Q&A for How to Conceal Your Farting in Public

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  • Question
    How can I control farting while coughing?
    Community Answer
    Tighten your glutes (butt) muscles as tightly as you possibly can while coughing.
  • Question
    How can I fart without sound and smell?
    Community Answer
    You won't be able to get rid of all of the smell, but you can reduce the sound by clenching your glutes (butt) muscles as tightly as you can and sitting down, especially on something soft like a pillow. You can reduce the smell by letting the fart out slowly, bit-by-bit.
  • Question
    Why are my farts always deafening?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    The sounds produced by flatulence are linked to the muscles in the sphincter. The more you contract these muscles, the more sound is produced. To conceal your flatulence, relax your muscles. Warning: Don't relax them too much...
  • Question
    What do I do if I'm at a party and it's a little quiet?
    Community Answer
    Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.
  • Question
    What if I have to fart badly, but I'm in class?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    The answers in the article do provide a lot of useful information. Passing gas, like urination and defecation, is a valid reason to ask to be excused to go to the toilet.
  • Question
    If I fart, how long will the smell linger?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    This depends on too many factors to give a specific answer: the amount of gas, the fabric of your clothes, air turbulence, the way you are dressed, etc. In jeans for example, the smell can faintly stay with the fabric until you wash it, which according to some can be as much as up to six months. If you are not wearing pants under a skirt or kilt outside on a particularly windy day, the smell will be gone in as little as two to three seconds.
  • Question
    Is it possible for these not to work?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Of course, in spite of your best efforts, it is possible that your flatulence cannot be concealed. Though it's a normal thing, it can be quite embarrassing. Own up, apologize and move on.
  • Question
    What if the fart stinks up the whole room?
    Community Answer
    Blame it on someone else, or just leave the room.
  • Question
    What if my friend hears me?
    Community Answer
    Simply excuse yourself and apologize.
  • Question
    How can I prevent farts while laughing?
    Community Answer
    If you feel like you need to fart when you start laughing, laugh louder. If that doesn't work and someone hears it, just play it off like, "What? I snort when I laugh."
  • Question
    is there a way to make it go away, like thinking of something else?
    Orange Goddess
    Community Answer
    Yes, that really helps. It also helps to squeeze your butt cheeks together so the fart can't escape.
  • Question
    What if I have to fart during sex?
    I like sushi
    Top Answerer
    If it happens, it's not a big deal. Just laugh and move on. It is a normal bodily function and everyone does it.
  • Question
    What should I do if someone blames me?
    Community Answer
    Simply argue back and try to place the blame on them. This is the most effective method.
  • Question
    How do I hold in a fart when I have to sneeze?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Though the muscles involved are completely separate, the involuntary aspect of a sneeze may disrupt your conscious control of your abdominal and rectal muscles, resulting in flatulence. Practice makes perfect though. Try to induce sneezing (such as by light tickling or looking into a bright light) while you are controlling your posterior to improve your skills.
  • Question
    Is it ethical to blame it on my friends?
    Isolde
    Top Answerer
    No, it is not ethical to pass off your flatulence as having been caused by a friend. Flatulence is a normal process in the human body. Most of the time it is just best to say nothing, as awkward as that may be for all present, but it is at least a lesser evil than blaming a friend. If it becomes obvious who made the smell and a joke is being made of it, own up to it, excuse your social faux pas and promise that it won't happen again. Initially people will be annoyed, but it'll pass quickly .
  • Question
    If I spray axe cologne on my backside, will it smell bad when I fart?
    Isolde
    Top Answerer
    Not only will it not prevent the odor from your flatulence, it risks staining the fabric badly and leaving an unsightly mark. Moreover, the combination of artificial fragrance and flatulence combined can be quite unpleasant, especially in humid environments.
  • Question
    Is it possible to prevent the smell from lingering?
    Hannah Madden
    Community Answer
    Lighting a match is a great way to get rid of the bad smell from a fart. If that's not an option, try to head somewhere with airflow: standing in front of a fan or an open window can help blow the fart smell away fast.
  • Question
    How do I blame someone else without looking suspicious?
    Community Answer
    Don't blame unless it's obvious. Just say "Did you just fart?"
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