Q&A for How to Deal With Disrespectful Children

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  • Question
    How do you discipline a child who won't listen?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Ask yourself how things got so out of control. Do you yell? Do you berate? Do you call the child names? If any of these are true, try to make some changes yourself in how you approach your child. Once you are calm, simply state, "I cannot talk with you while you won't listen." Let them cool down for a while. There is usually a reason a child does not listen.
  • Question
    How do you deal with a rude child?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Try not to yell. You cannot address rudeness with more rudeness. Establish some minimum ground rules in the home regarding courtesy and respect. Suggest your child takes some alone time when they seem out of control.
  • Question
    What is considered disrespectful behavior?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    This varies from family to family. Ask yourself what you consider disrespectful. Ask the same of your child. Make a list with two columns so can identify what each of you finds disrespectful. You now have some common basis.
  • Question
    How do you deal with an angry, disrespectful child?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Out of control children need boundaries first and foremost. They are behaving this way because they do not establish boundaries for themselves. Ask yourself if this behavior is new or ongoing. Suggest your child calm down alone before entering into a conversation about their behavior.
  • Question
    My 10-year-old is always rude to us. Even if I try to talk to her nicely, she behaves disrespectfully. Yesterday I lost control and slapped her. Now she is telling me I am abusing her. I am at my wits end. What should I do?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    It sounds like the roles in your relationship are reversed, and she has the upper hand. Reflect on why you think she is always rude; where did she pick that up? If the behavior is persistent, consider consulting a child therapist. Lying about child abuse is pretty serious!
  • Question
    My 5-year-old listens to me but sometimes throws temper tantrums. They will make rude gestures, stamp their feet, and make angry faces. It has become a routine now. I have no idea how to overcome it. Any ideas?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    If they listen to you, then you are halfway there, now you only have to focus on the stamping feet. Maybe you can let the angry face go for now. Let them know that the stamping feet means they are not really listening. Come up with a consequence if they continue to do it after a discussion.
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