This article was co-authored by Shana Tibi
and by wikiHow staff writer, Aly Rusciano
. Shana Tibi is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Date and Relationship Coach, and the Founder of Curated Connections, a matchmaking service for single professionals. Shana specializes in understanding core values and personal preferences to curate dates. She holds a BA in Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution from Prescott College and an MSW in Social Work from California State University, Hayward. She is an active member of the Global Love Institute where she earned her matchmaking certifications.
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If you’re getting serious with your boyfriend, you may be more focused on impressing his parents than usual, and that’s totally normal! But how do you know if they like you? Can you tell if they think you’re a good match for their son? We talked to relationship coach Shana Tibi to bring you the surefire ways you can tell if your boyfriend’s parents like you. Keep reading to learn how to know if your boyfriend's parents like you (and what to do if they don’t).
Signs Your Boyfriend’s Parents Like You
- They compliment you often.
- They ask you questions about yourself.
- They initiate conversations with you.
- They invite you to family events.
- They ask for your opinions.
- They act excited to see you.
- They remember things about you.
Steps
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If they like you, they’ll make it a point to say what they love about you. His parents might point out your values, education, or personality. They could tell you directly, or they might tell your boyfriend what they admire about you, which is then relayed to you. This is an excellent way to know that they like you—people don’t hand out compliments to just anyone! [1] X Research source
- What to do if they don’t compliment you: Keep in mind that some people don’t give out compliments very easily. If your boyfriend says his parents rarely compliment anyone, try not to take it personally. Instead, try getting them to open up by giving them compliments .
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If they’re curious about your life, they probably like you. When people like you, they make it a point to learn more about you—your friends, hobbies, job, etc. If his parents ask you questions about yourself and seem genuinely interested in your answers, that’s a good sign. [2] X Research source
- For example, they might ask questions like, “So, are you still in school? How long until you graduate?” or, “Have you lived in the city long? How do you like it?”
- What if they don’t ask you questions: Start a conversation by asking them questions about their lives. This lets them know that you like them and are interested in what they have to say, which is a great way to make a good impression.
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If they're happy to see you, they genuinely enjoy your company. They never ask when you’re going home or urge your boyfriend to come over alone because they like spending time with you. This can look like greeting you with a big grin and embrace or excited explanations and eye contact. [3] X Research source
- What to do if they don’t get excited: Ask your boyfriend why they may not be thrilled to see you. It could be that they just need some alone time with him, and it doesn’t have anything to do with you.
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If you can talk to them without your boyfriend, they probably like you. It might feel a little strange at first, but as you get to know them more and your relationship progresses, you’ll find tons of things to chat about (even when your boyfriend’s not there). If they always make you feel welcome, with or without his company, they likely think highly of you. [4] X Research source
- What to do if they don’t have conversations: Try asking questions or bringing up topics yourself when your boyfriend isn't around. For instance, if he goes to the bathroom during dinner, inquire about something his parents said earlier, or ask them something simple (like what their favorite movie or musician is).
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If his parents are interested in what you’re up to, that’s a great sign! This means they care about you and want to know more about your life. They might quiz him about what you’re doing or how you’re feeling every time he chats with them. Talk to your boyfriend to find out if his parents ever check up on you when you aren’t around.
- What to do if they don’t ask about you: Don’t panic—this can happen when the relationship is new, or they’re unsure how long it’ll last. Let your boyfriend know it’s okay to talk to them about you.
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If they bring up past conversations about you, they’re interested in your life. They might bring up previous conversations about your hobbies or friends—likely things you’ve discussed or brought up before. This is an excellent sign that they like you because it means they’re paying attention to what you have to say and are interested in learning more about you. [5] X Research source
- Similarly, they might grab your favorite snack or cook your favorite meal for dinner after you mention it once or twice.
- What to do if they don’t remember details: Keep bringing things up in subtle conversation. The more you get to know them, and they get to know you, the more likely they are to remember smaller details.
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If you can make fun of your boyfriend with them, they’re comfortable with you. While you shouldn't join in if they insult your boyfriend, harmless jokes are fair game! Tibi reiterates, the best way to know if your boyfriend’s parents like you is if they can be comfortable around you. [6] X Expert Source Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 19 October 2021. So, if they can poke fun about their son in your presence, that’s a good sign!- For example, your boyfriend’s parents might say, “Does he ever clean up after himself? He was such a messy kid. I was always worried for his future spouse!”
- What to do if they don’t crack jokes: Take it slow. For some, it can take a while to get comfortable around new people. Be yourself , and let them see how amazing you are.
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If they make an effort to listen to you, they care about what you think. Asking about your opinion (whether the situation is big or small) shows they value your opinion as a member of the family—they’re curious about what you have to say. [7] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source This can look like asking about what toppings you prefer on your pizza or whether or not you agree with what’s said in a political debate.
- What to do if they don’t ask for your opinion: Be patient and give it some time. Offer your opinion casually in conversation, but try not to force it on them. They might still be feeling out the waters and will likely come around when they’re more confident in the relationship.
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If they like you, they’ll be warm and friendly towards you. A clear sign that someone likes you is if they are relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Tibi suggests watching their body language. [8] X Expert Source Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 19 October 2021. Are their arms crossed, or are they lounging openly on the couch? Open and friendly body language and expressions (smiling, hugging, etc.) are positive signs. [9] X Research source- What to do if they don’t seem comfortable:
As Tibi explains, people can sometimes act cold or distant if they don’t know you very well. If you’ve only met his parents a couple of times, they might just need to warm up to you. [10]
X
Expert Source
Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 19 October 2021. Be yourself and allow them to open up with time.
- What to do if they don’t seem comfortable:
As Tibi explains, people can sometimes act cold or distant if they don’t know you very well. If you’ve only met his parents a couple of times, they might just need to warm up to you. [10]
X
Expert Source
Shana Tibi
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If they need to get a hold of you two, they might reach out to you. It could be something as small as making dinner plans or as big as a family vacation. Whatever it is, if your boyfriend’s parents call or text you instead of him, it’s a great sign. They might send a quick text to say “hi” or ask you a question even! [11] X Research source
- What to do if they don’t text or call you: Get the ball rolling by first texting or calling them to say “hi” or ask a simple question. This can help open the door by subtly saying, “Hey, it’s more than okay to reach out to me whenever.”
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If you don’t hear about his exes, they likely think you’re a good match. Sometimes, parents hang onto the memory of the person they wish their son was with. They might try subtly comparing your education, job, or hobbies to an ex’s to remind your boyfriend of what he missed out on. However, if you never hear about an old partner of his, it’s a sign that they genuinely like you and are excited to start fresh. [12] X Research source
- What to do if they do compare you: Talk to your boyfriend about his past relationship(s) and ask why his parents may be comparing you. An open discussion can help you both feel more comfortable while learning more about each other.
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If you ever get into a small argument, they might favor your opinion over his. While it can be slightly awkward to have a full-blown fight in front of his parents, little disagreements where they take your side can show you that they like you. This is a good sign that they value and respect your opinion, especially when it comes to their son’s wellbeing. [13] X Research source
- You’ll likely notice this most during silly arguments. For instance, if you’re “fighting” with your boyfriend about which flavor of cake to get, his parents might agree with you and insist that you’re right.
- What to do if they don’t take your side: Don’t sweat it if it’s nothing serious—have a good laugh with your boyfriend about how he’s the favorite. If it’s something more concerning, consider politely asking his parents for their reasoning.
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If they ask about your future with him, they’re likely invested in the relationship. While it can feel a little overwhelming to talk about the future, especially marriage or moving in together, it’s also a sign that they see you and your boyfriend staying together for a long time. [14] X Research source Be honest with your boyfriend and his parents. Don’t hesitate to talk about your future plans together (as long as you feel safe to do so).
- What to do if they don’t talk about the future: Don’t sweat it! They may wait for you or your boyfriend to gradually bring up the conversation. Perhaps they don’t want to rush you into anything you’re not ready for.
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If he discloses that they think highly of you, he’s probably not lying. Your boyfriend likely knows his parents best—he knows when they like or dislike someone. So, if he’s constantly inviting you to hang out or go on double dates with them because “they like you,” you can believe him.
- On the other hand, if your boyfriend dodges the question “Do your parents like me?” he might be hiding or fabricating the truth to save your feelings. You know your boyfriend best, so listen to your gut.
- What to do if he says they don’t like you: Don’t worry! Sometimes, it takes a while for people to warm up to each other. Keep spending time with his parents when it’s appropriate, and try to get to know them on a deeper level.
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If his parents ask you to tag along, they see you as one of them! Being invited on a vacation or to a family gathering is an awesome sign—they’re including you in their family. Getting invited on trips usually happens when you and your boyfriend get serious, so don’t worry if they don’t take you along right away. The more time they spend with you, the more they’ll realize how much they want to include you.
- What to do if they don’t invite you: Ask your boyfriend to start inviting you along. The more you can be around his parents, the more they’ll get to know you (and hopefully start to like you).
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you know if your boyfriend's mom hates you?Shana Tibi is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Date and Relationship Coach, and the Founder of Curated Connections, a matchmaking service for single professionals. Shana specializes in understanding core values and personal preferences to curate dates. She holds a BA in Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution from Prescott College and an MSW in Social Work from California State University, Hayward. She is an active member of the Global Love Institute where she earned her matchmaking certifications.Check out her body language! Typically, if you feel comfortable, she'll also feel comfortable—it's like a mirror. If you're feeling uncomfortable and awkward, you might be picking up uncomfortable vibes from her as well.Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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Video
Tips
- Tibi reminds you to remember that “every parent acts different.” [15] X Expert Source Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 19 October 2021. No parent or relationship is the same, so follow your heart and do what’s best for you.Thanks - If you don’t think your boyfriend’s parents like you, give it a little time. You can strengthen your relationship by asking them questions, taking an interest in their lives, and visiting them more often.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evidence-based-living/202109/the-psychology-compliments-nice-word-goes-long-way
- ↑ https://www.marthastewart.com/7898062/signs-your-mother-in-law-likes-you
- ↑ https://harappa.education/harappa-diaries/positive-body-language-with-examples/
- ↑ https://www.marthastewart.com/7898062/signs-your-mother-in-law-likes-you
- ↑ https://www.powerofpositivity.com/friend-behaviors-someone-befriending-you/
- ↑ Shana Tibi. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2022/12/when-someone-asks-your-opinion-give-it
- ↑ Shana Tibi. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/open_body.htm
- ↑ Shana Tibi. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.powerofpositivity.com/friend-behaviors-someone-befriending-you/
- ↑ https://www.marthastewart.com/7898062/signs-your-mother-in-law-likes-you
- ↑ https://www.marthastewart.com/7898062/signs-your-mother-in-law-likes-you
- ↑ https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/12-questions-every-father-should-ask-his-future-son-in-law/
- ↑ Shana Tibi. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.