Q&A for How to Be More Careful About What You Say

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How can I be a better listener?

Sandra Possing
Life Coach
Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on mindset and leadership transformation. Sandra received her coaching training from The Coaches Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a BA in Anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.

Sandra Possing

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Oftentimes, we listen to people only to be able to respond with whatever we think is right. In order to practice true listening, try remaining quiet to really hear what the other person is saying. Listen with curiosity and a desire to understand their perspective. That can open us up to so many new things.

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Question

A girl told me something personal about her private life, and I shared it. I apologized to both her and her parents for what I did. What should I do?

Community Answer

Those apologies were a good first step. Why not ask her what else you can do to make it right?

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Question

I can't apologize, I find it really hard. Is there anything that you recommend?

Community Answer

Try to avoid doing things that require an apology. You will have to take more time before speaking to achieve this. However, it's human nature to make mistakes, so eventually you're going to have to apologize for something you've said or done. There are some good tips on how to do so in Say You're Sorry .

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I often say inappropriate things to people who don't appreciate it. I say sorry but I've done it so much that I'm scared they think I don't care. What should I do?

Amy Gremillion

Community Answer

Making inappropriate remarks around other people can create a really uncomfortable, hostile environment. It could even land you in legal trouble! Practice taking a deep breath before you say anything. During that breath, ask yourself if what you're about to say is positive and helpful, or if it could possibly make someone else feel awkward or uncomfortable. If it's the latter, skip it and wait until you have something else to say.

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What is the best way to refrain from speaking before I think? I have a bad habit of saying the exact thoughts that are in my head.

Amy Gremillion

Community Answer

It can take a lot of practice, but keep trying. If you do make a mistake and you say something that hurts someone's feelings, apologize and let them know you're working on that. Don't give up—it will get easier with time.

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I accused my boyfriend of cheating. He was upset but forgave me and told me to not jump to conclusions. What can I do to make it up?

Amy Gremillion

Community Answer

Spend some time thinking about why you came to that conclusion. If you had a reason to suspect there was something going on, pay attention to red flags in the future, and consider going to couple's counseling to make sure you're both on the same page. If you struggle with feelings of insecurity or jealousy, try to work out where they're coming from. It can help to talk to a therapist to get to the bottom of something like that!

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