining order.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you respond to an angry person?Frank Blaney is a Certified Qigong and Tai Chi Instructor with over 15 years of teaching experience. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." He also holds a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and trains executives and staff of corporations, NGOs, and communities in self-care, personal performance and conflict resolution. He holds an MA in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding from California State University Dominguez Hills.It's always better to kind of diffuse and be demure, although some bullies or aggressors will feed off of that. Usually, though, you can kind of downplay the situation and be a little submissive in your tone to de-escalate the situation.
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QuestionWhen should I leave a violent situation?Frank Blaney is a Certified Qigong and Tai Chi Instructor with over 15 years of teaching experience. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." He also holds a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and trains executives and staff of corporations, NGOs, and communities in self-care, personal performance and conflict resolution. He holds an MA in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding from California State University Dominguez Hills.Trust your gut, as our bodies process what we're feeling faster than our minds can process the situation. Forget social politeness. Your first and number one goal is to preserve your physical safety. Nine times out of ten, though, it's not going to involve any physical violence and all you should do is physically remove yourself from that space.
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QuestionWhat if this person is being rude and keeps coming back?Community AnswerTry subtly asking her/him why she's/he's acting this way. Sometimes people act out if they're having a bad day or if someone let them down. If those aren't the reasons and the person is just picking on you, you should ask the person to stop. If he/she doesn't stop, make it clear that the behavior isn't welcome.
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Tips
- If you turn everyone away in your life, you may be suffering from depression. Human beings are social creatures — some more than others — but if you have excluded everyone from your life, you may want to get some help. Talk to a therapist. Get some help. There is no shame in it.Thanks
- Remember that someone refusing to leave the other person alone for the purpose of stopping people from committing violent crimes, apprehending people who are clearly doing something illegal (especially a felony), or making an arrest as a police officer is legally justified.Thanks
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Warnings
- Never do something illegal, because it's legal for someone to refuse to leave you alone to stop you from:
- Committing a violent crime (e.g. in self-defense)
- Leaving after you clearly did something illegal (e.g. by a citizen's arrest), especially when it's a felony, and
- Resisting arrest if that person is a police officer who is arresting you, which is illegal, even if you're innocent.
Thanks - Committing a violent crime (e.g. in self-defense)
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References
- ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-get-rid-of-people-whove-overstayed-their-welcome-5920945
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-get-rid-of-people-whove-overstayed-their-welcome-5920945
- ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-get-rid-of-people-whove-overstayed-their-welcome-5920945
- ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
- ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
- ↑ http://www.askmen.com/money/body_and_mind_200/241_4-steps-avoid-people.html
- ↑ http://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/finally-social-media-app-helps-you-avoid-people-you-dont-want-see-180950232/?no-ist
- ↑ Frank Blaney. Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
- ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/silent-treatment-is-toxic-to-relationships-2015-1
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Reader Success Stories
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