What is Monkey Branching? Everything You Need to Know

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The flirtatious swing from relationship to relationship
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You’re chatting with a friend about a recent breakup when they accuse your ex of being a “monkey brancher.” Huh? What does that even mean? In the dating world, monkey branching is a way to describe emotional cheating. Monkey branchers quickly swing from one relationship to another, but how do you know if your ex or partner is one? Keep reading to learn the tell-tale signs and reasoning behind their behavior.

Things You Should Know

  • Monkey branching is the act of lining up potential romantic interests, even when someone’s in a relationship.
  • If your partner is overly flirtatious with others, has dating apps, and is oddly secretive, there’s a chance they're monkey branching.
  • A monkey brancher tends to have a slew of exes because they swing from one relationship to another and are rarely single.
Section 1 of 6:

What is monkey branching?

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  1. Think of it like a monkey swinging from branch to branch; each new branch is a new relationship. The dating term often describes a significant other who’s constantly flirting with other people they want to date in the future. [1]
    • Online, monkey branching commonly describes heterosexual women, but the term isn’t exclusive and can be used for any unfaithful relationship that fits the description.
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Section 2 of 6:

Signs of Monkey Branching

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  1. Monkey branchers may have multiple romantic interests contacting them. Because of this, they’ll often sneak into another room to answer their phone or avoid looking at it when you’re near. [2]
    • Along with this, they may keep their phone passcode from you and avoid giving you their phone to use.
  2. A tell-tale sign of a monkey brancher is how often they flirt. If someone’s monkey branching you, they may flirt with everyone but you. This could be a sign that they’re losing interest in the relationship.
    • It’s important to note that not all flirtatious partners are monkey branchers, as some people are just naturally flirtatious.
  3. A monkey brancher keeps all of their options open. They’ll often have dating apps still on their phone even after the relationship is official. If their profile(s) is still active, chances are they’re monkey branching.
    • Watch for notifications from dating apps, as this is likely a sign that they’ve used the app recently.
  4. A monkey brancher will keep things close to their chest, especially if they're emotionally involved with someone else. Perhaps they start sneaking out or give you stories that don’t add up. If they avoid telling the whole truth, it may be because they’re emotionally involved with someone else. [3]
    • Keep in mind that secrets aren’t a definitive sign of a cheater. Use context clues and trust your instincts to make the best judgment.
    • For instance, if you spot receipts from a bakery in your partner’s jean pocket and all your friends are busy on your birthday, your partner may be throwing you a surprise birthday party.
  5. Monkey branchers will often project their guilt onto their victims. Gaslighting is one of their strong suits (whether they know it or not); they may make you believe that if you’re nice to a stranger, they can be overly flirtatious with someone else. [4]
    • Talk to your partner about what they consider cheating—can you both hug or smile at other people? Setting boundaries upfront can help you both understand each other’s motives and behaviors. [5]
  6. If someone plans to end a relationship, they’ll stifle any future plans. A monkey brancher will jump into a new relationship the minute things get rocky. So, if they consistently avoid making plans with you, it may be because they want to end the relationship.
    • Be aware that not every canceled or rejected plan is a sign of a looming breakup. Chat with your partner about why they don’t want to do certain activities. Who knows? They may not want to go to the beach next month because they really hate sand.
  7. If someone’s monkey branched before, they’ll likely do it again. One telling sign of a monkey brancher is if they have an absurdly long list of exes. Breakups and new relationships are typically back-to-back, as they swing from relationship to relationship without much time being single.
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Section 3 of 6:

What to Do if You’re Being Monkey Branched

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  1. When dealing with a monkey brancher, the most important thing to remember is that their behavior isn’t your fault. Monkey branchers will try to gaslight their exes; no matter what they say, your actions do not dictate their actions. If they decide to flirt with other people and make romantic connections, that’s on them. [6]
    • Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that makes you question your reality and second guess yourself. [7]
    • Respond to gaslighting by walking away from the situation. A gaslighter may not be open to criticism, but they can’t target you if you’re not there to listen. [8]
  2. For some, confronting a monkey brancher about their behavior can be cathartic, while it may be troubling for others. Ask yourself, “What will happen if I expose them?” If you’re prepared to handle the backlash confrontation may cause, calling them out may help you heal. Ultimately, do what’s best for your well-being.
    • If you confront a monkey brancher, use “I” statements to focus on your feelings. Try saying something like, “I feel that my needs aren’t being met,” or, “When you flirt with other girls, I feel angry and upset.” [9]
  3. If someone is monkey branching you, it may be a sign that the relationship is ending. They’ve lost interest, one way or another, and it may be best to go your separate ways. Feeling one or more of these things is likely a sign that it’s time to end the relationship : [10]
    • Loss of physical intimacy
    • Lack of trust
    • Rejection
  4. Breakups are never easy, even when ending things with a monkey brancher. Focus on yourself and your needs before jumping into another relationship. It’s okay to mourn and mend your broken heart—take as much time as you need to feel like yourself again. [11]
    • Let yourself cry. Even if you’re the one that ended things, breakups still hurt. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions—yell, cry, do whatever helps you heal.
    • Talk to loved ones. You don’t need to go through a breakup alone. Reach out to friends and family—go to a movie together or just sit and chat.
    • Stick to your routine. We know it sounds silly, but following a routine and going through everyday motions can help speed up the healing process. So, go to bed when you normally would and eat at normal times.
    • Contact a therapist. There’s nothing wrong with asking for a bit of extra help. Sometimes talking things through with a third party can help you process your emotions easier.
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Section 4 of 6:

Why do people monkey branch?

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  1. The most common reason people monkey branch is because they fear being single. If things are heading toward a breakup in the current relationship, they may start building other emotional, romantic connections to avoid being alone. They most likely believe their self-worth only matters if they’re in a relationship.
    • If you fear the idea of being single, focus on the benefits of single life . You can make your own plans without running them by someone else and rekindle friendships you may have lost.
  2. A monkey brancher might worry about how long their partner will stay with them. Maybe they’re constantly thinking, “They’re going to leave me because I’m not pretty enough/too emotional/annoying.” Their insecurities and fears can make them worry about the strength of the relationship, and it may cause them to flirt with other people as a coping mechanism. [12]
    • Do you have abandonment issues? Take our quiz to learn how to recognize and ease your anxieties.
  3. Monkey branching may occur if someone doesn’t feel emotionally connected with their partner. Emotional infidelity often stems from a lack of feeling secure in a relationship. They may start flirting with other people to seek emotional support. [13]
    • Having friendships outside of a relationship is important, but make sure to discuss where to draw the line with your partner. What you consider emotional cheating may not be what they consider it to be.
  4. More often than not, people who monkey branch have narcissistic tendencies. Perhaps they have a large ego or controlling characteristics. Either way, they may start exploring other relationship options if things aren't going their way.
    • Curious to know if you’re dating a narcissist? Take our quiz to find out!
  5. Someone who monkey branches is most likely an opportunist. They’re always looking for the next best thing. If the relationship has hit a rough patch, they may explore other options in case things end. When they see an opportunity for something better, they’ll take it.
    • Work on communicating your concerns with your partner if you feel the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Exploring your options is perfectly okay, but some relationships are worth mending.
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Section 5 of 6:

Cheating vs. Rebounding vs. Cushioning

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  1. Depending on who you ask, flirting with other people and putting potential relationships “on hold” or “on deck” may be a form of infidelity. Monkey branching may not involve physical cheating, but it can be emotionally harmful.
  2. When someone rebounds from a relationship, they immediately start a new relationship after the breakup. Monkey branching, on the other hand, occurs before the relationship ends. [14]
    • Along with this, rebounders use new relationships as a coping mechanism to move on from a breakup, whereas monkey branchers tend to plan breakups for a new relationship.
  3. The terms “cushioning” and “monkey branching” can be used interchangeably in the dating world. Cushioning is the act of building emotional connections with potential partners in case the current relationship fails. [15] This is nearly identical to monkey branching, as both involve setting up emotional connections in fear that a relationship won’t work out.
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Section 6 of 6:

Do monkey branching relationships last?

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  1. If someone is monkey branching, they don’t feel secure in the relationship. They’re exploring other options with the intention or fear that a breakup is near. Because of this, monkey branching relationships don’t typically last very long, unless the monkey brancher is willing to change their ways and address their insecurities. [16]

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you know if you are monkey branching?
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    A person is monkey branching if they lose interest rather easily at the beginning stages of a relationship. They'll have strong communication with the other person at the very beginning, but it'll quickly fade. They might also be protective of their phone so their current partner can't discover anything.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://stayhipp.com/glossary/what-is-monkey-branching/
      2. ↑ https://parade.com/living/is-my-boyfriend-cheating
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/creating-in-flow/201107/6-clues-your-partners-future-infidelity
      4. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2023/02/15/3-hard-to-detect-signs-of-infidelity-and-what-to-do-about-it/?sh=1749bd4f50ee
      5. ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/qvj35w/we-asked-relationship-coaches-how-to-tell-a-partner-youve-cheated
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201407/dealing-your-partners-infidelity-6-dos-and-donts
      7. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/gaslighting/
      8. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/gaslighting/
      9. ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/relationships/the-end-relationships
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202103/the-8-reasons-why-people-cheat
      4. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20221005-emotional-infidelity-the-flirtation-that-undermines-couples
      5. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190924-the-benefits-of-rebounding-after-a-break-up
      6. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/may/08/cushioning-breadcrumbing-benching-language-modern-dating
      7. ↑ https://askapril.com/monkey-branching/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201407/dealing-your-partners-infidelity-6-dos-and-donts

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