How to Overcome Insecurity

1. 1
   Practice being objective. If you are feeling like you can't accomplish something, take a step out of yourself for a moment and imagine you are a completely different person. Think about what you would tell another person in your situation. For example, if you're nervous about going to a party where you don't know a lot of people or are interviewing for a new job, think about the advice you would give a person in a similar situation. If you look at it this way, you'll see that there's nothing to be scared about and that you will succeed if you put your mind to it. ^[1]
2. 2
   Write down your fears. Write down all of the things that you are worried about, and all of the factors that make you feel like you can't accomplish a thing. Read them over and ask yourself how many of them are rational, and how many are just a product of negative thinking. Take the time to really think of what's at the root of your fears -- whether it's making a fool of yourself, disappointing your parents, or not having the life you want. See how many of your fears you can tackle, and how many positive solutions you can think of for all of the things that are worrying you. ^[2]

   • It's perfectly natural to be afraid of failure or of coming off looking bad. Everybody has these fears from time to time. It's unnatural, however, to be so plagued with worry that you feel like you can't get a single thing done.
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3. 3
   Remember all of the success you've had. Instead of focusing on all the times you embarrassed yourself, failed at something, or just looked silly, you should take a long hard look at all the times that you've done really well. Think of the success you've had in school, the great friendships you've maintained, or just of random times when you made a group of people crack up because of your winning sense of humor. The more great times you remember, the more confidence you'll have that you can have more of them in the future. ^[3]

   • It can be helpful to write down each of your successes after they happen. Keep a success journal at your desk and fill it up with proud achievements and fond memories. When you feel incapable of anything and feel like you can't do anything right, you can look over your list and remember what an awesome, capable person you are.
4. 4
   Ask yourself, "What's the worst that could happen?" And be honest with your answer. If you get a new haircut and a few people don't like it, then it's unlikely to end of the world. If you absolutely hate it, then guess what -- hair grows. Don't let these silly worries stop you from trying something different. Once you realize that the worst isn't really that bad, you'll be more likely to be dynamic and to take risks. ^[4]

   • If you cannot tell when your responses stop being reasonable and start being ridiculous, try running it by someone whose sensibility you trust. They should be able to tell you if your worst case scenario is feasible or overthought.
5. 5
   Now ask yourself, "What's the best thing that could happen?" This is something insecure people don't do nearly enough. Let's say you're nervous about going on a first date with someone you're set up with. The best thing that can happen is that you and the person hit it off, and begin a meaningful and satisfying relationship. Isn't this worth going on the date for? Though the best thing ever isn't always likely to happen, having it on the table can help you approach new tasks with a positive mindset. ^[5]

   • Before you set out to do something new, you can even write down the best thing that can happen, or the best three things that can happen, so they are fresh in your mind when the time comes.
6. 6
   Remember your positive qualities. To keep yourself feeling secure, you need to keep your positive qualities in the forefront of your mind. Make a list of all of the things you love about yourself, from your friendliness to your intelligence, and keep it at the forefront of your mind whenever you engage with someone. Insecure people tend to focus only on the worst parts about themselves, which leads them to feel unhappy with who they are.

   • By only looking at the negative things that are distinct about yourself, you focus on them and neglect your positive qualities. If you have been hard on yourself for a long time, it can be difficult to think of anything worthwhile about yourself at first.
7. 7
   Practice positive self-talk. It is especially hard to notice negative self-talk if you have been doing it for a long time. If you're always telling yourself that you're a loser, a failure, or that you can't do anything right, then you're bound to feel that way forever. Instead, work on telling yourself positive things about yourself so you're more likely to attack new tasks with a healthy mindset and a desire to do well. ^[6]

   • A helpful exercise to get you more comfortable with positive self-talk and to rein in your self-abuse is to tell yourself two sincerely nice things about yourself for every negative thing. They don't have to be related.
     • For example, if you burn your tongue because you didn't wait long enough for your coffee to cool off and swear, "Idiot! That was a stupid move," at yourself, you must then remind yourself, "But I do play tennis pretty well, and I have a great sense of humor." It may seem odd, but you are shifting your attitude when you praise yourself.
8. 8
   Question why you tell yourself no. Start saying yes more often. Instead of telling yourself all the reasons why you want to say no to a new experience, try running through what might happen if you said yes. Even if all of your no answers are true, the yes scenario could lead to new and unexpected things. If you get a little hurt after saying yes to a new experience, you can recover and you have a new experience under your belt than if you had simply said no. If nothing comes of it at all, you can be happy to think that you are the kind of positive and outgoing person who is willing to try new things. ^[7]

   • Say a distant friend of yours from your music class approaches you and tells you they want to start a band, and they'd like you to join. Your automatic response might be "No way, I've never been in a band and you certainly don't seem to know how to make a successful one -- besides, I don't think of myself as a musician and I don't have time with classes and..."
     • In this way of thinking, before anything has gone anywhere, you have already shut yourself down and denied any exploration into the potential of the idea. You could bond with that friend and their friends, get an interesting experience out of it, and have a new story to tell. Say yes and see where it leads you .
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When insecure about your relationship, try applying some of the above steps. Also, finding self-happiness works well too. If you're a generally happy person, chances are you'll make other people and your partner happy; hence, leading you to confidence and away from insecurity.