How to Obey and Respect Your Parents

Co-authored by Mary Church, PhD

Last Updated: June 14, 2024 Approved

Part of growing up means taking more responsibility for your life and actions. But your sense of responsibility and independence may cause tension between you and your parents. However, listening to your parents and keeping a line of communication open will show them that you respect them and their wishes. Additionally, by respectfully disagreeing with your parents, you may be able to come to a solution that satisfies both you and your parents.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Listening to Your Parents

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1
Avoid disrespectful body language when your parents are talking to you. ^{[1]
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Expert Source

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} Show your parents that you care by being attentive when they talk to you. Stand straight with your arms relaxed at your sides. If your parents think you are not listening, then they are more likely to get angry and assume you do not care. Examples of body language that signal a disrespectful attitude are: ^{[2]
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- Crossing your arms and looking the other way.
- Tapping your foot impatiently while they are talking.
- Rolling your eyes when you disagree with something.
- Staring at them aggressively, or glaring at them.
2
Avoid interrupting your parents while they are talking. Let your parents say what they need to say before you respond. Don’t interrupt them in the middle of a sentence if you disagree with something they have said. Instead, wait until they have finished speaking.
- Once they are finished talking, ask, “May I say something, please?”
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3
Ask for clarification. It is ok if you don’t understand what your parents are trying to tell you. If you find yourself in this situation, repeat back in your own words what they said to you for clarification purposes. This way, both you and your parents will be on the same page, and miscommunication is less likely to occur. ^{[3]
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- Say, for example, “What I heard is that you want me to finish my homework and chores before I hang out with my friends. Is that correct?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Talking to Your Parents

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1
Have a conversation with your parents at least once a week. Parents like to know what is going on in their kid’s life. They like to hear about school, friends, weekend plans, and other topics. Once or twice a week, sit down with your mom or dad after dinner or breakfast to catch up.
- Talking to your parents will help them feel more connected to you. This will help build a trusting relationship between you and your parents.
2
Keep them up-to-date when you are out of the house. While you are out and about with your friends, call or text your parents periodically. Let them know where you are and what you are doing, especially if your plans change. Additionally, make sure to let them know if you won’t be able to make it home at the time you said you would be. ^{[4]
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- For example, if you are at the mall with your friends and they want to go see a movie instead, text your mom or dad to see if that is ok before you head to the movies with your friends.
3
Stick to the subject. If you find yourself having a conversation you do not want to have with your parents, avoid bringing up irrelevant issues to change the subject. Changing the subject seems like you are trying to hide something. If you don’t want to talk about something at the moment, ask if you can talk about it at a later time. ^{[5]
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- Say, for example, “I know you guys want to talk about this right now, but I don’t feel like it. Can we talk about it later?”
4
Be honest. At times being honest can be hard, especially if it means you will not get your way. By being honest from the start, however, you can build a trusting relationship with your parents. Your parents will be less likely to question your motives in the future.
- For example, if your parents ask you who you are meeting at the mall, tell them the names of all the people to your knowledge.
- If your parents want to know if the opposite sex or someone who you might be attracted to will be at a party, let them know they will be, but that a parent will be chaperoning the event.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Disagreeing Respectfully

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1
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. “You” statements sound accusatory and argumentative. Sounding accusatory will put your parents on guard. Your parents will be much more open to what you are saying if you use “I” statements to get your point across. ^{[6]
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- For example, instead of saying, “Since I came home, you keep telling me to do my chores, but I have a lot of homework to do. Calm down!” Say, “I’m feeling pressured because I have a lot of homework to do. Once I finish my homework, I will do my chores.”
2
Remain calm if you disagree. Try to avoid screaming and yelling at your parents if you disagree with a rule or something they have said. If you find yourself becoming angry, count to three in your head and take a deep breath Then respond as calmly as possible. Keep in mind that your parents just want to protect and care for you. ^{[7]
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- Yelling and screaming is a sign of disrespect that will only create a wall between you and your parents. ^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Mary Church, PhD
  Research & Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} It is also hard to listen to someone who is yelling and screaming.
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Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
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Talk to your parents with confidence. Conflicts or disagreements with your parents can get heated, but instead of yelling, try a calmer approach. Think of it similarly to how you'd approach a discussion or debate with a friend.
3
Negotiate a rule if you disagree with it. Instead of arguing over a rule you disagree with, try to explain to your parents why you think it is unfair or out of date. Tell your parents that you are open to negotiating the rule if they are. ^{[9]
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- Say, for example, “I think that limiting my hang out time with my friends to one night during the weekend is unfair if I have all of my chores and homework done. If I finish all of my chores and homework for the week, may I go out with my friends more than once during the weekend?”
4
Avoid putting your parents' beliefs and ideas down. ^{[10]
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Expert Source

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} Your parents no doubt have a lot of opinions on a lot of topics, often based on their own life experiences. While you may not agree with everything they say, putting down their ideas will only create hostility between you and your parents. If you disagree with something, then explain why you disagree instead of putting them down. ^{[11]
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- For example, instead of saying, “That’s a dumb idea,” say, “I disagree with what you are saying because you are not seeing my side of the story. Can I tell you my side before you make any decisions?”

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Understanding and Appreciating Your Parents

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^{[12]
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Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} Imagine being a parent who wants the best for their children. The next time you get into an argument with your parents, try to remember that your parents have your best interest at heart. Understand that they do the things they do because they love you and want to protect you.
2
Help with household chores. Helping your mom or dad around the house is a great way to show them that you appreciate all the work they do. Offer to clean the dishes after dinner or wash the dirty laundry. Keeping your room tidy and clean will also make your parents very happy. ^{[13]
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- Dedicate a Saturday or Sunday to helping your mom or dad clean the bathroom, fold the laundry, or clean your bedroom.
3
Show your gratitude by giving them a card. Pick up a thank you card from your local pharmacy or grocery store. Better yet, make a handmade thank you card. In the card, thank your parents for all the things they do. Tell them that you appreciate them and love them. ^{[14]
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- Write, for example, "I feel so lucky to have such loving parents. Thank you for always making me breakfast before I go to school. Thank you for taking the time to ask me how my day went, and for comforting me when I am sad. I know you guys work hard to make sure I have a happy and comfortable life. I love you."

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Mary Church, PhD
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How to Obey and Respect Your Parents

Steps

Listening to Your Parents

Talking to Your Parents

Disagreeing Respectfully

Understanding and Appreciating Your Parents

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