How to Make Your Ex Want You Back: 11 Tips to Impress Him

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Proven steps to show him why you're a perfect match
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It's not always easy to make your ex-boyfriend want you back, but it's certainly not impossible! Keep reading for our guide to making him want you back, which includes how to get started, remain patient, and work on your differences. We also got advice from dating coaches and professional matchmakers to help you mend fences with your ex and get back on track.

How to Make Your Ex-Boyfriend Want You Back

  1. Let your ex see you having a great time without him.
  2. Make him jealous (optional).
  3. Start hanging out with him a bit.
  4. Show him how much you've changed.
  5. Read the signs he gives you while you’re together.
  6. Slowly start to date again (if that’s what you both want).
1

Give him some space for a while.

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  1. You may be dying to get back together, but the worst thing you can do is contact him incessantly and make yourself super available to him. Instead, take a breather and give him some space for a few weeks or longer. [1]
    • If you have some quality "me time," your ex will start to wonder where you are. If you're busy focusing on yourself, that will make him think about you even more.
    • Spend time with your friends, work out, or pursue your favorite hobbies.
    • Take some time to work on yourself, but not too much time. If you wait months, your ex may have moved on.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 682 wikiHow readers what self-improvement activity they’re most motivated to do, and 53% said working on their physical and mental health. [Take Poll]
    • It's up to you if you cut off contact completely for a while. If you stop calling or texting him during this time, try to avoid seeing him at all, even when you're hanging out with mutual friends.
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2

Figure out what went wrong between you.

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  1. Take the time to reflect on problems in the relationship. If you want to win your man back , figure out what went wrong so you don't repeat it. [2] Then, make a game plan for how you can do things differently next time. You might regret getting back together if you end up running into the same problems and drama all over again. [3]
    • You may need to make some big changes, whether it's controlling an aspect of your personality that led to the downfall of the relationship or thinking about how you can change the dynamics of the relationship if it gets a second chance.
    • If the problem had to do more with him, then think about how you can be together again without this issue—maybe he'll be willing to change. But if he's not willing to change, and you know this will be an issue long-term, then you should consider whether or not it's worth it to get him back.
3

Let him see you having a great time without him.

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  1. Seeing you have fun might make him miss you more. After enough time has passed, and you feel that you both have some perspective, start by going to the parties he goes to or run into him with a friend at his favorite coffee shop or bar. Don't be too obvious about it, but let him see you with your other friends and remember how much fun it is to hang out with you. [4]
    • If you know you'll see him, look your best without being too obvious that you're dressing up for him.
    • When you do run into him, greet him with a smile and a surprised look—you were so busy having fun that you didn't even think about the possibility of him being around.
    • Professional matchmaker Julia McCurley agrees that you “do things you enjoyed when you were single. Do things that make you feel good and confident. You’re not for sure his girlfriend, so go out, flirt with guys, have fun.” [5]
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4

Make him jealous (optional).

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  1. This doesn't work for everyone, but if you think that having your ex see you with another guy will make him want to be around you even more, go for it. This doesn't mean you should get another boyfriend just to make him jealous . Simply let him see you flirting, tossing your hair back, or even getting on the dance floor with another guy or 2. [6]
    • Don't go too far with this one! If he thinks you're actually dating someone else, he may back off (but it also might make him want you even more).
    • McCurley suggests you “post lots of pictures on social media showing how much fun you are having without him.” [7] Post photos where you’re having a great time with your friends or even hanging out with a few guys. This will make your ex remember how great you look and feel sad that he doesn't hang out with you anymore. Don't post too often—just once or twice a week to remind him of how amazing you are.
5

Start hanging out with him a bit.

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  1. When possible, move on from the casual hello to a short conversation, and then stick around to chat with him for 10 or even 20 minutes. Make sure you always say goodbye first, and don't force him to linger longer than he wants to. This will make him even sadder to see you go. Then, wait for him to ask you to grab a coffee, or be bold and ask him for a drink.
    • Don't give him any sign that you want to date him again. Just be amazing and friendly, and you'll get his attention.
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6

Show him how much you've changed.

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  1. If he thought you never listened to him, give him a chance to talk more. If he thought you were too clingy, let him see how independent you've become. [8]
    • Don't be too obvious about it. Don't say, "Don't you see how I'm no longer jealous when you talk to other girls?" Instead, just don't look jealous when he talks to other girls, and he'll figure out the rest.
7

Read the signs he gives you while you’re together.

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  1. You’ll know if your ex wants to get back with you by how he acts. How did you know that he wanted you the first time? He'll likely be sending similar signs and signals your way. If he flirts with you, tells you that you look nice, lightly touches you, or just always asks what you're up to or if you're seeing anyone else, then yeah—he probably likes you again and may want you back. [9]
    • Look at his body language . Does he make eye contact, try to stand close to you, and does his face light up when you walk into the room? If so, then he may want you back; if he just wants to keep you in the “friend zone,” then he won't act affectionate or loving towards you.
    • Check out his social media profile(s) or try to find out if he's seeing someone from mutual friends without being too obvious about it. He may be seeing someone else and is just talking to you to be nice or because he wants to be friends.
    • “Some pretty practical signs that your ex is missing you include peeking at your social media or liking your posts, which shows that they're still keeping tabs on your life and how you spend your time,” notes dating coach Erika Kaplan. [10]
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8

Start going on dates again (if that’s what you both want).

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  1. If your ex starts to flirt with you and picks up on the fact that you want him again, he may just ask you out again if he's feeling it. Or if you think he's liking hanging out with you again, you can just be bold and tell him how you feel, and then start dating him again if he feels the same way. [11]
    • This time, take it easy. Don't see him more than a few times a week. Work on building a solid foundation instead of jumping right in where you left off.
    • Unless one problem in the relationship was your independence, you should be more independent than last time. Don't build your social schedule around your boyfriend's, and spend more time with friends or just doing your own thing.
9

Keep things light and be yourself.

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  1. Remember that he liked you for a reason originally, so if you change too much, he may not be able to recognize the girl he fell for. [12] Think of your relationship as 2 people starting over completely while being better equipped to deal with any challenges that come their way. [13] Though you should avoid making the same mistakes, if you're constantly obsessing over not making them, you won't be able to enjoy the relationship. Just have fun and try not to think about it too much unless you're having a conflict. [14]
    • Holistic dating and relationship coach Kate Dreyfus believes it’s good to talk about “changes that have happened in your life since you’ve been apart. Sometimes, it’s worth digging deeper on past topics to find out who they are now and what they want out of life moving forward.” [15]
    • There's a difference between addressing your flaws and being a new person entirely. It's okay to address your flaws but not to completely transform for the sake of a relationship.
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10

Be mindful of your previous issues as a couple.

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  1. When you're with your boyfriend again, remind yourself of what went wrong and try to prevent it from happening. If the problem is that you fight too much, then remind yourself to calm down when you have the urge to pick a fight. If your problem was that you were mean to his friends, try to be nicer this time—your man should be worth it.
    • If your ex is the one making the mistakes, gently remind him that whatever he's doing caused the same problem last time.
11

Be honest with yourself if it's just not working.

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  1. If you've been back with your ex for a while and something just isn't right, then maybe you did break up for a good reason after all. Some couples thrive on the drama of breaking up and getting back together, but there's usually a reason why 2 people can't stay together, and it's that they just aren't right for each other. If after you get your ex-boyfriend back , the same problems creep up again, or you or your ex just aren't happy, then it may be time to end the relationship for good and move on. [16]
    • No matter what, be proud of yourself for working hard to get your ex back . At least now you know that it wasn't worth it after all—it's better to know the truth than to wonder what could have happened if you fought for his heart again.
    • Dating coach Lisa Shield reminds that, “If it didn't work, there were issues and problems in that relationship. There was drama and real stuff that wasn't working.” If and when you get back together with your ex, take stock of how you both function in the here and now. Shield goes on to say that these couples may be unaware that “they're not having a functional relationship between them; how they relate to each other isn't working. That's what needs to change—they need to learn how to interact better, how to listen, how to communicate, and how to have boundaries, so it's not about just getting them back.” [17]
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Join the Discussion...

Have you ever gotten back with an ex? Is it a bad idea?
WikiFerretRunner863
WikiFerretRunner863
My ex and I broke up a little less than a year ago. It was tough but we both moved on and have been on good terms since then, but lately we have been flirting more and I'm entertaining the idea of asking her out again. Is this a bad idea? I know getting back with an ex is not always wise but how do you know when you both just need a second chance to get things right? Would love to hear from people who did this and how it turned out.
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
I think people breakup for many reasons. Sometimes it's because they’re not ready for the type of commitment that was required of them in that relationship; sometimes they need to grow personally or the partner needs to grow personally. People change and people grow, and in retrospect they might look back and say, “Wow, I had a really great partner, and now I feel like I'm able to step up and meet their needs.” You absolutely could fall back in love with somebody that went through a process like that and came back to your life.
WikiEmuWatcher863
WikiEmuWatcher863
I don't know what your situation with your ex is like so it's hard to say whether or not it's a bad idea for you. For me, it actually worked out (at least so far)! My ex and I broke up because I felt like I wasn't a priority for her. She was always worrying about other things and had a schedule that was so packed she didn't have time for me. She was ambitious and I did my best to support her, but I needed more from her. A year or so later, she figured out how to balance her life responsibilities better, and our relationship felt so much different! I could tell that she was present when we hung out and she blocked out time for us every week. Getting back together with your ex can work out!
See all 24 Replies and
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Win Your Ex Back with This Expert Series

Sometimes a breakup really just means one or both people need some space. If you want to get back together with your ex, this expert series will help get them (and make them want you) back.
1
Get a Guy Back from Another Girl
2
How to Make Your Ex Want You Back: 11 Tips to Impress Him
3
Win a Guy Back After Being Dumped
4
Get Your Ex Back
5
Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
6
Make Him Want You Back

Expert Q&A

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Add New Question
  • Question
    How do you get your ex-boyfriend to chase you and appreciate you more?
    Julia McCurley
    Certified Professional Matchmaker
    Julia McCurley is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Relationship Coach, and the CEO of Something More, Austin's premier matchmaking service. She has been creating happy couples in Austin for over 12 years and has helped hundreds of singles on their journey to finding love. Her blogs have been published on the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, SheKnows, Emlovz, and The Dating Truth. She also just published her first book, Game Set Match: A Professional Matchmaker's Advice on How to Win At the Game Of Love. Julia holds a BA in Business and Communications from The University of Puget Sound and received her Master Executive Matchmaker Certification from The Matchmaking Institute.
    Julia McCurley
    Certified Professional Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    Make positive changes in your appearance. Become the person you were when you first met. Do things you enjoyed doing when you were single and that make you feel good or confident.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 3 Helpful 11
  • Question
    How do I make him miss me using psychology?
    Julia McCurley
    Certified Professional Matchmaker
    Julia McCurley is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Relationship Coach, and the CEO of Something More, Austin's premier matchmaking service. She has been creating happy couples in Austin for over 12 years and has helped hundreds of singles on their journey to finding love. Her blogs have been published on the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, SheKnows, Emlovz, and The Dating Truth. She also just published her first book, Game Set Match: A Professional Matchmaker's Advice on How to Win At the Game Of Love. Julia holds a BA in Business and Communications from The University of Puget Sound and received her Master Executive Matchmaker Certification from The Matchmaking Institute.
    Julia McCurley
    Certified Professional Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    Using reverse psychology is a great way to evaluate interest in a relationship. For example, don't return their calls or texts in a timely manner.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Tips

      • Always respect his personal space while you’re trying to win him back. Coming on too strong and being too pushy can stress him out and result in him breaking all contact with you.
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      • Keep your wits and never lose respect for yourself and who you are. Remember that doing anything he wants just to get him back won’t result in the kind of healthy relationship you’re looking for.
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      • If he’s not interested in rekindling your relationship, accept that he just isn't the one for you. Do your best not to be too upset about it, be kind to yourself, and take the time and space needed to get back on track with your own life.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • If he broke up with you because he was no longer romantically attracted to you, consider just letting it go. Once you’re able to move on you’ll open yourself to new, more fulfilling relationships.
      • Become closer with his friends, if you can. If you form a strong bond with someone he sees often, then you’re more likely to continue being part of his life.
      • Think about whether or not you really want him back. Sometimes the familiarity of a relationship is what you’re looking for, not the actual person.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-a-little-space-and-time-can-help-heal-a-relationship-crisis/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-psychology-of-closure-and-why-some-need-it-more-than-others.html
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201705/12-keys-great-self-relationship-starting-now
      4. ↑ https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/02/04/1150518287/fun-play-happiness-stress-reduction
      5. ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
      6. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy
      7. ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
      8. ↑ https://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/why-your-ex-thinks-you-havent-changed-show-youve-changed/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202206/how-to-get-your-ex-back-strategies-for-reconciling
      1. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/from-fear-to-intimacy/202301/a-shrinks-take-on-dating
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/how-to-build-confidence
      4. ↑ https://www.familycentre.org/news/post/healthy-habits-8-good-habits-to-have-in-life
      5. ↑ https://hbr.org/2021/05/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself
      6. ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/why-you-cant-stop-thinking-about-your-ex/
      8. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      When you feel ready to get your ex boyfriend back, make him notice you by going to parties he goes to or posting fun things on social media.You can ask him to casually hang out, but make sure to always say goodbye first to make him sad to see you go. When you hang out, notice his body language to see if he seems interested, and try flirting with him if he does! For tips on making the relationship work after getting back together, read on!

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