12 Ways to Get Over Unrequited Love

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A guide to help you process your emotions, boost your self-esteem, and move on from a one-sided relationship
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It’s completely normal to feel sad, disappointed, and a bit lost when someone you love doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Whether your love was completely unrequited or you put in more effort than your partner did, a one-sided relationship is tough to get over, but we're here to help. It might not feel like it now, but moving on with your life will make you stronger, more independent, and ready to meet someone who really loves you. With these tips and tricks, you can take the first steps toward moving on and feeling like yourself again!

Things You Should Know

  • To move on from one-sided love, accept that it’s normal to feel upset or insecure, and allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need to.
  • Distract yourself with fun activities to take your mind off of things—sign up for a workout class, go for a walk outside, or have a picnic with your friends!
  • Practice self-care and challenge negative thoughts about yourself by replacing them with positive ones. Remind yourself of your good qualities and all of your potential.
1

Let yourself be upset.

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  1. The first step in healing from one-sided love is acknowledging your emotions . Whether you’re dealing with anger, resentment, shame, or heartbreak, allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship for as long as you need to; embracing your emotions is the fastest way to get over someone. [1]
    • Remember that internalizing your emotions can make you feel worse, so try to find healthy outlets for your feelings. You might document your experiences in a journal, talk to a friend or family member, or express your emotions in creative ways like painting or writing a song.
    • Try to identify your emotions so you can move forward. For instance, if you feel awkward or exposed after being rejected, you might be more embarrassed about the situation than anything else—and then you can figure out how to boost your confidence.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 195 wikiHow readers how they manage their feelings after saying goodbye to their crush, and 53% of them said that they let themselves express their emotions and cry. [Take Poll] So it's okay to wallow for a little while when you’re moving on from your crush!
2

Acknowledge and accept what happened.

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  1. Instead of pretending to yourself that the relationship was mutual, acknowledge that your love was one-sided. It might be painful at first, but accepting the situation for what it is can help you get over the other person. [2]
    • While pretending to yourself about the relationship might feel better now, you’ll only hurt yourself in the future. Remember, unrequited love is a universal experience, and it’s totally normal to be rejected by someone.
3

Recognize that they’re not the one for you.

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  1. It’s okay to hold onto those feelings for a little while, but try to convince yourself that they aren’t your soulmate. People who experience unrequited love usually put the other partner on a pedestal, so it might help to point out qualities that you don’t love about them; it may take some time, but you can move on from someone that you loved. [3]
    • If you catch yourself yearning for the person again, remember how you felt when you realized your love was one-sided: were you insecure, depressed, or ashamed? Reflecting on painful memories can help you make a clean break and stop fantasizing about them.
4

Cut contact with the other person.

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  1. While it’s totally possible to stay friends with the object of your one-sided love, trying to keep up the relationship right away could be more painful. Set healthy boundaries to give yourself time and space, and don’t be afraid to be as specific as possible. [4]
    • For instance, you might ask them to stop texting you for the next 2 weeks, or tell them that you need a significant break until you’re ready to resume the friendship.
    • Remember, it’s up to you to decide how long you stay away; some people might only need a few weeks, while other people might need a few years. Prioritize your well-being, and let your emotions guide your decision.
5

Practice self-care.

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  1. To get over an unrequited relationship, treat yourself with kindness and do something nice for yourself. Self-care looks different for everyone, and it can be anything that improves your physical or mental health—remember, it doesn’t have to include expensive luxuries or overindulgence. [5]
    • Recover from negative feelings by painting your nails, relaxing in a bubble bath, doing a face mask, going for a walk, or listening to your favorite album.
    • If you really want to take care of your body, try doing mindful meditation . Sit in a quiet room and take some deep breaths to settle your mind, then practice letting go of any negative thoughts you have about yourself.
6

Dive into distractions.

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  1. While it’s perfectly normal to be upset after a one-sided relationship, dwelling on the situation can make you feel worse. Instead, make time to do the things that you love, such as drawing, singing, or cooking. Filling your time with fun activities can help you take your mind off of the situation and overcome any negative emotions. [6]
    • Exercising is a great way to distract yourself, and the flow of endorphins can help boost your mood. Whether it’s dancing, pilates, or HIIT, sign up for a fun workout class to make you feel (and look) your best.
    • Try to get out of the house as much as possible, even if it’s just going out for a 20-minute walk around your neighborhood. Spending time outside can help clear your mind and make you feel better.
    • You could also read in the park, play an instrument, or volunteer at your local shelter.
7

Reach out to friends and family members.

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  1. To overcome feelings of heartbreak, surround yourself with people who remind you of how loved you are. A strong support network can distract you from negative thoughts, giving you a boost of confidence as you process your emotions (and eventually seek reciprocated love). [7]
    • Plan a picnic with your friends, call your parents for a nice chat, or visit your siblings in their city. If you want to tell them what you’ve been going through, you can; otherwise, just enjoy their company and use it as a distraction.
    • While you don’t have to talk about your situation with others, it might help you move forward. Many people have experienced unrequited love, and they could offer you valuable insights or advice on how to cope.
8

Look forward to the future.

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  1. One-sided love can make you feel down, but scheduling a fun activity can bring you hope and happiness. Organize a vacation with your best friends, buy tickets to a festival you’ve always wanted to attend, or create a countdown calendar for your birthday. By making plans to look forward to , you shift your focus from your unrequited relationship to an experience that brings you joy. [8]
    • If you can’t afford to travel or attend a big event, plan a staycation at your house! You can enjoy a relaxing weekend alone watching movies, trying out a new recipe, or painting your nails.
9

Set goals for your next relationship.

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  1. Make a written list of the ideal characteristics and qualities you want in a relationship, like love, trust, and honesty. Really try to hold every relationship up to those standards from now on, and don’t settle for anything less. [9]
    • If you have a history of one-sided relationships in your life, step back and look at why you choose that type of relationship, and what keeps you unwilling or unable to break that pattern. [10]
10

Put yourself back out there.

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  1. It might be scary or strange at first to seek out a new relationship, but try not to let your experience with one-sided love hold you back. Join a few dating apps, try out some social clubs, or let your friends set you up with someone new. Even if you’re not ready to commit to a full-on relationship, dating casually can help you heal and boost your confidence. [11]
    • If you’re struggling to enter the dating scene, start small! Spark a conversation with the cute barista at your local coffee shop or chat with someone standing beside you in the grocery line. Socializing with strangers can help you improve your confidence and flirting skills.
11

Challenge your inner critic.

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  1. While it’s normal to think badly about your situation or how you handled the one-sided love, talking down to yourself can make it harder to move forward. Instead, try to reframe a negative thought into something positive or remind yourself that your thoughts aren’t reality. [12]
    • For example, you might think, “No one loves me the way I love them.” But you can challenge that negative thought by saying, “That’s not true, I’ve had many fulfilling relationships in the past. This just wasn’t one of them.”
    • Or, you might think, “I’ll always be alone.” You can challenge this by asking yourself, “How do I know that’s true? I can’t see the future. I might not be in a relationship now, but I have friends and family members that I love. Plus, I might meet someone new in the future.”
12

Talk to a mental health professional.

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  1. One-sided love can cause serious self-doubt, which may be too much to handle on your own. Talking to a therapist can teach you more about one-sided love, including why it affects you so deeply and what you can specifically do to move forward. [13]
    • If you feel like you can’t move on or you’re having constant negative thoughts, find a therapist in your local area, or look for one online through sites like BetterHelp or GoodTherapy .

Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series

Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.
1
Stop Being in Love With a Person You'll Never Meet
2
Effective Ways to Get Over Someone You Love
3
How to Get Over Someone You Can't Have or Never Dated
4
Stop Loving the Girl of Your Dreams
5
Stop Liking Someone
6
Overcome an Infatuation

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I move on from an ex when all I can think of are the good memories?
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist, Author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Clinical Psychologist, Author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating
    Expert Answer
    Keep in mind that there's a reason you broke up. It may be hard, but try to focus on the issues you had as a couple or things that came to light during the break up itself. If you understand why you weren't compatible it will be easier to heal and move on.
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      Tips

      • One-sided love doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with you (or the other person). It just wasn't meant to be.
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      • Remember that getting over any relationship takes time, and a bad or unloving relationship may take even longer. Be patient, focus on feeling happy, and take one day at a time.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201502/6-ways-get-past-the-pain-unrequited-love
      2. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201508/5-ways-move-ex-you-still-love
      4. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-deal-with-unrequited-love-for-friend-320197
      5. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/why-does-unrequited-love-hurt/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201501/7-mistakes-you-need-avoid-after-breakup
      7. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/why-does-unrequited-love-hurt/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-move-on/
      9. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201502/6-ways-get-past-the-pain-unrequited-love
      2. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-deal-with-unrequited-love-for-friend-320197
      3. ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-move-on/
      4. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/why-does-unrequited-love-hurt/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’re trying to move on after one-sided love, give yourself time to grieve the relationship before focusing on the future. People grieve in many different ways, like crying, staying home alone, or watching their favorite TV program. Mourn the relationship in whatever way feels right for you, since bottling up your emotions will only make things worse later on. When you feel ready, take steps to lift your spirits and look forward. Spend time with friends or relatives, since being with the people that mean most to you will help you feel better. Try doing more physical activity or just getting outside for a walk, which will improve your mood. Remind yourself that you deserve to be happy so you don’t blame yourself for how your former partner treated you. You may find this easier if you think about what you want from a future relationship, rather than dwelling on your past negative experiences. For tips from our Relationship co-author on how to know when you’re ready to meet someone else, keep reading!

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        Mar 31, 2017

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