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The flirtatious swing from relationship to relationship
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You’re chatting with a friend about a recent breakup when they accuse your ex of being a “monkey brancher.” Huh? What does that even mean? In the dating world, monkey branching is a way to describe emotional cheating. Monkey branchers quickly swing from one relationship to another, but how do you know if your ex or partner is one? Keep reading to learn the tell-tale signs and reasoning behind their behavior.
Things You Should Know
- Monkey branching is the act of lining up potential romantic interests, even when someone’s in a relationship.
- If your partner is overly flirtatious with others, has dating apps, and is oddly secretive, there’s a chance they're monkey branching.
- A monkey brancher tends to have a slew of exes because they swing from one relationship to another and are rarely single.
Steps
Section 2 of 6:
Signs of Monkey Branching
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They’re protective of their phone. Monkey branchers may have multiple romantic interests contacting them. Because of this, they’ll often sneak into another room to answer their phone or avoid looking at it when you’re near. [2] X Research source
- Along with this, they may keep their phone passcode from you and avoid giving you their phone to use.
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They’re overly flirtatious with others. A tell-tale sign of a monkey brancher is how often they flirt. If someone’s monkey branching you, they may flirt with everyone but you. This could be a sign that they’re losing interest in the relationship.
- It’s important to note that not all flirtatious partners are monkey branchers, as some people are just naturally flirtatious.
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They have dating apps. A monkey brancher keeps all of their options open. They’ll often have dating apps still on their phone even after the relationship is official. If their profile(s) is still active, chances are they’re monkey branching.
- Watch for notifications from dating apps, as this is likely a sign that they’ve used the app recently.
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They’re oddly secretive. A monkey brancher will keep things close to their chest, especially if they're emotionally involved with someone else. Perhaps they start sneaking out or give you stories that don’t add up. If they avoid telling the whole truth, it may be because they’re emotionally involved with someone else. [3] X Research source
- Keep in mind that secrets aren’t a definitive sign of a cheater. Use context clues and trust your instincts to make the best judgment.
- For instance, if you spot receipts from a bakery in your partner’s jean pocket and all your friends are busy on your birthday, your partner may be throwing you a surprise birthday party.
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They accuse you of cheating or flirting. Monkey branchers will often project their guilt onto their victims. Gaslighting is one of their strong suits (whether they know it or not); they may make you believe that if you’re nice to a stranger, they can be overly flirtatious with someone else. [4] X Research source
- Talk to your partner about what they consider cheating—can you both hug or smile at other people? Setting boundaries upfront can help you both understand each other’s motives and behaviors. [5] X Research source
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They don’t make future plans with you. If someone plans to end a relationship, they’ll stifle any future plans. A monkey brancher will jump into a new relationship the minute things get rocky. So, if they consistently avoid making plans with you, it may be because they want to end the relationship.
- Be aware that not every canceled or rejected plan is a sign of a looming breakup. Chat with your partner about why they don’t want to do certain activities. Who knows? They may not want to go to the beach next month because they really hate sand.
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They have a lot of exes. If someone’s monkey branched before, they’ll likely do it again. One telling sign of a monkey brancher is if they have an absurdly long list of exes. Breakups and new relationships are typically back-to-back, as they swing from relationship to relationship without much time being single.
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Section 3 of 6:
What to Do if You’re Being Monkey Branched
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Understand that you’re not at fault. When dealing with a monkey brancher, the most important thing to remember is that their behavior isn’t your fault. Monkey branchers will try to gaslight their exes; no matter what they say, your actions do not dictate their actions. If they decide to flirt with other people and make romantic connections, that’s on them. [6] X Research source
- Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that makes you question your reality and second guess yourself. [7] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Respond to gaslighting by walking away from the situation. A gaslighter may not be open to criticism, but they can’t target you if you’re not there to listen. [8] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
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Consider confronting your partner. For some, confronting a monkey brancher about their behavior can be cathartic, while it may be troubling for others. Ask yourself, “What will happen if I expose them?” If you’re prepared to handle the backlash confrontation may cause, calling them out may help you heal. Ultimately, do what’s best for your well-being.
- If you confront a monkey brancher, use “I” statements to focus on your feelings. Try saying something like, “I feel that my needs aren’t being met,” or, “When you flirt with other girls, I feel angry and upset.” [9] X Research source
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End the relationship. If someone is monkey branching you, it may be a sign that the relationship is ending. They’ve lost interest, one way or another, and it may be best to go your separate ways. Feeling one or more of these things is likely a sign that it’s time to end the relationship : [10] X Research source
- Loss of physical intimacy
- Lack of trust
- Rejection
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Take time to heal after the breakup. Breakups are never easy, even when ending things with a monkey brancher. Focus on yourself and your needs before jumping into another relationship. It’s okay to mourn and mend your broken heart—take as much time as you need to feel like yourself again. [11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Let yourself cry. Even if you’re the one that ended things, breakups still hurt. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions—yell, cry, do whatever helps you heal.
- Talk to loved ones. You don’t need to go through a breakup alone. Reach out to friends and family—go to a movie together or just sit and chat.
- Stick to your routine. We know it sounds silly, but following a routine and going through everyday motions can help speed up the healing process. So, go to bed when you normally would and eat at normal times.
- Contact a therapist. There’s nothing wrong with asking for a bit of extra help. Sometimes talking things through with a third party can help you process your emotions easier.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you know if you are monkey branching?Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.A person is monkey branching if they lose interest rather easily at the beginning stages of a relationship. They'll have strong communication with the other person at the very beginning, but it'll quickly fade. They might also be protective of their phone so their current partner can't discover anything.
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Tips
- Always trust your intuition . If you feel like your partner is cheating, whether physically or emotionally, do what you think is right for your given situation. [17] X Research sourceThanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about dating, check out our in-depth interview with Lauren Sanders .
References
- ↑ https://stayhipp.com/glossary/what-is-monkey-branching/
- ↑ https://parade.com/living/is-my-boyfriend-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/creating-in-flow/201107/6-clues-your-partners-future-infidelity
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2023/02/15/3-hard-to-detect-signs-of-infidelity-and-what-to-do-about-it/?sh=1749bd4f50ee
- ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/qvj35w/we-asked-relationship-coaches-how-to-tell-a-partner-youve-cheated
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201407/dealing-your-partners-infidelity-6-dos-and-donts
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/gaslighting/
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/gaslighting/
- ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/relationships/the-end-relationships
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202103/the-8-reasons-why-people-cheat
- ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20221005-emotional-infidelity-the-flirtation-that-undermines-couples
- ↑ https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190924-the-benefits-of-rebounding-after-a-break-up
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/may/08/cushioning-breadcrumbing-benching-language-modern-dating
- ↑ https://askapril.com/monkey-branching/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201407/dealing-your-partners-infidelity-6-dos-and-donts
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