How to Negotiate with Your Boss

Co-authored by Jessica Notini, JD

Last Updated: February 24, 2021 References

Negotiating with your boss can be intimidating, especially if you're asking for something important to you (like a raise or time off). But the conversation doesn't have to frighten you if you keep your boss' and your own best interests in mind. Schedule a meeting with your boss to discuss the negotiation, and prepare a few key points to bring up as you talk. You can reach an ideal agreement if you know how to negotiate in an agreeable yet assertive way.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Preparing to Negotiate

1
Define and write down your goals. Before you approach your boss, brainstorm a list of what you want to get out of the negotiation. Consider each goal, and ask yourself why you want it. Write down a few reasons why you believe you should achieve these goals (like your achievements in the company or your personal need). ^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Possible goals might include: obtain maternity leave, get a raise, or receive permission to hire an assistant.
2
Outline what you want to get out of the meeting. Choose three or four goals that are most important to you, and plan to focus your conversation on these points. Write down at least two reasons for each goal so you're prepared if your boss asks why you're asking for these negotiations.
- Do not bring your outline with you to the meeting. Instead, try to memorize the list beforehand.
Advertisement
3
Base your strategy on your boss' leadership style. Think about what kind of arguments your boss best responds to. Maybe they're a natural collaborator, maybe they have a competitive spirit, or maybe your boss likes to compromise. Put your boss' perspective in mind as you map out your key points. ^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Suppose, for example, that your boss is naturally competitive and you want a promotion. You might frame your argument around your achievements in the company and how, in a higher position, you could offer the company more than you currently can.
4
Practice negotiating by yourself or with a friend. Hearing your key points aloud can help you work out any flaws in your argument or confusing statements. Run through your outline in a mirror several times, then practice the conversation with a close friend. First, have your friend pretend to be receptive to your negotiation, then have them pretend to be critical. This will help you predict your boss' hesitations and work out responses in advance.
- Making simple negotiations with your loved ones (like what to have for dinner) can help strengthen your on-the-spot persuasion skills in case your boss responds in a way you didn't anticipate. ^{[3]
  X
  Research source}
Advertisement

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Initiating the Negotiation

1
Schedule an appointment with your boss. An official meeting will help your boss understand how much this negotiation means to you and give both of you time to reach a compromise. If your monthly or annual review is coming up, you might wait until then. If not, make an appointment with your boss or their assistant.
- You might say, for example, "Hello, Ms. Ellis! I want to discuss something important about my work schedule with you. Is there a time this week we could chat?"
2
Dress formally to the meeting. You'll want you appearance to exude professionalism, and dressing in formal clothes will help you feel self-assured. As a rule of thumb, dress one step more formally than the clothes you wear to work. Choose clothes you feel comfortable and confident in, like your favorite tie or skirt. ^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Wear business professional attire (suits or dresses), for example, if you wear business casual clothing (button down shirts and slacks or skirt) at work.
3
Open with a reason for the negotiation. Let your boss know why you've scheduled the meeting first (whether you're asking for disability accommodations or flexible work hours), and back your proposal with a reason immediately. Your boss will be more likely to treat the conversation as serious and listen to your perspective. ^{[5]
X
Research source}
- You could say, for example, "I'm getting a shoulder surgery in four months and am hoping for three weeks of paid leave. My position involves lots of heavy lifting, and my doctor recommends lifting nothing over ten pounds until fourteen days after discharge from the hospital."
Phrases like, "You haven't given me a raise in three years" or "The hours you assigned me don't work with my schedule" can make your boss feel attacked. Instead, stay positive and put the focus on yourself. Ask them what you need to do to receive a raise, for example, or whether you can switch shifts with another employee. ^{[6]
X
Research source}
5
Ask first for more than you think your boss will agree to. Negotiations involve disagreement on both sides before reaching a compromise. Aim a little higher than your goals so your boss might reach a more agreeable conclusion. If you want three days of vacation time next month, for example, ask for a week. ^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Don't go overboard and ask to become head of the department when you've only been working with your company for six months. Ask for something slightly higher than what you want but still within reach based on your qualifications.
Advertisement

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Handling the Conversation

Back up your points with data and concrete examples. Don't just tell your boss that you want a raise. Talk about your leadership positions within the company, job expenses (like gas or parking tickets), and projects you've completed under your boss' supervision. ^{[8]
X
Research source}
Listen to your boss carefully. Just as you want your boss to hear your perspective, listen to their thoughts with an open mind. If your boss says something you initially object to, put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their opinion. Active listening helps build respect and foster mutual understanding in tough conversations. ^{[9]
X
Research source}
3
Focus on where you and your boss agree. Building common ground can help your boss gain empathy for your situation. Basing your points on both of your shared experiences can make your argument seem more reasonable.
- If your boss is a mother and you're asking for paternity leave, for example, explain how you want to be there for your wife and child for the first few weeks.
4
Ask your boss questions. If you've considered your boss's perspective and still disagree, follow up with a question. This can aid in understanding their position, clarifying any confusion, or even shift them towards your interests. ^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- If you're asking for a promotion and your boss says he doesn't feel you have enough experience, ask, "What can I do to gain experience?"
- Try using "what if" responses to negotiate a compromise, like, "What if we installed wheelchair ramps instead of lifts?" Or, "What if I worked later hours tonight to make up for leaving early next Tuesday?" ^{[11]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Business Review
  Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
  Go to source}
This will open both you and your boss to a potential compromise. If your boss doesn't understand why you can't reschedule a dental appointment, for example, you could say, "I know that mornings are a busy time for the company. My dentist could only fit in my root canal at that time. What if I stayed late that evening to make up for it?"
6
Keep a flexible outlook. Negotiation involves give and take. You might not come to a conclusion that leaves you fully satisfied. Cooperate with your boss. If they offer you time off conditionally (like working overtime) or with stipulations (like for fewer days than you asked for), learn to accept their compromise.
- Your boss may have valid constraints that makes accepting your proposal impossible. Reach out to them as much as they reach out to you.
Advertisement

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Accepting Your Boss' Response

1
Ask for a concrete answer, if possible. A successful negotiation does not end with, "I'll see what I can do." End the meeting with either a decision or a plan to reach one soon. Try to make a timetable for reaching a conclusion so neither you nor your boss are left facing uncertainty. ^{[12]
X
Research source}
- You could ask, for example, if your boss could reach a decision by tomorrow or if you could continue discussing this offer in two days.
2
Remain respectful of your boss' decision. Avoid lashing out or fighting with your boss over your proposal. Even if you disagree with your boss, they have seniority and ultimately have the final say. Thank your boss for their consideration, and conclude the meeting with an amicable tone. ^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Show them that you understand their decision, even if it's not what you were hoping for. For example, you could say, "December is our busiest season, so I understand why I can't have the week before Christmas off. Thanks so much for agreeing to this meeting and for giving me two days before off, instead."
Sometimes one meeting isn't enough time for you and your boss to reach a negotiation. If your boss needs time to think, follow up several days to a week later. Ask to schedule a follow-up meeting, if you and your boss feel further research and discussion is needed.
4
Determine whether you want to remain at the company. Some negotiations (like maternity leave or disability accommodations) might be a workspace dealbreaker. If your boss cannot make a negotiation that fits your needs, you may feel more comfortable at another company. Search and apply for jobs and, once you've received an offer, put in your two weeks' notice. ^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Never threaten to leave the company during the negotiation as leverage. Your boss may not view you as a loyal employee and value your contributions less.
- Ask for potential employers' stances on the proposals you asked your boss, if appropriate.
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question

How do you negotiate with a difficult boss?

Jessica Notini, JD
Negotiation & Mediation Coach
Jessica Notini is a Negotiation and Mediation Coach practicing in California and internationally in many Latin countries. She is also a Lecturer at Stanford Law School and an Adjunct Professor at Boalt School of Law, Hastings College of the Law, and Mills College's MBA Program. She is the past Chair of the California State Bar Alternative Dispute Resolution Committee, served as the President of the Association for Dispute Resolution of Northern California (formerly NCMA), and was a member of the Board of Directors for the Mediation Society of San Francisco. She was recognized for her leadership and years of dedication with the California Dispute Resolution Council’s 2012 Don Weckstein Award. She has a BA in Psychology from Wesleyan University and a JD from the University of Michigan.

Jessica Notini, JD

Negotiation & Mediation Coach

Expert Answer

When you're negotiating with a higher-up, remember that just because you don't have the leverage of hierarchical authority or power doesn't mean you have no leverage at all. Leverage comes in many forms, including positive relations, expertise, inspirational vision, and/or the ability to help identify and avoid serious risks and negative consequences.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 0 Helpful 0

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Tips

Preparation is key for negotiating well. Don't schedule a meeting with your boss until you've clarified your goals and practiced the conversation.

Thanks
Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
Remember: the purpose of negotiating isn't to immediately reach an agreement. Your boss might not see eye-to-eye with you initially but may compromise as time goes on.

Thanks
Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
If you feel anxious, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and pause before responding to your boss. Speak slowly and clearly to avoid rushing.

Thanks
Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0

Show More Tips

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

[10]

Trustworthy Source

Go to source

[11]

[12]

[13]

[14]

How to Negotiate with Your Boss

Steps

Preparing to Negotiate

Initiating the Negotiation

Handling the Conversation

Accepting Your Boss' Response

Expert Q&A

Tips

You Might Also Like

References

About this article

Did this article help you?

You Might Also Like

Explore Categories