Q&A for How to Distinguish Between a Friend and a Lover

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What does it mean when he views your story?

Alessandra Conti
Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Alessandra Conti is a Celebrity Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and Co-Founder of Matchmakers In The City, a personal Matchmaking firm headquartered in Los Angeles, California. Alessandra is a Matchmaker behind MTV's, “Are You The One”, and is the go-to Celebrity Matchmaker for shows like NBC's Access Hollywood, and CBS's Face The Truth. Her dating and relationship advice has been featured on Forbes, Elite Daily, The New Yorker, The LA Times, and Fox News. For nearly 10 years, Alessandra has worked with clients ranging from celebrities to young professionals and leads a team of matchmakers responsible for hundreds of marriages through their knowledge of interpersonal relationships, body language, and lie detection. She holds a BA in Communications from American University and is a Matchmaking Institute Certified Matchmaker (CMM).

Alessandra Conti

Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It doesn't really mean anything. If he's interested, he'll comment on your posts, DM you, invite you to things, or do something else to reach out.

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How do I know if a guy likes me but is scared?

Alessandra Conti
Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Alessandra Conti is a Celebrity Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and Co-Founder of Matchmakers In The City, a personal Matchmaking firm headquartered in Los Angeles, California. Alessandra is a Matchmaker behind MTV's, “Are You The One”, and is the go-to Celebrity Matchmaker for shows like NBC's Access Hollywood, and CBS's Face The Truth. Her dating and relationship advice has been featured on Forbes, Elite Daily, The New Yorker, The LA Times, and Fox News. For nearly 10 years, Alessandra has worked with clients ranging from celebrities to young professionals and leads a team of matchmakers responsible for hundreds of marriages through their knowledge of interpersonal relationships, body language, and lie detection. She holds a BA in Communications from American University and is a Matchmaking Institute Certified Matchmaker (CMM).

Alessandra Conti

Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If he's messaging you, try being a little flirtatious back to him. That way, you can let him know that you're interested in him too.

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How can I tell if he likes me more than a friend?

Alessandra Conti
Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Alessandra Conti is a Celebrity Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and Co-Founder of Matchmakers In The City, a personal Matchmaking firm headquartered in Los Angeles, California. Alessandra is a Matchmaker behind MTV's, “Are You The One”, and is the go-to Celebrity Matchmaker for shows like NBC's Access Hollywood, and CBS's Face The Truth. Her dating and relationship advice has been featured on Forbes, Elite Daily, The New Yorker, The LA Times, and Fox News. For nearly 10 years, Alessandra has worked with clients ranging from celebrities to young professionals and leads a team of matchmakers responsible for hundreds of marriages through their knowledge of interpersonal relationships, body language, and lie detection. She holds a BA in Communications from American University and is a Matchmaking Institute Certified Matchmaker (CMM).

Alessandra Conti

Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

He might try to get closer to you physically and emotionally. Watch to see if he leans in while you're around him.

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What if the person I'm interested in just wants to stay friends after I've made my intentions clear?

Community Answer

There is not much you can do if they're not interested in you. If I were you I would stay friends with them, but it's your choice. If you think it would be too painful because of your feelings, tell them you're sorry but you can't continue the friendship.

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Can a man be friends after being a lover with you?

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Some can, some can't. It really depends on the individuals involved, how much they care about maintaining a friendship with you, and whether they can put your previous relationship behind them.

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What does it mean when my friend tell me that he enjoys my company and teases me?

Community Answer

It means he may see you as more than a friend, but if you don't feel the same way you should try to make that clear.

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There is a man that keeps asking me out after I have said no to his request. What can I do?

Community Answer

Tell him firmly that you are not interested in him as a romantic partner but that you would like to stay friends (if that is the case). If he persists, ignore him completely and if his behavior is harassment, contact the police.

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Can a man just like a woman without any bad motives or intentions?

Community Answer

Of course. Not that romantic or sexual desires are necessarily 'bad'. But there are plenty of friendships between men and women that are simply platonic, like friendships between the same sex.

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What does it mean when I asked my friend to define our relationship and he answered, "We are lovers"?

Community Answer

It means your friend does not see you as a friend, but as more.

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I am in love with this girl. She often drags me into the activities that she thinks I like. She often comes to talk to me when I start expressing my feelings. Does she have feelings for me?

Community Answer

She could possibly have feelings for you, but as hard as it sounds, you need to confess how you feel. If she feels the same, you're in luck. She may also want to move slowly with the relationship. DO NOT be afraid of rejection, because she will appreciate that you have been straight forward.

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Do lovers become friends or stay as is?

Community Answer

Some start off as friends, and after knowing you for long enough, give you a cue that they want more. Others have an instant attraction and want to show it. Asking for a cuddle is key. If they really give you a big cuddle, than maybe they want more.

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I have a coach I believe is interested in me as a lover. She keeps staring at me and smiles when I'm around. How do I determine what her intentions are?

Community Answer

Perhaps she's simply happy with your work, and it is probably for the best to maintain a professional relationship.

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My friend sneaks up and scares me a lot, and then we play-fight. Is this love or just a playful friendship?

Community Answer

I have a friend that I'm kind of like this with too. The truth is that there is not really any way to tell, it really depends on the person. If your friend does this with lots of people, it's probably just a playful friendship. If they just do this with you, they either think of you as a good friend/fun person, or they could possibly be interested. If you really want to know, just ask.

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My guy friend of two years likes me, and I just found out. I also just moved on from a three year crush. He makes me smile and laugh all the time. I can't tell if I like him, what do I do?

Community Answer

Give yourself some time to figure out if you truly like him. If you do, find the right moment to tell him. If you do not like him back, either just pretend you don't know he likes you and keep the relationship friendly, or just gently let him know you'd prefer to remain friends. It's okay if you need time to figure it out, especially since you're just moving on from what sounds like a pretty serious crush.

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I can't tell whether I like this boy or not. He makes me laugh sometimes, but we don't really talk. He told me he liked me the other day and I got butterflies. Is that normal?

Community Answer

If you are even questioning that you like him, you most likely do. You don't have to tell him one way or the other right away, get to know him better and then see how you feel. It's tough to decide if you really like someone if you've barely talked to them.

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I have a friend who is a boy. He always makes jokes with me and tries to impress me. I’m scared he likes me, but I don’t like him. I also don’t want to just say, “I don’t like you,” what should I do?

Community Answer

You don't really need to do anything. Most likely he'll eventually tell you that he likes you, and then you can just let him down gently. If you want to try to prevent this from happening, you could always say something like, "I'm really glad we're friends," or, "Your friendship is really important to me." This might help him get the message.

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I have a crush on a close friend of mine, but when she does some of these things, I just assume that she is a very close friend. What should I do?

Community Answer

You should just tell her how you feel about her. That's the only way to know for sure how she feels. I know it's a little scary, but the worst thing that could happen is she says she just wants to be friends. Things might be awkward for a few days after that, but it will blow over.

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My friend sent me a Valentine's Day letter that said "Thank you for being a very, very good friend". I take that she is not interested in me more than just as a friend. Or, will she ever be a lover?

Community Answer

It depends! If she shows more romantic interest in you, then she might want something more, the fact that she gave you a Valentine's card might mean she likes you, who knows? Just wait and see!

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My friend sent me a Valentine Day's Card that said "Thank you for being a very very good friend". I take it that she is not interested in me more than just as a friend. Or will she ever be my lover?

Community Answer

This reads like she doesn’t see you as more than a friend. You could tell her how you feel but make it clear there is no pressure on her to feel the same way back. However, you'd need to judge carefully when, and if, the time to say that is right. Sometimes, it's just best to leave a good friendship as a good friendship than to risk ruining it.

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