How to Help Your Girlfriend with Depression

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Dating someone who has depression can be tough, but it's also a chance to show what a caring person you can be. You can support your girlfriend is small but significant ways, like being a good listener and helping out with day-to-day things. Encourage her to think positively about treatment, and offer to help hold her accountable for going through with it. Keep your relationship strong by continuing to spend time together, taking care of yourself as well, and looking into couples counseling if you need it.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Lending Support

PDF download Download Article
  1. Rather than jumping to offer advice about how your girlfriend can improve, or criticism about her feelings, let her know that you are ready to listen and offer support at any time. [1]
    • Don’t belittle her feelings by saying things like “You’ve got to snap out of this” or “If you just focus on the positive, you’ll feel better.”
    • Instead, ask how she is doing and feeling.
    • Keep in mind that some forms of depression are episodic (related to some specific experience). Depression may also be chronic (long-lasting). If you haven't been dating your girlfriend long, you may not know what type of depression she has.
    • Resist the urge to “fix” what she tells you. If you feel like you could help, ask “How can I help?” or “Would it be helpful to you if I called you in the morning?”
  2. Do something nice for your girlfriend, without telling her about it. Little things you can do everyday will lift your girlfriend’s spirits, especially if the depression is mild or episodic. Most of all, they’ll help her feel like she has real support from you. For instance, try things like: [2]
    • Leaving a note to wish her a good day.
    • Making her favorite dinner.
    • Buying her flowers or another small gift she will enjoy.
    • Walking her to class.
    • Show plenty of physical affection, like long hugs.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 444 wikiHow readers how they want their partner to comfort them, and 56% of them agreed that the best gesture is a sweet hug or tender touch. [Take Poll]
    Advertisement
  3. Encourage your girlfriend to get involved in things she loves, and be ready to participate, too. This won’t erase depression, but it will help your girlfriend concentrate on positive things. Try things your girlfriend might enjoy, like:
    • Host a board game night with a couple of friends.
    • Go running together.
    • Surprise her with a picnic on a nice day.
    • Book her a day at the spa.
  4. Depression can make a person feel worthless and unworthy of love, so help her see that's not the case for your relationship. Remind her of all the things you love and like about her, including those related to her depression. Consider if there are any parts of her personality that stem from the depression but make her who she is.
    • For example, you might think your girlfriend is more creative or empathetic because of her depression. You could say, "I can tell you are sensitive to others who are going through a tough time. I notice you offer encouragement to them even if you don’t know them well. Do you think your depression helps you see others in need?”
  5. Many people with depression tend to focus on negative things. Let her know that you see positive things about her. Remind her of her positive traits.
    • For example, if she is kind to children, you could say something like, “You have a compassionate heart for children. They really respond to you.”
    • You may even want to write them down so that she can read over them when you're not around.
  6. Depression of any kind can make it hard to accomplish everyday tasks. Lend your girlfriend a hand by helping out with chores and whatever else she needs to get done, especially when she’s having a bad day. Try little (but helpful) things like:
    • Getting her lunch.
    • Picking up groceries for her.
    • Taking her car to the carwash.
    7. Advertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Helping Her Get Treatment

PDF download Download Article
  1. Don’t just think of depression as “feeling down.” Instead, stress that depression is a treatable, medical condition. Hearing this from someone she trusts can help empower your girlfriend to get help. [3]
    • If you don't know whether your girlfriend's depression is episodic or chronic, encourage her to see a doctor so she can get the kind of care she needs.
    • Remind her to separate herself from the depression. For example, if she says things like “I”m depressed.” Help her reframe it by saying, “No, Cindy, you are someone who has depression. You are a kind, beautiful person who feels and experiences depression.”
  2. Even if your girlfriend wants to get help for long-term or serious depression, her condition can make actually doing so difficult. There are many ways that you can help her connect to therapy and other kinds of help. For instance:
    • Offer to help her research different kinds of counseling, therapy, and medical treatments.
    • Listen to her thoughts, concerns, and questions about these treatments.
    • Offer to go with her to the doctor or counseling sessions.
    • If she is working with a therapist she doesn’t seem to connect with, encourage her to find a new one.
  3. Once your girlfriend begins treatment for long-term depression, it’s crucial that she sticks with it. Since you’re in a relationship with her, you’re in a position to help hold her accountable. Try things like:
    • Creating a schedule to make sure she takes any medications her doctor prescribed. Offer to give reminders about when to take it, or to ask her if she did.
    • Mark therapy appointments on a common calendar.
    • Continue to ask her how she feels.
  4. Resist the urge to be her sole source of social support, which can create an unhealthy relationship dynamic. Not only that, it's unfair for both of you. Instead, help her seek out groups that can help her connect with others who've shared a similar experience.
    • Check out NAMI.org, Mental Health America, or the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance at http://www.dbsalliance.org/ . Each of these resources has listings of support groups online and in real life.
  5. Depression can take its toll on a relationship. If you and your girlfriend feel like the issue is causing problems in yours, you can try couples or relationship counseling. Behavioral Couple Therapy, for instance, is a developing form of counseling that can help couples learn to care for each other and reduce conflict. [4]
  6. Even if your girlfriend is undergoing treatment for her depression, she may be at risk of harming herself or others. If you see any of these warning signs, seek medical assistance immediately:
    • Changes in behavior that last more than a few weeks (like avoiding friends or activities, changes in sleep habits, or abusing drugs or alcohol)
    • Mentioning death or killing herself
    • Seeming to prepare for death (giving things away, talking about saying good-bye to people, etc.)
    7. Advertisement
Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Helping Yourself to Help Her

PDF download Download Article
  1. If your girlfriend seems depressed, recognize it as a problem. Don’t brush it off as something she should just “get over.” If she’s already getting treatment, don’t think that the problem is solved—continue to offer support. [5]
    • This is especially the case for chronic depression. Those who have this form are prone to relapses, even if they appear to have been well for a while.
  2. Caring for someone with depression can be hard on you, too. You can’t fully support your girlfriend if you aren’t at your best, so make sure to practice good self-care. [6]
    • Make sure that you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and generally taking care of yourself.
    • Seek help yourself if you begin to experience depression or other health issues.
    • Don’t engage in risky behavior, like drug or alcohol abuse, to help your girlfriend feel better.
    • Keep living your own life. See your friends, go to work or school, and have fun.
  3. People develop depression for a variety of complex reasons. It’s never as simple as saying that one thing or another “caused” someone’s depression. Don't fall into the trap of feeling like something you may have done caused your girlfriend’s depression. Instead, focus on her treatment and recovery. [7]
    4. Advertisement

Sample Comforting Words

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Help a Depressed Friend
      How to
      Speak Supportively to Someone with Depression
      How to
      Deal With a Depressed Parent
      How to
      Help a Depressed Boyfriend
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/05/08/9-best-ways-to-support-someone-with-depression/
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/05/08/9-best-ways-to-support-someone-with-depression/
      3. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943
      4. ↑ https://www.div12.org/annual-conference/behavioral-couple-therapy-for-depression/
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/05/08/9-best-ways-to-support-someone-with-depression/
      6. ↑ https://adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/spouse-or-partner
      7. ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-support-a-partner-struggling-with-depression-1717700336

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 105,287 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Brandon Trujillo

        Jan 21, 2019

        "My girlfriend has depression, and I didn't know what to do. I decided to Google it; this showed up and I read ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement