Dependent Personality Disorder is characterized by an excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation. [1] X Research source It is found in persons who have never been able to form a strong sense of self and who find purpose (and safety) living in the shadow of another. Often beginning in early adulthood (by which time the person should have a fairly stable sense of self), this condition can result in anxious, fearful, and insecure behavior that can prevent the person from leading a full and fulfilling life. This tendency to "cling" can hurt the person's relationship and leave them vulnerable to abuse. If you're concerned that someone you know might have dependent personality disorder, notice the signs and encourage them to get help.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 2:
Assessing the Situation
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Understand a possible cause of Dependent Personality Disorder. The person's childhood may have laid the foundations for developing dependent personality disorder. Overly anxious or insecure parents are often the cause of a child's inability to individuate from them. If they were constantly punished or made to feel guilty for seeking independence as a child, they may feel that independent thought and action is a bad thing. While the goal is to eventually move on, understanding the factors leading to their disorder can help.
- If you can take the time to listen to them and gently ask questions about their childhood, a pattern of unhappy attachment might be revealed.
- Note that there may be a combination of genetic, biological, and environmental factors that lead to this disorder. [2] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
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Recognize the signs. You will need to look for five or more of the following characteristics to be able to draw an initial conclusion that someone might be suffering from Dependent Personality Disorder. [3] X Research source The following traits in combination are indicative (although, to be sure, the person will still need professional diagnosis): [4] X Research source
- Do they constantly experience difficulty in making everyday decisions? Needing an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others before undertaking any task is a sign of deep dependence. If they're unable to initiate or complete small tasks on their own, this might be a problem.
- Ask these questions: Some people enjoy making decisions; others prefer to have someone they trust guide them; which do you prefer? Do you seek advice for everyday decisions? Do you often need help to get started on a project?
- Do they allow other people to make decisions for them in areas that directly affect their life? Needing others to assume responsibility for most major areas concerning their life shows immaturity and a lack of understanding about the importance of self-responsibility.
- Ask them this: Do you find yourself in situations where other people have made decisions about important areas in your life, for example, what job to take?
- Do they go to excessive lengths to obtain nurturing and support from others? This may even occur to the point of them doing unpleasant things.
- Ask them this: Do you volunteer to do unpleasant things for others so they will take care of you when you need it? Are you uncomfortable when you are alone? Are you afraid you will not be able to take care of yourself? Do you worry about important people in your life leaving you?
- Do they urgently seek another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship comes to an end? Do they jump into rebound relationships, for example, meaning they must find someone new to date quickly after a breakup? Do they feel helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to take care of themselves, whether financially, emotionally, or even physically?
- Ask them this: Have you found that you are desperate to get into another relationship right away when a close relationship ends? Even if the new relationship might not be the best for you?
- Do they constantly struggle to express disagreement with others? If they fear disapproval, rejection, and a loss of support from others, they will likely try too hard to please people. Note that this must exclude realistic fears of retribution.
- Ask them this: Is it hard for you to express a different opinion from someone you are close to? What do you think might happen if you did? Do you often pretend to agree with others even if you do not? Why? Could it get you into trouble if you disagree?
Advertisement - Do they constantly experience difficulty in making everyday decisions? Needing an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others before undertaking any task is a sign of deep dependence. If they're unable to initiate or complete small tasks on their own, this might be a problem.
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Check additional criteria. Sometimes people seem like they have Dependent Personality Disorder when they really don't. If the above criteria are met, see if they also meet the following criteria before considering a diagnosis of dependent personality disorder. Note that if any of these are not met, it's not dependent personality disorder: [5] X Research source
- Do their behaviors deviate significantly from the norms of her culture in at least two of the following areas:
- Cognition (perceiving and interpreting things, people, and events, and forming attitudes and images of self and others).
- Affect (range, intensity, and appropriateness of emotional arousal and response).
- Control over impulses and gratification of needs.
- Manner of relating to others and of handling interpersonal situations.
- Do their symptoms manifest across a broad range of personal and social situations, not limited by specific triggers or situations? If so, their symptoms are considered pervasive, inflexible, and maladaptive.
- Do their symptoms of dependency cause her personal distress, or adversely impact their social environment?
- Are their symptoms stable and of long duration, having an onset of late childhood or adolescence?
- Can other adult mental disorders be excluded as possible causes for their symptoms of dependency?
- Can organic brain disease, injury, or dysfunction be excluded as possible causes for their symptoms of dependency? A frail grandmother who cannot take care of herself does not have dependent personality disorder.
- Do their behaviors deviate significantly from the norms of her culture in at least two of the following areas:
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Consider how the person appears to feel when left alone. Does he feel helpless, uncomfortable, and anxious? Are they indecisive and angry with themselves for not knowing what to think or do? Think about how they react when the person they're attached to returns. Do they leap on this person straight away expecting immediate attention and even scold this person for leaving them alone? Feeling helpless, abandoned, and uncomfortable when on his own frequently occurs as a result of exaggerated fears of not being able to take care of themselves. [6] X Research source
- Pay heed to people who are unrealistically preoccupied with thoughts and fears of being left alone to take care of themselves. It is a warning signal that they don't feel able to cope alone, no matter how easy the task or the life they're leading.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 2:
Assisting Someone With Dependent Personality Disorder
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Help the person learn to take responsibility . This isn't a habit that she can simply "snap out" of. It will take them time to learn to stand on their own two feet and to feel safe expressing their own thoughts and opinions.
- Set small, achievable tasks that you know they could manage without trouble. When they have completed them all alone, praise her and increase the difficulty of the tasks gradually.
- Talk to them about things they enjoy doing. Whenever they're about to be left alone, suggest those activities.
- Help them learn to trust themselves. Offer her books on improving self-confidence, book her into a course on improving self-confidence, and spend time telling them what you have noticed they're really good at doing.
- Get them exercising, eating balanced meals, and reducing stress. Treat any addictions. Be careful that they don't disengage from others too much, as social support itself does act to reduce stress. [7] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Be alert to the possibility of abuse victimization. Their neediness makes them extremely vulnerable to abuse. Make sure you ask yourself honestly whether you are playing a role in encouraging their dependency.
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Encourage the person to read as much as possible about the disorder. Having an understanding of their disorder and seeing that they're not alone can be an immense relief for them, as well as showing them a way forward.
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Encourage them to get professional help. Dependent personality disorder can be treated through psychotherapy or psychoanalysis. It is not a life sentence. It is important to motivate the person to seek help. [8] X Research source
- Talk about how therapy can help improve their lives and their relationships with the people they're currently relying on.
- Many people with DPD deal with intense fears of abandonment or rejection. It's important for the mental health professional to also check for depression, anxiety, panic disorders, and somatic distress. [9] X Research source [10] X Research source
Did You Know? Many people with DPD resist getting therapy at first. They may be in denial or think that things can never get better.
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Avoid criticizing them. Don't use negative phrases or wording when encouraging them to seek therapy. Telling them that they're "too passive," "too dependent," or a "pain to deal with" will only make things worse.
- Instead, try to focus on positive language. For example, you might say, "Becoming more independent will ultimately make you happier and more fulfilled."
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Do your own part to let go. If the person is depending on you, you're going to need to change your behavior in order to change theirs. If you have long acted as a protector, guardian, adviser, or as someone who is willing to deflect life's hardships for this person, you might have enabled unhealthy behavior. Start withdrawing this kind of support while she learns to stand on their own two feet.
- Try to be cautious not to second-guess the decisions they make. Instead, let them make and learn from mistakes, and to help them learn that advice doesn't always need to be taken.
- You don't have to stop helping entirely. Instead, start offering less advice over time, until you're offering about the same level of help that you'd give a mentally healthy person.
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Tips
- This condition develops in early adulthood and refers specifically to adult or mature behavior. As children grow older, you should be helping them to think and act independently more and more by letting them make decisions. [11] X Research source Also be sure to create a home environment where making mistakes is considered normal and show by example how you pick up and move on after making mistakes yourself.Thanks
- The core characteristics of dependent personality disorder set out above serve as a guide for diagnosis of the condition. These characteristics need to be consistent or frequent in a person's disposition or actions before you can be certain that they have the disorder, and professional diagnosis should always be sought.Thanks
- Overly protective parenting can contribute to this disorder. Find ways to become a balanced parent.Thanks
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Warnings
- Extremely submissive and helpless people are very vulnerable to abuse and need immediate help to improve their sense of self-worth.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/disorders/dependent-personality-disorder-symptoms/
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/services/neurological_institute/center-for-behavioral-health/disease-conditions/hic-dependent-personality-disorder
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/disorders/dependent-personality-disorder-symptoms/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/disorders/dependent-personality-disorder-symptoms/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/disorders/dependent-personality-disorder-symptoms/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/disorders/dependent-personality-disorder-symptoms/
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/stress-management/about/pac-20384898
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/dependent-personality-disorder#treatments
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/dependent-personality-disorder#treatments
- ↑ Pamela Stephenson Connolly, Head case: treat yourself to better mental health , p. 168, (2007), ISBN 978-0-7553-1721-9
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201204/the-abuse-overparenting
- Adapted from: Abnormal Behavior and Mental Health, Study Guide for PYC 302A, University Of South Africa, University Press, Pretoria, 2007-2009.
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To know if someone has a dependent personality disorder, note whether the person has difficulty making everyday decisions, or if they need an excessive amount of reassurance from others before making even small decisions. Next, consider how uncomfortable the person is with being alone. The person may claim or act like they can't take care of themselves, or constantly worry that people in their lives are going to leave them. Because of this fear, rebound relationships are also common with people who have dependent personality disorder. To learn about other common symptoms and signs, read on!
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