Dealing with a breakup can be very difficult, whether you ended it or they did. Fortunately, things will get better! You can get over your breakup faster by boosting your mood with fun activities and small indulgences. Additionally, use healthy coping strategies to deal with your feelings. [1]
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Expert Source
Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.
As soon as you can, start taking steps to move on with your life.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Boosting Your Mood
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Distract yourself with activities that make you feel good. Indulging in distractions is a quick and easy way to make yourself feel good after a breakup. Although it won’t help you overcome your feelings in the long term, a distraction helps you temporarily escape your heartache and feel better while you cope with your feelings. [2] X Expert Source Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 21 June 2019. Here are some ways you could temporarily distract yourself from the breakup: [3] X Research source- Engage in your favorite hobby
- Draw or paint something
- Bake treats for your friends
- Join a few friends for a pick up game of baseball, basketball, or football
- Go for a hike
- Browse your favorite shops
- Host a game night with your friends
- See a funny movie
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Spend time with friends and family who make you feel good. Being around your biggest supporters can help improve your mood because it will remind you how much you're loved. Plus, you can enjoy fun times with people who aren't your ex, which helps you move past the breakup. [4] X Research source
- If you don't feel up to going out yet, invite friends or family members to enjoy a meal, movie, or game night at your home. You might watch your favorite comedies and order a pizza or play your favorite board games.
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Fill your schedule so you have less time to dwell on the breakup. [5] X Expert Source Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 21 June 2019. Keeping yourself busy gives you less time to think about the breakup. This lessens how much you experience your negative emotions. Go to school or work, volunteer, catch up on errands, help out your friends or relatives, or take up a new hobby. Not only will your mind be off your breakup, but you’ll also be helping both yourself and others.- For example, you could fill up your free time by enrolling in an art class, volunteering to care for dogs at the local shelter, and helping your grandmother do her weekly grocery shopping. You’ll get to meet new people, make a difference, and assist a loved one while also having a little fun.
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Date yourself by doing fun things your former partner never did with you. Make a list of things you’ve always wanted your partner to do with you, like dancing, going to an art opening, seeing your favorite sports team play a game, or trying a new restaurant. Now that you’re single, take yourself on these “dates.” Doing what you enjoy will help you feel better quickly, plus you’ll see how much better your life can be now. [6] X Research source
- For example, you might see a movie your ex would never watch or go on an outdoor adventure your homebody ex thought would be boring.
- It’s okay to also invite friends to go with you, but commit to going alone if no one is available to go with you.
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Indulge yourself with your favorite treat, a special gift, or a day of pampering. Doing something nice for yourself will help put you in a good mood. Choose something you really want or enjoy. Then, spend a few days indulging your desires. [7] X Research source
- If you can spare the money, make yourself a treat care package or buy yourself something nice.
- If you’re short on money, try budget ways of pampering yourself, like making a homemade facial mask, taking a hot bath, baking yourself a batch of cookies, going for a walk in the park, or borrowing a movie or game from a friend.
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Repeat a positive affirmation that makes you feel better. Affirmations can help you boost your mood if you believe them, so choose an affirmation that resonates with you. Focus on a positive statement that both feels accurate to you and lifts your spirit. Repeat your affirmation whenever you’re feeling down. Here are some examples of positive affirmations: [8] X Research source
- “I am worthy of love.”
- “I get validation from myself, not someone else.”
- “I will live my best life.”
- “I am the only one who can make me happy, so I will.”
- “I am a strong, beautiful person.”
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Coping with Your Feelings
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Acknowledge the emotions you’re feeling without judging yourself. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions after a breakup. You’ll likely feel sad or angry, but it’s also possible you’ll feel love for your ex. Don’t try to make yourself stop feeling these emotions. Instead, recognize what you’re feeling, acknowledge it, then let it pass. [9] X Research source
- Accepting your emotions like this will help you get through them more quickly. You’ll also experience less emotional pain.
- For example, you might say to yourself, “I still feel love for Alex. We dated for a year, so I know this is normal.” Similarly, you might tell yourself, “I’m feeling really sad and betrayed right now. I have a right to feel this way.”
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Share your feelings with someone you trust. Talk to a friend or relative who won’t judge you. Tell them what you’ve been going through, and let their responses help you feel better about yourself. Rely on your closest relationships to help you get through the breakup.
- Choose a few trusted individuals you can talk to so you’ll have several options when you need to talk. That way, you’ll still have someone to turn to if one friend is busy.
- If you don’t feel like you have someone you can trust, try talking to a counselor or therapist. They can help you work through your feelings in a healthy way. [10]
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Expert Source
Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 21 June 2019. - Reader Poll: We asked 463 wikiHow readers who've been through a breakup, and only 6% of them agreed that the best way to cope is by seeking professional help. So while you should always see a therapist or counselor if you need to, it may be enough to confide in a trusted friend or family member.
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Write a journal entry about the breakup and how it’s made you feel. Writing about what happened and how you feel can help you get over the breakup faster. Additionally, writing about your goals for the future and how well you are doing can help you direct your attention forward rather than on the past. [11] X Research source
- This is a great way to deal with your feelings if you don’t feel comfortable sharing with others.
- If your ex really hurt you, write a letter to them telling them how it made you feel. Then, burn or rip up the letter instead of sending it. This can help you release those feelings in a healthy way. [12] X Research source
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List your ex’s negative traits to help you get over them quickly. Recognizing the flaws in your ex, especially when it came to your relationship, can help you love them less. It helps you let go of your image of them as your partner so you can accept the breakup. While noticing their unfavorable traits or habits will help you get over them fast, it might make you feel sad while you’re doing it. [13] X Research source
- For instance, you might make a list like this one: “1) Doesn’t text me back right away; 2) Talks badly about my sister; 3) Forgot my birthday last year; 4) Eats all of my snacks but never replaces them; 5) Hates cats.”
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Allow yourself to cry if you feel like it. It’s normal and healthy to cry after a breakup, especially in the first few days. Crying it out can even help you get over your breakup faster, so don’t fight off those tears. Release them, and the urge to cry will eventually pass.
- If crying in front of others bothers you, go to a place where you can be alone. This might be your bedroom, a bathroom, or a safe place outside. If you share a room, ask the other person if they will give you a few minutes alone.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Moving on with Your Life
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Spend some time getting to know yourself before dating again. It’s normal to lose yourself in a relationship, so give yourself time to remember who you are as an individual. Think about what you really want in life, as well as what you want in a partner. Additionally, try out different activities to figure out how you enjoy living your life. [14] X Research source
- Not only will this help you get over your breakup more quickly, it’ll also help you form a healthier relationship with your next partner.
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Take good care of yourself by sleeping more, eating well, and exercising. This helps you feel better and reduces your stress. Additionally, you’ll be able to keep your life moving forward instead of falling into bad habits. Here’s how to keep your health on track:
- Create a bedtime routine to help you go to sleep earlier. Turn down your thermostat, turn off your screens, and spend an hour relaxing before bed.
- Base your meals around lean proteins and vegetables, and snack on fruit, nuts or low-fat dairy. Additionally, drink plenty of water.
- Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. Go for a walk, run, dance, do aerobics, or take a gym class.
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Block your ex on all of your social media accounts. Keeping up with what your ex is doing will keep you trapped in the past. Don’t hold onto the relationship once it’s over. Focus on living your own life without worrying about what they’re doing. [15] X Research source
- You might feel tempted to leave them on your social media accounts so you can show them how well your life is going. Although that might seem satisfying, it’s actually counterproductive because it keeps your thoughts on them. Just let them go.
- If you have mutual friends with your ex, consider temporarily unfollowing them if you know they’ll be posting about your ex.
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Clear out all items that remind you of them. Return any items they left at your home, and donate any gifts you don’t want anymore. Next, throw away or recycle any items that can’t be donated, like cards or uneaten candy. Then, put away photos and momentos you might want later. [16] X Research source
- This will keep your mind off your ex so you can focus on the future.
- You don’t have to get rid of everything they gave you or every memory you made together. Use your best judgement when deciding what to keep. If it doesn’t remind you of them, you might choose to keep it. Similarly, you might put away photos of you with them until a later time when the breakup no longer bothers you.
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Focus on your personal goals to positively direct your attention. Choose a goal you hope to accomplish, like writing a book, getting picked for a sports team, or getting a promotion at work. Break up that goal into several small steps, then start working on them. This helps you focus on building a future you want instead of dwelling on the past. [17] X Research source
- For example, let’s say your goal is to take a trip to Paris, France. Your to-do list might include “buy a Paris travel guide,” “get a passport,” “read about popular tourist sites in Paris,” “research hotels,” “price my trip,” “choose a target date,” “save money for my trip,” “book my trip,” and “go to Paris.”
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How Do You Cope With A Breakup?
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you have fun after a heartbreak?Cherlyn Chong is a breakup recovery and dating coach. With 6 years of experience, she specializes in working with high-achieving professional women who want to get over their exes and find love again. She has experience as an official coach for The League dating app, and has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.If you feel like going out, ask a friend to meet you for coffee, plan a fun night out with your friends, or invite friends to go see a movie. As another option, choose an activity that gets you moving, like playing miniature golf, bowling, or walking in a local park.
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QuestionHow should you act after a breakup?Cherlyn Chong is a breakup recovery and dating coach. With 6 years of experience, she specializes in working with high-achieving professional women who want to get over their exes and find love again. She has experience as an official coach for The League dating app, and has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.It's important to keep getting out of bed and living. Your heart may be really heavy, but it will feel better than wallowing in bed. Simple acts like brushing your teeth, making breakfast, and getting out of the house will really make a difference. Try to avoid ruminating as best you can.
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Tips
- Breakups are a normal part of relationships, and everyone goes through them. You will feel better!Thanks
- Focus on your future, not the past. Imagine yourself living your best life after your breakup, and you’ll be feeling better soon.Thanks
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Warnings
- Burning items after a breakup can be dangerous. Instead of having a post-breakup bonfire, consider donating or discarding unwanted items that remind you of your ex.Thanks
- It’s normal for it to take time to get over a breakup. You might not be able to do it quickly. Don’t feel badly about yourself if you struggle to feel better post-breakup.Thanks
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References
- ↑ Cherlyn Chong. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.
- ↑ Cherlyn Chong. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.
- ↑ http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-37800-001
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a6970/breakup-grown-woman-recovery/
- ↑ Cherlyn Chong. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/getting-back-out-there-following-end-of-a-relationship/
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/getting-back-out-there-following-end-of-a-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201208/coping-distress-and-agony-after-break
- ↑ http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-37800-001
- ↑ Cherlyn Chong. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201605/the-best-way-move-after-breakup
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a6970/breakup-grown-woman-recovery/
- ↑ http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-37800-001
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-move-on-after-breakup-1208165
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a6970/breakup-grown-woman-recovery/
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a6970/breakup-grown-woman-recovery/
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/getting-back-out-there-following-end-of-a-relationship/
About this article
Article Summary
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To get over a break up fast, distract yourself with activities that make you feel good, like going for a hike, hosting a game night, going to the movies, or engaging in your favorite hobby. You can also spend time with family and friends who make you feel good and loved. In addition to these short term solutions, look for ways to cope with your feelings. For example, if you’re having a hard time letting go of your ex, focus on their negative qualities to stop romanticizing them. Getting rid of your ex's old things, whether that means cards they gave you or a sweatshirt they left at your house, can also help you move on more easily. To learn how to block your ex on all of your social media accounts to get over them more quickly, keep reading!
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