Q&A for How to Know if You're Adopted or Not

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  • Question
    My parents say "it will hurt you to see these documents" when I ask to see my birth records. I have never felt like part of the family, and I don't look, act or take after any of them. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Do what you want to do. If you really want to know the truth, insist on seeing the documents. Say that it won't hurt you, you just want to know the truth.
  • Question
    I think I'm adopted. My parents always insist that I look like my dad but seem desperate when they do so. And there are no pictures of me until my first birthday. Should I be concerned?
    Community Answer
    Don't be concerned. Be open with your parents about your suspicions, and give them the chance to prove you incorrect. Chances are you are not adopted, but if you are, you can tackle that hurdle when you get to it.
  • Question
    My whole family is Asian, but I am pale with light blonde hair and blue eyes. There are no pictures of me before I was two and a half. No one will show me my birth certificate. Is it possible that I was adopted?
    Community Answer
    Yes, it's possible. It is best to speak with your parents about this, but it is not impossible to look nothing like your mom and dad.
  • Question
    I have freckles and nobody else in my family does. I don't look anything like anyone in my family I'm the only blonde one in my family and my cousin thinks she is adopted too. My friends won't talk to me about it because they think I'm overreacting about it. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Not looking much like your family isn't much to worry about if that's the only reason you're suspicious--many people don't feel like they look like their family (but others may disagree, and think that person does). Yes, blonde hair and freckles are genetic--but the latter are also caused by the sun and can fade over time, be covered by makeup, or perhaps appear on parts of the body other than the face--but again, they aren't the best proof for being adopted. Simply asking your parents or another family member may tell you what you want to know, but once you're old enough you may want to follow the steps to this article more thoroughly.
  • Question
    My Mom asked me once, "If you were adopted would you want to know?" I was 17 with my first child, I said "I don't know. Why? Who's adopted?" She said it was not me, but we never discussed it afterwards. What could this mean?
    Community Answer
    This could mean either she is just curious, or she is lying to you. You might want to casually bring up the topic of adoption again and see what happens.
  • Question
    I took a DNA test (ancestry DNA) and it said that I am 100% Caucasian. My mother is at least 1/4 Native American (DNA verified) and I look nothing like either parent. My mother also once mentioned that she was infertile. What does this mean?
    Community Answer
    It sounds like you are adopted. Tell her that you suspect you are adopted and she what she says.
  • Question
    I look nothing like my parents, but am identical to my godmother (who was 15 when I was born) and her two daughters. There are no pictures of my mother pregnant with me or in the hospital. Could this mean I was adopted?
    Community Answer
    It could, but many people look like other people who are not in their family. You can try talking to your parents about it. Ask them to be honest with you, and tell them you don't mind, you're just curious to know the truth.
  • Question
    Is it normal for a parent to joke about a child being adopted?
    Community Answer
    Yes, parents often joke about this. If you were really adopted, they wouldn't make jokes about it.
  • Question
    One time when I was talking to my mom, I asked why I went to court once when I was like 5, and she said my dad adopted me. So does that mean that he's not my biological dad?
    Community Answer
    Yes, that means he is not your biological father.
  • Question
    How do I apologize to my parents if they really are my birth parents and they get angry at me for asking?
    Community Answer
    They probably won't get angry at you for just asking, as long as you don't accuse. When you're asking, try not to sound like you're blaming them or anything, and it really shouldn't be that big of a deal. In a few years, this might be an incident to laugh about. But if they do get mad, don't forget to remind them that you were just asking.
  • Question
    Why might my family not have any of my baby pictures?
    Community Answer
    Lots of reasons - no camera, they lost them, they didn't take any. Obviously, adoption is also a possibility, but those reasons are much more likely. You should ask!
  • Question
    My family won't show me my birth certificate and I'm the only red headed, green eyed, light skinned person in the family. I also can't find any pictures of me until I was 3. Does this mean I'm adopted?
    Community Answer
    It sounds like you could be, but you can't be certain. All you can do is talk to your parents about it.
  • Question
    I cannot find my birth certificate and my family will not discuss it. Could this mean that I am adopted?
    Community Answer
    No it does not; perhaps the situation surrounding your birth is something your parents do not want to discuss. For example. In Third World Countries, it is not uncommon for people to be born without birth certificates, and later on have one created for the legal purposes; resulting in a birth certificate day different from the person's actual birth date. If they have lost it, they might be concerned that it costs money to replace and they don't have that money. There can be many other reasons, don't jump to conclusions.
  • Question
    I am 51 and for years have run after my mother. I have always made contact, organized getting together, phoning her and making the plans to do things but she never comes over unless I set it up. Is this a sign I am adopted and/or not welcome?
    Community Answer
    Set up another visit, genuine, and sincere. Talk as you normally would, asking how your mother's day was, and so on. Lead up to an honest, non hostile or 'pointing-the-finger' conversation, express your true concerns and display how uncertain you are about things and how this disturbs you. Honesty is the best thing to utilize, and make sure it's a solemn time, and her attention is undivided. Maybe to break the ice, go out for frozen-yoghurt and let her know that she means a lot to you and you love her, this will let her know before hand that you mean no disrespect by the approaching question, and you only have a few insecurities that need some closure.
  • Question
    Why would parents not tell a child they are adopted?
    Community Answer
    Usually they don't want the child to think of them as "not their real parents," or in a case where explaining at a young age would be difficult, i.e. if their biological parents are dead or have abandoned them.
  • Question
    I look absolutely nothing like my parents. Am I adopted?
    Community Answer
    You could be, but many people who are not adopted look nothing like their parents, so it doesn't necessarily mean you are adopted.
  • Question
    I tried approaching my dad about it once and all he said is that he had friends that were adopted and it doesn't mean anything and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Does this mean anything?
    Community Answer
    Well, he did just tell you that you are indeed adopted. So you've found out you're adopted.
  • Question
    When I asked to see my birth certificate, my parents didn't want to show it to me. Could I be adopted?
    Community Answer
    It may be that it is in an inconvenient place or it would cost them money to get it out. I would say this alone is not evidence that you're adopted.
  • Question
    How can I find my other siblings when I'm adopted?
    Community Answer
    Talk your parent to see if they have information about your birth family. There are several companies now that will analyze your DNA for potential familial matches. Facebook and other social media has also helped many adoptees connect to their biological families.
  • Question
    What does it mean if my birth certificate says "father by declaration"?
    Community Answer
    "By declaration" on a birth certificate just means that the birth has been declared, i.e. that your parents have made your birth known.
  • Question
    What do I do if I feel like I'm adopted?
    Cady Erwin
    Community Answer
    I think you should ask your parents about it if you really feel strongly, but it could just be a misleading hunch. But remember, don't accuse them or get angry at them. Stay calm and you'll be fine.
  • Question
    My parents have pictures of me since I was a baby, but I don’t look like them and I share no traits. I feel as if I’m adopted. Any advice?
    Community Answer
    People change a lot through childhood, and it's unlikely that your parents faked your baby and childhood photos. Ask your parents if you are truly worried.
  • Question
    My friends have always said I look different from other members of my family. I am also unlike them in internal ways. Could I be adopted?
    Community Answer
    It is possible you were adopted, but it is more likely that you just take after someone else in your family tree. There are tons of people who feel like they don't "fit in" to their family of origin; it's very common.
  • Question
    What do I do if my birth certificate is missing information?
    Community Answer
    There are ways other than your birth certificate to find out if you're adopted. Use one of the other strategies in this article, such as a private investigator or asking your parents.
  • Question
    I am lactose intolerant but none of my family is. Is this a sign I am adopted?
    Claire Compton
    Community Answer
    Lactose intolerance can be something children develop at an early age, then grow out of. It's quite likely that you aren't adopted, but that you just happen to have this. It never hurts to ask your parents if you're adopted if you have more evidence of it being possible.
  • Question
    How do I find my birth mother if I wasn't adopted? We went to court a couple of years ago because she was abusive. And now I want to find her without telling my dad or my stepmom.
    Community Answer
    Use every piece of information you might have. If you know the name, search for it online. If you know where she's from, even better. Search on social media, possibly prison records and any other thing that could help you. If you can, look through official documents. If you have no information, you probably won't get too far. You can hire a detective if you're old enough. Perhaps even try to track her down using DNA test. It's best asking your dad about it though.
  • Question
    I have never really looked anything like the rest of my family light brown eyes curly brown hair. My mom and grandma insist that I look like my mom but nobody else in the family does. Am I adopted?
    Blueberrymuffin246
    Community Answer
    Genetics are incredibly complex and because of this it is difficult to know for sure, genes can skip generations and can lay dormant for many generations, which could lead to you having physical features that are different from your immediate family as your appearance could have come from a distant great great grandparent. The best thing to do is to talk to them, as not knowing the truth and guessing can be harder than knowing the facts.
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