Q&A for How to Deal With a Friend Moving Away

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  • Question
    How do you deal with leaving friends behind?
    Peggy Rios, PhD
    Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
    Dr. Peggy Rios is a Counseling Psychologist based in Florida. With over 24 years of experience, Dr. Rios works with people struggling with psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression. She specializes in medical psychology, weaving together behavioral health programs informed by empowerment theory and trauma treatment. Dr. Rios uses integrated, evidence-based models to provide support and therapy for people with life-altering medical conditions. She holds an MS and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Maryland. Dr. Rios is a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.
    Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
    Expert Answer
    Make time to chat with your old friends after the move. You might have to make the first move by saying something like "I really miss you. I'd love to get together sometime!"
  • Question
    How can I stop being sad about my friend moving?
    Katie Styzek
    Professional School Counselor
    Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.
    Professional School Counselor
    Expert Answer
    It's completely natural to feel this way when a friend is moving. It shows that they mean a lot to you and you were able to build a great relationship. I suggest you look into ways you can keep in touch with your friend, like social media or writing letters. Just because they're moving doesn't mean you can never talk again!
  • Question
    How do I say goodbye to my friend who's moving?
    Katie Styzek
    Professional School Counselor
    Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.
    Professional School Counselor
    Expert Answer
    One option is to ask your parents if you can throw a goodbye party for your friend. It's normal to feel sad when a good friend is moving, but having one last fun gathering can be a nice way to say goodbye.
  • Question
    What if I just can't handle it? I'm only 12.
    Community Answer
    It is hard to deal with a friend moving away, especially when you're a preteen. You're stronger than you know, and do have the emotional capacity to deal with painful circumstances such as this, even if you don't believe it. Take each day as it comes, live in the present, let yourself grieve, control what you can control, and let go of what you can't. It gets better, and thankfully it sounds like you have a lot of time ahead of you to make more friendships and maintain the ones you have.
  • Question
    What if all of my friends are moving away and I have no friends left?
    Community Answer
    You're not the only one this has happened to. Remember that the world is full of people you can make friends with, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Keep in touch with your old friends by text, FaceTime, etc., but start putting in the effort to make new friends. Just go up to someone and say hi. That's the first step. Try not to stress too much, everything will work out.
  • Question
    How do I handle it when my friend is moving very soon?
    Community Answer
    Maybe try to make a few more memories and get a gift. Have a farewell dinner at which you share memories. Ensure you have each other's social media contact details and make a promise to catch up at least once a month, if not more often.
  • Question
    I feel like my friend is pushing me away. Do some people push friends away to make moving easier?
    Community Answer
    Some people feel as if pushing people away would cause them less pain, which sometimes does the opposite. You should talk to them about it.
  • Question
    Who can I talk to, since my friends or family don't understand, and asking for a therapist will make me look weird?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Talking to a therapist is not weird - it's very helpful, natural and comforting. If your car has a problem, you talk to a specialist mechanic; if your knee has a problem, you talk to a specialist doctor; so why not talk to a specialist therapist if your heart or mind has a question? You don't have to tell everyone that you're talking to a therapist, keep it private. Doctors, counselors and teachers can also be good conversation partners.
  • Question
    What should I do if my friend does not have a phone?
    Community Answer
    You can still send your friend an email. If you know your friend's new address, you can always send him or her a letter instead.
  • Question
    What do you do if you start being really sad?
    Community Answer
    Just let it out. It's perfectly fine to feel sad. Talk to them, because then it'll help a lot.
  • Question
    What if I didn't get her a farewell gift?
    Community Answer
    A gift isn't usually as important as heartfelt words or a written message. Write a letter to your friend expressing how much you'll miss him.
  • Question
    How can I keep in touch if my friend doesn't own a phone or laptop?
    Community Answer
    Ask your friend for her address so you can exchange letters through the mail. See if she can borrow a parent or friend's laptop to exchange emails or Skype.
  • Question
    How should I react if my friend moved away without telling me why she was moving?
    Community Answer
    Understand that your friend might have had a lot of other things on her mind. She probably didn't want you to feel upset or sad.
  • Question
    What if you're in a relationship with a person who's moving away?
    Community Answer
    Have an open and honest conversation with your partner to discuss your options. You might consider breaking up, maintaining a long-distance relationship, or entering into an open relationship. Ultimately, it's up to you both to discuss and decide what you feel comfortable with.
  • Question
    My friend moved over a year ago, and I think about her at least once every day. I get sad and almost cry every day. How do I get over this? We've seen each other three times since the move, but it's hard to get together.
    Community Answer
    I think you should try to make new friends. It may not be the same, but holding on so tightly to this friendship is making you miserable. You can still be friends with this girl, but you should not put all your eggs in one basket. Meet some new people. You never know who could become your next best friend.
  • Question
    How do I know if my friend still wants to be my best friend if she wants to go back to where she moved from?
    Community Answer
    Your friend is probably used to that place now, and she wants to strengthen her friendships there. Your bond with her is probably very strong, and your friend must be hoping you will understand. Also, moving is hard. Try to give your friend some space, because she may be under a lot of stress, and be sure she knows that you are there for her when she needs it.
  • Question
    What do I do when I feel angry, empty, and anxious at the same time while thinking about my friend going overseas soon? I feel scared when I think what will I do without her.
    Mpie1106
    Community Answer
    Make sure to keep her phone number, you can always talk, and try to make some new friends, too. Also, talk to her about how you feel, maybe she will brainstorm ideas to keep in touch.
  • Question
    What do I do when my friend is moving away the next day?
    Kami Benusa
    Community Answer
    Try to make your last day together as fun as possible. You're in a sad situation, so make the best of it! And remember, it's not the end of the world. Life will go on. You can always text and call and everything else, your friendship isn't over as long as you work at it.
  • Question
    My friend's dad is too drunk, so my friend and her mom and sister are leaving. How can I comfort her?
    Community Answer
    Tell her not to worry, and that you're there for her. Also tell her that she can always contact her father, even if she doesn't live with him anymore.
  • Question
    My friend recently found out her mom was being abused by her stepdad, and moved away without notice. Since he was paying for her data, its now cut off and we cannot contact her through email. What can I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Give it some time. Practical things like an e-mail connection may take some time to set up again. This is probably a troubling period in your friend's life, so do your best to reach her through other ways. Let her know you're there for her and see if there's anything you can do to help.
  • Question
    I have my three best friends leaving at the end of this academic year, all moving to different schools because of bullies in my current one. The bullies hate me, so how do I cope?
    Community Answer
    Keep in touch with your friends. If the bullies hate you, don't give them attention. Try meeting new people and stay away from the bullies. If they give you problems, talk to a teacher or your guardian. Meet new people in your class and stay positive.
  • Question
    How do I act around my friend before she moves if she's moving next year?
    Community Answer
    Act the same way you always do. Spend time together and make some good memories before she leaves.
  • Question
    What if they move to another country where it costs more to call them?
    gabby b
    Community Answer
    There are so many different apps that you can download to still talk to them with calling, texting and video chatting including Oovoo, Snapchat, Skype, etc. You can even send pictures to each other with those apps.
  • Question
    I won't see 2 of my BFFs for 2 years, how can I keep in touch with them?
    Community Answer
    Get their phone numbers and email addresses. Try to contact them at least once a week and ask about how they are getting on. You can Skype or FaceTime anytime they are free to, and keep updated on each others' lives. This way you stay close and maintain your bond. If possible, try to organize a trip to meet them near where they moved so you can chat properly and spend some time together face to face.
  • Question
    What do I do if she won't answer phone calls or video chats?
    Community Answer
    Talk to a family member or friend about trying to reach out to her, maybe she'll answer them. If not, she may just be very busy, and doesn't have time. Try to use someone else's phone/laptop to contact her, and if she answers, ask her why. Maybe she has a lot of other things going on that are exhausting her mentally and physically. In other words, she might not have the energy/time to talk.
  • Question
    What if my friend is moving to another country and I am to young to go there by myself?
    Community Answer
    Try to stay in touch via social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.), e-mail, and texts. Use FaceTime or Skype on a regular basis so you can feel like you're in the same room.
  • Question
    What do I do if I feel lost without my friend?
    Community Answer
    Try seeking out a therapist to talk about this with. You can also try making new friends to replace the gap.
  • Question
    What do I do if my friend moves away without telling me, and I'm not allowed to make contact anymore?
    Community Answer
    This is tough, but if you're not allowed to contact this person anymore, you'll have to accept this and move on. It will get easier with time. Try to make some new friends and distract yourself with school, hobbies you enjoy, etc., whatever will take your mind off it.
  • Question
    What if the friend was my security blanket? What if it was the only one who made me feel sane?
    Beth Slone
    Community Answer
    That is called codependency. We all seem to be waiting for someone to save us, but no one is coming to save us. We have to be our own heroes, and learn to be the heroes to others. If someone chooses to not be a part of your life, let them go. The universe has a way of bringing the people we need in our lives at specific moments. As for your sanity, you are responsible for your own mental health. It is never a good idea to make your mental health someone else's problem. That is a lot of pressure to put on another person. Let this person go and allow yourself to heal.
  • Question
    I'm worried she might be forgetting me. She's changed numbers but still has my contact information. She is coming back in 2 years, but what should I do if she's not the same?
    Community Answer
    Think about it this way. Do you honestly, truly believe that in 2 years you'll be 100% the same? Everyone changes, and you should hope that you both will too. It means that you are growing. If you really are feeling upset about this try bringing it up with someone you know. Did you two both hang out with the same person? It's probable that they are experiencing this feeling too. If it takes a while, fine. We all feel a little forgotten sometimes. Hopefully, if you call this person a friend, they call you one too. And friends care about each other. It will all settle down when the time comes. Until then, make some sweet memories with the people who are here with you now.
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