Q&A for How to Deal With a Difficult Daughter in Law

Enjoy your grandchildren, and know you will always have a good relationship with them when they are adults. She has her own issues she needs to deal with, and if she treats you like that, you are better off having limited contact with her.

You can compromise with her, or you can ask your son and his wife to leave your house.

It doesn't matter who physically holds the document in their hand. The property is legally vested in someone's name via a recorded document at your chancery clerk's office. Check with them and get a copy of the vesting deed, and then see an attorney to transfer the property to your name.

Maybe she doesn't feel that she's really being included, even if you say she is. Sometimes people can invite someone to something while still making them feel unwelcome, or implying that they're only inviting them out of politeness, which can make someone less enthusiastic about joining in. I would recommend reworking the way you ask her to join in on these activities. See if that makes a difference in her response.

Support your son, but do not meddle in his marraige. He's a grown man who is responsible for his own life and choices. You don't need to be friends with his wife, but do not disparage or sabotage her, either. Your son will not thank you for it.

Remind them that it is your home and they are guests, not permanent residents. If your daughter-in-law doesn't like your taste, who cares? Our sons must make their wives happy, but we only need to get along, not surrender the control of our lives and environment.

Get counseling if you can't handle this -- it is important to realize that your son has a wife and his own life. You cannot cling to him forever and this is something you need to be prepared for. You probably haven't helped by second guessing your daughter-in-law's cleaning habits, so this result is quite inevitable. Look to filling your life with hobbies, activities that get you out and about and try meeting other people. You will be happiest with people of your own age and interests.

Have someone witness it with you or record what you see (video or audio on your phone). If the father will not address it with her, call CPS and present your evidence to them.

Think about if there was anything that you might have done to lose her trust. If not, it is possible that she is a person that does not trust people easily so you may have to work to gain her trust. Becoming in laws is something that can be difficult for people. Give her time and try to build a relationship and trust.

You could try talking to your son about it, who could maybe ask his wife to be more considerate of you. Or, next time she tries to make you babysit, tell her you're sorry but you're busy that day. After a few such instances, she should learn to stop assuming you're available and start asking. Or you can just confront her directly and tell her you would appreciate it if she could ask if you're available to babysit on a given day, rather than assuming.

There's no reason for your spouse to value the thoughts and opinions of your daughter in-law over yours. If your spouse moved out, it was because they wanted to and not because someone 'convinced' them to.

Calmly assert boundaries. Calmly voice your displeasure. Make it clear that you will not tolerate being disrespected. Don't get pulled into being disrespectful in return. Be assertive but respectful.

The manner in which you have asked the question reveals anger and annoyance, and therein lies some of what is likely contributing to the difficulties in your relationship. Remember this -- you are the older party and are therefore more experienced in what marriage entails and what give-and-take helps to make the world spin. Forget "should", if you don't wish to stay in touch with your son and grandchildren, it is important to be the one with the olive branch and to forgive some of the immaturity thrown your way. If your D-I-L sees you cannot be ruffled, she'll have to change her act and smarten up over time. Put the grandkids and son first and be as lovely as you can, leaving the venting for friends or your hubby.

Every relationship involves give and take. You have to remain cordial even if you don't like each other. Her parents she has known forever so she understands their nuances etc. She does not have that kind of history with you so the slightest "negativity" can cut deep. Have you voiced some disapproval of something she does? Do you make an effort to get to know her? Do you do what she asks of you concerning her children? Don't assume you are more experienced so your ideas are better when it comes to her children. If she doesn't want you to do something, don't do it. Respect her position as their mother, and she may be more flexible with you.

Your son needs to side with his wife for peace in his relationship. Respect your son's wishes, and state to your son and daughter in law that you would like to catch up for Christmas. Arrange a mutually-agreeable time, and above all, be respectful, even if it's a week earlier or later. Accept it is never going to be perfect. Look at the positives of having it on another day and not having to spend the day with people who have very different values than you.

Just send send her the picture. She may be having pre-wedding jitters and wants everything to be matchy-matchy.

Kill 'em with kindness is all you can do. A child's mother is the gatekeeper. Make it so that your grandchildren demand to see you because you're the kindest, comfiest, most caring grandmother out there and they really miss you! Send them lovely gifts and call them often.

Only God can change her. All you can do is change how you respond to her. Try to be compassionate and patient.

That happened to me and I just told her "not to swear in front of her kids". It just got my daughter-in-law angry with me. She won't take you telling her what to do well. You could mention your concerns to your son, but it's probably best to keep quiet about it.

The adult children and your friends need to tell your daughter in law in a civil way that they don’t want to hear it. That would be best for you as you would not have to do anything.

I have the same problem and decided to hold my ground. Recognize that your child has chosen this person as a life partner, and that was their choice. Do not let your daughter in law manipulate you. Be kind and civil, but stay firm.

Hopefully your son will eventually come to his senses and realize that his wife is overly controlling. In the meantime, let your son know how much it hurts your feelings that he's not able to see you more often. Wait it out -- in time, he will see her for what she is.

Find out why she stopped you from seeing your grandchild first. Ask her, not your son, and show respect. Going to your son to change her will only blow up in all your faces and further distance you from them. Remember, your motivation is seeing your grandchildren, not being right and making her look bad to her husband. She believes what she says enough for her to stop you from seeing your grandchild. Try to see her point of view and say sorry, even if you don't understand. And really, you should encourage your son to back up his wife always.

Change the password and don't give it to her. Or open a new account she doesn't know about and let her waste her time reading the old one you no longer use.

Talk to her about it. Tell her you love when she visits but need to be able to plan your schedule.

Try inviting your son's family and the DIL's family to spend a holiday with you. Don't select any holiday that is her family's most celebrated.

Offer to spend a day with her doing only things she likes.

You will need to discuss with her the reasons for why she doesn't like you. It usually isn't random. Do you include her on the invite to visit? Only through mutual conversation will she be able to feel that you understand any problems and are willing to resolve or move past them if you truly want to spend more time together. Assuming your son is a grown man, he makes his own choices -- even for visiting. For some reason he is choosing to respect his fiance's reason for fewer visits, which means there may be a valid cause. Blaming her for "not letting" him visit won't change anything and may make them take more space from you.

She has known her family all her life, so it's normal for her to be close with them. Try not to take it personally! However, if you want to spend more time with her, you could always let her know. If she's aware that you want to spend more time with her, then she might be more conscious of how she divides her time.

Slowly stop answering back to everything she sends you; do not stop completely, since she might feel ignored and stop all updates - but answer and ignore some every now and then.